“I never doubted that for a moment, Caine,” she said gently. “That wasn’t what I was worried about.”
“What are you worried about, then?”
Telling herself to be a grown-up about it, she looked around the tiny clearing. The sun hung low through the trees, and even though it wasn’t close to totally dark yet, she could imagine what it would be like, out in the open, with nothing around her but the blackness. “I was scared of the hollow trees at first,” she said slowly. “They were so dark and so enclosed. But at least they were some protection against the darkness outside. Sleeping in a tent seems so vulnerable, somehow.”
He turned to her. “I’ll be there with you, Lexie,” he said steadily. “Nothing will happen. We’ll be safe.”
Nodding, she turned away to fuss with the shirt she’d put on Ana. “I know. You think I’m being stupid and silly, and I am. But I’ll deal with it. I’m not about to let my phobia get in the way of what we have to do.”
His hands came down on her shoulders, surprising her with their gentleness. “I know you can deal with it, Lexie. But you don’t have to deal with it alone. I’m here to help you.”
Turning around slowly, she looked up at him in the deepening gloom. “There are things you don’t have to deal with alone, either, Caine,” she whispered. Reaching out, she touched his face in a brief caress, then let her hand drop. “Think about it.”
She turned away and bent down to Ana again, but she felt him standing motionless behind her. She ached to put her arms around him, to comfort him, but she knew she didn’t dare. If she did, he would just retreat again.
“We have to get up early tomorrow morning,” he said behind her, and his voice was brusque. “You should go to sleep now.”
“I’m going to wake her up and feed her again, then I will.”
“Why don’t you just let her sleep until she wakes up, and then feed her?”
Settling herself against a tree, she gave him a tired smile. “Because I know that she’d wake up in an hour or so, just as I was getting into a deep sleep. If I feed her now, she might sleep for four or five hours before she wakes up again.”
He frowned down at them, but he didn’t move away. “I thought babies were supposed to sleep all the time. How come she’s awake so much?”
Lexie leaned back against the tree and watched him as Ana started to eat. He was careful not to let his gaze slip below her face, but at least he wasn’t turning away as he had at first. “She has to sleep a lot, but she needs to eat a lot, too. She wakes up when she’s hungry.”
He stood watching her for a moment, then suddenly stepped aside as if he remembered what he was doing. “I’ll get the tent ready,” he muttered.
Twenty minutes later Ana was fed and changed and it was almost completely dark in the little clearing. After squatting in the doorway of the tent for a few minutes, Caine had come back out and sat down next to her. He hadn’t looked at either her or Ana, but she was grateful for his presence.
“She’s asleep,” Lexie whispered as she looked around at the blackness closing in on her. “Can we go in the tent now?”
“Yeah.” He stood and helped her to her feet. “Go on in and make yourself comfortable. I’ll make sure everything is secured out here.”
Lexie glanced over at the tent that was almost invisible against the background of dark trees and bushes. It looked way too small for two adults and a baby, but it would have to do. Walking carefully across the clearing, she stooped down at the doorway and peered inside.
They would fit, but it would be close quarters tonight. As she thought about Caine lying next to her, near enough for her to feel his heat, sensation shivered through her belly. In spite of everything, she couldn’t deny the fact that he touched her in some place deep inside that no other man had ever reached.
She wouldn’t think about that tonight. She couldn’t. Suddenly so tired she could barely keep her eyes open, she crawled into the tent and carefully laid Ana down. Then, curling up next to her, she closed her eyes and waited for sleep to come.
Even though she was exhausted, she didn’t fall asleep right away. She found herself listening for Caine out in the jungle. His footsteps moved back and forth through the clearing, until finally they stopped at the door to the tent.
She felt him waiting there, and she realized he was looking to see if she was asleep. It would be better to let him think so, she told herself. It would take away some of the awkwardness they were both bound to feel. So she lay motionless on her side, her eyes tightly closed, as she waited for him to crawl in next to her.
“Stop worrying about it.” His voice floated over to her, soft and amused. “I’m not going to jump your bones tonight, Lexie.”
Her eyes flew open and she saw him watching her. “I never thought you were. I just thought it would be more comfortable for both of us if we could pretend I was asleep.”
“I can take the heat,” he murmured as he slid in beside her. “Can’t you?”
“Of course.” But she couldn’t, she realized. Every cell in her body was aware of how close he was lying to her. His scent surrounded her, sharp and clean and intoxicating. If she moved just a little, she would be in his arms. She closed her eyes as the trembling started, deep inside her.
“Then there’s no problem. Goodnight, Lexie.”
“Good night,” she murmured.
He rolled over, facing his back to hers, and didn’t move. As she lay beside him, so close that the heat from his body warmed her, she longed to slide closer and curl herself around him. Not only would she be taking comfort for herself, but she had a feeling she would be giving it, too. She and Caine were alone in this green world, completely cut off and isolated. And he had his demons, too. As she wondered what had happened to him to make him fear getting involved with Ana, her eyelids grew heavy and she slipped into sleep.
She woke suddenly and looked around wildly in the darkness, her heart pounding in her chest. Ana was still asleep, but she sensed Caine’s wakefulness next to her.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered.
