“I don’t,” Gloria says.
“I can take it or leave it,” Bernadine says.
“I’ll tell you what you can do for me, Robin,” Gloria says, trying hard not to laugh. “Ask Lucille if she can ask somebody on the food committee if they can try not to be so stingy with it.”
“Tell me about it. Something besides that choke-me-to-death chicken breast, that tablespoon of rice and those two tiny-ass carrots, on top of that tasteless sponge cake with that white frosting,” Savannah says.
“Okay! I get it. Eat before you leave home. Damn,” Robin says. “It’s for a good cause so stop complaining.”
The screen is still frozen on the credits and no one is paying attention to them now.
“You’re entirely too cynical, Savannah, you know that?” Robin says. “And stop swearing so damn much.”
Savannah’s mouth is in the shape of an O. She doesn’t say a word because she knows Robin is probably right. “I’ll work on being sweeter.”
Gloria goes inside the house and comes back out with two blankets. She tosses one to Robin.
“No one has yet to answer my question. How’s everybody doing? For real,” says Savannah.
Everybody’s thinking how best to answer.
“I’m lonely and bored,” Robin says.
“I’m frustrated with myself,” Bernadine says.
“I miss my husband and I’m worried about my son and my grandkids,” Gloria says, pulling the blanket up to her shoulders. “What about you, Savannah?”
“I’m getting better. But I won’t lie. This is some hard shit to go through. I wish I was telepathic and could see how long it’s going to be before we’re all in high spirits again.”
“You and me both,” Bernadine says.
Gloria just nods.
Robin lets out a sigh, then finishes what’s left of her mojito.
“Doesn’t it seem like we’re always making adjustments to things we weren’t responsible for or had no control over?”
They look at her: dumb-ass question, Savannah.
“And I’ve been thinking.”
“Oh, hell,” Gloria says.
“Please don’t take half the night telling us,” Robin says.
“Hold up,” Bernadine interrupts. “First of all, the whole point of us getting together like this was meant to catch up, maybe give each other booster shots, and then watch the frigging movie. Otherwise, we could just watch it in the comfort of our own living rooms or curled up under our fluffy comforters. Right?”
Everybody nods their heads. True.
“I think we owe it to ourselves to start doing as much as we possibly can to make ourselves as happy as we possibly can for as long as we possibly can and to hell with all the bullshit that doesn’t.”
“Well, that’s quite a tall order, Oprah, so why don’t you tell us how in the hell we might do this?” Robin asks.
“Yeah, I’m way behind in my aha! moments,” Bernadine says.
“I don’t know. If I had the formula, don’t you think I’d be bottling the shit and selling it?”
“Good point,” Robin says. “I’m making more drinks, who wants another mojito?” She gets up without looking to see.
“Oh, never mind. Where’s the remote?” Savannah asks.
“It’s in your hand,” Gloria says. “I was listening, Savannah.”
She presses PLAY anyway.
“I was too,” Bernadine says. “I didn’t know Sandra Bullock was in this movie. I like her.”
“That fine-ass Terrence Howard is the one I’m waiting to see,” Robin says. “I hope there’s a nude scene in this one. I didn’t like him when he played that pimp. Remember, Savannah?”
She shakes her head because she doesn’t want to remember. “There’s bottled water in the cooler,” Savannah says. She’s clearly annoyed by their apathy, and wants to be taken seriously. She needs their help with this.
“Finish what you were saying, girl. You know I’m interested,” Bernadine says as she turns to give Savannah her full attention.
She hits the PAUSE button. “Look. We love each other like sisters, don’t we?”
The three women nod. Of course they do.
“And we know we’ve got each other’s back at all times, right?”
They nod again.
“Then why don’t we do something to try to help each other out?” Savannah says.
With their eyes, the three women are asking: Like what?
“I was reading somewhere that—”
“Hold it a minute,” Bernadine says. “If this is some kind of New Age stuff, forget it. It took us years to get Robin to stop faxing us our daily horoscopes.”
“Shut up. I read online somewhere—and never mind where—that sometimes we have to reinvent ourselves.”
“Okay,” Gloria says.
Robin makes a face at Bernadine and presses the START button on the blender. Savannah is getting on her nerves. She’s wondering what Sparrow is doing. And if she took out the trash.
“We’ve probably lived two thirds of our entire lives, which means if our life was a play, you could say this is our third act.”
“What about intermission?”
“Would you please be quiet, Robin!” Gloria says.
“Anyway,” Savannah continues, “sometimes we need somebody to just tell us what to do even though we already know it. What I’m saying is we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. Since we’re closer than family, why don’t we try to give each other one good piece of advice that might help us get stronger or whatever?”
“Savannah, you already do that,” Robin says.
“I don’t mean it like that, heffa. I mean, we all know some of the things we’ve been struggling with. Granted, some stuff we have to figure out how to deal with on our own. But there are a lot of other things we can offer each other, you know. Sound advice. Good suggestions. We weigh the pros and forget the cons. Then try whatever it is for thirty days or something. If we see some improvement we just keep doing it.”
“For example?” Bernadine asks.
