But he’d seen the joy. He knew there was a chance for them.
“Simon,” she breathed, taking a long step back. “I—what are you—how—?”
He moved toward her a step, careful not to crowed her but wanting, needing, to be closer. “I apologize for the subterfuge.”
Her lips parted and she stared at the cottage again. “There was never any damage to the house, was there? Nothing missing?”
He shook his head. “No. I’ve been here for some time, arranging things, readying them. James wrote ahead to Grimble to encourage him to act as I asked him to. So don’t blame him for—”
“Lying?” she interrupted, folding her arms.
He nodded. “Lying is correct, I suppose.”
“And why go to such lengths?” she asked, her voice going softer. “Why not just ride up to the house and demand I see you? As my husband, you have that right.”
He wrinkled his brow. “Do you think that is my personality, Meg? To make demands on you? To force you to feel or do something you don’t wish to do?”
“Well, you created an elaborate lie to make me do something I don’t wish to do,” she retorted.
“See me?”
Her bottom lip trembled slightly and then she shook her head. “I will be honest where you will not. I-I am happy to see you. I am always happy to see you. But I’m also…also…angry. And hurt. And I don’t want to go around and around in circles with you anymore. We’ve played that game far too long.”
“It’s not a game,” he whispered.
She shook her head slowly. “Why are you here, Simon? Why follow me when you’ve made your intentions so very clear over the past month?”
He wanted so much to bend his head, to pull away from her anger. But he wouldn’t. Not ever again. With much difficulty, he moved toward her another step and reached for her hand. As he took it, she trembled, but she didn’t back away.
“I came here because I know I have made a mess of everything, Meg. You said I didn’t fight. Actually, so did Graham…so did James. And you are all correct. My nature is to do something else entirely. But when you left London, when it was clear you were surrendering in the battle for our future, I realized that losing you would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. I know I’m late, I know I’m maybe too late. But I’ve come here to fight, Meg. Fight for you.”
Her lips parted, and he could see how much those words meant to her. But she didn’t fall into his arms. She didn’t launch into a soliloquy of her love for him. Instead she gently removed her hand from his.
“I don’t know, Simon. I just don’t know,” she whispered.
He nodded. “And that’s fine. I know for both of us. I don’t ask you to forgive me right away. I don’t ask you to make me promises. But I’m asking you to let me try. Will you do that?”
She shifted her weight, but her gaze never left his. She was struggling with what he requested, afraid she would be hurt again. In that moment, she was so entirely beautiful that he couldn’t resist. He stepped in, closing the space between them.
He tucked a finger beneath her chin and tilted her mouth toward his. He brushed his lips against hers, reveling in the kiss he had been longing for since the day she walked out of the parlor. She opened to him with a little sigh and he gently took what she offered, working hard not to get swept away by passion because he needed to be levelheaded for his plans.
At last, he drew back, seeing her confusion and her need and her pain still merged together in her tortured expression.
“Please, Meg, let me try to be the man I should have been from the beginning.”
She let out a long sigh and then she nodded. “Very well.”
“Excellent!” he said, backing away from her with great difficulty and clapping his hands together. “Then remove that picnic bag from Star’s saddle and I’ll bind her to a post for the servants to collect her.”
Meg stared at him. “How do you know there’s a picnic bundle and that—” She cut herself off with a shake of her head. “Oh, I see. You’ve arranged everything.”
“I’ve tried.” He motioned her toward the horse. “Go on then.”
She actually smiled as she did as she was told. When she removed the saddlebag, she grunted. “Good Lord, there’s enough in here for days.”
“I hope so,” he said, guiding the horse to a post near the cottage and securing her there. “That was what I asked for.”
She met his eyes briefly. “How long am I to stay out here with you?”
“As long as you agree to,” he said with a shrug. “As long as you don’t run out of clothing, which will be delivered when they come to take the horse.”
“How many servants are in on your scheme?” she asked, shaking her head.
He grinned. “Not many. Grimble, obviously, and Fran. Plus whomever they involved. But this isn’t about anyone else but us.”
She turned her face away and he frowned. She wasn’t ready to believe him yet. And that was fine. He was ready to fight now. He was actually looking forward to it. It was the first thing that had felt right in his life for years.
He slung the saddlebag over his shoulder and reached for her hand. She focused on his outstretched fingers for a moment, and he could see her mind turning. But at last she took them. He squeezed gently and then guided her out onto the path and away from the cottage into the same woods they had roamed the afternoon both their lives had changed.
But that day wasn’t the only thing he wanted Meg to remember. They had shared many a day in these woods. Many a memory that he hoped would guide her back to him.
She was silent for a while as they walked, then she let out a breath like she’d been holding it for a while. “What do you want me to do?”
He stopped in the path and turned toward her. “Nothing. You’ve been doing everything for a long time. Let me do something now. Just…be open. That’s all I have to ask.”
Her lower lip trembled. “Why now?”
