“Of course Alex can come with us today, the more the merrier.” Jack’s eyes shine with sweetness. The old me would want to rip his clothes off and throw him back down on the bed. Maybe the thought alone is a good sign that the old me still exists.
Alex agrees happily to spend the day with us, and we all go out to breakfast, then stroll an open marketplace looking at shitty Rolex knock-offs and fake Louis Vuitton bags. It is exactly the kind of afternoon I need, spontaneous and relaxed. My body aches, and in truth I was supposed to stay off my feet, but Jack is being the perfect host. He can see I am tiring, and recommends finding a bench. Alex picks up a paper as we settled onto a bench in the park, and begins to read available apartment listings out loud. I wonder for a moment if our break-in might have made the papers, but not in New York City—maybe in a small town.
“Here’s one on the Upper East Side, pricey, but it has a doorman. I mean, I think a doorman should be on our list, because people can’t stalk you when other people are being paid to watch you.” I nod in agreement and half laugh, only it is the kind of chuckle that spurs from hysteria rather something being truly funny.
Jack tenses when he hears this last bit. “Wait, what?? I thought there was a mugging and a break-in, what are you saying about a stalker?” He looks pointedly in my direction. It is all I can do not to kick Alex in the shin.
“One of you better start explaining, and I have a feeling I would rather hear it from Alex, since she isn’t immune to the truth.” Ouch! I simply didn’t want to burden Jack with the added fear of a theory. Indignantly, I sit and look at Alex with raised eyebrows. She rolls her eyes and tells Jack about the intruder only leaving through the window, possibly having entered through the door, and about the cigarettes found on the terrace indicating they’d been watching us (or me) for a while before the incident. By the end of the story, Jack has his head in his hands and is leaning his elbows on his knees. “Maaann.”
I keep trying to read Jack’s face. Is he angry? Is he in shock? I decide to try a little levity.
“Are you feeling a little buyer’s remorse? Dating a girl with a stalker can be intense.” I smile a crooked smile.
His answering glare lets me know I probably should have gone with a different tone. Whoops.
“Jack, it’s something that the cops were talking about last night, definitely not the only theory, and I don’t think we should jump to conclusions. Let’s let the police run their investigation before we speculate.” I almost believe myself.
I make sure to glare at Alex, so she knows her two cents are seriously unappreciated! Jack places his hands on both sides of my face. “I can’t force you to open up to me, but I’m not going anywhere.” Jesus. I would pay for some humor right now. I’m emotionally and physically spent, and now he’s all I’m here to stay… give a girl a minute!
As if on cue, Alex says, “Not to break up a moment between you two, but I think I found a great place!” I smile at her and she gives me a wink. I love this girl.
We start back toward the hotel to relax and make a game plan. I feel uneasy, uncertain about everything, but happy in this moment. I desperately want to hold onto it, mainly because I don’t believe it will last.
As we walked into the lobby, the Front Desk Manager, Tim? Tony? comes rushing over. “Miss West! The police are here to see you, they are there on the other side of the lobby, seated by the fireplaces.” I follow his finger to see two detectives waiting for me. I nod at Tim/Tony and give a reassuring smile, as if to say, No, Tim/Tony I am not a criminal and your hotel will not be embarrassed.
Jack squeezes my hand, and when I look over at Alex, she looks grim.
“A, you don’t need to sit in on this one, go back to the room and I promise I will only be a minute. I’ll fill you in when I come upstairs.” She doesn’t even hesitate. With a swift wave and a hug, Alex high tails it back to the room.
As Jack and I approach the detectives, they greet me with their badges and the requiem official business statements. Everything they are saying feels like a movie—from their shitty suits, to being questioned in the grandeur of the Four Seasons lobby, it feels like an out of body experience, only to be zapped back each time they need an answer from me.
“Have you seen any strange activity outside or in and around your apartments? For example, the same truck parked for a number of days, or the same faces outside your residence?”
I shake my head side to side, no.