Gloria’s thinking. She accidentally takes a sip of Robin’s drink. Turns up her nose. Then takes another one.
“Let’s start with me. What’s the one thing you know I’ve been wanting to do but haven’t been able to?”
“Lose weight,” Bernadine says.
Savannah gives her the finger.
“Get over Isaac,” Robin says.
“Getting over your ex-husband isn’t a goal, because the goal was accomplished when he became the ex. What do I whine about all the time?”
“Everything,” Robin says, and they all laugh, including Savannah.
“That you never do anything adventurous or interesting,” Robin says.
“Well, that’s about to change.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Gloria asks.
“Nothing. Strike that from the record.”
“Good. Curious minds don’t want to know tonight—whatever it is,” Robin says. “Here’s my advice to you, Savannah. Take a yoga class. Go visit your family in Pittsburgh. Get a puppy.”
“I’m not getting a puppy.”
“Do the story on gangs,” Gloria says.
Savannah points her index finger at Gloria. That’s a good one.
“Drop your guard,” Bernadine says. “Don’t end up like me.” She gives Savannah a little nudge with her shoulder.
“Do you guys realize how long we’ve been here and have yet to see five minutes of the movie? I’ve gotta be at work a little early tomorrow. There’s been a lot of talk about a big merger so we’re probably being prepped for it.”
“I can tell you what you complain about all the time, Robin,” Gloria says to her.
“My job, I know. And as soon as I figure out a way to quit, I’ll be on it.”
“Can I just tell her what I think she should do right now? Is that how we can play this game?” Gloria asks.
“This doesn’t feel like a game,” Bernadin
e says.
Gloria turns and looks directly at Robin. “I wish you would think about what else you get a charge out of doing so you can leave that job once and for all. You’ve been bored too long. I’d be willing to give you sixty days. How’s that for starters?”
“Wait! I’ve got one for you, too,” Savannah says. “I wish you would stop this scavenger hunt you’ve been on, trying to find a husband on the Internet, because you have yet to go on a decent date. At least give it a break. Try it for a month and see if you can handle the withdrawal.”
“You can take that one off my to-do list. I canceled my memberships. So there.”
“I’m on the same page as everybody else as far as you go, Ms. Birdie. Now, Gloria,” Bernadine says. “We all know you’ve put a few back on since Marvin went to Heaven but we don’t want to see you have another damn heart attack, okay?”
“I already know this,” Gloria says. “And you’re right. So I suppose this means I’m going to have to stop relying on Doritos for a kiss, gelato for a hug, sorbet for a really big hug and Jelly Bellies for sex, huh?”
Laughter. Hoots.
“As for you, Miss Bernadine,” Savannah says, turning to look at her. It’s obvious Bernadine is terrified she’s about to say something about the pills, but they’ve already talked about that. “We want a new restaurant, don’t we, ladies?” Savannah winks at Bernadine.
Gloria and Robin nod and nod and nod.
Bernadine looks relieved when she sees the smiles on her friends’ faces. “This is the real deal. I’ve got four years left on the lease for Sweet Tooth. My money is starting to get a little funny since I closed, so I’m working on what my next move should be.”
“Can’t you turn it into a different kind of restaurant?” Gloria asks.
“It’s a pretty good size,” Savannah says.
“And a good location,” Robin says.
“Let me tell you guys this and just get it over with. I don’t know if I have it in me to run another restaurant.”
“Who said you have to run it? Isn’t that why folks have employees?” Savannah says.
“It’s the reason why I stopped doing hair,” Gloria says. “I’m the overseer.”
“All you need to do is come up with some of those fancy-schmancy menus you were telling us all about and hire some of those kids fresh out of culinary school and just teach them how to prepare it,” Robin adds.
“Well put, Robin. It could be fun, Bernie. You could design it the hip way we talked about, remember?” Savannah says.
“Yeah, and think about having some live music, ’cause Lord knows we need somewhere to go,” Robin says.
“If you’re getting low on funds, Bernie, you know all you have to do is pick up the phone,” Gloria says.
“Ain’t that the truth,” Robin says.
“I’ve got access to a little loot if you need it,” Savannah says. “Take some time to think about this. But not too long.”
Bernadine is humbled. She can’t say a word.
“I wish I had some talent,” Robin says.
“Sometimes I would just like to smack you, Robin, you know that?” Savannah says.
“You and me both,” Gloria says. “What you need to do is be a personal shopper or clean out your closets and start one of those consignment stores.”
“I like the second one,” Bernadine says. “I’ve got years’ worth of stuff you can have to start your inventory.”
Savannah raises her hand to ditto that.
“Actually, I think that’s kind of a cool idea,” Robin says.
“Just for the record: your daughter is a testament to what a good mother you are,” Gloria says.
“She’s a spoiled brat, but it’s okay. She’s smarter than I ever was and she’s going to be a fantastic violinist one day. Did I tell you guys she called Russell?”
Everybody shakes their head no.
“Yep, she reached out to him. Wants to get to know his stupid ass after all these years.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Bernie asks.
“Nothing, I suppose. I just don’t want her to be badly influenced.”