“I would tell you that it’s because I love you. That it’s because I’ve loved you for a decade. That it’s because the thought of losing you actually cuts away a piece of my heart.”
Tears swelled in her eyes, and he wanted so desperately to wipe them away or make some kind of joke to diminish their power, but he didn’t. It was time to show them. Time to show her everything that was in his heart, uncomfortable or not. Withholding himself from her had nearly made him lose her. Now he had to give her everything.
“But I’m not going to tell you that,” he continued. “Because right now my words are meaningless without something more behind them. So I’m going to show you how I feel, Meg. And I only hope that it’s going to be enough.”
Chapter Twenty
Simon sat on the ground, laying out food and drinks across the blanket that had been tucked into the saddlebag. He was very focused on the act, which gave her time to observe him.
When she’d ridden up to the cottage and he’d stepped out to greet her, every part of her heart and soul had screamed at her to launch herself into his arms.
But she hadn’t. And he hadn’t asked her to do so. He’d only asked for her open mind, and she was trying to give it. It was almost impossible when he did things like quietly and calmly declare his love for her, but then deny that she should decide her future only on his words.
It would be easy to do that, for those words were what she’d wanted to hear for so many years.
“Are you certain you don’t need help?” she asked, shifting on her feet as he set a fallen wine goblet upright for the third time.
“No, I can manage this,” he said, and smiled in triumph as the glass stayed in place at last. “Come join me.”
She laughed as she did so and settled onto the blanket. The spread was lovely, with cold chicken, fresh bread and enough cheese to satisfy even her. He prepared a plate for her and handed it over, along with a glass of wine, then made a plate for himself.
She smile
d at him. “You know what this reminds me of?”
His eyes lit up. “That picnic we all went on when you were, what…sixteen?”
She nodded. “James was so lost when he first inherited. I think it was the first time he laughed when he was duke.”
“He and Graham went to fish, didn’t they?” Simon asked.
She shivered as she thought of that long ago day. “And you and I were left alone.”
His own smile fell. “It was the first time we were alone since your engagement. I was trying to maintain a distance, but all I wanted to do was kiss you,” he whispered.
She shrugged. “I wanted you to kiss me, but I knew you wouldn’t.”
“I should have,” he said, scooting a little closer. Close enough that she felt the warmth of his skin, the brush of his breath against her cheek. “I should have thrown caution to the wind and kissed you right then and there. I should have told Graham and James that I wanted to marry you. I should have told you.”
“Why didn’t you?” she whispered, looking up at him, drawn in by all the passion she knew was between them but knowing that would never be enough to sustain their happiness. That had been proven already.
He reached out and dragged his fingertips across her jawline, letting his thumb trace her lower lip gently. “Honor,” he whispered.
She frowned. There was that word again. Honor had been the foundation of all the walls he put between them.
He continued, “I would have told you then that it was honor that stopped me. But that wasn’t it. Not really.”
Her eyes went wide at that admission. “What was it?”
“Fear,” he admitted, and it was clear how difficult that word was to say. She saw it in the darkening of his cheeks, in the way his eyes darted away. “It’s no excuse, but I spent my life trying to fit a mold, trying to please unpleasable parents. If I edged the wrong way, everything I wanted was withheld.”
She and Emma had discussed this, that Simon had not be raised to fight, but to please. And she understood his desire to make things right rather than to ask for what he wanted. “I do understand. I’ve seen the way your mother treats you even now. It wasn’t right to make you dance for your reward. Not when the reward was love.”
He cocked his head. “I never knew love until I met my friends. That was brotherhood and acceptance. And I was afraid to lose it. And honestly…” He trailed off and then shook his head. “Bloody hell, this is difficult to say.”
She took his hands and squeezed gently. “Just say it.”
He nodded. “What if I risked it, Meg? What if I had leaned in and kissed you and told you everything in my heart? And then you’d…hated me for it. And they’d hated me for it. I was terrified I’d lose everything that I held dear and end up alone again.”
She flinched. “So you didn’t try.”
“No,” he said with a sigh. “I didn’t try. It was cowardly of me.”
She watched him carefully, his drawn face, his torn expression. She had always loved Simon for his ability to make light of difficult situations. For the way he acted as peacemaker when it was needed. In truth, that made then very alike.
So alike that neither of them had tried for more, even when they both desperately wanted it. Wanted each other.
She pushed to her feet and smiled down at him. “Come.”
He wrinkled his brow. “You don’t want to eat?”
“After.”
“After what?” he asked, his tone wary as he got to his feet.
She laughed. “It is one of the last warm days in the fall and that lake will soon be too cold to swim in. I always wanted to do it, but was discouraged once I was a young woman. Not appropriate, they said.”
His eyes went wide. “You want to swim in the lake with me.”
She nodded, then turned her back to him. “Unfasten me, will you?”
There was a beat of hesitation, then she felt his hands sliding across her shoulders, to the buttons along the back of her habit. When he’d loosened her, she shed it, along with the plain shift dress beneath, leaving her in only her chemise. When she turned, he’d already stripped out of his shirt and unfastened his trousers, which now slung low on defined hips.
