by Tia Siren
“It’s okay,” I said, a bit braver this time. “You don’t need to hold yourself back from me.”
“That’s the thing, though,” Bastian said. “I do have to keep myself back from you. I’m not a good man, Joanna. I’m really not good. I’m a piece of shit like the rest of the male population you’ve encountered.”
I shook my head at him gently because I had no idea where his lack of confidence in himself came from. His ex-wife, I imagined. The both of us had suffered through some shitty relationships in the past that had left significant damage on our souls. None of that mattered now, though, standing next to the steamy pool. I didn’t want to think about Sid or those pictures. I didn’t want to think about what I was going to do tomorrow once this fantasy was over.
“I know shitty men, Bastian. You aren’t one of them.”
Bastian’s lips curled up at that. “Your ex is a special breed of shit, Joanna. I’m just not capable of a relationship. I can’t do it.”
“I’m not asking for a relationship,” I insisted. It was the last thing I was thinking about. “You’re the one putting a label on something. It hasn’t occurred to you that I’m an adult. Maybe I’m capable of having casual relationships, too.”
“Maybe,” he said. “I’m just—”
“Don’t be so noble,” I said, a smile gracing my lips. “You’ve already done enough to prove that you’re a good man to me. I think I can afford a slip in judgement. Just this once.”
“Just this once?”
He took a step closer then. I wetted my tingling lips with the tip of my tongue, watching as Bastian’s eyes fixated there.
“This once,” I managed to say. “I promise. Just this once we can cross that line together.”
Goose bumps erupted over my skin when Bastian’s hands skimmed along the curve of my waist before grabbing the string of my bikini bottoms. He tugged me forward with a muttered curse word under his breath. Our lips collided in a passionate kiss that sent my senses reeling in every possible direction.
I poured every inch of myself into that kiss as our tongues tangled together in a battle of dominance that Bastian easily won. His hands cupped the sides of my neck to tilt my head back and deepen our kiss even more. He consumed me in every sense as I dragged my fingers through his hair to pull him even closer, not caring that my bathing suit was still wet. The fabric of his shirt felt starchy against me as I reached for the buttons to rid him of it.
We stumbled backward against a patio table. It crashed to the ground loudly as Bastian backed us up with a growl. His hands roamed every inch of me hungrily, smoothing along the backs of my thighs to grab my ass cheeks firmly. Cold glass pressed up against my back when he pinned me to the window behind me. The contrast of hot and cold nearly did me in as I squirmed up against him. My fingers finally reached the last button of his shirt.
Bastian stepped back to toss his shirt away from his body. I took in his bare and sculpted chest with a breathy sigh of appreciation. I reached out to drag my nails lightly down his chest. A hiss of arousal left Bastian’s lips as he watched me through hooded eyes.
His fingers reached for the back of my bikini top to tug on the string there. He paused briefly to look at me for silent permission. I gave him a nod before the damp fabric loosened around my neck and back. It felt to the floor with a wet plop. Fiery trails erupted over my bare breasts as Bastian took a step back to look at me. I resisted the urge to cover up as he gazed at me long and hard with desire.
“Beautiful,” he murmured and reached out then to cup my breasts in his hands. “You’re beautiful, Joanna. So fucking beautiful.”
I squirmed in pleasure as he replaced one of his hands with his hot mouth and sucked feverishly at my skin and nipple. Breathy whimpers escaped my lips. Wetness pooled between my legs while I ached to be touched there. The lust between us skyrocketed as Bastian tugged my bikini bottom down past my thighs. I kicked it away and stood in front of him completely naked.
I was rendered motionless when he reached between my legs to drag a finger through the wetness there. He circled the bundle of nerves that twitched with longing. Every inch of me felt taut with tension when he cupped me with a throaty growl. I needed this. I needed him.
My fingers trembled when I reached forward to undo the button and zipper of Bastian’s pants. A hot and hard cock immediately greeted my fingers when I reached in to grasp him. A violent shudder shot through Bastian’s body, and his hips jerked forward into my hand.
“Joanna,” he said in a strangled voice, “I won’t last long if you do that.”
Pleasure steadily built in me underneath Bastian’s skilled and artful fingers. They were rubbing me in all the right ways. Sweat poured down my back against the cold glass as the temperature in the pool room felt close to a hundred degrees, not a pleasant eighty-five degrees.
“I can’t last with you doing this to me, either,” I whimpered, squirming against his hand. “Please, Bastian. Please.”
A hiss of breath went through Bastian’s clenched teeth as he kicked out of his pants to stand naked. My stomach twisted with lust at the masculine image in front of me—a physically fit man who was visibly aroused and ready to pounce.
His hands grabbed the backs of my knees to lift me up against him. My skin smeared across the glass as I wrapped my legs around his waist. His strong arms held me there in the perfect position with the tip of his erection nudging me intimately.
“Birth control?” he asked.
“Pills,” I whispered, clutching his broad shoulders. “Please, Bastian. Do it.”