“I doubt that,” Savannah says. “Russell thought he was Mac Daddy way back when but he’s not a bad guy when you get right down to it.”
“You’re going to have to learn how to share her,” Gloria says.
“Whatever.”
“Did you have a start date in mind for us, Lady Guru?” Gloria looks at Savannah.
“Shut up, Gloria. We’ve been friends a long time. I always thought friends tried to do things to make each others’ lives better. I know I run my mouth a lot and I’m an idealist, so you guys can tell me to go straight to hell if you want to. I’m just tired of us feeling like there’s no tomorrow.”
“Well, let’s not worry about any start dates tonight since it’s not a game,” Bernadine says. “Let’s start by taking baby steps and see if we notice each other’s progress. How’s that sound to everybody?”
Nods all around.
Savannah presses PLAY again.
From the television they hear Don Cheadle: “. . . in L.A. nobody touches you. . . always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just so we can feel something.”
This time, Bernadine grabs the remote and presses PAUSE. “Has anybody noticed what I haven’t mentioned this evening?”
“I thought my prayers had been answered,” Savannah says.
“We thought you were finally on the road to recovery,” Robin says.
“There’s nothing you can say that we haven’t already heard,” Gloria says. “We’re your friends, so say it.”
“Not even close. Well, maybe a little. You know what I’d love to see happen? “I would love it if every woman in America who’s ever been played, betrayed, deceived or hurt by their significant other staged a one-day moratorium—no, make it a whole week—no sex, no cooking, no laundry, no housecleaning, no nothing, just so they can see how valuable we are.”
“They still wouldn’t get it,” Robin says. “There are too many women out here willing to do just about anything to keep them. I should know, since I used to be one of them.”
“Can I say one more thing since we’re on the subject?” Savannah asks.
Gloria crosses her arms. “Do we have a choice?”
“Should I ever get an opportunity to stumble on another member of the opposite sex who rocks me even at this late stage in my life, I’m not jumping on the first train that pulls into my station. I don’t want another husband. I just want somebody to have dinner with a couple of times a month. Sex twice a month—three times would be better. Somebody to travel with. Go to a concert with. The movies. And maybe spend the night every once in a while. And then send his ass home. I’ll date until I’m dead.”
“Well, you won’t be dead before you go on your little blind date, I hope. Did you tell them about Jasper?” Bernadine asks.
“Who’s Jasper?” Gloria asks.
“He’s some guy my boss wants me to have coffee with in the very near future. I’m actually dreading it.”
“Is he white?” Gloria asks. “With a name like Jasper.”
“No, he’s black. He’s a surgeon. The kind that travels all over the world to help people who need it.”
“I’m thinking about crossing over,” Robin says.
“Crossing over what?” Gloria asks.
“The color line.”
“Really?”
“You guys have never considered it?”
They all pretty much shake their heads no.
“We’re stupid. Men will fuck anything, and here we are still holding on to blackness,” Robin says. “We can still be black and love whoever we want to. It’s about time we gave ourselves more options.”
“You’ve got a point,” Savannah says.
“They’re all the same,” Bernadine says.
“I’ve always loved black men,” Gloria says.
“Because
you had a good one,” Robin says. “Anyway, I’m thinking about going Asian. Maybe Japanese. You know that fine Watanabe guy who was in The Last Samurai with Tom Cruise?”
“He’s Japanese?” Savannah asks.
“Yes, Lord. And fine as he wants to be. He’s also tall.”
“I thought he was black. Just mixed with something.”
“Nope. He’s one hundred percent Japanese. I’d give him some in a heartbeat.”
“Not too many black men want old pussy, Robin. What makes you think a Japanese guy would want it?” Bernadine asks.
“ ’Cause I still know how to make it snap.”
Bernadine presses PLAY.
“Pause it, Bernie! You guys are gonna hear my joke, since the movie’s not going to start anytime this year.”
“Tell the doggone joke, Robin,” Gloria says. “And it better be funny.”
“Okay. You guys are gonna love this: Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely Caucasian, white baby boy.
“‘Congratulations,’ says the nurse to the new parents.
“‘Well, Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?’
“The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, ‘Well, two Wongs don’t make a white, so I think we will name him . . . Sum Ting Wong.’ ”
All three are laughing.
Robin is pleased. “See, I told you it was funny.”
“Thanks for sharing, you silly bitch,” Bernadine says.
“I think we should stop calling each other bitches. It just doesn’t sound right anymore,” Savannah says.
“I agree, bitch,” Robin says to her.
“Okay, maybe if we say it like that, because that was touching, Robin.”
“It was,” Gloria says, “but I don’t like that word or the N word or the F word either. I took them out of my vocabulary a long time ago. We can live without all of them.”
“Then let’s just agree not to refer to any woman—black or white or otherwise—this way. If we say it to each other with affection, we’ll take it as such?” Bernadine asks.
“That’ll work for me, bitch.” Robin giggles.
“You guys will always be my bitches,” Savannah says, keeling over. “What about ho?” Savannah asks.
“That one stays,” Robin says.
Getting to Happy Page 26
