“And were you like expecting this? I know she couldn’t have just upped and left.”
“Of course I wasn’t expecting it. True, things have been bad between us for the last six months or so, but I thought her frustrations with me were due to the long hours I’d been putting in. There’s another man. And she did just up and leave.”
“You mean she didn’t take Taylor?”
“No, she didn’t. She couldn’t just take our daughter without getting permission from a court. But she doesn’t want her.”
“Hold up. Just wait a fucking minute here. What do you mean, she doesn’t want her? Her own daughter? That’s the most ridiculous-sounding shit I’ve heard yet. How can you say that?”
“Because she told me. She said she was burnt out on motherhood, me, Phoenix, everything. She said it would be better if I just finished raising Taylor.”
“I don’t fucking believe this.”
“At first, I didn’t either. But I do now.”
“And I thought the stuff James pulled was deep.”
“It was deep, Bernie.”
“How could she leave her own kid? And what took you so long to tell me?”
“Because I didn’t know what to tell you. I know you never cared for Kathleen.”
“That was sixteen years ago, John. I don’t have anything against Kathleen, and you more than anybody should know that by now. I’ve always been friendly toward her and I treat your daughter like she’s part of this family, because she is. The kids don’t think of her as their half-sister. She’s their sister. Taylor has never felt like an outsider in this house, and you know it.”
He’s nodding his head in agreement. “I got served yesterday.”
“It’s probably just a power play. She’ll be back. As soon as his spell wears off she’ll come to her senses.”
“She’s in London.”
“You can’t be serious.”
He just looks at me.
“But what about Taylor? How does she feel and does she know what’s going on?”
Bernadine figures this might be a good time to get him and herself a bottle of water. John looks like he’s in some kind of trance. He’s staring at the floor as if there might be answers in the grout. “I’m not sure how to handle this, Bernie. I’m so fucking confused I don’t know what to do from one minute to the next. Taylor is fourteen, and she’s not stupid. She knows her mother’s been fooling around for a while. Kathleen made her swear to secrecy, which is a terrible position to put your own kid in.”
“I didn’t think she was like this.”
“You and me both.”
“Well, maybe you should just chill for a minute before you go doing something you’ll regret.”
“She’s the one who’s going to regret this.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t abandon your own child. Me I can understand. But not your child.”
“I’ll tell you, John, nothing surprises me anymore.”
“She wants a lot.”
“They always do. Your prenuptial agreement is valid though, right?”
“Absolutely. She’ll get what she’s entitled to since she left Taylor in my custody. I’m just not interested in taking care of her lover.”
“I hear you.”
“So that brings me to the other reason for my visit. I think I’d like to give you one of my properties.”
“What are you talking about? I hope you’re not trying to hide it?”
“Not at all. There’s no need to. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I know James took you to the cleaners. We all know it. JJ told me how tough it’s been for you even before you closed Sweet Tooth.”
“John Junior doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
“I think he does. We’re not all blind, Bernie. Plus, you can sell it, lease it or do whatever you want with it.”
“Look, let’s not talk about my situation right now, John, okay? This is serious business. Is there anything I can do to help you with Taylor?”
“Anything you can do would help. I’m not sure I know what to do with a soon-to-be fifteen-year-old. I think you might know her better than I do. It would be nice if I could bring her over to spend a weekend or something.”
“Sure.”
“Onika sent me an e-mail telling me about being a camp counselor this summer. Sounds respectable.”
“She’s coming with a girlfriend.”
“That’s good. So she’s doing okay?”
“She’s doing fine.”
“Good. I’ll give her a call in a day or so. Bernie, thanks for listening. And for everything.” He gives her a genuine hug. Bernadine hugs him back. She is surprised when she feels warmth. She forgot about that. Probably because she hasn’t felt a man’s body touch hers in six years.
Icebreakers
“Okay. So, I’m Tiger Lady,” I whisper to Savannah.
“You cannot be serious,” she says loudly, and takes a sip from the second bottle of water she’s had in less than the hour we’ve been here. She must be dehydrated. This heat will certainly do it to you.
We’re at a yoga class. Well, we’re not exactly participating. We’re standing outside the room, looking through the window at all these flowing bodies. We’re trying to see how hard it is.
“There is no way in hell I could get my body to do any of those movements.”
“They’re called poses, Savannah.”
“Whatever. And why aren’t there any black people in there?”
“I don’t know. Just be quiet and watch.”
Maybe ten seconds pass.
“Did you just have to bring those dogs?”
“Are they making any noise? No, they are not.” Romeo and Juliet are chillin’ in their carrier, which is hanging over my shoulder.
Savannah rolls her eyes and doesn’t even look at the people in the room. “So how long have you been doing this online dating stuff?”
“Why?”
“Because you haven’t mentioned it to anybody, that’s why. Are you embarrassed about doing it?”
“No! Why would I be embarrassed? I told you, didn’t I?”
“You usually tell us all of your personal business, that’s why.”
