by Poppet
“And then, you were noticed by my brethren. I went wild, Lili. You were mine. I was just like a teenager, ready to start a war over another guy looking at my girl. But you refused to listen. Not you. You are a free spirit. You loved earth so much. You'd sit for hours just staring at the beauty. Looking at humanity and wanting to mother them up. My anger had no place in your life. And there was no way you were going to sit back and let me dictate to you. You didn't care who was looking at your beautiful body and face, you had eyes for only nature. The only thing capturing your heart was the spatter of wildflowers across the plains, the roar of crisp water down a mountain, soaring on the wind, laughing your enchanting sweet laugh across the sky. And we all loved you. And it was killing me.”
Glistening eyes rake my soul with their intensity. He is so beautiful. His voice hums between us when he continues.
“I snapped. And you ran. But the Sibitti caught you, returning you to me. You awoke in all of us a fierce craving to know another intimately. It was a need we couldn't ignore forever. We were separated from heaven for a very long time. For us it was a distant memory. And God didn't care, he's not that kind of God. He's a free Spirit, and he sees nothing as wrong. There is no judgment. That's a huge lie. I'm the only god you ever knew who gave judgment, because I am not pure love. Pure love is patient. It lets you make mistakes again and again, letting you grow into your own strength and wisdom. Waiting for you to realise love is everywhere, in everything. But I tainted mankind with my teenage blood, and ego. There's no place of eternal suffering. I made it up to scare the masses senseless. Put a swarm of bees in the middle of a crowd, tell them they're about to get stung to death, and watch them scatter. All calm and power instantly obliterated with fear.”
His jaw ticks with tension. His full bottom lip quivering ever so slightly.
“I controlled with fear, because I had fear. My fear was someone would take you away from me. So when Solomon offered to build a temple to show how much I meant to him, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to build a royal building for my mate. A royal prison to hide you from my kind who were skimming your long legs with lusty gazes. Staring at your lips wondering how they felt on skin. Oh Lili, I loved you so much, it hurt me, it made me crazy. I was a fool, and I did the worst thing I could. When you were returned to me, you were sealed up in the Holy of Holies, to hide you from mankind. So no other being could ever look at you that way again. What I could not know then, was that by hiding the world away from you, I hid you away from the world.”
He stands, moving to the mantle, shoving his forehead into his hand, resting his elbow on the lip of it, staring into flames of fury.
“I reserved the right to lust after you for myself. The Holy of Holies is covered with your emblem. A white lily. Your favorite flower, and mine. I named it after you. And flanking the lily, was my symbol. The symbol for Judah. A lion. It's not called a pride of lions without good reason. And on the other side, my first man, his symbol the bull. That's all we left in that room for you to stare at. Only my high priest was allowed in to tend to you, and I tested them daily. When it came to you, I was taking no chances.”
Looking up, hot tears run ribbons on his pale face.
“It took me so long to see how wrong I was. To see how much I hurt you. And I have truly been trying to make it right since then. Immanuel came to tear the curtain down, exposing you to the world again. Showing them what mankind had hidden inside that room. A female god. One kept in the dark and hidden away. And because of my ego, men thought women were something to own, possess, control. And they did. They did it with as much sensitivity as their god. With might, and anger.”
Thumping a tight fist into the mantle, his voice drops so deep and husky, the pain shivers to my toes.
“When I let you out and back into the open, they shut you back in again. There was no way they were sharing their power with a being made for my lust. A being so long a servant in her own home, she would never hold her head up with pride or power again.”
“But you, the one in that room, ran for your life that day. When you saw daylight, it called you out, and like an eagle you took to the skies. Mankind might hide the truth of what was in that room, but the secret had left the building.”
He looks at me with raw pain chiseling his face, the dimple in his left cheek twitching. “And it's taken me this long, to find you. I found you sixty years ago, and I've been working out a way to approach you ever since.”
