Gabby again looked around. She would miss this place, and she was grateful to Wyatt for allowing her and Trevor to revisit the ranch anytime they wanted. But the more she thought about it, the more she guessed that it wouldn’t happen. She had come to realize that seeing Wyatt occasionally, only to have their relationship never deepen, would be far too painful for her. Trevor would be disappointed, meaning that she would have to find a good excuse for not returning. If her fairy tale was to end, it was appropriate that it do so on the night of the annual ball. She would never forget the Flying B, and it was truly a pleasure to have known—
“Is this chair taken, young lady?” a gravelly voice asked.
Gabby turned to see Ram standing alongside her. He looked comic in his tuxedo and cowboy boots. Drink in hand, Ram sat heavily in Wyatt’s chair.
“Looks like the party’s nearly over,” he said. “That’s good! I love the yearly ball, until I remember how much damn work it always is. Then I can’t wait to see everybody go home. It’s like beating your head against the wall, simply because it feels so good when it stops.” The old man rubbed his chin. “Does that make me a bad host?”
Gabby smiled. “There isn’t a host in the world who hasn’t felt that way at the end of a long night. That doesn’t make you bad. It only makes you human.”
“Bless you,” Ram said. “How do you always know the right thing to say?”
Ram watched Gabby’s expression sadden. “I don’t,” she answered. Again looking into Ram’s old eyes, she decided to speak her heart. “Especially where Wyatt is concerned,” she added softly.
Ram sighed. “You care about him a lot, don’t you?”
Gabby nodded. “More than I have a right to, it seems.”
For the first time since knowing Gabby, Ram scowled harshly at her. “Don’t you ever say that again! He’s the problem, not you! He couldn’t find a better woman if he looked for a thousand years!”
Gabby was taken aback by Ram’s outburst. Realizing that he had startled her, Ram took her hands into his.
“I’m sorry, my dear,” he said. “It’s just that I learned something about Wyatt tonight and it upset me. It wasn’t totally unexpected, but it disturbed me just the same. It reaffirmed the fact that I’m probably not the world’s best father.”
“Is something wrong?” Gabby asked.
Ram picked up his drink and took a long swallow. “Nothing that hasn’t been hanging around for the last five years.”
Gabby was about to ask Ram what he meant, then saw Wyatt approaching. He looked tired, but he managed to smile.
“It seems that you two have become inseparable,” Wyatt said.
Gabby laughed. “He can bother me anytime. I think he’s sweet.”
“Sweet?” Wyatt asked. “I’ve heard him called many things, but never that.”
“Then it’s high time that somebody did,” Ram countered.
Wyatt looked over at Trevor. “How are you doing, pal?”
“I don’t want to go home, but I’m tired,” Trevor said.
“Before you leave, I want to see you and your mother alone,” Wyatt said. “Would you mind coming into the house?”
“Why?” Trevor asked.
“You’ll see.”
Ram winked and nudged Trevor’s ribs. “Don’t worry,” Ram said. “I’ll keep all the other young bucks away from Sally until you come back.”
Her mind racing, Gabby followed behind Wyatt and Trevor. She desperately wanted to talk to Wyatt, but what she had to say wasn’t meant for Trevor’s ears. After they entered the house, Wyatt shepherded them among the few guests still mingling in the foyer, and then toward the huge curved staircase.
Gabby and Trevor had never been upstairs. To their delight, they found it nearly as impressive as the first floor. As their curiosity grew, Wyatt led them down one hall and then another. After stopping before a pair of double doors, he opened them and ushered Gabby and Trevor into an elegant bedroom.
“Let me guess,” Gabby said. “This one’s yours.”
“Yes,” Wyatt answered as he walked across the room and toward another set of ornate doors.
He opened them to reveal a huge walk-in closet. After disappearing into the closet for a moment, he returned with two packages. Each was wrapped with blue paper, and bound with red ribbon and a matching bow. Wyatt handed the larger package to Gabby and the other to Trevor. The mother and son looked at Wyatt with surprise.
“What are these?” Gabby asked.