“I do not tell you guys all of my personal business. Okay? Anyway, I wanted to wait until I met somebody nice, that’s all. Plus I didn’t want you guys dogging me and making me feel desperate.”
“But you are desperate, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, but so is everybody else.”
“How long?”
“About a month or two.”
“Do you really think you’re going to meet somebody on an online dating service who’s worth getting serious about?”
“I’ve tried everything else.”
“Like what?” Savannah crosses her arms, waiting for me to come up with a decent lie.
“Okay, so I’m rusty. But you’ve been out of circulation for years, Savannah. We don’t go to happy hour anymore. And who has parties anymore? Nobody. So tell me, where do you go to meet a guy in our age bracket? Not on the street. Not at work or you might lose your job. And not at the gym because the fine ones are usually gay. And thanks to Isaac, I’m not sure if I can even trust the ones in church. This is just one reason why I go to every single dance Lucille invites me to.”
“Okay, you made your point. Do you know anybody that’s had any luck doing this?”
“Not personally, but I’ve read a lot of testimonials.”
“You can certainly rely on those.”
“You know something, Savannah? I’m looking at this whole thing like I do when I’m shopping and trying to find the perfect black pumps or the perfect black dress. You have to try on different ones and walk around in them until you find one that fits.”
“Whatever, Robin. Okay, this yoga class looks way too hard. Let’s check out that hot one.”
We follow the arrows and head downstairs. We stop on the first landing to use t
he restroom, and while washing our hands, Savannah says, “This is way out of left field, but I bet you can’t guess who just popped into my head.”
“You’re right. I can’t.”
“Whatever happened to that guy Michael you dated for a hot minute way back in the stone age?”
“You mean mister pudgy-wudgy-no-can-fuck Michael?”
“That’s mean, Robin. I thought he was nice and sort of handsome, and if I remember correctly, you kind of liked him.”
“I did. But Michael was my rebound guy because I was trying to get back at Russell. Poor guy didn’t stand a chance.”
“But all of us remember how pissed you were when you saw him with that other woman after you kicked him to the curb. Who could forget that mess?”
“Anyway, Michael left the company about ten or twelve years ago because he got a major offer in Miami. To my knowledge, no one’s ever heard a peep from him since.”
We go down one more flight and finally reach another class. The folks behind this glass are sweating something terrible. “I know that downward dog pose when I see it. They do that one a lot.”
“Anyway, so have you met any potential potentials online?”
“First of all, I had to redo my profile and change my screen name.”
“Why?”
“Because Sparrow signed me up on three different sites but she made me some kind of goddess—it was ridiculous—plus, she didn’t get a lot of things right.”
“Oh, so you think Tiger Lady is more sophisticated?”
“I’m a Leo, Savannah.”
“Which would make you a lion, not a fucking tiger, Robin.”
“Anyway, I like it. And I’m keeping it.”
“Did you ask Sparrow to do this for you?”
“No. She was just trying to be helpful.”
“She is too old for her age and you need to stop letting your teenage daughter run your life.”
“She doesn’t run my life,” I say a little too loudly. “She knows me better than anybody.”
“That’s total bullshit and you know it. She shouldn’t have enough information about you to fill in so many blanks on any form, especially when it comes to your social and personal life. Come on, Robin.”
I ignore her and focus on the flowing bodies. Savannah and Bernadine get on my nerves when it comes to how I raise my daughter. Savannah never had kids, so what does she know about being a mother?
“Did she get her permit?”
“She failed the written test.”
Savannah starts laughing and shakes her head. It is funny, but I don’t want her to know I agree. I tried not to laugh when Sparrow came storming back to the car, totally pissed off at the test.
“How is that possible, as smart as Miss Thang is?”
“Actually, she got more wrong the second time than she did the first. I’m glad, to be honest. Saves me from worrying.”
“How many times can you take it?”
“I don’t know. Until you pass. It would help if she studied for it.”
“Can she drive?”
“Somewhat. We’ve been practicing for almost a year. At this rate, she won’t be driving until she’s like twenty.”
We turn our attention to the twenty or so shiny white people bending, swaying and lying on their bellies. They’re dripping with sweat but they’re also glowing and they don’t look miserable.
“How hot is it in there?” Savannah asks.
“They say it’s about one hundred five degrees.”
“We’re used to that. I don’t understand what the point is.”
“It loosens and relaxes your muscles.”
“Well, I could stand to lose about ten pounds.”
“I don’t think this is for weight loss, Savannah.”
“I’m not stupid, Robin. I know that. It’s supposed to help you focus and relieve stress. But if you sweat like a pig and bend and stretch, you’re bound to lose a few pounds.”
“Well, I’m going to take a class. I’ve been wanting to for years. We should take one together.”
“It doesn’t look like much fun, and that music is almost creepy. I’ll think about it and let you know.”
“Well, I’m taking it with or without your ass.”
“I said I’ll think about it. I’ve got a lot of stuff going on right now.”
“Is Isaac being difficult?”