He turns away from the hearth, coming back to kneel before me, holding my hands in his.
“I promise you, I have done everything I can to make my wrongs right. I have not shown my face here to my followers and creation, letting them know who I am, because then I would make mistakes. My approach has changed. I prefer subtle manipulation, urging them into the new age of love, with a father's hand of guidance. Not the roaring rage of a petulant brat. Which I was, of that I have no doubt.”
He kisses my hands, and I'm so tempted to run my fingers through the glossy black hair bowed over my knees.
“You may have noticed, many authors and film makers are now introducing Lilith's story and name back into the world, publicly. The internet is rife with the truth. I am clearing your name. I am! But I won't do it using the methods that caused the rift. I learned from you, Lili. I learned that love is gentle, and it's patient. It took me eons to do the damage, and it can't be undone in a year. This healing will take time. And I will not just arrive and cause a revolution. Pitting women against men. The creatures alive today are simply perpetrating my crime. But their rules are failing them. The church is rife with the worst kind of cruelty. Forcing women away from the choice of birth, and stained with a history of buggering children so they can never function normally as adults. And all in my name. They created a church which I did not. I did not give mankind my power. But when I was distracted searching for you, in a mere two thousand years, this monstrosity grew to swallow the world.”
His hands move to grip my knees.
“And I countered it. Inspiring men to give women equality. The vote, allowed to earn their own money. In essence Lili, it is freedom from oppression.”
Hot tears bathe my hands, “Forgive me for not cherishing you. Forgive me for hurting you. I love you, and I will never stop working to make this right.”
I have tears scalding my own face. So choked up.
“I'm so sorry, Erra. Of course I forgive you. How can you ever forgive me for lashing out and attacking you?”
“I deserved it. It took a very long time to make you angry. I am sorry I forced you into such a state of desperation.”
“Did I ever love you?”
Holding my hand to his cheek, rubbing it with loving tenderness, his smile is wretched.
“I think you did.” Inhaling deeply, his eyes flare with brilliance. “Lilit, I will never force you to love me and be mine again. If you want to be with Dustin, I will not stand in your way. At least if you are with him, I will have the peace of mind of knowing where you are, and that you are safe.”
Oh god. This is killing me. My throat is so sore now, I am being strangled with emotional pain.
“But please, give me tonight. Let me explain your body and abilities. Let me hold you in my arms and dance with you a last time. Don't send me away a beggar. I'm begging you for charity. Please. Please, princess, let my memories of you be warm and gentle. I couldn't bare to live forever with my last memories of you covered in my blood, shaking with anger at what I did to you.”
Chapter 30
No longer able to resist, I hold his face with my hands, his strong jaw fitting into my palms as if I really was made to fit him. Leaning, I give him a gentle kiss on fevered lips.
Instantly his skin glows, the tinkles growing louder, running harps of pleasure down my spine.
“I am yours for a night, and if you need a week, I'll give you a week. Thank you. Thank you for understanding I don't control who I love. A heart and soul have their own agenda. They are independent.”
His face is radiant with joy when he smiles. Graceful fingers squeeze my legs, “You are the angel I aspire to be. Never let my ugliness enter you again. You aren't violent. It must have hurt you more than me to tan my hide.”
My laugh hitches with a sob, “I've never felt so sick and ashamed.”
“You are the mother, Lili. You mend, you draw the hurt to your breast to hold and soothe. You are not pain. I really did put the best of me into you. Don't aspire to be vengeful. It will murder your untainted beauty.”
Nodding, smiling, agreeing heart and soul, I ask a question unrelated to the past.
“So how come god likes rock music?”
His laugh is wild and free, roaring louder than the fire.
“I have quite a reputation. I've been called everything from Hermes to Thor. I gave mankind fire, and I gave them music. This god made music, because he loves to watch his woman dance. You have surely noticed few men like to dance, but a woman cannot resist it? We love to watch you, when you're free, alone with celestial music in your veins, wrapping its spell around you and showing us you in a light which is pure and unfiltered. When a woman dances, no man can keep his eyes to himself.”