“Has anyone representing the city knocked on the door needing entry into your apartment in the last month or so?”
No, again…
“Have you received any threats or had any verbal altercations lately?” I shake a more emphatic no!
“Mia is a great person, very well-liked and, who would want to harm her?” asks Jack.
The detectives exchange a look between them that immediately tells me they have a purpose; this is not a fishing expedition to try and find out if my fight with the dry cleaner is the cause of the break in. They have someone in mind, this is a fact checking expedition.
“Son, you would be surprised how many crazies out there want to hurt perfectly nice people, but Miss West we thought that we should ask you some questions just to rule out any other theories.” ding, ding, ding
Although I risk being rude (my mother would cringe), I manage out a direct tone “What’s new, what do you know since last night, that I don’t know?”
“We think you should be aware that the weapon found in your apartment has been traced back to a suspect.” Thumbing through a beat up note pad, the detective nods when he finds what he’s searching for. “Yes, a man by the name of Carter Williams. We are currently tracking down Mr. Williams and will bring him in for questioning. What we need from you, is to know your history with Mr. Williams.”
My heart instantly drops into my stomach. I stand up, not knowing whether to run, scream, or hide—maybe all three!
I hear Jack and feel him gripping my hands. I see the detectives talking and everyone seems hysterical, but it’s me that’s hysterical… I can’t breathe, I can’t look anywhere for more than a second…this is that moment, the one that I’ve dreaded, where I lose my mind and maybe never get it back…
Carter Williams… of all the names, of all the crazy people, he had to come back. I hate Carter Williams. I hate myself, and I hate that I can’t get him off of me.
I pull my hands from Jack and start running across the hotel lobby. I have zero idea where I’m going, can barely see through the tears falling down my face. I just need to escape, to someplace where I can breathe. I head toward the front lobby doors when BAM, right there, all of two feet from me, is that face! The one I thought I dreamt, the one I know.
“Hey!” I yell. “Who the fuck are you?!” Suddenly it all comes back, and then everything goes black.
“Mia! Mia?! Are you okay? Can you hear me? Someone call an ambulance!” Jack sounds terrified.
“No Jack, no ambulance,” I creak out. “I just need to get my bearings.” The two detectives help me back to the couches and Tim/Tony hovers with water, and probably a liability waiver. I ignore everyone staring and turn my attention back to the detectives. As they sit down, I wave off Tim/Tony and try sitting up as straight as I can.
“Carter Williams attacked me. He is the man who tried to rape me a year and a half ago.” The strength of my own voice surprises me.
I make sure not to react to Jack’s gasping, “Oh, Mia.”
I continue explaining to the detectives, “Carter’s father was an associate at my step-fathers firm, and it happened at a company event.” It was reported at the time, but like most things in my world, it was handled in a hushed manner, with careful discretion and a bunch of money. Everyone assured me it was ‘taken care of’. I was told he was in a psychiatric hospital, which was obviously false.
“Someone clue me into what he is doing here!” Jack reaches for my hand, and for just an instant I shake him off, repulsed by his touch. It’s not him, it’s t
he act of being touched when I feel compromised, violated, vulnerable.
When I look up again, everyone is looking at me expectantly. I shake my head and try to reset my brain. “Sorry, I think maybe I’m in shock right now.”
“It’s okay, Miss. It’s understandable how this would be upsetting. If you could just answer a few more questions…” I nod.
“Is there any record of the alleged assault?”
I shake my head no, thinking alleged? “I believe the records were sealed, since it was handled with a mediator.”
“Can you name the parties involved?”
“My stepfather can be more helpful, he handled everything. That’s who you should speak with about this. I have very little memory of the event. I was drugged before being brutalized.” Their obvious discomfort at my words was a reminder that none of this was even remotely okay.
“I’m sorry, but I need to go back to my room and lie down.”
“Of course, of course. One last question, Miss West. How long have you known Cole Parker?”