“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”
“Something woke me up,” she insisted.
“There was some thunder, higher up in the mountains. You probably heard it.”
He had turned to face her, and she stared at the pale slash of his face in the darkness. “Thunder? How come?”
She felt his shrug rather than saw it. “I don’t know. It must be raining up there.”
“But the rainy season isn’t supposed to start for another three or four weeks. It can’t be raining.”
“I guess someone forgot to tell the rain god.” He sighed and his voice gentled. “Go back to sleep, Lex. We can’t do anything about it, anyway.”
She knew what the rainy season was like, had experienced the mud and the mire, and could only imagine how much more difficult it would make their trek through the jungle. “How are we going to walk through the jungle if it starts to rain down here?”
“In two days we should be in Limores,” he said softly. “With any luck, the rain will hold off for that long. And if it doesn’t, it’ll just take us longer. Besides, if it makes you feel any better, it’ll affect El Cuchillo, too. In fact, it might even help us.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re two people and a baby, and we’re on foot. He’s got a lot of men and jeeps and equipment to worry about. While they’re getting stuck in the mud and trying to figure out where it’s safe to drive, we might be able to slip past them and into Limores. So maybe we should pray for rain.”
At some point during the day she had managed to push all thoughts of El Cuchillo out of her head. Now they came flooding back, and she wondered what or who would be waiting for them in Limores. This tent, which just a couple of hours ago had seemed so vulnerable and unprotected, suddenly felt like a haven that she didn’t want to leave.
“Caine?” she said in a small voice.
“Hmm.”
“Would you hol
d me?”
She felt him tense next to her, and finally he asked carefully, “How come?”
“For comfort, I guess.” Her voice sounded forlorn, and she wished she could call the words back, but it was too late.
It didn’t seem to matter, anyway, because without a word Caine reached out and pulled her close, holding her snuggled against him as if they were two spoons. The muscles in his chest and legs were tense, and she felt the unmistakable proof of his arousal nestled against her hips.
“Sorry, Lexie,” he murmured into her ear, his warm breath caressing the side of her neck. “That’s what you do to me, and I’m not going to try and hide it. But I know that’s not why you wanted me to hold you, so go ahead and fall asleep.” She thought she felt his lips brush her hair, then she gave in to the sleep pulling her into oblivion.
The sound of Ana snuffling in the darkness woke her again, and she opened her eyes to find that she’d turned sometime while she slept and had wrapped her arms around Caine. One of her legs had crept between his, and her knee rested against a vulnerable part of his anatomy.
“Just don’t make any sudden moves,” he said into her ear as he eased away from her. “I assume that means the kid needs to be fed?”
She nodded and reached for Ana. “It feels like she’s slept longer than she usually does at night.”
He swung himself into a sitting position in the tent. When she felt his hands on her arms she turned around to look at him, but he was pulling her against him. “Use me as your tree trunk,” he murmured.
He had pulled her between his legs, and as she leaned against him he rested his hands on her shoulders to steady her. It felt so right, so natural to share the intimate nighttime feeding with him this way. As she unbuttoned her blouse and lifted Ana to her breast, she relaxed against him, letting him take her full weight.
“How do you know she slept longer than usual?” His whisper rustled through her hair and stirred the heat inside her.
“Because my breasts are more full of milk than usual,” she whispered back. There was no reason to use such hushed tones, she knew, but somehow the fragile intimacy of the situation seemed to require it.
“You can feel the milk in your breasts?” He sounded incredulous.
Slowly she took his hand and brought it to the breast Ana hadn’t yet nursed at. “Feel how heavy it is?”
Hesitantly he cupped her in his hand for a moment, then his fingers slowly began to explore her heavy curves through the sturdy cotton of her bra. She closed her eyes as licks of fire raced through her. When he carefully touched her nipple with one finger, she couldn’t control the shudder that she knew he felt.
Pressed against him the way she was, she couldn’t help but feel his reaction to her, too. Closing her eyes, she moved closer and felt his hand tighten on her breast for just a moment.
Ana began fussing then, and Lexie knew she was still hungry. Bringing her hand up to close over Caine’s, she slowly pushed aside the bra that covered her full, throbbing breast. She heard him suck in his breath as her naked breast fell into his palm.
She was helpless to move while he circled her taut nipple with one finger. When he tugged at it, she heard herself moaning softly. Then Ana grunted again, and she felt a wetness slide down her breast and drip onto his hand.
She moved to pull his hand away, but he stopped her. “What happened?” He tugged softly at her earlobe as he whispered the words, and she felt herself shudder in response.
“It’s the milk. That happens sometimes.”
“When you’re feeding her?”
“Then, and also...”
“Also when, Lexie?” His fingers glided across her nipple again, and again she felt herself shudder, felt the heat throbbing lower in her belly.
“When I’m aroused,” she whispered, wanting to twist around and press herself close to him. But Ana whimpered again, and she was forced to shift her to her other arm and gently take Caine’s hand away.
He waited while Ana began nursing, then his other hand came around and found her other breast. Holding it in his palm, he murmured, “Is that what happened last night?”