“They’re going-away presents,” Wyatt answered.
As the reality set in, Gabby took a sharp breath. Going-away presents, she thought. It’s really going to happen…I really am going away. She did her best to smile.
“You didn’t have to do this…,” she said.
“I wanted to,” Wyatt answered. “So are you two going to open your gifts, or do you need another engraved invitation?”
Gabby and Trevor unwrapped the packages. When they saw their contents, their eyes became wide. Gabby’s gift was a stylish gray alligator purse with sterling silver accents. It was a beautiful thing that would easily retail for two thousand dollars in any of Boca’s classier boutiques.
Trevor’s gift was equally impressive. It was an alligator hip wallet with an attached silver chain and was also dyed light gray. Both the wallet and the purse were tastefully embossed with the Flying B insignia. Gabby and Trevor stared at Wyatt with amazement.
“My God, Wyatt, they’re beautiful,” Gabby whispered. “But we can’t accept them. They must have cost a fortune!”
“Not really,” Wyatt answered. “Do you remember my story about those two gators I shot? Well, let’s just say that their contribution was larger than mine.”
“Holy shit!” Trevor shouted gleefully. “These are really made from those dead gators?”
Gabby started to reprimand Trevor then stopped, deciding that she hadn’t the heart for it.
Wyatt laughed. “That’s right. Big John knows a local leather-smith who did the work. Alligator hide is tough. Your presents should last forever.”
But this evening won’t, Gabby thought. As she stood looking at Wyatt, she blinked back tears.
While Trevor eagerly placed his wallet into the hip pocket of his slacks, Wyatt showed him how to attach the other end of the silver chain to one of his belt loops. When Wyatt finished, Trevor was grinning from ear to ear.
“Thank you, Wyatt!” he said. “Nobody at school has anything as cool as this!”
“You’re welcome,” Wyatt answered.
“Trevor, would you mind going back to the table?” Gabby asked. “I’d like to talk to Wyatt for a moment.”
“Okay,” Trevor answered happily. “I’ll see you down there.”
After Trevor left the room, Gabby took a deep breath and looked at Wyatt’s face. If she never saw him after tonight, she wanted to remember him as best she could. And so she simply stood there for a time, drinking him in.
She gazed at his slightly graying temples, and the endearing crow’s-feet at the corners of his amazingly blue eyes. His strong, expressive hands hung loosely by his sides. True to form, he had discarded his bow tie some time ago, and the top two buttons of his tuxedo shirt were open. A telltale five o’clock shadow had formed on his face and she could still smell faint traces of his cologne, reminding her of when they had danced.
Almost unconsciously she turned and looked around his bedroom, her searching gaze finally landing on the four-poster bed. Wyatt and Krista had shared that bed, Gabby knew. As an image of their entwined bodies crystallized in her mind, Gabby’s emotions turned ever more bittersweet. She was glad that Wyatt had shared such intimate moments with Krista, but she was also saddened that she would never experience that kind of bliss with the enigmatic man standing before her. Krista must have understood him, Gabby thought. But perhaps I was never meant to.
The wistful look in Gabby’s eyes was not lost on Wyatt. He reached out and took her by her shoulders. “What’s wrong?” he as
ked.
Gabby looked into his face. “Nothing…”
“What was it that you wanted to tell me?”
Gabby hesitated for a moment before again glancing at his left hand. Just as she suspected, his gold wedding band shone in the light of the room. That ring will be with him so long as he remains bound to Krista’s memory, Gabby realized. His heart isn’t ready for me. Perhaps it never will be.
Wyatt pulled her closer. As she became lost in his embrace, Gabby closed her eyes. “Tell me,” he asked again, quietly this time.
Very well, Gabby decided. Because when all is said and done, I cannot lose a love that I never had…
Gabby opened her eyes. “Wyatt, I—”
“Wyatt, where the hell are you?” a familiar voice unexpectedly called out.
The spell suddenly broken, Wyatt and Gabby turned to see Morgan come barreling into the bedroom. On seeing Wyatt holding Gabby that way, an odd look came over Morgan’s face. Guessing that he had just interrupted a special moment, he unnecessarily cleared his throat.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Morgan said, “but I’ve been looking all over for you. Dad wants us downstairs, and pronto. The Winthrops are leaving.”
