Claire tried to hide her surprise at this revelation about Luca. He’d never once mentioned this other child or its mother. Even if it wasn’t his in the end, that was an important event in his life he’d kept from her. She closed her eyes as all the pieces started to fall into place. That explained why he was so adamant about claiming Eva as his own. This time, he was certain the baby was his and he wasn’t going to miss his chance to be a father, no matter what the circumstances.
“But this child,” Antonia continued with a smile, “is the miracle that will bring him back to life. Whether or not he thought it would happen, he finally has a family.”
“He has a daughter, yes,” Claire clarified. She wasn’t quite ready to commit to more than that. “And I’m going to make sure he has Eva in his life as much as he wants her to be.”
Antonia’s golden hazel eyes, so much like Luca’s that it made her a little uneasy, fixed on Claire. “Dear, you and I both know that he’s got a little more than just a daughter out of this situation.”
Claire bit at her bottom lip as she considered her answer. “I don’t really know. Sometimes things are going well, and I think maybe something is happening between us. Then he pulls away. Knowing about the other child explains a lot, but not everything. I still feel like he’s keeping things from me, and that’s a deal breaker for me. I’m not going to let myself get invested in a man I can’t trust.”
“Luca is as good a man as they come. He’s just afraid to let himself fall for a good woman. Personally, I think you two are meant to be together. I don’t believe in accidents or coincidences. Fate stepped in and scrambled those numbers on the labels so two strangers could share a child, and eventually, a life together.”
That was a nice thought, but Claire wasn’t quite so superstitious. Accidents happened. That didn’t mean it was fate. It was just rotten luck. Or even good luck. It might not be what she planned, but at least Eva had a father and a family now. But as for him and her? She doubted this little vacation romance would last all the way back to Manhattan if he continued keeping secrets.
Luca’s mother thought he was a peach, of course, but mothers loved their children blindly. He had given Claire his body, but he was holding back everything else. Unless that changed, she couldn’t trust him with her heart. She’d already made the mistake of giving that away too freely in the past.
Something would go wrong. The dull ache in her gut was evidence of that. The only question was how badly it would hurt her when it happened.
Nine
“It’s too quiet around here,” Claire said as she washed up the last of the dinner dishes.
Luca looked up from his spot on the living-room floor. He and Eva were having fun with some fabric blocks with little tags on the edges. Frankly, he couldn’t understand the appeal. He cut the tags off every piece of clothing he owned, but babies seemed completely enamored with them.
“I know what you mean,” he said. His family had left a few days earlier. After three solid days of big Italian family chaos, the house almost seemed to echo with emptiness. “It always takes me a while to adjust to being alone again after we have get-togethers. Does that mean you like my family?”
Luca wasn’t quite sure how his quiet, reserved Claire would handle Mia, much less the whole crew at once, but she’d done amazingly well. She fit in better than he’d ever expected. Whether or not she enjoyed her time with them was still a mystery to him, however.
Claire pulled the drain plug in the sink and strolled back into the living room while she dried her hands with a dish towel. “I love your family, Luca. They’re amazing. I didn’t even know a family could be like that. It’s mind-boggling, really. I mean, they’d just met me and they treated me like family. Jeff’s family was always kind to me, but I never felt like I was one of their daughters, even when legally I was.”
Luca smiled at her. “They really liked you. I’m pretty certain they aren’t like that with everyone. Even Carla liked you, and she’s pretty hard to win over. And Mama. Well, you could do no wrong in her eyes. If you spoke Italian, you’d be perfect. Maybe we can work on that,” he added with a grin.
“Very funny,” Claire said as she sat down on the couch.
He turned back to Eva in time to see her let out a big yawn. “Uh-oh. I think she is ready for bed.”
“Like me, I think she’s still recovering from all the overstimulation.”
Claire moved to get up, but Luca raised his hand. “You relax. I’ll put her to bed. Why don’t you pour us some wine, if my sisters didn’t drink it all.”
Luca stood and lifted Eva into his arms. Her little eyes kept slowly closing, then startling open as she tried to keep herself awake. “Don’t fight it, bella.”
It only took a few minutes to change the baby, put her into her pajamas and settle her into her crib. He turned on the mobile overhead and ran his hand over her soft baby curls. “Buona notte, cara mia.”
Eva cooed at him for a moment, then her eyes fluttered closed. That was quick. Slipping out quietly, he closed the bedroom door behind him. “You know,” he said, “it’s almost time to go back to New York and we haven’t done the one thing we said we came here to do.”
Claire glanced up at him from her spot on the sofa with a curious look. “What’s that?”
“Discuss the custody arrangement we want to submit to the judge.”
An odd expression flickered in her eyes. Luca couldn’t tell if it was disappointment, fear, anxiety or a combination of all three. “Okay. Let’s discuss it, then.”
Luca crossed the living-room floor and settled on the couch beside her. “Have you had a chance to review the proposal that Edmund sent up here with me?”