Wait, what? The sound of that name… holy hell! A barrage of pictures flash through my mind; pictures from magazines, news reports, the Forbes list, and then one sticks—Cole Parker helping me up from the ground after I was mugged. THAT’s the face. Cole Parker is him.
I look around, trying to find his face again, but to no avail. Why did I pass out when I saw him at the hotel entrance before? When I look back to the detectives, the curiosity in their eyes feels too probing. I have a burning instinct to keep any knowledge of Cole Parker private. Then again, do I have any real knowledge?
“I don’t know him. I was just having a panic attack. I’m sorry I can’t be more help, but I really need to rest my nerves.” I stand with Jack at my side, doing his best knight in shining armor impersonation, and we leave the officers to head upstairs. I know this isn’t the end, but for now I just need a bed, some pain meds, and some dark curtains!
As Jack and I enter the room, Alex is on her cell with a panicked look. “Your mom,” she mouths.
I mime sleeping to her and walk into my room. I can’t handle my mother right now! I know this whole incident with the cops and me fainting, and God only knows what about Cole Parker… will hit the fan soon enough.
“Mia, are you okay? I mean, I can’t imagine… how come you never told me?”
Jack’s face is sincere; he’s looking at me like a wounded animal. I hate that look, but how can I tell him that’s the reason? I don’t want to see that look of pity and worry, the look where all fun goes to die. I can barely stand to see myself and the mess I’ve been hiding behind a mask for eighteen months. How can I let someone else see the disaster inside?
Something in the way Jack looks at me is strangely comforting and unnerving at the same time. I know it makes no sense, but I can’t tell how much of my reaction to him is paranoia after the ordeal with Carter Williams, or actually a response to Jack himself. I like him, I’m tempted by him, I appreciate him being here, but something keeps holding me back. I am not ready to let him in. Now he knows what happened last year, and that changes everything.
Having Jack see me beneath the surface makes it too real, so real that I want to scream until my voice gives out. I wish he had known me before, so my present self wouldn’t be the version he has to face.
I crawl into bed and Jack tucks me in. I’m sure he can feel my hesitation at his touch, and he goes and sits in the chair next to the bed. I give him a small smile, hoping he can feel my gratitude.
As my eyes close, only one face appears… Cole Parker.
When I wake, it’s early and I’m alone in the room. I can hear the hum of life outside the door but I’m not ready to face it yet, so I take my time showering and dressing. Honestly, I’m still bruised and sore, so I couldn’t really go any faster even if I wanted to. I sit down at the small vanity in the bathroom, to gather my thoughts and go over my well-crafted plan.
When I enter the living room of our suite, I see everyone and by everyone I mean Alex, Jack, and my mother being soothed by a chronically concerned Richard.
“Hi Mom, hi Richard.” Suddenly I recall throwing Richard to the wolves by suggesting the police speak with him yesterday, but what did he expect? I can’t remember half of what happened to me last year. I only know I’ve been a basket case ever since, and I’m fairly certain that everyone looking out for me is keeping me in the dark. Why, I have no idea, but I’m going to figure it out. I may be nuts, but I’m not stupid. Besides, there wasn’t any possible scenario where I would bare my personal hell to those two detectives in the middle of the Four Seasons lobby!
My mother crosses the room, envelops me in the warmest cocoon of a hug, and says, “Sweet girl, I’m so sorry you were questioned. Don’t worry yourself. Everything is going to be okay…”
I pull back from this thousandth attempt to reassure me and make direct eye contact with Richard. His look is certain, knowing, and decisive. He has taken care of things and there will be no further concern or discussion.
No, no, no, no!! This is not in my plan! I try to stay cool as everyone speaks of their combined relief that the situation is over. How can they see anything as over? Carter Williams is FREE. And Cole Parker saved my life… Why on earth would he do that? I have a thousand questions, but can’t say anything because I don’t want them to become suspicious of my plan. I quietly review the steps in my mind…
Step one, find Cole Parker. I realize he may not want my drama showing up in his office, but I need to see him. The urge is overwhelming. Somehow, he keeps popping up every time I am near danger, physically and emotionally. First I need some reassurance that he is real, and then I have to thank him, I guess.
