by Sable Hunter
“Hard?” He waved the paper. “Missing you is hard. Finding you in the midst of a forest fire is hard. Talking to me? That should be easy.”
“This isn’t going to work. You and me.”
“Why do you keep doing this? Running hot, then cold. You push me away, then you reel me in. I love you more than life, Romy! Please tell me everything’s going to be all right.”
“It’s not,” she stated sadly. “It’s not going to be all right.”
“What are you talking about?” He stood and walked deeper in the cave, pacing close to the large black bear who seemed to be taking the presence of his unexpected guests in stride. “I saw your suitcase. Where were you going?”
“Away.”
“Away from me?”
“I’m trying to protect you, Nathan.” Clare began to cry. “Please let me protect you.”
“From what?” he asked with frustration. “I don’t understand.” His eyes fell on the tote and the half-concealed painting. “You didn’t bring your suitcase, but you brought these things?”
“No!”
She tried to stop him, but he lifted the cloth on the portrait. His own likeness stared back at him. “Romy?” Stepping nearer, he knelt to take in the detail. He raised his hand to touch the faint image of a woman in the background. “This is you.” Nathan knew he wasn’t an art critic, but even he could read the love on the face of the woman as she looked at the man. “Me and you.”
“Yes.”
“What else did you bring?” He took the tote in hand and brought it closer. “What meant so much to you that you’d risk your life to save it?”
“Please, Nathan.” She didn’t know whether she was pleading for him to not look or to look and understand.
He ignored her pleas. Driven, something told him the answers he needed were at hand. Opening the tote, he took out some books and papers. Confused, he realized a couple of them were copies of his high school annual. Another was the binder with his name on it. “What is this?” Without waiting for her to say anything, he opened the book. To his shock, Nathan saw articles and pictures of him taken from his hometown newspaper. There were other things too – like programs from the rodeos he’d ridden in and pictures of him on the back of a bucking bronc. “All of this is me.”
“Yea, I’m been your official stalker for a long time.”
Nathan couldn’t fathom what he was seeing. “And this?” He took the thick notebook and opened it up. Moving nearer the lantern, he began to read. A paragraph here. A sentence there. With wonder, he flipped through the pages. “This is my dream. This is what I dreamed,” he repeated. “How?”
Clare was trying to formulate an answer that would make sense to him when she heard someone yell. “Clare! Nathan!”
“Storm.” She moved to the entrance of the cave. “We’re here!”
A few seconds later, both of Clare’s brothers arrived with Brent close behind. “Come on!” Mad urged. “Let’s get you two out of here.”
Nathan saw they’d brought fire-resistant blankets to wrap them all in. “Glad to see you guys.”
“The helicopter’s in the clearing near the cabin,” Mad told them. “Others are on their way to drop some chemicals, but we need you out of here before them.”
“What about Koda?”
Brent eyed the bear through the cave entrance. “The flame retardant isn’t toxic.”
“Hopefully, he’ll stay in the cave,” Clare muttered as she gathered her things.
“Here, let me.” Nathan picked up the painting and her tote. When he raised up, he kissed her quickly on the lips. “We’ve got some talking to do.”
Clare didn’t respond. This was what she’d been dreading.
“How did the fire start?” Nathan asked as he took a blanket and passed Clare’s items to Brent and Mad. “Have you heard?”
“They found some kids shooting off fireworks on the ridge above Clare’s cabin,” Storm answered as he made sure everyone’s blankets were securely covering them. “We’ve got to make a run for it. Time is of the essence.”
“I can’t run,” Clare admitted softly.
Nathan tucked the thin blanket under his hat, making a poncho of sorts. “You won’t have to. Come here.” He picked her up in his arms. “One of you lead the way.”
Mad and Brent set out ahead of them with Storm and Nathan close behind. The walk through the woods was treacherous. Several times burning limbs would fall from the trees. There were places where the very floor of the forest was on fire. Clare buried her face in Nathan’s neck as she clung to him. She could feel the steady beat of his heart against her cheek. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t be sorry. Just get ready to tell me the whole truth. That’s all I ask.”
Trying to run again was futile. Clare knew the time for honesty was at hand.
Once they made it to the helicopter, everyone climbed on board. A few minutes later, they were setting down on the helipad near Estancia’s main house. Clare looked out the window toward the mountain. Her home was no more. “What are the chances the fire will come here?” she asked with worry.
“We’ve got our own equipment and we’re setting up barriers. The pastures between here and the foothills will stop the progress. There’s very little fuel to burn in those areas.”
Clare nodded, knowing the men knew what they were doing.
When the blades of the helicopter slowed to a stop, Nathan carried her from the helipad to the house. Mad accompanied them with Clare’s things. No sooner did they get to the steps before Ms. Robbins met them. “Oh, mercy. Are you all right, Clare?”
“Yes, I’m just thirsty.”
“We all are,” Nathan announced as he carried Clare through the kitchen to place her on the comfortable couch in the living room. “Sit tight. I’ll be right back.”
He returned to the kitchen to get the water. Facing Mad, he looked him in the eye. “I know I’m needed elsewhere, but I have to talk to your sister.”
“I know that.” Mad nodded solemnly. “Good luck.”
Nathan thought he might need it. Returning to where she lay, he knelt at her side. “Come on, baby. Drink up.”
“Okay.” She sat up and drank thirstily, then slowed down when she realized he was waiting for her to speak. “I owe you an explanation.”
“Yes, you do.” He tenderly pushed her hair back from her face. “And I’m ready to listen.”
Clare clutched the bottle in both hands, trying to find the strength to confess. “Tamara showed me a photograph of you several years ago. I recognized you immediately. Although, I’d never seen you before.”
“Explain,” he urged her. “I need to hear everything.”
