Zoe smiled. "Well, after you told me not to kill her."
"Yes, I remember."
"I am her friend now."
Father Haralambos bowed his head and a smile creased his weathered face. He quietly said a quick prayer of thanks. He looked back up at Zoe, who was playing with a piece of twig wedged in the rock face. "Eva is a gentle soul, and I thank God that you are her friend. Then that’s all I ever wanted."
"She loves you very much."
"I know."
They sat in silence for a moment. Father Haralambos picked up his Bible and turned to Zoe. "I want to read something to you." He opened his Bible and found the passage that he wanted to read to her. "When the time comes I want you to remember this."
Zoe nodded.
Father Haralambos began to read and his voice broke a little. "I am going to a better place, my child. I will not be alone. Whenever you are afraid I want you to remember what the Psalmist wrote."
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over."
Father Haralambos stopped as Zoe sobbed beside him. He held her for a moment and then continued.
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." He finished and closed the Bible.
"I want you to have my Bible. Keep it with you and read it. I’m going to be keeping an eye on you." Father Haralambos handed her the black book, the corners upturned and well used.
Zoe took the Bible and held it close to her chest. She cradled it in her hands. "I love you," Zoe said and leaned against the priest.
"I love you too," Father Haralambos replied, holding Zoe in his arms. He was certain his prayers had been answered and that Zoe had come to realize that God was not to blame for the war or the terrible fate that had befallen the country. He was satisfied that his work was done. God had answered his prayers about his daughter and He answered them again about taking care of Eva.
Chapter Thirty-Three
"He shouldn’t be too much longer."
Eva nodded and hoped Father Haralambos would arrive before she was going to be forced to go back to the house. A part of her wished she wouldn’t have to face him and tell him of what had happened the previous evening. Just as she was losing hope of seeing him, his unmistakable figure walked in through the front door. She smiled but tempered her greeting because of the two guards that stood just inside the doorway of the church. They had instructions not to allow Eva to leave their sight. Eva wasn’t sure if the extra measures had to do less with her security and more with Muller’s wish to keep her in his invisible prison.
"Ah, Eva. Are you alright?" Father Haralambos asked as he took her hand.
"Yes." Eva turned to her guards. "You don’t need to come with me."
"We have our—"
"I said you don’t need to come with me. Confessions are supposed to be secret." She smiled when the guards nodded and went back to looking bored.
Father Haralambos ushered Eva into his office. "Sit, sit." He took off his black cleric’s coat and hung it by the door. "How are you today?"
"Uh...we...I mean, I was late...um...getting up from sleep…and...uh," Eva stammered.
Father Haralambos turned to get a pitcher of lemonade. "You didn’t sleep well?" He asked and offered her the drink. "Was your back giving you problems?"
Eva took the glass and gazed at it trying to decide if she should tell Father Haralambos about her broken promise to God and her love for Zoe. He just came back into your life and now you’ve gone and thrown it away. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She looked up to find Father Haralambos gazing at her with a puzzled look. "No...uh, my back is fine, well, as fine as it will ever be."
"I know you’re angry and upset about this whole train business, but you seem flustered and not quite yourself." Father Haralambos sat down opposite Eva and took the drink from her hands and put it aside. "What is the matter?"
"No…I mean, yes...um," Eva stammered, thinking that she might as well dig a hole and bury herself in it. She hadn’t thought it was going to be so hard to tell Father Haralambos. She had confided in him that she had been a lesbian. Eva wanted to laugh at the absurdity of telling her real father that she used to be a lesbian but wasn’t anymore. Then she had watched the shock register on his face. She had quickly added that she was no longer a lesbian and she had been cured. Eva was certain that he would not understand the latest twist in her life. She knew she didn’t understand how it had happened, how Zoe had breached her defenses, but she had, and there was nothing Eva could do about it.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Yes, to my priest first," Eva replied quietly.
"Alright, I’m your priest." Father Haralambos got up and went to the back of the door where he had hung his coat. Eva watched him wear the coat again and return to where she was sitting. "What’s on your mind?"
Eva swallowed nervously. "Father, I’ve sinned against God."
"We all sin."
Eva took a deep breath and looked up at Father Haralambos with some trepidation. "You remember I told you about Aiden?"
"Yes, I remember."
"Um...I made a promise to God and I’ve broken that promise. I lied to God."
Father Haralambos took Eva’s hands into his own and gently squeezed them. "You could never lie to God. He knows what’s in your heart."
"Well, I was lying to Him."
"What did you say?"
Eva worried her lip as she struggled with the painful memories and the deep despair that had overpowered her. After several minutes of total silence in the room, she took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "I promised Him that I would never fall in love with anyone again. I promised Him that no matter what, I was no longer going to give in to my heart. All I asked was that He would save me."
Eva looked into Father Haralambos’ eyes and saw the tears that formed in those deep blue eyes that mirrored her own. Her own tears made silent tracks down her cheeks, which she didn’t bother to brush away. "I...uh," Eva stopped when she couldn’t continue.
