by Tia Siren
“What’s your point?” I asked.
“My point is the more time you spend with her, the more times you let her over to your house, and you do all you do, you’re setting yourself up for a shitty future. And, I’m serious. I’m not listening to you groan and complain about her, again. We’re past that.”
“She’s always been on my mind ever since she left,” I told him. “Just because I stopped talking about her didn’t mean she wasn’t right there in my brain. You don’t think I noticed how much it annoyed you? I stopped once I saw that I was bugging you.”
“I thought you told me more than once that you were finally over her,” he said.
“I thought I was,” I replied. “Every time we talk—every time we do anything together—it just reminds me how good it used to be. I really loved her. I thought she was going to be the one. We’d have gotten a house here in town with lots of acres surrounding us. We’d have good paying jobs.”
“Ugh,” said Garrett. “Forget the past! Think about this: Here, in the present, she’s got a popular song playing on the radio, which means she’ll be making a music video, promoting herself. She needs to focus on her career, and you know that.”
“I never said she shouldn’t be trying to better her career,” I said.
“She’s going to stay for you,” he said. “She’s vulnerable as hell. She’s lost her dad, has to figure out what to do with his house, and you’re helping fill her voids. No pun intended.”
“I’m not taking advantage of her,” I said defensively.
“I’m not saying you are,” he replied. “But, maybe y’all are both getting carried away. You guys need like an intervention.”
“We need to figure out what we want,” I said. “She and I. If we want to be together, we should discuss it. If she doesn’t want to be with me, we either have to stop sleeping together and go ‘full friend,’ or we have to go back to pretending the other doesn’t exist. I either need a future with her or closure from her, one or the other.”
“That’s quite a fine line,” said Garrett. “Take the great sex out of the last few days. Would you still want to be with her?”
“My feelings have nothing to do with our sex,” I said. “My feelings transcend into our sex and makes it exponentially better.”
“Wow.”
“I want to be happy, Garrett,” I told him. “I need to figure out what I want to do. My gut isn’t telling me. And, I can’t just listen to my heart or my head.”
“Man, this chick must know magic or something,” said Garrett. “How does anyone make a man talk the way you’re talking? It’s nuts.”
“Let me ask you something,” I said nervously. “And be completely honest with me. Don’t hold anything back.”
“Shoot,” he said amused.
“Do you think—if I went up to Memphis and wanted it—do you think I could make a career out of music?”
Garrett seemed pleased to hear my question.
“Well?” I asked.
“You’ve been out of it for a while, homie,” he said.
“I know, but if I got my shit together, and got back to playing every day?”
“Bro, I think you can do anything you want to do,” he told me. “I think if you wanted to go to the big city, be with Bailey, be a songwriting duo and form a group together, you could do that tomorrow. Or, if you just wanted to go and be by yourself, play some nice songs to get the girls wet, be a star on your own, I think you could do that, too. Or, you could stay here and keep working for Mel’s A/C, which you’re really good at, too.”
I was really flattered by his words, but I couldn’t bear to show too much emotion. We’re guys, so we don’t wear our feelings on our sleeves that often.
“But dude, you know what’s coming,” he added. “She isn’t going to stay here in Rome, not even for you. Rome is happy to have you, but it won’t be offended if you want to go somewhere else. People travel; learn more about who they are. Shit, you know, if you wanted to go get a place somewhere, but keep your house here in case that shit didn’t work out? Bro, I can come by once a week, water your plants, make sure the place hasn’t burned down. You’ve got options, man.”
Even with as much thought as I’d been putting into my situation, those ideas hadn’t all occurred to me. I felt hopeful for the first time in days.
“I’ll even help you move if you want,” he finished.
“You’ll always be my brother, man,” I said to him.
“Same here, Darren,” he replied.
Garrett and I finished up our shift, and we drove over to Bart’s. We wanted to grab a beer together and talk for a bit before I returned back to my house to likely see Bailey.
“I’ve been writing some lately,” I told him.
“Yeah?” he said, ears perking. “No shit?”
“First time in over a year, dude,” I said proudly. “The words were coming to me so quickly, so naturally and organically, you know? It hadn’t felt that good to write in years.”
“Can I take a guess as to your inspiration?” he asked. “Is it about me and my rugged good looks? Or is it about the girl you used to write music for?”
I rolled my eyes, sipping my beer.
“I know almost exactly how the actual music should sound, but I haven’t played my keyboard or guitar in so long. I noticed a layer of dust on my guitar recently, and it bummed me out all day. And the weird part was that I didn’t just go and wipe the dust off to make me feel better or take better care of my instruments. But, I’ve neglected music, and I’ve ignored a lot of what I love because so much of what I love reminds me of Bailey. And, it’s hard enough as it is to live life without her in it.”
“Why don’t you want to move to Memphis?” Garrett asked.
It wasn’t the first time Garrett had asked that question. My response was usually some variation of, “Rome is my home, and I like my home,” or “I don’t mind city life, but I prefer it here.”
“I don’t know,” I answered him.
“So, what are you still doing here?”