A cry tore past my throat at the feeling of him ramming into me in one thrust. Pleasure exploded through me. I distantly heard Bastian’s own cry of pleasure as he ground up against me. The sensation of him sliding in and out of me smoothly with the cold glass against my sweaty back only enhanced the growing feeling in my stomach. I gazed up at Bastian through the haze of passion that clouded my mind. His cheeks were flushed with the effort to keep control of himself. A vein throbbed in his temples. He was teetering on the edge of a seismic orgasm like I was each time he pounded into me hard.
His fingers dug into my waist while he threw his head back. “Fuck, Joanna. This feels too good. I can’t last.”
“Me neither,” I said as a tingling sensation started up my legs. Desperation filled me then. “Bastian.”
His eyes opened to mirror his own desperation for a release. His hips rolled hard against me before he increased the frequency of his thrusts.
“I know, Jo. Just let go.”
I screamed as my peak burst over me. My fingers dug into Bastian’s shoulders, and I rode it out with blood roaring in my ears. Bastian slammed into me one last time before I felt his erection twitch and empty hotly inside me. He let out a breathy groan of relief against the crook of my neck.
Bastian slipped out of me before lowering me from the window. The warm stone felt strange beneath my bare feet as I planted myself on the floor to regain my composure. Neither one of us moved for a long time, with Bastian resting his head against the cold glass above my shoulder.
Shit. I had been prepared for amazing sex, but not earth-shattering sex. A swirl of emotions went through me then. We had resisted for so long, and now that we had crossed that line, I had no idea what to expect. Shame flooded me as Bastian lifted his head to gaze down at me with an indescribable expression.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I blinked at the surprising question but didn’t know how to answer it. My emotions were swirling around inside me at a high frequency. I didn’t know what to make of anything.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Are you okay?”
Bastian’s lips twitched at the question as he took a step back from me. He reached down to gather his clothes and get dressed. I followed his movement as well, but I wrapped a towel around me instead while I waited for him to say something. Anything to get rid of this awkward air.
“I have to get back to my office,” Bastian said, bu
ttoning up his shirt. “If you’re hungry later on, don’t hesitate to call in something.”
I nodded mutely because tears were prickling the backs of my eyes. Bastian left the pool house quickly, as I expected him to do. Neither one of us were prepared for how it felt to be so close to one another.
“Shit,” I muttered shakily. “Shit, shit, shit.”
Things were going to be different now. I knew that without a doubt as I sat down on the edge of the patio lawn chair. Having sex with Bastian had been mind-blowing, but I certainly hadn’t expected to feel so much with him. I had a feeling that Bastian hadn’t expected the same feeling, either.
Now what? The question echoed in my mind as I fiddled with my towel. I didn’t know what was going to happen between us, but I had a feeling that things were going to change. Drastically.
Chapter 17
Bastian
I fucked Joanna Lind.
The statement replayed in the back of my mind as I scrolled through an email sent by Ashton regarding a few other investments I might be interested in. No matter how much I had tried to tell myself to walk away from her, to not fall into temptation because of my own fucked-up issues, I had caved in.
It had been worth it, though. I felt sated in the best way possible, even if I felt guilty as hell for letting myself go there. I actually felt proud of myself for holding out so long after arriving in Park City and that mouth-watering striptease I had stopped Joanna from continuing with.
I got up from my office chair to head downstairs for another cup of coffee this morning. Joanna had taken up residence in the living room as her own personal office, but she wasn’t seated at her usual spot near the fireplace when I came down the stairs. Her guest room door was wide open, but there was no sign of her inside. Her phone and purse were still on the bedside table.
Marcie was sweeping up the kitchen floor when I walked in. She smiled up at me warmly as she paused.
“Morning, Mr. Burke,” she said. “I imagine you’re looking for your secretary?”
“Maybe,” I said. I reached for the full coffee pot to pour myself a cup. “Do you know where she is?”
“She said she wanted to walk the back field,” Marcie said. “Don’t ask me why she thought it would be a good idea. She bundled herself up pretty good, so I imagine it’s going to be a long walk.”
I glanced at the kitchen window in bafflement to see footprints in the snow along the backside of the house that headed in the direction of the forest. I turned to look back at Marcie, who continued sweeping.
“Did she say why she was going for a walk?” I asked.
“Something about needing to clear her head of a few things,” Marcie said, frowning. “I tried to tell her that it wouldn’t be a good idea to go out there. Wolves are coming in, looking for food, but she said she would be fine.”
“How long has she been gone?” I asked, glancing up at the clock. “There’s a storm coming in again. Once it snows, it snows.”
Marcie looked up at the clock as well with a frown. “Maybe a few hours. Two at the most.”
I nodded mutely in Marcie’s direction because I didn’t trust my voice at the moment. Anger tore through me as I jogged upstairs to get changed. Venturing out into the wild and cold did not sound like a clearing-the-head type of walk. It sounded like a subconscious death wish to me.
I knew without a doubt that we needed to talk about what had happened the day before. It couldn’t happen again. Even if I kept thinking about, fantasizing even more about other things, I didn’t want to risk harming Joanna’s already fragile emotional state. I was no different than Sid, besides physically harming another being because I felt angry or was insecure with myself.
