Rick nodded and Cole proceeded to do exactly what he’d said. He put on his own helmet and sat on the bike, then looked behind himself at Rick. He could see his mate was hesitant, but it didn’t stop him from sitting behind Cole. Rick shifted around a bit, and hesitant hands landed on Cole’s waist.
Cole smiled and reached for said hands, pulling them until Rick was hugging him from behind. “Hold on tight to my waist and just follow the bike as it moves.”
Cole turned the bike on and felt Rick’s arms tense around his waist. He waited, but Rick didn’t ask to get off, so Cole put the bike into gear and headed for the road that started a few feet away from the alpha’s house.
Cole kept a slow pace until they got to a bigger road, but by then Rick had relaxed. “Can I accelerate a bit?”
“Yes.”
So he did. He felt Rick tense again, then immediately relax. His heart stuttered when Rick started humming, and Cole would’ve given anything to be able to see his mate’s face in that moment. “You like it?” he asked over the wind.
“Yes!”
It had only been a little over a week, but Cole had missed this. He’d missed the wind in his face, the freedom riding his bike gave him, and he was happy to find out Rick liked it as much as he did.
He rode for a bit, no direction or place in mind, at least until he spotted the ice-cream parlor. Cole stopped in front of it, but Rick didn’t seem to want to get off the bike and was still hugging him. “Rick? Do you want to go home?”
Cole felt Rick shake his head. “Okay. Is there a reason you don’t want to climb down?”
“I’ve n-n-never been h-h-here.”
“In this ice-cream parlor?”
“I-I-In Gillham.”
Realization washed through Cole. “You mean you never left pack territory?”
Rick nodded.
“Ever?”
Another nod.
“Okay.” Cole was surprised, to say the least, but when he thought about it, it made sense. Erskine had kept Rick under his thumb until his death, and he’d still been mostly on his own even after Kameron became the alpha. Rick didn’t have friends, he probably couldn’t drive, and while the town wasn’t far, it still was a bit too far to walk the distance. “Do you want to go?”
“Y-y-you’re going to s-s-stay with me, r-r-right?”
“Of course.”
Cole felt Rick climb down off the bike. He didn’t move away from it and kept Cole within reaching distance even as he took the helmet off and finger-combed his hair so that it fell in front of his face. It was something he’d mostly stopped doing when he was with Cole, but Cole didn’t ask why he was doing it now. It was a shield, and Rick was in a situation he’d never encountered before.
Cole locked both helmets away and extended his hand to Rick. Rick took it and peeked at Cole from behind his hair. His ice-blue eyes always took Cole’s breath away, and he leaned over without thinking about it. He kissed Rick’s forehead, remembering to be careful only after he’d done it, but Rick didn’t look like he minded.
Cole tugged him along into the parlor and stopped in front of the display. “Which flavor do you want, pup?”
Rick shrugged and Cole knew he wouldn’t talk while they were in public. He obviously wasn’t feeling as comfortable as he was in pack territory, and Cole couldn’t blame him. He leaned toward Rick. “Do you prefer fruit flavors or cream?”
“F-f-fruit.”
“You trust me to choose for you?” Rick nodded. “Okay.”
Cole turned to the girl behind the display and decided to go with classic flavors for Rick. “Can I have a cone with strawberry, lemon and vanilla, please?”
The girl got busy and soon Rick had his cone in hand. Cole leaned toward him while the girl took care of his own chocolate-vanilla-caramel cone. “You’ll have to tell me which flavors you prefer for next time.”
Rick shrugged again and Cole put a finger under his chin to tilt his face up. “I’m serious.”
“I d-d-don’t know. It’s m-m-my first i-i-ice-cream.”
“That’s fine. It just means you’ll have to try other flavors next time.”
The beaming smile he got before the girl distracted him was worth all the ice-cream in the world.
Chapter Five
Rick’s therapy was going well, and it felt... weird.
