by J. R Fox
Gabriel swallowed thickly. He was beginning to get the impression that Dean was a lot more emotionally invested in this arrangement than he was, and it made him feel inexplicably guilty.
Soulbonding wasn't about love, it was about loyalty. The point was to motivate both parties to keep the other alive, because their death would be devastating, both emotionally and physically. That was what made it perfect for forging alliances, and that was also what made it so rare. A marriage with no divorce option wasn't ideal for most people.
Gabriel expected to find companionship and the chance to have a family of his own with more security than his parents had. Dean seemed to expect a lover, and Gabriel wasn't sure he could give him that.
Dean seemed sweet and everything, but this wasn't a love match.
“I feel very appreciated,” Gabriel said after perhaps too long a pause. He leaned over and kissed Dean's cheek. Perhaps he should at least give himself a chance to fall for the strange, spoiled wolf he’d been given to. It couldn't hurt to try.
Chapter Two
“So…” Dean started as he laid beside Gabriel the morning after their soulbonding. It turned out that Gabriel hadn’t been kidding about going into heat practically immediately, and it had also turned out that instinct was more than enough to make up for lack of experience.
“Well, I’m not in heat anymore, so I assume I’m pregnant. Or will be soon. I’m not entirely clear about how that works.” Gabriel sighed and laid a hand on his still perfectly flat stomach.
“Well that’s… good, I suppose.”
“It is good.” He paused. “I don’t want to alarm you, but I don’t think the bonding took.”
“What?” Dean sat up to look at Gabriel, alarmed. His hand started shaking immediately, the feeling of rejection seeming to come from deep within and filling up his lungs as though it were lead.
He felt bonded to Gabriel. He’d never felt closer to another person in his life. If Gabriel didn’t feel the same, he had no idea what he was going to do.
“I don’t feel any different, I didn’t wake when you woke, and I don’t feel like I need to touch you.” Gabriel looked at him. “Although judging by how pale you’ve gone, this might be a one-sided thing. Here.” He held out his hand.
Dean hesitated, then took it gently. The panic rising in his throat subsided, and he squeezed Gabriel’s fingers tightly for a moment before taking a deep breath and loosening his hold, so Gabriel would have no trouble breaking it if he wanted to.
“Is that, umm. Is that a thing? Can that happen?” He asked. He wasn’t sure why he thought Gabriel would know the answer, except that he’d always seemed to know more about bonding than Dean did.
“It’s not… completely unheard of.” Gabriel swallowed. “And it is my fault. You clearly feel significantly more deeply for me than I do for you, and I can’t even begin to apologize for that.”
Dean played with Gabriel’s fingers while he thought about that. In the week they’d known each other, Dean’s tiny crush on Gabriel had blossomed into something much bigger. He wasn’t ready to call it love—at least, not the kind of love people moved mountains for—but Gabriel already meant a lot to him. Not the idea of Gabriel, or what he represented, or even the child he was undoubtedly carrying, but Gabriel himself.
Apparently, Gabriel didn’t feel the same way. Dean had often felt horribly inadequate in his life, but never more than in this moment.
“No. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. This is on me,” he said, still holding onto Gabriel’s fingers as though they were a lifeline. “I could’ve… done more. Been kinder. More attentive.”
“I really don’t think you could have.” Gabriel wet his lips. “You’ve been so incredibly sweet that I haven’t been able to figure out what to do with you. You’re not at all how I pictured an alpha. Certainly not an alpha who was going to be alpha for an entire, powerful clan one day.”
If anything, that only made Dean feel worse. He wasn’t what Gabriel expected or wanted, and he couldn’t change that.
“You’re not listening.” Gabriel closed his own fingers around Dean’s, squeezing them until Dean was forced to look up. When he did, Gabriel eased his grip, but not by much. “I adore you, okay? You’re practically a puppy, and it’s wonderful. But I don’t make friends easily, let alone fall in love. I need time, and no amount of mystical bullshit is going to speed up my crappy personality. Once we feel the same way about each other, it should snap into place.”
