by Jami Wagner
“Oh my gosh! This is crazy. What are you doing here?” she asks excitedly. Her smile is bright and familiar. It’s been way too long since I’ve seen someone from my past life, and it feels both nice and weird. Heather was one of the kindest people to me growing up. Foster kids can be hard to live with because we all have such different backgrounds and stories to tell, but Heather was so accepting of everyone.
“I live here now,” I say.
“Are you serious? That’s unbelievable. We have to get lunch or coffee or something to catch up.”
“Yeah, that would be really nice.”
“This is just too crazy.” She keeps smiling. “How did you end up here?”
I laugh. “I should be asking you the same question, but I actually just moved here a month or so ago. My real brother lives here and I came here to reconnect with him.”
Her smile slowly fades. “Interesting.”
“Yeah.” What started as an exciting conversation immediately gets awkward.
“Well, I better get to class,” she says. “Good luck with your brother. I’ll stop by the front on my way out to plan coffee.”
“Okay,” I say to her backside because she’s already halfway down the hall.
Of all the kids I met growing up, I shared more secrets with Heather than anyone else about the life I wished for. I can’t wait to talk to her and see what life has brought her since we parted ways.
* * *
When I get home, I park my car and notice the living room light in Conner’s apartment is on. The television is on and I can see his silhouette lying on the couch.
I can do this. Whatever Conner and I have goes way past a silly fight. He’ll understand. I need to start trusting this gut feeling I have.
I knock on his door with a shaky hand. He mutes the TV. Then his door is open and he’s standing before me looking hot as hell in just a pair of sweats. I take a deep breath and force my eyes to remain glued to his instead of them allowing them to roam the smooth sight of his naked and hard chest.
“Hey,” I say the way I say it every time I see him. I even give him a half smile, hoping he doesn’t shut me out. “Can we talk?”
He nods, stepping to the side and gesturing for me to come in. He closes the door and then strides past me, taking his spot back on the couch. I get it. He’s waiting for me to start. Which, technically, I’m the only one who has any apologizing to do, so that only makes sense.
I sit next to him, resting my purse on my lap and looking down at it.
“I’m going to tell Logan.”
This grabs his attention.
“I’m going to tell him this week. I don’t know when or how, but I am going to do it. It’s what I came here for, and you were right, he deserves to know. I’m just …” I take a deep breath as more tears prick at my eyes and I pull Logan’s letter from my purse. “I’m scared that the brother who wrote me this letter isn’t the same brother anymore. What if the fact he’s married and about to start a family has focused him on the future and he doesn’t want his past to come back?”
Conner inches over until his arms are wrapped around me. My body leans into his and I cry into his chest.
“He isn’t going to reject you.” He kisses the top of my head. “It’s not possible. You are his sister and you’re an amazing person. He’s watched the way you’ve changed my life. He’s going to love you.”
I dry my eyes enough to look up at him.
“How could I have changed your life? We’ve only know each other for a few weeks.”
“Probably for the same reason you came to me tonight. Because you’re the person I want to know my secrets. You’re the person who, yes, in just weeks, has managed to take over more of my heart than anyone I know, excluding Jake, of course.”
A small laugh bubbles up from my throat. I then let out a sigh of relief. Tilting my chin until I’m looking at him, Conner kisses me. It’s a soft and gentle kiss that gives me all the reassurance I need. Conner is going to be there for me and I don’t need to worry anymore.
“I have an idea,” he says breaking the kiss and wiping away my last few tears with his thumb. “Tell me something you would tell Logan.”
“I don’t know. Won’t that be awkward?”
“Is that what you’re worried about? Things being awkward between you and Logan?”
“I’m not worried about it; I expect it.”
“Alright, good point, but I’ll probably have a different reaction than what you’re expecting Logan to have.”
“Sooo, you want to have like a practice talk? With you playing my brother?” I cock my eyebrow.
“Um, no. Definitely not as your brother. Just as Conner, but yeah, sure, shoot. Practice on me.”
“Okay,” I reply, hesitating over what my first question should be. When I take too long to answer, Conner beats me to it.
“How many foster homes did you stay in?”
“Four. It took a while before someone decided I was good enough to keep,” I say, my head down.
“Why didn’t you move out of the last one when you were eighteen?” he asks another question instead of answering mine. I scoot back on his couch, taking my jacket off and crossing my legs Indian style. The fact he knows this information confirms my curiosity on whether or not Logan talked to anyone about me. Also, it warms my heart to know Logan put an effort into searching for me.
“I was their last foster child. They wanted to retire, but I think a part of them was going to miss the whole child-caring thing. So they told me I could stay if I wanted to.”
“They were good people?” he asks. These questions seem too easy for him. I get the sense that maybe these are topics he’s been wanting to ask since I told him.
“Better than some of the foster homes. We didn’t have nice things, but we did have everything we needed. When they gave me the option to stay, I took it because it was the smart thing to do and I planned to move one day, but money wasn’t something that came easy. I stayed with them and got a job, eventually moved out. Now, here I am.”