His life had changed so much he still wasn’t used to it. Summer was over and autumn had settled in. He almost didn’t stutter anymore, at least when he was with people he knew he could trust and when he wasn’t nervous. But put him in a room full of people he didn’t know and it came back full force. Not that he’d actually done that. He wasn’t crazy—he’d never been all that sociable anyway. It hadn’t been his fault, but he was used to being on his own and he didn’t think that would change anytime soon.
He still lived in the alpha’s house, as did Cole. But their house—their house—was well on the way to be finished. It wasn’t big by any means, but then with only the two of them, it didn’t need to be. Rick still felt weird and bewildered when he thought about it. Cole had insisted that he participate, from the project planning to the actual building. Not physically, but he’d asked Rick’s opinion on every single detail. That made it really their house. Even if they still weren’t a couple. Not exactly anyway.
“Rick?”
Rick looked sideways at the kitchen door and nodded at Gentry. “Hello.”
“What are you cooking? It smells good.”
“It’s Cole’s 1-1-lunch. I want to surprise him.”
“That’s nice. How are you doing?”
Rick still saw Gentry once a week, but the man always asked how he was when they saw each other, even if it wasn’t as doctor and patient. It made Rick a little wary, but he knew Gentry did it only because he really wanted to know how Rick was. He was still tiptoeing around Rick, just like most of the pack, although Gentry did it for another reason. He thought about Rick’s well-being, while the rest of the pack...
They still looked at him as if he was the bad guy, which he guessed he’d been, once. He made for a crappy bad guy, but people didn’t see that. When they looked at him they saw the man who’d stood with Erskine when he disciplined those he thought deserved it. They saw the man who hadn’t stopped him, who had spent his evenings with the inner circle. They didn’t really believe it had been just a façade, and Rick couldn’t blame them.
He wished they’d get over it, though, because he’d had enough of people suddenly remembering they had other places to be when they saw him.
“Rick?”
Rick was yanked out of his thoughts by Gentry’s hand on his arm. He stared at it and waited for the fear and need to move to come, but while they did come, they weren’t overwhelming. Gentry seemed to realize it because he smiled and squeezed Rick’s arm before letting go and stepping away. “Sorry. You seemed to be miles away.”
“I was lost in my t-t-thoughts. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. So, how are you doing?”
“Fine.”
“Here you are.”
Rick and Gentry turned to look at the new arrival. Rick smirked when he saw Gentry’s cheeks go just a tiny bit pink at the sight of Nick. The beta was leaning against the kitchen door frame, his arms crossed on his chest.
“You were looking for me?” Gentry asked.
Rick returned to his fried chicken to give them at least a bit of privacy, but they didn’t even notice him. Gentry had just about forgotten he’d been talking to Rick, but Rick didn’t mind. He was happy that the man had found love, or something similar anyway, especially after losing his mate.
He watched as Gentry walked toward Nick and slid his arms around the beta’s waist. Nick leaned down and pressed a kiss to Gentry’s lips, and a pang of envy ran through Rick. He knew he could have what they had. He could have the love, the kisses and the gentle touches if he wanted them. And he did want them. He was just too scared, still.
&n
bsp; Not of Cole or of his touch. Rick had gotten used to that over the two months since he’d met Cole. Cole always made sure that Rick was comfortable with what he was doing, almost to the point that he didn’t touch Rick much. Rick knew he could—and should—initiate touch, but something stopped him. Fear.
The fear of being rejected—no matter what Cole had said, he still hadn’t made a move toward Rick. He acted friendly, but stopped there. Kisses only on the cheeks or the forehead, holding hands too infrequently, and Rick couldn’t help but wonder if Cole really wanted him. Wouldn’t he show it more if it was the case? Wouldn’t he have tried to at least kiss Rick on the lips? To touch him?
No matter how many times Rick told himself that Cole was just giving him time, there was always that small doubt lingering in his mind.