She nodded slowly. “It startled me. I wasn’t expecting it, and I didn’t know how it would make you feel.”
He pressed closer to her, and the heat of his arousal burned into her, even through her clothes. “How do you think it’s making me feel?”
“Caine,” she whispered in a shaky voice as he gently kneaded her nipple. His lips glided over her neck, and his tongue traced small circles below her ear.
“Can you tell how it’s making me feel?” he murmured into her ear.
She nodded slowly. “The way I feel,” she said, half turning in his arms so her lips could find his.
“Lex...” His mouth feathered over hers, barely skimming it while his tongue traced the outline of her lips. Hot, aching need swelled inside her, pounding with the heavy rhythm of her heart. Holding Ana tightly in one arm, she lay sprawled against him helplessly while his hand caressed her breast.
When his other hand slipped down to rest on the inside of her thigh she jumped, startled. His fingers trailed fire wherever they touched, and even through the cotton of her shorts she felt his burning heat. She knew he could feel her tremble at his touch, but she didn’t care. No one else had ever affected her like this, and she knew with a flash of insight that no one else ever would.
Ana squirmed in her arms, startling her out of her sensual daze, and she looked down at her. The baby had finished eating and was falling asleep. Ignoring her body’s protests, Lexie leaned forward, tearing herself away from Caine’s heat, and set Ana on the floor. She snuffled once, drew her legs closer to her tiny body, and closed her eyes again.
Caine’s hands slid down her arms and slowly, inexorably, pulled her back against him. She tried to turn around and face him, but he gently held her in place, her back pressing against his chest. His arousal burned into the cleft of her buttocks, making her start trembling all over again.
To her surprise, he didn’t move to touch her or kiss her again. Crossing his arms over her chest, he held her against him for a moment. The tenseness of his thighs and the hardness of his arms against her told her the depth of his struggle to hold himself in check. When she tried to turn in his arms again, he held her more tightly.
“Don’t turn around, unless you’re very sure this is what you want,” he whispered into her ear. “If it’s not, we’ll just sit here for a few minutes, then lie down and go back to sleep.”
Immediately she tried to turn around but he wouldn’t let her. “I want you to be sure, Lexie.” His breath caressed the damp spot on her neck where he’d kissed her earlier, and she shivered. “Really sure. I don’t want you to have any regrets when the sun comes up.”
He was forcing her to make a decision, and for a moment she stiffened with resentment. Making love with Caine would have been so much easier to dismiss in the morning if they’d both been carried away by lust during the night. But he was deliberately forcing her to confront her feelings.
For the space of several heartbeats she was terrified and she wanted to pull away from him. Then gradually she relaxed again. Tonight, it didn’t matter that he wouldn’t allow himself to care about her, or Ana. It didn’t matter that he surrounded himself with fences so high that it was almost impossible to scale them. What mattered was the pain she’d seen in his eyes earlier when they talked about Ana, and the need he couldn’t disguise right now. What mattered was that Caine was the man who had touched her soul and left a mark that couldn’t be erased, no matter how hard she’d tried.
For the first time since finding out she was pregnant with Ana, she didn’t think about the consequences of what she did. She didn’t think about tomorrow, or what was going to happen then. She wanted Caine tonight more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life, and he wanted her. That was enough.
Pushing against his arms, she eased herself away from his body. From the way his muscles stiffened as his
arms fell away from her, she knew he assumed she had come to her senses. Slowly she turned and faced him. “I want you, Caine,” she whispered. “Make love with me. Please.”
His hands came up to grip her shoulders, not to pull her close but to hold her away as he stared at her. All she could see in the darkness was the pale shadow of his face. “Are you sure, Lexie?” His low voice was fierce in the confines of the tent. “Very sure?”
“Yes,” she answered steadily. “I’m sure. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything as much as I want you right now.”
His breath shivered out in a sigh when he pulled her against him. As he held her tightly, she realized his arms were trembling. Then she didn’t notice anything else as his mouth took hers in a fierce kiss.
It wasn’t anything like the gentle caress earlier. This was a kiss of possession, of passion running hot and deep. His desire was like an irresistible current, swirling around her and pulling her under into the dark, hot depths below. Her hand was trapped between their bodies, and she felt the beating of his heart against it. Her body’s demands seemed to throb in time with the pounding of his pulse under her fingers.
His hands fumbled with the blouse she wore. She hadn’t buttoned it after feeding Ana, but he had trouble pulling it off her shoulders. She shrugged out of it, and the bra that was also unfastened. Then she reached for the shirt he wore.
She’d managed to tug it halfway over his head when her fingernails scraped over his flat nipples. Sucking in his breath, he ripped the shirt the rest of the way off and pulled her against him. Her breasts flattened against his chest, the soft mat of hair tickling her sensitive nipples.
“I wish we could light the lantern,” he murmured into her ear. “I want to look at you, to see if my memory was as good as the reality.”
“Did you think about me?” she whispered, hating the wistfulness in her voice, but needing to know.
“Every day and every night.” His voice was rough and hoarse, and his hands moved on her back. “Thinking about you was the only thing that got me through.”
To Save His Child Page 16