“That’s good to hear. You should tell Logan about all that. He’d love to hear they treated you well.”
He’s right. Logan probably does wonder all the same things I do.
“Um,” I begin, tucking hair behind my ear. “Were Logan’s foster parents good to him?”
My eyes slowly flutter back in Conner’s direction and when they meet his, he stands.
“That’s something you should talk to Logan about, and the questions you have for him, you should write down. That way, if you forget because you’re too nervous, you have something to focus on.”
“That’s a pretty good idea you have there, Mr. Brian,” I say, rising to stand in front of him.
“I thought so myself, Ms. Parker.”
The moment his lips touch mine once again, I let my entire body relax into his embrace. Meeting Conner is one of the best things that could have happened to me. I’m not a huge believer in fate, but I may need to start. I don’t think I was meant to come here just for my brother. I think I was meant to meet Conner, too. Someone is looking out for me and as long as I have Conner on my side, I’ll be okay.
Chapter Thirteen
Conner
Alex’s leg bounces as she sits next to me on the couch.
“You need to stop worrying. I promise, it’s going to be okay.”
I rub my hand across her back in an attempt to calm her down. She’s been here for less than ten minutes and we’ve yet to leave the apartment.
After our conversation a couple days ago, I mentioned that if she’s this worried over Logan’s reaction, maybe meeting him in a place where he is most comfortable is a good idea. It was either his house or the BA, and Alex chose the BA because of its location to her own apartment.
I called him last night to ask if he and Sara wanted to get together for a lunch date so I could finally introduce them to Alex. They both agreed that it’s about time because, according to them, if I’m not talking about Jake, I’m t
alking about her.
“I think we should re-schedule,” she says, slouching back and resting her face in her hands. “I can’t do it. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. I mean, what if he starts yelling or accusing me of lying, or what if he does believe me and tells me he doesn’t want me to be a part of his life anymore because this is too much for him? She begins to pace. “How am I going to react to that? I won’t be able to stay here. I’ll have to move and it will all have been for nothing and I’ll be back where I was before with nothing and I don’t know if I can handle the rejection.”
“Okay, just take a deep breath.” I stand, stopping her in the center of my living room and rubbing my hands down her arms. “I’ve known Logan for as long as I can remember. He’s my best friend and one of the most understanding people I know. He won’t reject you.”
“But—”
“I told you.” I cut her words off with a kiss on her forehead. “I was there when he tried to find you. He may have stopped trying, but that was only because he never heard from you and thought that’s what you wanted. So he left you alone.”
She’s nodding and keeps nodding as she looks around. “Okay, yeah, let’s go before I change my mind.”
“Good. I’ll drive so you can’t bolt if you get scared.” This earns me an eye roll. She nudges me and then heads out the door.
She’s worried Logan won’t accept her. I get it. I also know she’s got nothing to worry about. Me, on the other hand, I’m pretty sure I need to worry. He’ll be accepting of her all right, but of us, I’m not so sure.
Time to find out.
* * *
I park in my usual spot on the side of the building. The moment the engine is turned off and my hand is on the door handle, Alex rests her hand on my arm to stop me.
“Thank you for coming with me.” Her eyes start to glaze over and it’s right now, in this moment, I realize she trusts me. It may have taken her a while, but she told me everything. And yet I can’t find the words to tell her about Jake’s mom. I know it doesn’t matter, but she deserves to know. There is never the right time for a topic like that and this is definitely not the right moment, but I have to man up sooner rather than later.
I open my mouth, but I don’t get any words out before her lips are on mine. She leans her entire body into the kiss, slipping her tongue into my mouth. The feeling goes right to my groin. I lean back, reaching my hand around her head and holding her lips to mine as I deepen the kiss. Anytime we kiss, it’s easy to get lost, to forget where I am or what is the right thing to do. I should stop this, but I don’t want to.
The fist pounding against my window, however, does.
“Hey! Are we eating lunch or what?” Logan glares at us through the window.
I jerk away from Alex and she does the same. She looks straight out the passenger’s window away from Logan. I nod and give him a finger, letting him know we’ll be just a minute.
He nods, turning to open Sara’s door and they disappear inside the building.
“Okay, now I definitely can’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
“Umm, hello, Conner, you were here. The first time I see my brother after all these years and it’s because he caught me making out with his best friend!”
“Sounds like pretty typical brother-sister behavior. You guys will be fine.”
“Conner.” She shoves me against the door. Well, attempts to as she laughs. “This isn’t funny.”
“Alex, come on, think about it. This is the moment you came to Wind Valley for. You can’t back out now. You both deserve this. And if, that’s a big if, it doesn’t go the way you planned, the stress of never knowing will still be gone.”
“You’re right.”
“But don’t worry. It’s going to be fine.”
She finally gets out of the truck, with me right behind her. I lace our fingers as we go inside. A way to remind her that I am here for her. Logan waves from a table near the jukebox. Alex looks up at me one more time before we head in their direction.
I pull out her chair when we get to the table and clear my throat.
“Sara, help me pick out a song.”
“What?” she and Logan say in unison.
“A song.”