Then there was a much more normal fear, one that had nothing to do with Rick’s past. He was a virgin. He hadn’t even kissed anyone, and it terrified him. What if he wasn’t good at it? At kissing, at the other... stuff Cole surely would want to do sooner or later?
“Umm, I’ll leave you to it, then,” Gentry said.
Rick looked at Gentry again, at the way his lips were just a bit swollen and reddened, at how Nick’s arm was still around his waist, and he wanted that. It wasn’t only the physical stuff, no. He wanted Cole to look at him like Nick was looking at Gentry right now, his eyes all soft and loving. He wanted Cole to stroke his thumb on Rick’s skin without even realizing he was doing it, like Nick was doing. He wanted that easy intimacy, but he was also scared of it, of opening himself that way.
“Okay. See you t-t-tonight for dinner?”
“Of course.”
They left Rick alone with his chicken and his potato salad, and more importantly, his thoughts.
The physical aspect would be easy to solve. Rick hadn’t looked yet, but he knew how to use the internet. It still felt somewhat like a bad thing, though. He knew it wasn’t, really he did, but Erskine had repeated that homosexuality wasn’t natural enough times over the years for Rick to feel reluctant. Still, he knew he wanted this.
He quickly finished cooking the chicken and put the potatoes in the fridge. He also readied the basket he’d use to bring Cole the meal. Cole was working on their home today, just like every other day. He was doing so much for Rick, and it still left Rick surprised and shocked, but also so very grateful.
He stuffed napkins and forks in the basket, washed the pans he’d used, and hurried to his room. Zach had gifted him a laptop and had showed him how to use it, and Rick was going to make good use of it. He sat on his bed and turned it on, then quickly opened the internet browser.
He hesitated, but decided he had nothing to lose by researching this. No one would beat him up if they found out, no one would tell him it was wrong or disgusting. It might embarrass him if someone did find out, but he’d get over it.
Rick typed gay sex in the search bar and launched the search. There were so many results he didn’t know where to start, so he just clicked on the first link. A page opened and a video started playing. His eyes went wide and he tilted his head to the side as he tried to understand how the two guys on the screen could actually fit together in the position they were in.
He quickly clicked back to the preceding page and chose another link. Another video opened and Rick was almost scared of what he’d see. He knew he should have gone back to the search right away when one of the guys started hitting the other. He could see they were probably enjoying it, and it really was only spanking, but it was the last thing he wanted to see and try.
Rick was scared to open any of the other links the search had brought up. He knew he could find the information he was looking for there, but it would take a better understanding of how the search thing actually worked.
He put the laptop next to his hip and plopped back on the bed. He still wanted the information, but it was obvious he was going to have to ask someone. One would think it wouldn’t be hard with the number of same-sex couples in the pack, but Rick really couldn’t see himself asking Kameron how gay sex worked.
Maybe Zach? No, he was the alpha mate and would tell Kameron. Nick was out because he was the beta, and Rick didn’t know him all that well anyway. He actually didn’t talk with many people, and it made it a bit hard to choose one. Gentry was out too, because Rick didn’t want to mix this with his therapy, and he just knew it would happen if he asked Gentry.
Duncan. Rick wasn’t that close to him, but Duncan was the one Rick had talked with the most besides Cole. He didn’t feel all that comfortable thinking about asking him this, but he was the only one Rick knew would tell him what he wanted to know without making it too awkward. Now wasn’t the moment, though. He had to get to Cole for their impromptu picnic.
* * * *
Cole swiped the sweat from his forehead with his arm and put his hammer down to take a drink. The weather was a lot cooler than when they’d started building the house, but Cole had been working since morning. It was more than enough to make him sweat.
At least the house was on its way to being finished. The outside was already done and they were taking care of the last things inside—painting the walls, putting the last touches to the tiles in the bathrooms, things like that. Cole was pretty sure they’d be able to move in within the end of the month, and he felt more settled just by knowing that.