Dean cleared his throat. “Are you sure?”
“Like I said, it’s not unheard of. It’s still permanent, though. We’ll sync up eventually, just through familiarity with each other.” Gabriel linked his fingers with Dean’s. “You know that in the meantime, you can’t tell anyone, right?”
“Right.” Dean nodded slowly. “Because this is a tentative enough alliance already. No one needs to think that you… tricked me, or whatever.” His eyes widened as he realized what he’d said. “Not that I think that! Not at all. I get it.”
“I trust you,” Gabriel said. Dean felt as though he’d just handed him the entire world.
“Trust is all I want,” Dean responded honestly. “Trust and another heartbeat in the house, anyway. The rest… well, if you say it’ll come, I believe that. You seem to know your stuff.”
“I’m sorry it can’t be now. I genuinely am. There’s no part of me that wants to hurt you.”
“I’m not hurt,” Dean said, and then, based on the look Gabriel gave him, took a breath to correct himself. “I am hurt, but I know I have no right to be, so I’m putting it aside. What I said when we met still stands. I hope you’ll see me as family one day. It’s okay that it’s not today.”
Gabriel’s whole posture changed at once. Dean hadn’t noticed how tense he’d been up until now. He’d been afraid. Afraid of Dean, and how he might react.
That was understandable, under the circumstances, but Dean never wanted him to feel that way again.
“I hope you’ll join me for breakfast?” he asked, running the pad of his thumb over Gabriel’s knuckles.
“Breakfast is extremely important to me,” Gabriel smiled. “It’s definitely a possible path to my heart, even.”
Dean laughed at that, glad that the awkward discussion was over and starting to make peace with the fact that his new arrange marriage hadn’t started off instantly loving. It was ridiculous to have expected that.
“Well, please keep signposting those, and I’ll keep trying.” Dean finally forced himself to let go of Gabriel’s hand to put some clothes on, and told himself that everything was going to be all right.
***
It became obvious quickly that Gabriel had fallen pregnant on the night of his bonding to Dean, and before long the first signs of it became visible.
He had wanted, the entire time, to fall in love with the other man, but though they were about the same age, Dean seemed so young—immature, perhaps—that Gabriel didn’t see him as a true peer. He had been spoiled, and though he was sweet and kind, he had none of the life experience, none of the knowledge of how harsh the world was, that Gabriel had come to expect of others.
Although, when Dean announced that he could hear another, tiny heartbeat inside Gabriel—and then revised that number up to two tiny heartbeats—the smile on his face, the sheer joy he obviously felt, gave Gabriel hope that he would grow up into a man he could love.
Four months into his pregnancy, Gabriel came inside from the garage, covered in grease, just in time to hear an unmistakable, ear-splitting howl. It was Dean, and he was, for whatever reason, devastated.
Gabriel rushed through the house to find him in the kitchen, his mother sitting at the table in tears, Dean close to them. The feeling of loss in the room was so strong that Gabriel found himself making a low, mournful sound even as he went to Dean to comfort him.
Unsure of what else to do, Gabriel stroked his fingers through Dean’s hair in an attempt to soothe him, at least enough to let Gabriel
know what was going on. No one spoke for long minutes, until Dean pushed away from the table, turned around, and wrapped Gabriel tightly in his arms, as though he was afraid he might slip away.
“My father’s dead,” Dean whispered to him, heartbreak in every syllable. Gabriel didn’t need to have bonded with him to share his pain. Dean had loved his father dearly, even when they hadn’t agreed on everything.
“Murdered,” his mother interjected. “By another wolf.”
A lump formed in Gabriel’s throat. He knew his own clan would be suspected, and that would mean that everything he and Dean had done would be for nothing—especially if it turned out that it was one of them.
Anyone who would murder an alpha was a dangerous person. The fact that they hadn’t come forward and tried to claim his title was strange, though. Gabriel couldn’t immediately think of a motive other than to take his place, and without someone claiming the kill, that would automatically go to Dean.