“Are you saying you made music just so you can perv at me?”
“Yes ma'am. I own it. And I will not apologize for it. It strums not just the soul, but every sense. It draws us together like nothing else in creation.”
“And god likes rock music?”
“Isn't it strange the way your kind has assigned music to Satan? Satan has no body, he cannot make music. But because music awakens lust in mankind, it was labeled evil. There is nothing shameful about lust. It is a natural essence between a man and woman. I created you as my mate, it is natural that mates are drawn together with lust. And if I found something to put you in the mood, how can it be evil?”
His laughter curls warmth around me again, shrugging, and standing at the same time.
“I don't know how to fix that problem. I'll find a way, eventually.”
Pulling me off my chair, the library is embalmed with music from somewhere. Not his music, this is all drums and guitar, my favorite.
Speaking deeply into my ear, moving with me to the primal drumbeat and singing guitar, he says, “I cannot die. And I wish I could. I'd rather die than live with this never ending heartache. My choice in music, Lili, is a mirror of my ache. Bands called Art of Dying, and Theory of a Deadman, they're chosen simply because I love the names. And the second you heard this type of music, I knew we were onto something special. I wish you could have seen your rapturous expression the first time you heard a singing guitar, and lyrics which resounded in you.”
Kissing my forehead, his smile bathes me with pleasure.
“Princess, you are the stairway. The rainbows you make when we're making love, they have a sound. Each sound is a vibration of consciousness. The second you heard music, you knew where it could take us. You knew if we could just hit the right notes, we could climb the consciousness staircase out of these bindings of fear, and each step, vibrating livid with bright unearthly color, each note awakens our dormant holiness. Music frees the soul, and sends the Spirit reaching for heaven. And it will get there, in time. And a powerful fool knew this truth, and labeled it evil. Calling music sinful, because when you hear music, you glow, and no male with blood in his veins can ignore the pull of the untainted pure Spirit shining bright in a woman enraptured with music. It plays her body into a state where she can transfer that love into her mate. Music is the get out of jail key. It's the skeleton key. If I could make this world again, I would have started with music.”
“And rock stars have been thanking you ever since, I'm sure. No wonder women line up to ride them.”
His laugh is husky, holding me tight in his arms, dancing with me in a fire-lit library.
“Music is made with keys. Musical notes are called keys for a reason. Those keys unlock us. By labeling music evil, and assigning the music which frees the Spirit to an evil deity, it has been a means to control mankind. Keeping you locked in the darkness and never allowing you to reach naturally for Love's domain. Music makes people happy. How can anything which inspires joy, be wrong? Mankind fucked up so badly with that one. Only one thing incites joy, and his name is God. Where do you think I get my inspiration from? The big Spirit himself inspired me in ways mankind can never imagine.”
I'm dancing with god. I think this day goes down in history.
“I love you, Lili. I'm so sorry.”
“No more apologizing. I forgave you, you forgave me, now lets just move on.”
His hug speaks more than words. Offering each other redemption, I hug him back, tight. Maybe it's true. If god and his first creation can learn to love each other and move forward as friends, then maybe the rest of humanity can too?
“Is that also why you smell like a piano?”
I'm vibrated with his chuckle, “Harp strings smell like horsehair. I was trying to appeal to your love of music.”
“Try a metal guitar string. I love the smell of hot metal.”
When he pulls away, my nostrils are immediately saturated in melting syrup, desert wind, and powdery hot metal.
“Shameless. Utterly shameless!” Slapping his huge arm, I can't help but laugh.
“What would you like for dinner, my queen? Hot and spicy no doubt? I can just make my penis look and taste like chili if it'll get you down on your knees in front of me.”
“Now you're teasing.”