“Look, the best way I can describe it is this,” I began. “I know I’m happy living here, with the job I have, the house I have, car, everything. I know I can live life content the way I have it right now. But, if I moved to Memphis, tried it out there, I could fail. I could lose a lot of money and have a job I don’t like, working with people I don’t like. I get to work alongside my best friend. I get to live where I grew up, and I get to go to the places I like. I like it here!”
Garrett slapped me on the shoulder. “You could fail anywhere. What if Mel had to sell his business, and then we lost our jobs? What if we couldn’t find another job, and then we lost our homes?”
“We could get another job in town,” I said. “We know like half the people here.”
“Maybe, maybe,” he said and nodded. “Although, some people put up and most shut up. Who’s to say someone could help us find a job?”
“So, what are you recommending I do?” I asked.
“I recommend you stop neglecting your gut, and start trusting your instincts again.”
The notion was simple in theory but difficult to execute. I had been trying to get back to exactly how I once was for a long time—when I trusted my instincts. It is extremely difficult to do.
All I knew was that I wanted to be with Bailey Wright, and I needed to figure out a way for us to finally be happy together.
Chapter 18
Bailey
I woke up in Darren’s bed to find that Darren had been replaced with Bo. Bo stirred once I began to wake up, scooting over to let me cuddle with him.
“You are such a sweet boy,” I mumbled to Bo, prompting him to lunge up and shower me with kisses.
We cuddled together in bed for quite some time, which was the most personal time I’d shared with an animal in a long time. I felt like Bo and I were really connecting, and I was thrilled that he liked me.
I texted Darren to see if Bo needed to be taken outside to
go to the bathroom. Darren replied by saying, “Already took care of that, thank you missy ☺.”
I stretched out of bed, followed by Bo. I went through Darren’s kitchen looking for breakfast while Bo munched on his that Darren must’ve given him before he left. I kept trying to access the Internet on my phone, but despite having a clear phone signal, the phone did not want to cooperate with the web.
I walked around his house, registering everything he had and where he had it. I recognized some things from back in the day: some trinkets and toys; some basketball cards that he’d collected; movies that we’d watched together, and so much more. I sat by his bookshelf for nearly a half hour just browsing through his vast library and seeing what kind of stuff he’d read since I had lived in Rome. I’d often browsed through his books whenever I would hang out at his place. I borrowed many books from the Darren Holt Private Library, and often they were never returned.
I played with his guitar and keyboard for a while, making random noise with no direction. Bo followed me around from room to room while I killed time and continued looking at things around Darren’s house.
I was getting frustrated with my phone’s data, so I turned to Darren’s computer. I considered texting him and asking if it was okay to use it, but I knew he would tell me yes.
I touched the mouse, and his screen came back to life. I went onto his internet browser, checked my social media, my email, and the news.
Just as I was closing the window, I noticed something. Among the sea of thumbnails he had all across his desktop, there was one file that stood out: BW.
Darren hadn’t called me “BW” in over a decade, but my curiosity was getting the best of me. I clicked on the icon, and I was greeted by an assortment of things.
There were pages of documents, music files, and several photo folders. I felt like I’d been hit over the head. I didn’t know what to do or where to start. I knew that the right thing to do was close BW and continue minding my own business.
However, I gave in to temptation. I didn’t go through his writing because it felt too personal. Even I have boundaries. I didn’t look through his music or videos. The pictures, on the other hand, were calling to me. I clicked the folder and got sent back to times I hadn’t thought about in years.
The pictures appeared in correct chronology, with the first series of pictures showing the two of us as kids. Many of the pictures of us younger also had my dad in them, which was still difficult to see since I was still sad about his death.
There were gaps during later grade school and junior high, but high school contained many memories. It wasn’t always clear what he and I, and sometimes other friends as well, were doing in the various photos, but what was clear was that we were happy. Every photo of us together showed euphoria and painted a fond picture.
Once I’d gotten past the time period when I’d moved away, there were only a few remaining pictures. Some of them were of me in interviews about my music. Some were of me on a magazine photo shoot I’d done about a year prior. There were even some pictures of just Darren and my dad together.
The pictures were at three different places. Some were of them at a football game together. I couldn’t tell, but it looked like Garrett was there, too. A few were of them at a bar together. It was tough to discern with the lighting, but it looked like the place and booth Darren had taken me to before. A significant number of their photos together were taken right when Darren had purchased his house. I wondered if my dad helped Darren in any way when he was getting the place set up. I could see my dad offering to help.
I looked away from the computer, seeing Bo lying down next to me. He was giving me an inquisitive look, never breaking his puppy dog stare. The more he looked at me, the guiltier I felt about intruding on Darren’s privacy.
“I know, I’m a horrible person, Bo,” I said to Darren’s dog. “Believe it or not, I am ashamed. I know that isn’t stopping me from snooping, but I don’t feel good about this. I’m weak, okay?”
I continued peering into things that carried my name, but it was hard for me to register any of it. I could feel Bo’s piercing eyes without having to look.
“You’re not angry. You’re just disappointed,” I said to Bo. “Way to make me feel like shit, dog. You’re better trained than I thought.”