Wyatt gently released Gabby’s shoulders. For her, the loss of his touch seemed final, irrevocable. Wyatt turned back and looked into her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “but I have to go. The Winthrops are Blaine and Blaine’s biggest clients. Will I see you before you leave?”
Gabby suddenly realized that her heart simply couldn’t endure this scene again. The moment had passed forever, it seemed. Even so, she somehow forced herself to smile.
“Of course,” she said. It was the only time she had ever lied to him, and doing so stabbed at her heart as sharply as knowing he was leaving.
After Wyatt and Morgan left the room, she sat heavily on the bed. The sounds of the waning party drifted up into the room, but for Gabby the festivities were taking place a million miles away.
When she again looked at her new purse, this time she opened it. To her surprise, one of Wyatt’s engraved business cards lay inside. With trembling fingers, she removed it to find a handwritten note on its backside. Although the words were few, they broke her heart:
So that you will remember me…
—Wyatt
THIRTY-SEVEN
BY THE TIME all the guests had departed, Wyatt was exhausted. It was nearly three A.M. He was sick of being sociable, and he hungered for some quiet time before turning in.
To his surprise, Gabby had left without saying good-bye and he felt her absence sharply. After bidding good night to the Winthrops he had searched for her, only to learn that she and Trevor had already left. Walking Gabby and Trevor to their car had become a welcome habit for him, and he missed doing so tonight more than he might have guessed. Because Gabby had left so suddenly, her behavior left him wondering. But as he sat on the porch with the night’s final glass of bourbon, he could find no ready answers.
The ball had ended about an hour ago. All the guests, caterers, and musicians had packed up and departed, making the Flying B strangely quiet in their aftermath. The lights adorning the big house and the outbuildings had been switched off, leaving only moonlight to illuminate the grounds. Now the only music came from the chirping crickets, their gentle chorus accompanying the rhythmic creaking of Wyatt’s rocking chair.
Gabby and Wyatt had parted company many times before, but never without saying good-bye. Because the New Beginnings Program had ended, Wyatt wondered whether he would ever see her again and the uncertainty stabbed at his heart. Her stealthy departure seemed somehow treasonous to him, like she had rushed off to become entwined in the arms of another man. But because she wasn’t his, no such treachery existed. Even so, he felt abandoned.
Wyatt looked across the grounds and toward the old cemetery, its headstones glinting palely in the moonlight. He thought of his mother, of Krista and Danny, and of all the other Blaines who had been laid to rest there. He liked to believe that each of them had somehow secured his or her own measure of happiness before dying. But will I? he wondered.
Wyatt’s next sip of bourbon tasted bitter—a sure sign that he had reached his limit. Moments later, Ram approached and sat down in the rocker alongside Wyatt’s. For some time the father and son said nothing, each of them glad that another annual ball had come and gone.
“Good party,” Ram said.
Wyatt nodded. “I guess.”
Ram turned and looked at his son. “Why so glum?”
“Just tired, I suppose.”
“Yeah, but that’s not the entire reason, is it?” Ram asked.
Wyatt shrugged his shoulders. “Did you see Gabby and Trevor leave?”
“Yep. Gabby seemed upset. She tried to hide it, but I knew different.”
When Wyatt didn’t respond, Ram made up his mind. Jacobson was right, he realized. This moment is long overdue.
“I know that it’s late,” Ram said, “but we need to talk. Although you won’t like what I have to say, you’re going to hear it anyway.” Despite his desire to call it a night, Wyatt waited calmly.
“Do you remember the old playground that used to stand near the swimming pool?” Ram asked.
The question surprised Wyatt. “Sure,” he answered. “Morgan and I always wondered why it was there one day and then gone the next. You and Mom never told us.”
His eyes shiny with tears, Ram told Wyatt the story that he had kept hidden for so long, including his failure to dismantle the swing set. Soon Wyatt’s eyes were also moist. He stared incredulously at his father.