He was grateful to Kameron and Zach for letting him stay in their house, but he was itching for his own. It was weird, since Cole had pretty much been a nomad for more than fifteen years, but maybe the fact that he’d found his mate was pushing him to put his bags down and stay in one place.
Scratch the maybe.
Cole knew it was Rick. He’d never thought about it like that, but maybe his bear had been so keen on traveling because it was searching for their mate, and now that they’d found him, they could settle down.
Cole’s cell phone started ringing. He took the opportunity to take a break and headed outside. He took a deep breath of cool autumn air before taking his phone from his pocket. He scowled at the screen when he saw who was calling, but he knew that if he didn’t answer Carter would call back until he did. The man was getting more and more desperate as the days passed.
“What do you want?”
“You know what I want.”
“And you know I won’t give it to you.”
“Cole—”
“No, Carter. My mother left you more than you were entitled to have and you know it. She’d been married only a year to your father, and you’re not her son. I don’t care how or why you’re already penniless, but I won’t help you. Stop calling me.”
He didn’t wait for Carter to answer and hung up. Cole had had enough of those calls and wondered if he could somehow block Carter from calling him. Probably not. Even if he did manage to block the number he was using at the moment, how long would it take him to get another one? Maybe Cole should just stop answering the phone.
“Hey.”
Cole looked up as Rick neared the house. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, pup.”
“Something w-w-wrong with the house?”
“No, not the house. Carter called again.”
Cole had told Rick about his rickety family—if he could even call it that—and about Carter’s money problems, so his mate knew exactly what Carter had called for.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“What a-about the house?”
“It’s nearly finished. We should be able to move in by the end of the month.” Cole watched Rick’s expression carefully. His mate never talked about what he thought or what he felt, and Cole still wasn’t sure Rick was really okay with moving in with him. He seemed content enough to stay in the alpha’s house, but always asked about how the house construction was going.
“That’s good. We s-s-should start to pack then.”
Cole smiled at the we. Maybe they should just talk or something, instead o
f keep on wondering. “Yeah. Not that I have a lot to pack.”
“Me either.”
“We should go furniture shopping, though.”
Rick was still uncomfortable out of pack territory, but they both knew he had to push himself at least a bit. He’d made huge progress with his speech and even with letting other people touch him, even if it was only a hand on the shoulder or a pat on the back. The only person he let close enough to kiss was Cole, though, and while Cole kept the kisses light and nowhere near the mouth, he gave Rick plenty of them.
“Okay. You just t-t-tell me when.”
“Perfect. Now come here, pup. I feel like we’ve been apart for so long.” Cole opened his arms and Rick put the basket he’d been holding down.
“It’s only been a f-few hours,” he pointed out with laughter in his voice.
“Exactly. Way too long.”
Cole pressed a kiss to Rick’s silky hair and let him go. To his surprise Rick didn’t move right away but instead stayed right where he was, arms looped around Cole’s waist. He tilted his face up and Cole couldn’t resist. He tucked the strand of hair that was still in front of Rick’s left eye behind his ear and let his fingertips linger on the smooth skin he’d uncovered.
“K-k-kiss me?”
Cole smiled and kissed his mate’s forehead, but when he leaned back Rick shook his head. “I mean, a r-r-real kiss. Between m-m-mates.”
Cole cupped Rick’s face with one hand and slid the other around him. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m not scared of y-y-you. I like you. You’re m-m-my mate.” With that, Rick closed his eyes and waited.
Cole stroked the corner of Rick’s mouth with his thumb and slowly leaned forward. He gave Rick all the time he needed to move away, to change his mind, but he didn’t. Cole slid his thumb away just before he feathered a kiss over his mate’s lips. He kept the touch light, his body stiff as he waited for Rick to push him away, but the rejection never came. Cole’s heart lightened and he kissed Rick again, this time a bit harder.
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