He smiled at her. “Having second thoughts?”
She thought on that question. It felt like it contained more power to it than just a teasing question about going into the lake. She held out her hand and shook her head. “No.”
He laughed as he kicked out of his trousers and she caught her breath at the sight of him, naked. It had been several days since the last time she saw him like this. Made love to him. Now all she could do was stare and marvel at his physical perfection. All that muscle, all that taut skin stretching across it. God, he was perfect.
When she bit her lip, his cock hardened and she jerked her gaze to his face to find him staring at her expectantly. “Swim or something else?” he asked, teasing and seductive all at once.
She slipped her chemise off so she was as naked as he was, and reveled in the way his pupils dilated with need. Her breath short, she moved closer and brushed her lips against his neck. “Both.”
He chuckled low in his throat, then surprised her by sweeping her into his arms and carrying her into the water. He tossed her in and she squealed in pleasure as she hit the cool water and submerged. When she paddled to the surface, he was waiting for her, already wet, his hair slicked back from where he’d dunked himself.
She splashed him as she laughed and he dove in her direction. She backstroked away just as swiftly, kicking as she laughed in a way she hadn’t allowed herself to do for years.
“Little minx,” he sputtered as she hit him square in the face with a wave of water. He lunged and caught her ankle, dragging her toward him.
She wrapped her arms around his neck as he flattened her to his chest, and suddenly her laughter faded. So did his. They bobbed together, her wet breasts pressing against his chest, his cock making itself known in the space between their bodies.
“I missed you,” he whispered.
She smiled. “I’ve been here all along.”
He shook his head. “But I haven’t. I admit that. All those years, we became such good friends, and I loved that. But I also pushed you further and further away because I knew you’d be taken from me. It became a habit to distance myself.”
“To protect yourself,” she suggested softly.
“Yes, I suppose so. And since we wed, I’ve done it even more. Out of some sense of guilt and disappointment in myself. But also out of fear that you would stop loving me. That I would let you down if you got too close. And I’ve missed my best friend.”
“Graham?” she murmured, her heart throbbing at all these things he said and admitted.
He cupped her chin. “My best friend was always you.”
He kissed her, his wet lips claiming hers, his tongue taking deeply and completely. She shuddered against him, her nails digging into his broad shoulders as he caught her legs and wrapped then around his waist in the water.
“And now I want to do things to you that are not something friends do,” he murmured, his voice rough.
She shifted and felt his cock pressed at her entrance. “Like this?” she asked as she slid lower and took him inside of her on smooth thrust.
He rested his forehead on hers. “Oh yes, most definitely that.”
Their panting breaths merged as they rocked their hips together. The slick slide of him, the water sloshing around them, the way his hips rubbed against her pelvis, stimulating her clitoris, it was all perfect. She lifted into him, kissing him deeply as the pleasure built and built and finally she spasmed out her pleasure.
He followed swiftly after, groaning out her name as he pumped his release deep inside of her. He kept her in his arms, their bodies intertwined as he carried her through the water, still kissing. Her legs were still locked around him as he exited the lake.
He set her on the blanket careful
ly and then moved the food so none would spill before he took a place beside her, laying on his back, both still utterly naked. The afternoon sun warmed her wet flesh as she stared up at him.
“I can only imagine the reaction if we’d done that at that picnic all those years ago.” She said with a laugh.
He didn’t join her in her laughter. “Life certainly would have been very different if I’d taken that chance.” He glanced at the water. “Well, perhaps not that one. But the chance to say something then.”
She sat up and kissed him. “Come on, I’m hungry. Let’s eat, yes?”
He nodded and they dove into the food before them, but she could see he was still troubled by all the talk about the past. And in truth, so was she. For there was more to discuss before they could move on to what the future held for them.
Meg was smiling as she and Simon approached the caretaker cottage together hours after their passionate encounter in the lake. He smiled, too, though he knew he had a long way to go still to earn Meg back. He’d made headway, of course. She had opened herself to him, allowed him in as they talked as well as when they made love, but he knew her hesitance remained.
He opened the door and they were met with warmth and delicious scents. The servants had done as he’d asked—a fire now burned in the hearth and a fresh basket of food was set on the table. She laughed as she looked at him. “Did you hire sprites to do these things and then disappear?”
He shrugged. “If I told you all my secrets, I would no longer be mysterious and you’d bore of me. Now, why don’t you go into the bedroom? If my sprites have done as they were asked, then you should have a bath waiting for you.”
Her eyes went wide. “You arranged for a bath for me?”
He nodded. “I didn’t expect we’d take a dunk in the lake together, but I thought it might be nice after a day out and about in the woods.”
She eased up closer, staring up at him with those dark eyes he was forever lost in. “And will you be joining me, Your Grace?”
He swallowed hard. “There is nothing I’d like more, but I have a few things to prepare.”
Her Favorite Duke Page 19