The brief, perhaps morbid thought that this may be what caused him to grow up struck Gabriel. He would never have wanted it to happen this way, though. He would have much preferred that Dean was forced to grow up by the gentle influence of having children to take care of, rather than the harsh loss of a parent while he was still so young.
Gabriel kissed Dean’s cheek softly. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
Dean only held him tighter and sniffled into his shoulder. Gabriel didn’t hold the mourning against them. Wolves felt the loss of a family member keenly, and even a new clan alpha deserved a chance to grieve over the loss of one of his pack.
Werewolf clans were often sprawling, loosely-connected families, but packs were a different matter. Packs were immediate family only, the most important thing a wolf had, more important than their own life. It was expected that elders would be lost, but not this young. Werewolves were long-lived creatures, and Dean was only approaching his mid-twenties. He shouldn’t have had to deal with this so young.
Gabriel could only hope he was ready to be in charge, because he currently had no choice.
There was a knocking at the door, soft at first, but then more insistent. Neither Dean nor his mother were in any state to answer it, so Gabriel ignored it.
“Dean, open the hell up,” one of the higher-ranking wolves—Sammie—who came by from time to time shouted through the door. As Gabriel focused, he could hear that Sammie was in no way alone. There were, perhaps, half a dozen agitated werewolves outside, and sooner or later, that was going to draw human attention. That was the last thing they needed, especially today.
Gabriel felt Dean go to move, and put out a hand to stop him. “I’ll deal with them.”
“This is my problem,” Dean said, wiping tears away from his eyes. “I gotta do this.”
“No.” Gabriel pecked Dean on the lips, and felt something give inside of him. He didn’t have time to examine the feeling right now, so he shoved it aside. “You need to comfort your mother. You want us to be equals? Here’s the chance. Let me share the load.”
“But you’re pregnant.”
Gabriel smiled wryly. “Exactly, so I’m in even less of a mood to take any crap from these guys. Let me handle them.”
Dean swallowed thickly, and then nodded. “Okay.” He looked up at Gabriel with such awe and adoration that Gabriel felt the look as physical pain, right in the centre of his chest. “Thank you.”
Gabriel pecked him on the lips again and backed away before he let whatever new feelings he’d have to deal with later get the better of him. He went to the door and opened it, ready to eviscerate anyone on the other side who wouldn’t go away immediately.
Not that he’d ever risk the twins by shifting more than a little. He wasn’t even sure he could, since he hadn’t tried for fear it would hurt them. Werewolves didn’t get fleas because wolf fleas couldn’t survive on a human host, so there was no telling what would happen to babies relying on his body.
As he opened the door, Sammie pushed directly past him and moved into the living room as though his rank gave him a permanent invite. He was used to being indulged in this place, and being treated as a friend, but everything about him and his companions set off warning bells for Gabriel, and he wasn’t going to let them get the upper hand.
If they meant to challenge Dean while he was still new and weak, they’d have to go through him first.
Gabriel moved in front of Sammie and put a hand square on the middle of his chest, stopping him in his tracks. Sammie may have been an alpha, but he had the same lazy, spoiled physique the whole Lafie clan suffered from. With the added strength of pregnancy, Gabriel would have no trouble outmatching him if he needed to.
Hopefully it wouldn’t come to having to physically remove either his person or his head, but in defense of his mate and his children, Gabriel was willing.
He wasn’t sure when he’d started thinking of Dean as his mate, but it had always been true in terms of hierarchy. And the omega of the clan alpha outranked everyone else.
“Step aside,” Sammie growled, but made no attempt to move. He knew as well as Gabriel did that he’d come off worse in a one-to-one fight, and though the rest of his companions had piled in after him, they didn’t seem especially willing to attack.
“No,” Gabriel said firmly. “You will show enough respect to your alpha to let him mourn. If you’re here to challenge him, you’ll go through me first. Am I clear?”
Sammie stepped back and looked Gabriel up and down. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”
Gabriel darted forward to grab Sammie by the collar. “If you want to keep both your rank and your head, and not suffer the embarrassment of an omega beating the shit out of you, you will leave. You’re not welcome in this house until I say you are. Don’t you ever forget your place, or your shortcomings.”