Alex comes over to my chair, squeezes my shoulder, and smiles. “I know this has been an awful week, but I am so down to find another apartment. Time to move out and move on!”
I smile back, but I’m panicked. I can’t look for apartments until I look for Cole Parker. I can’t move on until I understand what’s been happening to me. I need answers.
Step two, find out what Mr. Parker knows about the attack in the alley. I can understand him not wanting to be a part of this investigation, but I was stalked and attacked like an animal and everyone here is trying to act like all is well, so maybe he can pony up some details.
Now it’s Richard’s turn for a reassuring hug. It seems unnatural for him to hug me, forced, but he does, and his next words strike me to the bone, “that monster will never get near you again. Never! I’ve made sure that Carter is back where he belongs. You are safe, Mia.”
Step three, take care of Carter Williams, once and for all. Enough is enough. If I believe what my therapist says, I am not his victim. I am my own heroine and the time has come to rid myself of Carter the demon. It isn’t up to Jack to hold my hand, or Richard to keep me protected in some princess tower. I need to somehow free myself from Carter Williams so he can’t hurt or scare me again. This part of the plan is the least thought out… spontaneity is essential. Premeditation is always key when sentencing happens in a murder trial.
I need to come up with a reasonable excuse to get out of the room and away from everyone for the whole day. I need to find Cole Parker and get some answers before Richard and his team of lawyers effectively tie my hands and force me into compliance. I don’t know what Parker will be able to tell me, and I don’t know why everything Richard does is so hush hush. I trust my stepfather and know he only wants what’s best for me, but I’m sick of being kept in the dark and treated like a child. I may be rattled by all that’s happened, but I’m a grown woman with a brain.
“I have a session with Dr. Roth today,” I interrupt the conversations around me. I stand to pick up my purse. “She agreed to meet with me spur of the moment, considering the circumstances.”
“Of course, darling. Please, take the town car. It’s parked downstairs. I don’t want you going in a cab alone.” Damn, I hadn’t considered the hired heavy. I need to think quickly of a way
around Richard’s driver.
“I won’t be alone, I’ll be with Jack. Right…?” He eyes me curiously but doesn’t hesitate, “Yep!” With Jack’s confident smile, Mom and Richard are sold.
As we walk out of the hotel room, Jack grins, “Are you going to clue me in?”
“I just figured we could use some alone time. Is breakfast together ok?”
“Absolutely.”
At breakfast, I make a plan to drop Jack at his apartment so he can shower and grab some clothes while I go off to my fictitious therapist appointment.
Despite myself, I have fun at breakfast. There is definitely something happening between us, a bond. It’s just, I’m not ready—or willing—to lose any more of myself. Jack is great on paper, but too much too soon. I can’t. The timing is all wrong.
“Hey, where do you go, when you drift off?”
I laugh quietly. “I don’t know, just daydreaming. I’m still trying to process the last few days before something else happens.” He’s looking at me with those baby deer eyes, all big and shiny and…cautious. He’s trying to say the right thing.
“It will take time, Mia, and I’m here for as long as it takes.” Whoa.
“Jack, you have been so understanding and seriously crazy for sticking around through this whole mess. I appreciate it. Thank you.
“You’re welcome. Besides I’m not all good. You never know when I’ll flip the switch and get all dark and broody. Girls dig that, right?” His laugh has a welcome sense of ease that I need.
We pull up in front of his apartment and I scooch to his side of the cab. He leans down and before I can say anything, plants a kiss on me. It’s one of those kisses that make you ache in all the right places and leaves you feeling a little woozy but those feelings never happen for me.
I can’t think about Jack and his lips. Right now, I have to focus on the task at hand. Cole Parker. I say goodbye to Jack with understanding that I’ll pick him up after my “session”.
Come Back to Me Page 3