“Yes, I looked it over. There wasn’t a lot that concerned me. I was surprised, honestly. It seemed pretty standard to me, and after the time we’ve spent here, I think most of my worries about your abilities as a father have been addressed. I only had one question. The child support seemed a little high to me.”
Luca’s brow went up. “High? I’m sure that’s the first time anyone’s ever heard that.” He wondered, sometimes, if Claire underestimated just how much he was worth. Any other woman would’ve done her research and milked him for every penny.
Claire shrugged off his comment. “Even if I put her in one of the best schools in Manhattan and dressed her in designer clothes, I wouldn’t need that much each month. We have a nice home, a caregiver. It makes me worry a little.”
“About what?”
“That you’re wanting more from me than the plan outlines. Is there an expectation that I should sell my brownstone and move to Manhattan? The expense of an Upper East Side apartment near you is the only thing I could imagine would justify the money.”
The thought had crossed his mind a time or two, but he had learned early on that trying to push Claire would get him nowhere. He had to use his best negotiating skills to get what he wanted. “That wasn’t my intention, no. But would it be so bad if I wanted that? You’d be closer to the museum. Closer to the schools we discussed. It would be easier on Eva to move back and forth between us, or for one of us to step in if the other needed them.”
Luca watched the wheels silently turn in her head as he spoke. He knew it made sense, but he knew she also loved her place. “It’s up to you, but as you said, that amount of money I’m offering you could easily make that a possibility.”
She brushed a stray strand of honey blond hair from her face and nodded. “I’ll have to think on that. I like being able to get away from the chaos of the city sometimes.”
He laughed. “You act as though Brooklyn is in the middle of a hayfield. If you want, I’ll buy a country house in Connecticut you can visit whenever you need to get away.”
Claire’s eyes widened. “Don’t be silly.”
Luca didn’t think it was silly. It seemed
completely practical to him. Despite all his planning to seduce Claire and lure her into a relationship while keeping himself emotionally removed, he’d failed miserably. He wasn’t sure he’d call what he felt for her love, but he certainly felt more than he’d ever intended to.
At this point, he was willing to do almost anything it took to get Claire to play a bigger role in his life. Having her live nearby was just one part of that. If buying a country house helped his cause, so be it. He was dreading the end of this trip. He knew that returning home would mean long hours in the office, and, if he was lucky, seeing Eva every other weekend. That wasn’t good enough for him, especially when nothing in the paperwork dictated how often he’d get to see Claire.
“Well, how about this? I’ve been thinking a lot about all of this the past few days since my family left. If I’m being honest, I don’t want to let what you and I have started slip away. I want us to build on it. It’s all new to me, this relationship stuff, but I want to know how much more we can have together. And maybe if that happens and goes well, all that paperwork and custody agreements won’t matter anymore. I don’t just want Eva in my life, Claire. I want you in my life, too.”
Claire’s mouth dropped open the way it always did when he stole her prepared words from her lips. After a moment, her jaw closed and she smiled. “I want you in my life, too, Luca.”
Luca leaned into her, wiping away the smile with his kiss. The minute his lips met hers, he felt that familiar surge of need run though his body and urge him on. That touch, combined with being alone again in the house, reminded him just how long he’d gone without touching Claire the way he’d wanted to. While his family was there, she had kept her distance. Now that she’d agreed to be in his life for a while longer, he wanted her back in his bed, as well.
“Luca,” Claire said as she pressed against his chest with the palms of her hands. “Wait. I’m glad you’re happy, but I wasn’t finished. There was a ‘but’ coming.”
But? Luca sat back against the arm of the couch with a frown. “What’s wrong?”
Claire sighed. “There’s nothing wrong, per se, but I wanted you to know that your mother told me something while she was here.”
Luca felt the dull ache of dread in his stomach. She hadn’t... Who was he kidding? Of course she had. His mother never respected his desire to keep his private past private. “What did she happen to share?” he asked, knowing full well what the answer was—she knew he was a one-balled wonder and had reservations about the two of them together.
Claire’s eyebrows drew together in concern. “She told me about Jessica and the baby. Primarily, the point was how happy you seemed and how she’d wanted it so badly after everything you went through with Jessica. It worries me, Luca.”
Luca was surprised. He thought for sure his mother would’ve spilled the cancer story. Perhaps she’d finally agreed to let him put that behind him. He breathed a sigh of relief. “What worries you, exactly?”
“That you didn’t tell me about it yourself,” she said, surprising him. “Since we’ve been here, I’ve told you every secret I have. I told you about Jeff, about my feelings of inadequacy and my failing marriage. You had a million opportunities to open up to me about this, but you didn’t.”
“It didn’t seem relevant,” Luca said. “It turned out to be nothing. I don’t have another child you don’t know about, so I didn’t think it would matter to you.”
“It’s not about the child, but that you kept it to yourself. Secrets worry me, Luca. Jeff kept secrets. And as much as I want you in my life and I want to see how far this can go, I need to know you’re going to be honest with me, even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it might expose the ugly parts of ourselves that we don’t want anyone to see. It concerns me that you don’t trust what we have enough to share that with me. It makes me wonder what else you’re keeping from me.”