I stepped away from Darren’s computer, kneeling down to pet Bo, who wrapped his paws around me and licked my hands.
“Good, you don’t hate me,” I said. “Do you think we could keep this low point between the two of us? I don’t want to keep secrets from Darren, but I’m feeling kind of weird lately.”
He looked up at me, panting adorably.
“You don’t have to worry about much, do you buddy?” I said while rubbing his ears. “Darren takes good care of you. And, you take good care of him. You’re both lucky to have each other.”
Bo subtly whimpered, leaning up to lick my face again.
I decided to change out of my sleep attire and get dressed for a jog. I hadn’t exercised much since I’d returned to Georgia, so I wanted to spend some time while I had it to give my body some needed fitness. Throughout the morning, Bo continued to follow me from room to room. He would try to play and get my full attention constantly, and it was making me fall in love with him.
I got to the door, and Bo sat down beside me, looking up at me hopefully.
“I should text Darren to see if this is okay,” I said while looking at my phone. “But, I don’t think he’ll mind. Besides, I don’t want to be away from this cute little face at all. You’re my new best friend. You’re coming out. We’re going for a walk, you and me.”
I clipped on a leash hanging near the door onto Bo’s collar, and we exited Darren’s house.
I was familiar with the area, but I wanted to take it slow at first. I’d missed seeing some spots in town. We crossed the old bridge down by the river that used to be part of an old railroad track. We walked past many stores and shops that I’d gone in and out of over the years; simultaneously enjoying that most of it looked the same, and regretting that no one in town had taken the initiative to switch things around or redecorate.
Thankfully, Bo wanted to go at my pace. Occasionally, if I wanted a break, we’d stop to let a nearby child pet him. Bo was shy around them, but very friendly.
After we’d walked at least three miles, I got a call from Leah.
“Hey!” I bellowed into the phone.
“Yo,” laughed Leah. “What are you doing right now?”
“I’m out walking with Bo,” I told her. “Darren’s golden retriever.”
“Ah,” she said.
“What’s up with you this morning?” I asked.
“I’m kind of wondering what your plans are on coming back,” she answered. “I’m starting to get a little nervous that you’re not coming back.”
“Trust me, that’s not something to be afraid of,” I assured her. “This is just a break. I promise I’m not losing sight of things.”
“Well, that’s good to hear!” said Leah. “So, can I expect you today or tomorrow?”
“Dude, I’m not coming back like right now,” I said.
There was silence for a few moments.
“Hello?” I said.
“I’m here, I’m just nervous that you’re not coming back,” she repeated. “Are you coming back this week?”
“Leah, I don’t know.”
“I highly suggest you come home this week,” she pushed. “Get back here before you maybe miss out on something. We need to make a decision on whether we’re signing that deal or not.”
Strangely, it had taken me several seconds to realize what she was talking about.
“I won’t be here for much longer,” I said.
“We can’t let another whole week go by, Bailey,” she said. “How about Wednesday?”
“How about until Friday?” I asked.
“Bailey!”
“Look, Leah, after this trip, I don’t ever plan on coming back to Rome, Geor
gia ever again,” I told her assertively. “Darren is the only part of this town that I’ll sorely miss. But, he’s not coming to Memphis. He won’t give Tennessee a shot, no matter how incredible these last few days have been.
“My point is: I’m getting closure. I have to do this my way because I swear to God, I ain’t coming back here ever again once I get on that plane. And, I need more time to think about all this, Leah. I like these studio guys, and the producers made amazing, tempting offers. But, I’m not in my right mind right now, you know? I need time.”
“Bailey.”
I began to cry. I couldn’t bear to look at Bo.
“I know I have to go back, and I don’t want to leave Darren,” I sobbed. “I know I have to, and I’ll do it once I’m ready. But, I’m not ready. But, I will be. I promise. I swear. I’m not a crazy person.”
“You’re fine,” said Leah. “Boy, how good is that sex? Invite me along one of these nights.” She laughed.
“Leah!”
“You have until Friday to get your fine ass back here in Memphis,” she conceded. “They’re getting a little impatient, so we can’t tease them for much longer. I do think if I agreed to Wednesday like they want, but then, cancel a little before and say you’ve got matters about your dad you have to settle, and you have to reschedule for Friday.”
“I trust you in however you want to bullshit them.” I chuckled.
“And hey,” she added. “When you do get on that plane, you make sure you bring your heart back with you, intact. You can’t leave any of it behind in Rome if you mean it when you say you’re never going back. Make the break clean, darling.”
Chapter 19
Darren
I got back to my house just as the sun had finished setting. I wasn’t sure whether Bo still had company, or if I was only going to be greeted by my canine companion.
Sure enough, as I unlocked and opened my front door, I was greeted by many things. I was hit by the enticing smell of sensational food. Bo jumped at me, giving me love and horseplay. Bailey was in the kitchen, over the stove, finishing up a meal that she’d cooked for me. It appeared, at first, that she was only wearing one of my shirts and nothing else. But the shorts she had on underneath the shirt were so short that they may as well have been nonexistent.
