by Tia Siren
“Maybe that’s when I could have brought up Nashville,” I said. “Nashville might’ve been a gamble, but I would’ve put all my chips on it. It fits enough of both of our needs plenty, and it is prettier than Memphis. Yeah, Nashville should’ve been brought up in a few days if he was still here.”
“So, since we have to skip bargaining, we hit directly into depression,” said Leah. “It’s not going to be fun, and it’ll emotionally wreck you. But that’s a phase, just like all the other phases. After depression fades away, you end it all with—”
“Acceptance,” I finished. “In theory, once you clear the first four it’s easy to jump the last ledge. I think acceptance might be the hardest one of those to go through for some people.”
“But Darren’s really gone, huh?”
“Yeah, he is. And that’ll likely be the last time I ever see him.”
Leah snorted. I looked at her perplexed. She grinned widely, pursing her lips.
“I’m not a psychic, but I think you’ll probably return to Rome at some point,” she said. “Call it a hunch.”
“You’re wrong, I’m not ever going back,” I said firmly.
“You’re telling me there’s absolutely no reason you would ever want—”
“To set foot in Rome, Georgia again,” I finished. “Yes.”
She raised her eyebrows at me. “Maybe we’re not at depression yet. Sounds like you might still be a little angry.”
“I am angry.”
“Then, let it out! What are you mad about?”
“I’m mad about a lot.”
I looked around, trying to draw inspiration. I didn’t often express my anger, so it was difficult to get into the groove.
“Okay, here’s something that makes me mad when I think about it,” I said. “Did I ever tell you all about when Darren didn’t go with me to Tennessee the first time? I don’t think I did.”
“You said that he likes Rome and doesn’t like big cities,” said Leah. “Got it.”
“No, I’m talking about when Darren and I both were given a golden opportunity in Memphis, and he threw it away.”
“Maybe you didn’t tell me about that.”
“First of all, Darren knew that someday I was going to leave Rome and aspire to better things,” I said. “I told him from eighth grade on about how I was going to move somewhere like Colorado, or northern California, or Orlando. He knew I had dreams, and he knew I was serious about them.
“I had been actively trying to get spotted for years in north Georgia and Atlanta. It didn’t matter what I was singing. It mattered if I was considered hot or not. So, I chose Nashville. But, I looked into it, saw it was too pricey, and I chose Memphis.
“It just so happened that as I was planning the move in my head, and preparing to tell Darren about it, I was contacted by a well-known agency that wanted to represent us. They have a lot of fucking pull. I would jump at the chance now, and it was waved in front of me over six years ago.”
“Holy fuck flips!” said Leah. “Who was it? CAA? United Talent?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” I said. “But, the deal came with certain stipulations. The agent that was interested in me was also interested in Darren. He didn’t think we could make it as solo artists, but he envisioned shows similar to ones that Darren and I made together for fun growing up.”
“He wanted you guys together as a dual act?” Leah asked dumbfounded.
“Yeah, he’d seen videos of Darren and I singing and performing together online, and he wanted to sign us both based on the way we’d done an act together.”
“You and he had a deal on the table from a respected agency,” she surmised.
“Right, and he said no,” I told her. “So, I told the agency that we were thrilled and wanted to sign with them right away.”
“Oh,” said Leah, still dumbfounded.
“Yeah, I told them we were both interested, even after Darren had explicitly told me no, and he didn’t want to do it.”
“How would that have worked out?”
“I was hoping that if he’d had a little more time, maybe he’d warm up to the idea and sign the forms with me,” I told her. “But he was livid that I made such a decision like that for him against his wishes without him being present.”
“Yeah, that’s kind of fucked up,” said Leah.
“I couldn’t believe he was saying no to being signed to an agency,” I said, remembering how surreal it felt.
“I’m livid with him for ruining that opportunity for you!” she exclaimed. “I can’t believe that! Why?”
“My dad thought maybe Darren was afraid of success.” I chuckled. “I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s an interesting theory.”
“So, what happened after you told the agency he was down and then he didn’t show up? It didn’t reflect poorly on you in any way, did it?”
“That’s exactly what it did,” I replied. “We were both considered unprofessional, and the agent most interested in us was embarrassed for having come to the bat for us a lot during negotiations. Yeah, that definitely was a setback in my career.”
“Wow, I cannot believe that,” she said still in disbelief.
“He knew how badly I wanted a career in music,” I said through tears. “He played songs with me for years. He posted videos of us online People saw us and wanted to give us an opportunity that almost never comes along.”
Leah scooted closer to me, rubbing my back empathetically.
“Something amazing is going to come along,” she said. “I promise. Don’t be sad over that shit with the agency. That was over six years ago! Don’t be upset over things you can’t change. Focus on what’s ahead of you.”
Suddenly, my mind began to turn inside out, and I started imagining things from a different perspective.
“You were right, you know,” said Leah. “It was a good idea not to sign the contract. I’ve thought about it more, and I’m totally onboard. Let me be your manager!”
A sly grin formed on my face. “On second thought, let’s not write them off yet.”