Dressed in thick clothes, I grabbed my father’s old rifle from the gun cabinet in my office. I loaded a clip in before hurrying down the stairs to rush out the front door. The snowmobile I kept in the barn for traveling around the property during the wintertime fired up immediately when I turned the ignition. I slid the strap of my rifle across my shoulder so that it rested safely on my back but would be easy enough to pull forward in case I needed to take aim.
I cranked hard on the throttle and darted out across the snow in the direction of Joanna’s footprints. The evergreen pines were covered in snow as I maneuvered through the patch of forest with one eye trained on Joanna’s footprints as they moved farther into the woods.
“Where the fuck are you going?” I asked, shaking my head in disbelief
I finally spotted Joanna’s petite frame struggling through a patch of snow that was nearly hip deep. She twisted around in visible surprise to find me pulling up behind her on the snowmobile. Despite being bundled up in a snowsuit and a thick hat, I could see the blue tint to her lips. Snow clung to her eyelashes as well.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I barked down at her, stopping the snowmobile next to a tree.
Sliding down in the cold snow, I trudged my way through the thick snow and patch of trees to where she was struggling to walk. I paused at the edge of an embankment she had slid down.
“I wanted to go for a walk,” she said, her eyes settling on the gun strapped to my chest. “I thought I was going back in the direction of the house.”
“You’re going farther into the forest, not in the direction of the house.”
“I am?” Joanna twisted about in the snow to fully face me with a frown. “I thought—”
“You thought wrong,” I snapped and crouched down to offer a gloved hand. “Get out of there. Do you realize that you’re asking for death right now?”
She took my hand gingerly. “How am I asking for death out here?”
“There’s a damn blizzard coming and you’re wandering around in the forest, trying to clear your head, with no sense of direction.”
I pulled her up the embankment with a bit of effort because of her thick snowsuit and boots. Once she stood in front of me, I resisted the urge to kiss her passionately to warm her cold lips up.
“Not to mention wolves,” I said. “They come down in the wintertime around here to look for food. Hence the reason why I don’t keep livestock here during the wintertime.”
Joanna’s eyes visibly widened at that. She glanced over her shoulder and then at the surrounding trees and snowy ground.
“I didn’t realize any of that,” she said. “I thought I was going in the right direction. Why did you come out here?”
“To find you,” I replied, shaking my head at her in irritation. “This was the last thing I wanted to do today, you know? Come out here to find you walking around here like your head is cut off.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your morning.”
The sound of wolves howling in the distance cut my response short. I grabbed ahold of Joanna’s gloved hand to pull her hurriedly in the direction of the snowmobile.
“We need to get out of here,” I said. “There are wolves hunting us right now. They were probably tracking you through the snow, too.”
Joanna’s hands were trembling as she grabbed ahold the back of my jacket once we had climbed onto the snowmobile. She cautiously adjusted the rifle strapped to my back so that she could smoosh up against me while I turned the snowmobile back on. We flew through a sea of parting snow back in the direction of the mansion. The howling of wolves grew distant as I sped through the trees to go back up the slope of my property.
I didn’t slow down until we were parked inside the barn. I motioned for Joanna to follow me back into the mansion. It wasn’t until I stepped onto the porch that I saw the pack of wolves sniffing along the fence line of my property.
“That’s why you don’t go wandering around the forest,” I told Joanna, a bit harsher than I had intended it. “You understand that those wolves were following you? You were an afternoon meal to them.”
“I didn’t think—”
“Yes, you didn’t think!” I burst out and turned to look at Joanna standing motionlessly on the front porch. “That’s my point. You di
dn’t think about a damn thing when you went out there. It’s like you have a weird death wish sometimes. I don’t get what the problem is.”
“I don’t have a problem,” Joanna said, tears welling up in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Bastian. I don’t know what else to say.”
I sighed as I pushed the front door open. “Just don’t do something like that again, okay?” I’d rather not be picking up your limbs off my property.”
“I know.”
“And I need to talk to you about what happened yesterday,” I said, catching Joanna’s eyes as she shuffled inside to unzip her snowsuit. “Meet me in my office in a few minutes. I’m going to get my stuff and put the gun back.”
She nodded while I slipped out of my boots to head upstairs. The heat from the fireplace rolled over me as I walked past the living room. I unzipped the thick layers away from me to toss them back into my closet. I walked back down the hallway to where Joanna was already waiting for me inside my office. Her eyes immediately went to the rifle I held in my hand. Nerves flashed there, so to ease them, I pulled out the clip to set it in the gun safe. I closed it, spun the dial, and turned to look at Joanna.
“What is going on inside your head?” I asked, shaking my head at her. “It’s hard to understand you sometimes.”
Her eyes narrowed a bit. “Speak for yourself, Bastian. I have no idea what’s going on in your head most of the time, or what you even want from me.”
Uncomfortable with the conversation turning back on me, I made a point of walking over to my desk to straighten a few papers there. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I had to do something to save her from having another broken heart. The thought of even committing myself to a relationship terrified me.
“I think you are the most beautiful woman on this planet,” I said. I noticed the doubt creeping into her eyes. “I’m being one hundred percent serious with you. I firmly believe that you are one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met in my entire life. You’re too good for me, Joanna. What happened yesterday—”