“My God…,” he whispered.
“Your mother begged me not to tell you boys,” Ram answered. “So I didn’t. Because I felt responsible for what happened, she didn’t want to make things worse, or to have my sons think ill of me.”
Wyatt gazed toward the family cemetery. “Was it a boy or a girl?” he asked softly.
Ram shook his head. “Dunno. There wasn’t enough of the child to warrant a burial, and we didn’t have such fancy tests in those days. That’s why there’s no marker in the cemetery. Even your mother didn’t know she was pregnant until after the accident.”
Ram also turned to look at the cemetery. “Phoebe and I even had names picked out ahead of time, if she ever became pregnant again,” he said wistfully. “Another son would have been called Virgil. A daughter would have been named Annie.”
Wyatt smiled faintly. “Virgil Earp and Annie Oakley…”
Ram nodded. “My first choice for a daughter was Calamity, after Calamity Jane. I thought that it was a fine name for a girl, but your mother wouldn’t hear of it.”
“And so you named the dog Calamity,” Wyatt said.
“Phoebe and I compromised.”
“Why tell me this now?” Wyatt asked.
“Because I’ve come to realize that my story has as much to do with you and Gabby as it ever did with Phoebe and me.”
Wyatt scowled. “How so?”
“Whether you know it or not, Gabby has become the best thing in your life,” Ram answered. “I’m not trying to belittle how much you cared for Krista and Danny. But by letting Gabby go, you’re rejecting a wonderful future. The difference between her and you is that she knows it. She also understands that your heart is still burdened, so she keeps her feelings about you to herself.” Pausing for a moment, Ram lit his first cigarette of the new day.
“I know that a man has to make his own decisions,” he said. “But you’re still devoting your life to two people who are gone and are never coming back. Krista wouldn’t want that. And if Danny had been old enough to understand, he wouldn’t have wanted it either. Blaming yourself accomplishes nothing, save for ruining your life. Trust me, I know. I suffered the same guilt about your mother and our unborn child. Some days, I still do. But I expect you to do better.”
“I don’t know if I can,” Wyatt said.
Ram took another drag on his cigarette, its far end brightening i
n the relative darkness. “Then let me say one last thing, son. After that, I’ll never speak of this again. Hell, Wyatt, dying is easy. Any dumb bastard can die. But living—really living after suffering a great personal tragedy—that’s the hard part. It takes a brave person to get on with living again. And last time I checked, I hadn’t raised any cowards. So whatever your real feelings might be, stop trying to deny them by smothering them in guilt. Instead, search your heart for what you really want and set it free.”
Ram looked down at his boots for a time. When his eyes returned to Wyatt’s, they held a faraway look. “I don’t want you to end up like me,” he said simply. Saying nothing more, the old man stood and walked into the house.
Left alone again, Wyatt pondered his father’s words. As he did, he returned his gaze to the cemetery. He soon imagined another family headstone nestled there among the others. Somehow he knew that his mother’s unborn child had been a girl. The imagined headstone was smaller, and it bore the name Annie Blaine. He again thought about Krista and Danny, and Gabby and Trevor.
And then, like a suddenly bursting dam, the floodgates guarding his heart finally opened. His armor had at long last been shed and his repressed wants and needs truly broke through, causing fully fledged tears to run down his face. Holding up his trembling left hand, he saw his wedding ring. The simple gold band suddenly seemed foreign and unnecessary. Soon he was on his feet and walking toward the cemetery.
As Wyatt opened the gate, its old hinges creaked with familiarity. He walked across the well-tended earth until he found himself standing before Krista’s grave. After removing his ring for the first time since his wedding day, he stared in silence at Krista’s cold, lifeless headstone. When Wyatt spoke, his words arrived as softly and earnestly as his tears.
“I still dream of you, you know,” he said. “And Danny, too. Maybe I always will. And those dreams are the only way I have of seeing you again. I loved you more than life. But you’re gone, and I have to face that.” His tears coming harder now, he took a deep breath then let it out slowly.
If Wishes Were Horses Page 25