Just when I thought Leah couldn’t be any more flabbergasted, she proved me wrong.
“Uh?”
“I want Monday’s meeting to happen,” I proclaimed. “I changed my mind. I want to talk to the producers, and I want to sign their contract.”
Chapter 29
Darren
I’d considered keeping the week off from work and chilling. Monday morning came and went, and my boredom could barely be contained. Bo was sleeping the day away, and there was nothing good on TV.
I refused to be left alone with my thoughts, so I chose to surprise everyone at Mel’s A/C and show up ready for work.
Garrett was the most surprised to see me. We gave each other a bro-hug, followed by us standing there quietly, happy to see each other.
“So, what the hell are you doing back so soon?” Garrett asked me. “She have to go out on tour?”
“No, I think we’re done.”
“Beg your pardon?” he asked.
“You were right all along,” I said. “It was stupid of me to go to Memphis—for a huge number of reasons.”
“Oh, no,” he said. “Trouble in paradise?”
“There’s no paradise, Garrett,” I told him. “We both knew what it was. Old friends with heavy sexual tension reconnected after years of forced separation.”
“What happened?”
“Honestly, dude, I don’t know if I could tell you,” I said sincerely. “I was telling her that I wasn’t insanely crazy about Memphis in the day or so I’d been there. She freaked out and told me she wanted me to leave. So, I left.”
“Hmm,” he hummed. “Help me load and install this A/C unit. Clock in. We’ll talk in the car.”
We each moved and lifted an enormous air-conditioning unit into one of the company vans. We strapped it in, ensured that we had all the loose parts kept nearby, and got on the road.
We didn’t get to talk like
we wanted to while driving and working, but it was still a fun day for me. I loved lifting heavy things and moving them places, and I loved the feeling of completion whenever I finished a tricky installation.
Garrett and I worked an hour past close. My boss was happy I was there with all the work that had come in that day. By the time we were done, we were ready to go drinking. Garrett suggested going over to Chelsea’s for beers, but it was still rather unreal to me. The last time we went to Chelsea’s was the last time we saw Wayne Wright alive.
“We can’t let Wayne’s memory affect where we go to drink,” said Garrett. “Plus, there are tons of babes there tonight. Let’s get something going!”
“I’m down to go to Chelsea’s, and I’m down to talk more,” I said. “I’m not down to chase pussy tonight. Sorry, man.”
“Chasing pussy might be a sport you should play to get your mind off Baileyball! Baileyball: The game where nobody wins, and both the players look like nincompoops.”
“Thank you, Garrett,” I said rolling my eyes. “I’m down to drink. I’m down to play pool. But I’m laying off the girls tonight. I’ll help you get laid if you want, though.”
“Spare me your pity, mongrel,” he said, kicking me lightly in the shins.
We got to Chelsea’s, and to our surprise, there was barely anyone in the place, drinking or otherwise. The only attractive women there were some of the waitresses, and we both knew several of them by name. Garrett had been rejected by all but one of them.
We sat at a booth near the pool table and a TV showing a hockey game.
“I’ll get us a pitcher of beer,” Garrett said, immediately standing back up. “Anything particular you want?”
“I’m good with whatever, man.”
Garrett went over to the bar, and he came back with a pitcher of golden beer and two shots of Jäger.
After we downed our shots, we nursed on our beers. We were watching the hockey game, even though neither of us knew how to follow hockey.
“So, how were things going before your fight?” he asked me.
“Good, I think. We didn’t do much of the city together. When we got there, we were both exhausted. We went and looked at some places together, had some nice food and had some fantastic sex.”
“Nice.” He grinned.
“Then, I went out into the city for a bit while she was taking care of business,” I said. “I wasn’t too crazy about it. I’ll be totally honest with you. Like I said, you were right. Memphis ain’t for me.”
“Memphis isn’t for a lot of people if we’re being real,” said Garrett. “You’re just not one for the city, bud. Maybe you and Bailey could move to Berkeley, California. Music is what runs the town. You’re sort of in a big city, but not really. You’re by beaches and buildings, but you’re by a lot of nature.”
“Wow. You’ve put more thought into my future than I have.”
“No one’s stopping you,” he said grinning. “Imagine the future. What do you want it to be like?”
“I want to be happy. I want to have another dog, and maybe even a cat. They all have to get along with Bo. We’re in the country, but we have a movie theater and two Starbucks.’”
Garrett chuckled knowingly. “Kind of like how it is here.”
“I’m sure there are lots of cities like Rome somewhere else in the country,” I said. “If I go searching for it, maybe I’ll find it. I might be able to travel the country if Bailey decides to go on tour. We could go to Ireland”
“See, look at you, ya’ dreamer!” said Garrett. “So, you understand that you have to go.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you shouldn’t stay in Rome for much longer, right? You know there’s something better out there. You’ve been putting this off long enough.”
“What the hell are you smoking, mate?” I asked him.