"Take your time," Father Haralambos told her, his voice breaking with emotion.
"I promised Him that I wouldn’t let anyone control my heart, but I lost control of my heart."
"No one can control their heart. You are not perfect, nor am I. Our Lord knows this and forgives us. I know you are going to marry Captain Reinhardt—that’s not a sin even if he is an unpleasant man. You can’t control what your heart does."
"No." Eva shook her head. "Father, this was a promise..."
"How can you promise something to God that is out of your hands?"
"I thought it was in my power."
"You can’t control your heart."
"My heart betrayed me."
"Yes, it can do that. Do you think God does not love you now that you have proven to be human?"
"I gave Him my word."
"He didn’t want your word. He wants you to have faith. We all stumble, we fall, we realize we have made mistakes and we get up again."
"I have faith."
"I know you do." Father Haralambos took Eva’s hand and kissed it. "You have a faith that is strong despite all the hardships you endured. Your faith is what kept you alive."
"I have to confess that my faith is warring with my heart."
"How so?"
"I’ve fallen in love," Eva replied and gazed at Father Haralambos for any sign of his disapproval.
"This isn’t news, sweetheart. You and Captain Reinhardt are going to get married. Why are you so upset?"
"It’s not Jurgen." Eva exhaled slowly.
"Oh," Father Haralambos softly exclaimed. "I see," he said and stroked his beard. "Well, that is a complication and I understand how you will be conflicted. Is there a way to break it off with this other fellow? It’s not Henry, is it? I’ve seen the way he looks at you."
"Uh?"
Father Haralambos smiled. "That young man loves you, Eva."
"No, Father, it’s not Henry." Eva shook her head and looked down at the floor.
"Alright then. You gave your heart to this other fellow and you are also engaged to Reinhardt. It is quite a dilemma, but God will understand."
"Father, it’s…I don’t know how to tell you this."
"What’s there to say? You have fallen in love with two men. It happens."
"It’s not what you think." Eva took a deep breath and slowly released it. "It’s Zoe," she said, and for a fleeting moment there was an eyebrow twitch and nothing else from the priest. Father Haralambos’ expression remained neutral.
"I see," Father Haralambos finally said. "When I said you should become friends, I didn’t mean that."
A slight smile played on Eva’s lips despite her apprehension and anxiety over the confession. "I didn’t want to."
"You didn’t want to fall in love with Zoe?"
"No."
"But you did."
"Yes."
Father Haralambos stroked his graying long beard and gazed at Eva. "The medical treatment you received in Aiden didn’t work."
"It did."
"Obviously not. Your heart desired what it needed the most."
"A death wish?"
Father Haralambos smiled. "No, not a death wish. I don’t know a lot about your disease, Eva, but what I do know is that you can’t control who you fall in love with. I fell in love with your mother and you were the beautiful gift from that. Yes, it was wrong and we sinned by not getting married first, but we can’t control our hearts. You might as well petition God to stop the world from turning. Does Zoe know how you feel about her?"
Eva nodded. "She does."
"She told me you had become friends, and that’s what I prayed would happen, but I didn’t think you would..um..have those kinds of feelings for her."
"I didn’t want to, Father, you have to believe me, I didn’t want to." Eva reached out and took Father Haralambos’ hand. "I tried not to think about her, but I couldn’t help myself."
"Have you tried prayer?"
"Yes."
"Did you try to think of something else that will banish those desires from your mind? We can’t always control our thoughts and God understands that."
Eva gazed at her father and sighed. "I tried thinking of other things. I tried to immerse myself in our work, I tried not to let my feelings for Zoe get in the way but…"
"It’s very difficult with Zoe working so closely with you."
"Yes."
"Does Reinhardt know how you feel about Zoe?"
"God, no. I hope not. If he does, I’m quite sure I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you. I would be dead."
"I see. With our mission here at an end, I think it would be wise for Zoe to cease being your maid and for that temptation to be out of your reach," Father Haralambos exclaimed. "What you need to do is to remove the temptation."
Eva sat in silence with her head bowed. She didn’t look up to meet her father’s gaze. "It’s too late for that."
"Oh."
Eva raised her head. "I kissed her."
"Oh. So Zoe now knows how you feel about her. That must have been a shock to young Zoe."
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Eva couldn’t help but smile. "No, it wasn’t a shock to her. She kissed me back."
"Oh…I see. Hm. How did it happen?"
"I don’t know. I was trying to resist my feelings towards her and I’ve been suffering for months. Trust me, this hasn’t been easy for me."
"Is that why you have been ill?"
"Yes."
"You knew that by having these feelings for Zoe, you would be physically ill?"
Eva nodded. "I couldn’t control my thoughts and last night I couldn’t control my actions. I made a promise to God that I wouldn’t love another woman and I would be what everyone wanted me to be. I can’t do that even if it makes me ill."
"You were lying about falling in love with Reinhardt?"
Eva looked down at her engagement ring. "I was using him to survive. I know that was wrong but I thought that Jurgen would keep me alive."