The other wolves who’d followed Sammie in were starting to back away. That was a good sign. Gabriel let go of Sammie tentatively, ready to grab him again if the need arose. This time, he wouldn’t come away unscathed.
“I’m telling every wolf in the clan what you did,” Sammie threatened as he backed away. “You’ll regret this.”
Gabriel watched him go, confused about why he’d want to tell everyone that he’d been bested by a mere omega—even the clan omega. The whole exchange had been strange. He knew Sammie had only tolerated him at best, accepted him as family because of Dean’s connection, but this was… odd. If they hadn’t been here plotting to take power, what had been the point?
“They think you murdered Henri,” Allora—Dean’s mother—said from behind Gabriel. What the purest of the Lafie line lacked in brute strength, they made up for in unearthly stealth. He’d rarely been snuck up on by another werewolf. “They believe you’re a traitor.”
Gabriel swallowed. The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, but of course they did. He was an outsider, he stood to gain from the death—though it wasn’t the kind of gain he’d been interested in—and he’d showed time and again that he had a temper and a defiant spirit, as well as the strength to take on a softer, older alpha if he wanted to, especially strengthened by the need to defend his unborn pups.
“I would never…”
“I know.” Allora moved to put a hand on his shoulder. In general, Gabriel didn’t like to be touched, but he’d never minded it coming from her. Perhaps it was their shared position that made it okay. Perhaps it was something else entirely. “You wouldn’t have forced Dean into this position unless you were given no choice.”
“Exactly. I would never hurt him like this.” Gabriel’s hands itched to touch Dean again, to comfort him. He wasn’t sure what to make of that, but it seemed like progress.
“Go to him. If it’s all the same, I might rest in one of the guest rooms.”
“Of course.” Gabriel took Allora’s hands. “You’re always welcome here. I’m so sorry for your loss, and if there’s anything I can do…”
Allora smiled sadly. “Healthy grandchildren, please. That is my dear
est wish now.”
“If you need anything at all, call for me. Stay as long as you need.”
“Thank you, Gabriel.” Allora leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I knew you were the right choice.”
Gabriel watched Allora go for just long enough to be polite before racing to go back to Dean. He needed the company, and though Allora had been an island of kindness in the sea of hostility Gabriel had been thrust into on joining this family, Dean was his.
Chapter Three
Dean knew he’d have to go to his father’s funeral and take his place one day, but he hadn’t expected it to be before the birth of his first child, before he could be prepared for it, or while he still wasn’t sure where he stood with his own mate.
Gabriel's demeanor toward him had changed in the last few days, but he wasn't sure if that was just the basic level of compassion he’d have for anyone, or what. He hadn't had a lot of time to process or explore it between funeral arrangements, anyway.
What he did know was that Gabriel had been a rock for him, and if he hadn't been in love with him before, he definitely was now. At least something good had come of the whole situation.
Dean gripped Gabriel's hand tightly as he watched his father's coffin being lowered into the ground. The cover-up alone had been exhausting—though his mother and Gabriel had handled most of those details—but worth it. Wolves dealt with their own, and always had. When Dean found out who was responsible, he expected to have another cover-up on his hands. If they ever found enough of the body to investigate.
Rumors had been spreading that Gabriel had been the one to murder Henri, possibly on Dean’s orders. Dean knew it hadn’t been him—even if he thought Gabriel might do a thing like that, which he didn’t for a second, he woke when Gabriel woke. The bond made sure of that. If Gabriel had gotten up in the middle of the night, Dean would have known about it.
He supposed that was why people thought he might be in on it. It was the kind of rumor that could tear a clan apart, and he needed to get the loyalty and respect of his people before that could happen. His first concern, though, was in protecting Gabriel, and to do that, he’d have to lay down the law, and soon. If more than a couple of wolves decided to take it out on him, Dean wouldn’t be able to fight them all off.