“Love, begins and ends, with you and me. Lovers must be friends, and be able to tease. Smiling is a balm, a balm we don't employ enough.”
“Chili con carne. With margarita. And tortilla chips.”
“Your wish is my command.”
Sweeping his hand across the room as if in announcement, the table in front of the bookshelves is laden, waiting, lily's draping the linen, showing me the truth. A lily has a long hard golden stamen penetrating the cup. Wow. So I guess god has it really bad for me, huh? He had to create something as a symbol of how he felt, about us, about me.
It's a living love letter. A gift from a lover to the Lili he loves. A gesture of devotion.
And right then, with the twilight room morphing behind my tears, blinded with his adoration, his lovesick pining for me, I feel it. I do love him. I always have. And that's why his behavior in the past hurt me so much. He created Dustin too. The poet's soul, is so deeply ingrained in god, it touches everything beautiful he ever made. Me included. God is a romantic sap. All we are, we get from him. He just hides it so well. He reserved it, for me. He is tender, loving, and precious. All wrapped up in heavenly splendor and physical beauty.
Swallowing hard, his arm imbues comfort onto my shoulders.
“Lili? What did I do?”
His tone is tinged with anxiety.
“I love you. I know it now. All you had to do was be vulnerable, and show me you when you're not shielded by abrasive power. When you let me in, you touch my soul so deep.”
The room bursts into light.
Hugging me tight to his chest, if fills me with euphoric joy.
“I have waited so long to hear those words. You love me!”
It's true.
I do.
Now what? This minefield is sticky, and no matter where I step, something's going to blow up and cause hurt.
Chapter 31
“Is it true?” I finally have the guts to ask him.
Lazed before the fire, I'm tired, and he feels safe and comfortable with his heart beating its lulling strength under my ear, while he absently plays with my hair.
“Is what true?”
“Enchanted Rock is a holy portal?”
“Yes, it is true.”
His voice weaves its magic. He is my soul whisperer. He's hard to ignore, and very hard to resist.
“What did you really inject into me?”
“Memories. And a little bit of manipulation. I only gave myself a week. And you weren't in any mood to g
ive me three minutes, let alone a week. When you lost your power, you sharpened your tongue. A woman has the ability to slice right through a man with her words. Those cuts never heal. When you cut, you slice deep, in a place which doesn't bruise, it just bleeds for the rest of your life.”
“It's true. I've been so horrid to him. Cruel even.”
“What's the deal with Ruth?”
Holding me so close, wrapped in adoration, I am at peace.
“Ruth lived on charity. And I was desperate for yours. It seemed fitting. Charity delivered you back into my life. God finally intervened. I do not ignore God when he tells me to fix my wrongs. He unveiled your hiding away, leading me straight to you. And then my own fear came back. I couldn't rush in, I had to go slow. It was a lesson in itself, for me. When all I wanted was to run up to a woman who refused to remember me, give her a huge hug, and kiss her until she suffocated. To hold you again burned such pain inside me.”
“What do we do now? How do we go forward?”
His chest lifts with his deep inhalation and sigh.
“You go off with your magic man. Love him, enjoy him. I know he will keep you safe and treat you well. Now he has a Spirit, your love will be whole, and it won't hurt you again. And he'll never again feel the urge to try to take his soul from a woman forcefully. That's all rape is you know. A desperate action by the empty trying to get something from heaven. I might have said I was god, but I'm not perfect. Only the God who is pure Love and Spirit, is perfect.”
“And what will you do?”
“I will stay here, living next door to my true love. Watching over her; and saving her and her kind from the world. I am here now. I will never forsake you again. You are free to make your choices. But I need to be here for you; to ask questions, to confront when need be, to be the friend I forgot to be.”
It fists a harsh ache in my throat. God grew up. He's a being with such integrity, finally ready to spread a mantle of love and forgiveness over this world. Here to encourage us to all move forward as equals, who love and respect each other, free to make our own choices without discipline or fear.