Luca started to open his mouth to insist he wasn’t keeping things from her, but she held her finger to his lips. “Don’t. Don’t tell me you’re not, because I know that you are. Tell me, Luca. Tell me why you were at the fertility clinic. What happened to you? Tell me right now or I can’t move forward with this.”
Luca sighed. He’d been dreading this moment since he’d decided to make a future with Claire. Things could go horribly wrong from here, but he got the feeling it would be worse to avoid her questions. As much as he didn’t want to, he needed to tell this story at least one more time.
“When I was in high school, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I missed most of my junior and senior years going through treatment. I had to have surgery to remove the tumor along with one of my testicles, then I went through extensive radiation and chemotherapy. I donated at the fertility clinic before the radiation because I would likely be sterile afterward. That’s why Jessica having my baby was such a huge deal to my family. I wasn’t supposed to be able to have children. I don’t like talking about it, so I avoided your questions about school earlier because it would lead into that topic. I didn’t get to go to prom. I got my diploma in a wheelchair. That whole period of my life was defined by my illness.”
Claire’s expression crumbled into near tears as he told her the truth. He reached his arm out for her. “Come here,” he said. Claire snuggled against him, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. With her beside him and her curious eyes turned away, it was easier for him to talk.
“Don’t cry. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you about that, but it was so hard on me and I don’t like reliving it. I was just a kid. Someone that age shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not they can have children someday when they’d never even kissed a girl, much less face their own mortality. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to my next birthday. The price of beating the cancer was high. It took more from me than a teenager my age could understand at the time. Even now, knowing what I do, I would pay it gladly, but it’s not something that ever goes away. I’ve continued to pay to this day.”
* * *
Claire could hear the pain in Luca’s words and it made her heart break a little more the longer he spoke. He was right; that wasn’t something a child should have to deal with.
“The physical toll was a lot to get over. I recovered from the surgery, my hair grew back after the chemo, but that really isn’t the worst part of it all. The worst part is the waiting.”
“Waiting for what?”
“Waiting for it to show up again.”
She placed a reassuring hand on his knee. “You don’t know that it will. It has been over ten years since you were sick. That’s a long time to go. Don’t you think if the cancer was going to come back it would have already?”
“Don’t use logic in the same context as cancer. It doesn’t work. Besides, I know that’s not true. The treatment I received to destroy the cancer alone puts me at risk of developing a secondary cancer at some point. It also can cause a slew of other health issues later in life. I suppose I should be happy to have a ‘later in life’ to get sick from the long-term effects of the chemo and radiation.”
“So is that why you’ve focused so much on work at the expense of your relationships? In case you got sick again?”
“In part,” he admitted. “The children part doesn’t help, either. I don’t ever want a woman to give up her dream of a family because she had the misfortune of falling in love with me.”
“Luca!” Claire said, sitting up to look him in the eye. “The woman who falls in love with you is anything but unfortunate. You have so much to offer. You’re doing yourself a disservice by only focusing on what you can’t do. Besides, there are plenty of women out there who already have children or don’t want any. Or can’t have any,” she said with a pointed tone. “Like me.”
Luca looked at her with dark eyes that reflected a pain he’d always hidden from her before. There was a vulnerability there that she never expected
to see in the eyes of her confident CEO. She hated that he had been through such horrible things, but she was happy to finally feel the last walls coming down between them. He deserved to be happy.
And more than anything, she wanted him to be happy with her. Her defenses were coming down as quickly as his own. Before she could stop herself, she leaned into him, capturing his face in her hands before she pressed her lips to his.
The emotional current running through each of them connected with a spark of a desire. Luca’s hands pulled her closer, his hungry mouth eager to pick up where they’d left off a few minutes ago. This time, Claire wasn’t about to stop him. She eased into his touch, craving the feel of him against her.
It didn’t take long for the throbbing ache of need to build inside her. Claire had been content enough to go without a man for months and months, but Luca had opened Pandora’s box. She wanted him. Now.
Pulling on his shirt, Claire slipped down to the rug and brought Luca with her. Their lips never parted as they slid to the floor. Luca’s heavy body covered hers, the weight of it making her feel secure, somehow. She had been drifting through life since Jeff died, but here and now, she finally had an anchor to keep her steady.
“Make love to me, Luca,” she whispered against his lips. “Let me show you that you’re everything a woman needs.”
Her words lit a fire in him, and she was happy to receive the results of it. His hands slid over her body, pulling at her cotton dress and exposing the length of her leg beneath it. He continued pushing the fabric up until it bunched around her waist.
He sat up then, abandoning her lips at last so she could pull his shirt over his head and toss it away. Her hands immediately moved to his chest, rubbing over the hard muscles. She let the smooth crescents of her fingernails drag over the ridges of his six-pack, leaving tiny half moon imprints just above the waistline of his jeans. Before she could unbutton his fly, Luca moved out of her reach.
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