“Go pick one out yourself.” Logan squints his eyes at me.
“I want Sara’s opinion on changing some of the choices.”
“Are you being serious?” she asks.
This is not working out as well as I hoped it would.
“Sara, please?” I use my most polite yet just-do-it voice. This earns me an eye roll from Logan and I almost laugh. These two are so much alike. He’s going to love this.
I step away from the table, guiding Sara toward the jukebox with quick steps.
“Geez, Conner, what is going on?”
“Alex is Alexis.”
“Your point? Everyone has nicknames.”
“Alexis Parker.”
Her eyes go wide and she looks back to the table.
“She’s been scared to—”
“Shhhh! I want to hear them.”
And just like that I’m shushed as I wait for Alex to reveal her secret. I hope it goes well. I hope it goes really well that he doesn’t mind me dating her. And I really hope it goes well because I’ve never been so nervous for someone else in my life.
Alexis
Conner isn’t the smoothest guy. I’ve kept my head down since his first awkward invitation for Sara to join him came out of his mouth. With them away from the table, I glance up.
Logan smiles as he extends his hand. The moment I lift my chin and look him straight on, his entire body freezes. His eyes survey me from the other side of the table. I wait for confusion to set in, because that’s what I prepared myself for. I definitely didn’t expect him to recognize me so quickly. His throat bobs as he swallows, never removing his eyes from mine.
“Hi, Logan. I’m Alexis Parker,” I say, placing my hand in his. He continues to look at me with wide eyes. It both freaks me out and makes me want to break into tears. My heart is beating so hard it hurts my ears.
“I’m your sister.”
Silence and a slight jaw drop is all I get. I wait. I look around for Conner and find him and Sara both watching us like it’s a live movie. I start to scoot my chair back, because it’s obvious I was right and I didn’t make the best judgment call. Conner steps up to the table. He stands next to my chair and motions for me to stop. He tilts his head toward Logan, who is still staring at me.
“Do you want me to go?” I ask.
Logan finally snaps out of his state of shock and shakes his head.
“No, no I don’t. I just … this um … this wasn’t what I was expecting today.”
“Trust me, it’s probably just as hard for me to say it to you as it is for you to hear it.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I got your letter over a year ago and I’m just now showing up. Well, I’ve been here for a while, but yeah.”
He’s smiling. but his wide eyes tell me he’s still in shock. “You got my letters?” he asks.
“Letters?” He sent me more than one? “No, I only got one.” I pull it from my purse, my heart slowing down to its normal pace, but my hands continue to shake. I cried every time I read this letter and each time I tried to dream up how this moment would go. None of them will ever compare to the real thing.
He leans back in his chair and his grin grows. “I can’t believe you kept it.”
“Someone wanted me to be a part of their family.” I shrug. “I couldn’t not take the chance.” My hands shake as I focus on the fact it’s possible I’ve revealed too much for the first five minutes of our meeting. I watch as he takes the letter, unfolds it, and laughs.
“My handwriting looks so awful. I remember shaking the entire time I wrote this. I wasn’t sure how many chances I would get. With every word I wrote I told myself I had to get it right.”
His voice catches in a few
spots and he, too, takes a deep breath. I knew this moment was going to be tough for me and that it would be a shock for him too.
“There is so much I want to ask you, I just don’t know if I can do it today,” he shares with me and it’s the glazed expression in his eyes that makes me realize how much I focused on him having a negative reaction, never considering what it would look like if he were happy to see me.
I’m about to reach out and grab his hand to tell there isn’t a reason to hurry because we are brother and sister and we’re in this together, but his chair shoots out and he rushes around the table, throwing his arms around me.
I try to do my best to hug him back, but he’s squeezing me tighter than ever I expected a guy to hug someone.
“Are we interrupting?” Conner asks. Sara is standing next to him with seriously the happiest smile I’ve ever seen, and I’m instantly smiling back.
“Oh, damn it,” she says looking away and fanning her hand in front of her eyes. “I’m so sorry, I just … okay, okay, and I’m good now.”
“Alexis, this is my wife, Sara. Babe, this is Alexis, my sister.”
I don’t even have time to reply before she, too, is swinging her arms around me. “Oh, this is so amazing. You look just like him, but you know, female and beautiful.”
“Hey, I’m beautiful,” Logan says behind her.
“No, you’re handsome,” she replies.
He kisses Sara on the temple and then she smiles up at him. He looks happy, and knowing that he’s had her in his life makes a small piece of me feel relieved.
“Oh shoot, you’re not going to cry, too, are you?” Sara asks, grabbing a napkin off the table and handing it to me. I wasn’t even aware any tears had slipped by.
“I’m crying because I’m pregnant and apparently that’s my only symptom and it’s in high gear all day, every day,” Sara admits, taking the seat next to me. She leans over, resting her head on my shoulder, apparently already comfortable with me. I’ve heard so much about her, so many good things, that I enjoy the gesture.
Logan returns to his seat and Conner takes the one across from me. He reaches over to squeeze my hands in his. I don’t miss the slight glare Logan gives him.