“Actually, he’s not. It’s just weird getting used to the idea that our marriage is really over. Oh-oh! It looks like all these sweaty and probably stinky people are headed this way. Let’s get out of here.”
We dash out the exit door. Looking at us, you’d swear we were about to work out. Savannah is wearing some purple-and-white getup that I wouldn’t have chosen for her. She has no boobs and her ass is big enough for the two of us, but I wouldn’t dare tell her that. She really could stand to lose fifteen pounds, but I wouldn’t dare tell her that, either. If she did, she could maybe be a high six or low seven again. I don’t know what I am anymore, but I think I’m higher than her. Oh, who cares? She’s getting rid of a husband and I’ve never had one. Who knows how big I’d be if I was getting divorced?
As soon as we get outside the dogs start squirming and making their silly we-want-out sounds. It’s not a bark. They hardly ever bark.
Savannah puts on her sunglasses and then crosses her arms. “He’s going to be entitled to some part of the house. But I really don’t care.”
I put Romeo and Juliet on their leashes and get off this hot concrete and head over to a small patch of grass next to a rock garden filled with desert flowers. Romeo and Juliet do their business and run back inside their mesh home.
“Why do you buy clothes for those dogs, Robin? Would you please explain that to me?”
“Because it makes them look cute.”
“Why don’t you just get them a credit card and they can go to Macy’s and pick out their own little outfits?”
“You should get a puppy. And so should Gloria.”
“Anyway, I’m going to have to buy him out, but it’s cool.”
“No, shit.”
“Or sell.”
“I know it’s none of my business, but did he ever make any of the mortgage payments?”
“No. He made a lot of improvements and paid for a lot of other things that had to do with upkeep and the like, stuff you can’t put a price on.”
We’re almost at the parking lot. I knew we should’ve come together; I can’t remember where I parked my damn car. This happens a lot. Thank God for these keys that make your lights go on and off or your horn honk.
I think Savannah’s more upset than she lets on about her marriage being over because Isaac didn’t want to stay. I also think she’s as lonely as Gloria, but Savannah does a good job pretending that she isn’t. Who wouldn’t miss somebody she’s been with for ten years? I’m her friend, which is why I’ve listened to her whine for years. It’s also why I suggested we try this whole yoga thing, since it’s supposed to have magical powers, which we could all use a little of.
“Anyway, have you ever loved a man whose outsides didn’t match his insides?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“When what you see is all you get.”
“It took you ten years to figure that out?”
“Eight. You and Gloria and Bernie know how long I’ve been complaining about my marriage.”
“You complain about everything, Savannah.”
“I beg to differ with you. Anyway, Isaac is only partially to blame. I think I just wanted him to make me feel like Cinder-fucking-rella and Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty and the Little fucking Mermaid.”
“I thought he did, or you wouldn’t have married him.”
“I meant like forever.”
“Don’t we all?”
“I tried to make him feel like he was my superhero and I still got flack for holding the bar too damn high. Anyway, a man can’t fill in all the blank spaces.”
“Aren’t you scare
d, Savannah?”
“Scared of what?”
“Starting all over. Being by yourself.”
“Scared is too strong a word. I’m not really worried about being by myself. I know it’s going to be different. And take some getting used to. I already miss him.”
“Well, that’s about the most honest thing I’ve heard you say.”
“It is not. And before you ask, there is not a chance in hell that we’ll get back together. Aren’t you scared?”
“My daughter and my dogs keep me company.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
“Okay. So I’m a little scared that once Sparrow graduates and leaves for college—and chances are it’ll be far away from Arizona—I’ll feel a little anxiety about the thought of being by myself and working at the same old job, doing the same old thing.”
“Then do something else.”
Now I roll my eyes at her. “Like what?”
“I don’t know, Robin. You more than anybody should know what you like.”
“Well, my company might be merging with a bigger one, so there might be some new opportunities.”
“I thought you’ve been bored working in insurance?”
“It’s a job. And the pay is good.”
“That’s the wrong answer. You should try that downward dog pose when you get home and think about what you’re hungry for.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Did you see my show on teenage pregnancy?”
“I Tivo’d it. I know it’s good. All your stories are usually pretty interesting.”
“Thanks, Robin. I might be doing one on gang wars.”
“I’d be extra careful with that one.”
“I don’t intend to indict them, I just want to show how killing each other over turf they don’t own or drugs doesn’t prove or solve anything, and how it’s become the leading cause of adolescent genocide. That’s all.”
“That’s all? Like I said, just be careful. Where are you parked, Savannah?”
“Under that lonely tree over there.”
“I have to hurry up.”
“Where are you rushing off to? Wait, don’t tell me. Macy’s or Nordstrom’s?”
“No. I have to get the dogs out of this heat. I will say this. After seeing what you and Bernie have been through—not to mention all the folks in Hollywood—it seems like the one thing that’s pretty much guaranteed when you get married these days is getting divorced. Let’s face it, I’ve never been good at picking good men.”
Getting to Happy Page 12