"You didn’t have feelings for Zoe when you agreed to marry him?"
"If you remember, Zoe wanted to kill me and the last thing I wanted to do was be anywhere near her."
"Yes, I remember." Father Haralambos put his arm around Eva’s shoulders. "I’m sorry I put the two of you together and it has caused this to happen."
"Father, I am who I am and there was nothing you did that caused this. It was me."
"By confessing your feelings to me about Zoe, did you think I would love you less because you are different?"
"Yes," Eva answered truthfully.
"No, you’re wrong. I will always love you. You are my daughter and nothing in this world will make me stop loving you. I am your father and a father never stops loving their child."
"Why?"
"Because that is what a father does. He loves his child more than life itself. God loves us as a father, and just because you think you broke a promise to Him and thought He would stop loving you, you’re wrong. He knew it was a promise you couldn’t keep."
"Am I going to Hell?"
"For what? Breaking a promise that you couldn’t possibly be able to keep? You can’t control your heart, Eva. I don’t understand it but you are my daughter. That’s all that matters. I also don’t believe in Hell."
Eva’s eyebrows rose at the declaration that came from the cleric. "The Church—"
"The Bible talks to me about a loving God. As a father I wouldn’t want to hurt my child, now why would God want to hurt His children? He wouldn’t. We won’t tell the Archbishop that I don’t believe in Hell. Nor are we going to tell him about your feelings for Zoe. Why don’t I make us some tea and we can have a long chat about it?"
"Alright."
Father Haralambos nodded. He got up from his seat and left the office, leaving Eva to think about what had transpired. It wasn’t what she had expected at all.
***
Father Haralambos closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. He crossed himself and brought the gold cross that hung around his neck to his lips and kissed it. Eva’s revelation was something he wasn’t expecting, nor was Eva’s guilt. He sighed and quickly went into the tiny kitchen to make some tea. He leaned against the doorjamb and watched the water boil. I did tell her to be friends but this isn’t what I had in mind. Zoe and Eva? They couldn’t be any more different if they tried. Zoe is a handful and Eva is so quiet. Dear Lord, what is to become of them when I’m gone? He took the pot and poured the tea into cups.
"Alright, let’s have some tea," Father Haralambos said as he came back into his office to find Eva staring outside the window. "Eva?"
Eva turned around and rubbed her eyes before sitting down and taking the teacup. They drank in silence until Father Haralambos cleared his throat. "So, you love Zoe."
"Yes."
"Does she love you?"
"I don’t know. She says she’s in ‘heavy like.’"
"Hmm, there is no hope for her."
"What do you think?"
"What do I think? I think you’re going to be playing with fire."
"Pardon?"
"Zoe is a spirited young woman. She won’t take no for an answer," Father Haralambos replied. "But she’s also very loyal, loving, and will fight to the end for things she believes in."
"Are you shocked?" Eva tentatively asked.
"Am I shocked? Yes. That’s the last thing I expected. I had hoped you two wouldn’t kill each other. That’s what I prayed wouldn’t happen. You having that kind of feelings for Zoe wasn�
�t what I was expecting," Father Haralambos replied, carefully watching for Eva’s reaction.
Eva stared impassively at him, her slender fingers clasped and resting on her lap. "Yes, it was my hope that she wouldn’t kill me either. I don’t know how it happened but Zoe just..I don’t know," she finally replied.
"As your father, I want to see you happy." Father Haralambos took Eva’s hands and held them. "You and Zoe together is going to be a recipe for disaster. If you were ever found out…"
"I know. My stepfather will kill me."
"You have to end this. You have to stop. I don’t want you to suffer. We both know you will be tortured again. You have suffered enough. No more. You will get yourself and Zoe killed."
"I know, Father but—"
"Eva, my darling daughter, you can’t have what your heart desires. You can’t put Zoe through this either. Hasn’t she suffered enough?"
Eve wiped the tears that ran down her cheeks with the back of her hand and sniffed. "I don’t want to have these feelings for her, but I do. I want to be happy, I want to feel that someone loves me for who I am and not for who they want me to be."
"Even if that means that this love you have for Zoe will mean both your deaths?"
Eva turned away and looked out the window. "Yes."
"Is that what Zoe wants?"
"Zoe doesn’t know what all of this means, she doesn’t understand the consequences, but she has feelings for me."
"Hm." Father Haralambos put his arm around Eva’s shoulders and brought her close. "I don’t understand these feelings you have, Eva, but you are my daughter. I won’t condemn you. I want you to be happy and at peace, even for a little while. If that means you are with Zoe, then you have my blessing. The Church says otherwise, but this time I will go with what my heart says."
"My head says to run away but my heart—"
"Listen to your heart." Father Haralambos finished her thought, placing his hand over his own heart. "I didn’t listen to my heart and it meant twenty-four years of not knowing my child. I don’t want you to regret not following your heart but if you do, it will have consequences; you will be found out. The truth always comes out. Are you prepared for when that happens?"
In The Blood Of The Greeks (Intertwined Souls Series Book 1) Page 26