“You have more talent, more skill, and more ability than anyone else in this little ol’ town in the corner of Georgia,” he said to me. “You shouldn’t stay here. You have no reason to stay here.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I asked, hurt and insulted.
“Look, we’re brothers, you and me. We might not be bonded by blood, but we’re brothers.”
“Hell yeah, we are,” I agreed wholeheartedly.
“But, we can still talk if you don’t live here in town with me,” he said. “We have cell phones, computers, and video games. Our friendship isn’t going anywhere.”
“Why does everyone in my life want me to leave my house and my job that I’m really happy with?”
“I wouldn’t exactly say you’re ‘really happy’ with those things,” he challenged. “I’d say you’re content with those things. I might say you enjoy those things. I’m not saying you think badly of or want out of those things. But, maybe it isn’t about feeling bad. Could you honestly say that you’re fulfilled by those things?”
I wanted to answer his question honestly, but I couldn’t do it. Instead, I chugged the rest of my beer and stood up to take my leave.
“What are you doing?” he wondered.
“I’m going home,” I answered. “I’m going back to the house that I live in. The house I could easily die in someday. And, I will be satisfied with the roof over my head.”
I headed out the door. Garrett ran up from our seats and chased me out the exit.
“Darren!” he beckoned.
“I have no reason to be here, so let’s just leave ourselves alone,” I said.
I unlocked my car doors and leaned against the car, testing myself to deduce how tipsy I was and if I should drive.
“Come on, don’t blow me off, man,” said Garrett. “You’re my brother. I’m just looking out for you.”
“I understand that, and I appreciate it, but I don’t need it,” I said. “And if I pursued a career in music, I wouldn’t actually make it. You know it. I know it. Bailey probably definitely knows it. There’s no reason to feed my fantasies. I know where I belong, just as many others in this town know they belong.”
“You’re better than here, man,” he emphasized. “Your ego and self-esteem are injured, but you’re being way too modest. You were an incredible performer back in high school and right after. It really bummed me out that you didn’t chase the dream. I was a little bummed out that you didn’t go with Bailey back in the day. I was so sure you were going to do that.”
I was unable to process his touching words. Instead of thinking about it, I did what I frequently do, and chose to ignore it.
“It’s not too late, Darren. Go back to Memphis and plan out your future with that girl. We both know you two are going to end up together.”
I felt incredibly confident as I found the energy to segue from the outside of my car to the inside of my car.
“That’s the thing, Garrett,” I told him. “She and I aren’t going to end up together. I know it for a fact. If I were a bettin’ man, I’d be willing to bet my house on it!”
Chapter 30
Bailey
Leah and I got dressed at her place in preparation for the meeting we were having with the music producers.
Leah was being difficult with me. I ended up having to dress and put makeup on by myself since my supposed best friend was busy doubting me the entire time. I was wearing tight jeans, a loose blouse, my hair was up, and I was ready to go.
“Is there really no way that I can talk you out of this decision?” she asked me.
“I don’t think so! I think we’re getting signed to a record label, baby!”
“How about you at least put the decision on hold before you make a decision that could totally and irrevocably change your life in ways that could haunt you forever.”
“What?”
“I don’t know, Bailey! Record labels can really fuck people over. You know this.”
“You can try to sway me from my path, but it isn’t gonna work,” I said with sass.
“You’re making a very big and important decision while bein
g very upset,” she said. “I’d rather risk them never calling us again. I’ll tell them to wait another few days. We can make something up. Or shit, I can just say you’re bummed thinking about your dad! What do you think?”
“I don’t want to use my dad to get out of a business meeting.”
“That’s commendable,” said Leah. “I’m not sure I’d have the same restraint if it were my dad that died.”
“I’m not waiting for things to happen anymore,” I told her. “I’m making them happen. A major recording label is willing to sign me. I have no idea when something else like that will come along again. Do I have to wait another six years?”
Leah put her arms on my shoulders, giving me a look of empathy like I’d never seen before.
“I swear on my mother’s life—and I love my mom—you are not going to have to wait another six years for an opportunity like this to come again. I promise you won’t even have to wait a single, whole year. There are a lot of interested eyes peering in your direction, wondering what steps you’re going to take next.”
A single tear dropped down my face. Leah wiped it up lovingly with her thumb.
“Don’t make a decision like this just to prove a point. Don’t try to somehow get back at him, or something. Really, don’t sign a musical contract for any other reason other than it’s going to help your music.”
I took Leah’s hands and held them in mine. I was sniffing, trying to hold back the building tears.
“I am upset, and I am freaking out about all of this still,” I admitted. “But, I think this is the right thing to do. I have to do what’s best for me, right? I think this is what’s best for me. I think. I hope. I might not ever get another song on the radio again.”
“Don’t make your decision based on what you’re afraid of,” said Leah. “Listen to your instincts. Don’t walk through those doors until you know for sure what you’re going to do.”
“I’m not going to know what I’m doing until after.”
“No, no you’re not,” she interrupted. “If they sense any sort of vulnerability, they’ll pounce on it and use it against you. Being confident is imortant. And, if you can’t be confident, appear confident.”