“I didn’t understand for a long time. I could look at your face and I knew certain things about you. No details like in your dream, I just felt like we’d known one another before.”
“Like in a past life?”
“No, I don’t think so. Maybe.” She took another sip of water. “I think you were the one who helped solve the mystery. When you told me the date you had drowned, I realized that could be how we were connected.”
“What do you mean?”
“July 17, 2013 was the day I died too.”
“What?” This news stunned him. “You died? How?”
“Yes. I suffered a heart attack.”
“You were too young to have a heart attack.” Nathan outright rejected such a notion.
“My family thought so too, but I did have one and I died. Like you, I also had a near-death experience, floating over my body – that kind of stuff. For a long time, I pushed the memories out of my head, they just didn’t make any sense. Until you.” She paused. “When I saw your face, I knew I’d known you before. Somehow, someway we connected in the place where soulmates are made.”
Nathan gave her the sweetest smile. “I believe you. I always knew what we shared was special.”
“When you look at everything together, I think whatever connection we m
ade in the shadow realm still exists.”
Nathan picked up the notebook where she’d authored the imagined stories. “That’s how your fantasies became my dreams.”
“Yes, maybe. Anyway, I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t let you go. In some ways, I built my whole world around you. I know it wasn’t healthy, but thoughts of you made me so happy.”
“I know the feeling, sweetheart. That’s why I was determined to remember the dream, because each time I had it, I awoke full of joy.”
Clare, once she began, wanted to keep on going. “I subscribed to the Kerrville News, bought your annuals, I even mailed you gifts on special occasions.”
His face went blank with amazement. “The arrowheads were from you. Oh, my God.” He rose to stand in front of her, his mind whirling with what he’d learned. “We’re meant to be, Romy. How could you even doubt it?”
“I didn’t doubt it, I just felt like fate had made a cruel mistake.”
Her explanation set him back on his heels. “Considering all of these wondrous, serendipitous events – how can you say that? Why were you so determined to keep us apart in the beginning…and now?”
She pinned him with a level stare. “Because I have a weak heart. I’m still battling the same disease.”
“But you said…?”
“Yes, I said a lot of things. I hid things from you. I made light of how I was feeling. I lied to you. Okay?” She bent her head and clutched at her hair. “Yes, I have an arrythmia, I get weak easily. Dizzy and out of breath. Those are symptoms of my cardio amyloidosis. My liver produces this stupid protein that makes my heart muscles too thick to pump correctly. I watch what I eat. I take medicine…but the condition keeps progressing slowly.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nathan felt like he was walking through a fog thicker than the smoke he’d battled to get to Romy.
“Because I didn’t want you to know!” she yelled. “The day you arrived, I saw you. While I ached to be around you, I knew there was no future for us. I tried to get my brothers to send you home.” She clutched at a sofa pillow so hard that the seam began to unravel. “Of course I didn’t know at the time that they’d brought you here on purpose. For me.”
“And here I thought it was my talent that got me the job.”
“Oh, that was an added bonus, believe me.” She shook her head. “No, they’ve been more than impressed by you. You have no worries on that score. It’s just they were aware of my…obsession, I guess you could say. They had some misplaced idea about me being happy.”
“Why shouldn’t you be happy?”
“Oh, none of this was an issue until you showed an interest in me. I would’ve been content worshiping you from afar. I was used to that.”
“Romy…” He took her hands. “Please, everything is going to be okay.”
“Nathan, you told me once that you knew how our life would go, you lived it. You saw it in your dream. But that’s not true, what you experienced in the dream wasn’t a glimpse into the future, it was just a window into my wishful thinking. To make up for the emptiness in my life, I created this fantasy world starring you!”
“I don’t care how it came about,” Nathan said emphatically. “I just want what we have to continue. Forever.”
Clare looked at him with pleading eyes. “I don’t have forever, Nathan. I may not even have next year or next month or…tomorrow.”
“What do you mean? You’re okay. You’re fine. You’re healthy.” He looked at her from head to toe. “You’re perfect.”
“Cardiomyopathy is a form of heart failure. I’ve lived longer than they told me was possible.”
“No.”
“When I received that verdict, I rebelled. I left my home in the city. I was tired of doctors who couldn’t help me. Who couldn’t even give me hope.” She pointed out the window toward the fire still raging on her mountain. “I came to this beautiful place so I could breathe. I guess I thought my fate couldn’t find me here.”
“You’re fine. You told me when you came home we’d make plans.”
Clare could see his eyes were darting around, unseeing. Going to him, she placed a gentle hand on his arm. “I know and I’m so sorry. I’d met with the specialist during my first trip to the city. He informed me about some strides they’d made in treatment methods. He thought I might qualify for a heart transplant.”
“That’s where you went this time, right? You’re going to get a heart transplant. Everything is going to be okay.”
His fast, hopeful speech tore Clare’s heart to ribbons. “I got my hopes up. I let myself dream…with you. But I didn’t qualify, Nathan. The protein buildup has spread.”
“No.”
He was shaking his head so hard, she put her hand on his cheek to stop him. “To have any hope of qualifying I’d have to have a bone marrow transplant and chemotherapy and then…there’s still no guarantee I would survive long enough to have the transplant.”
“No. Stop.” Nathan held up his hands and began to back up slowly. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”
“Okay.” She held his gaze as long as he would let her. As Clare’s eyes followed him from the room, she whispered a final goodbye. “Take care, cowboy. I’ll love you forever.”
A few seconds later, she heard the front door close behind him. His sudden absence weighed around her neck like a millstone. She’d expected him to be hurt. Upset. Angry, even. What she hadn’t expected was for him to just walk away.
Nathan fled blindly from the house. He stormed past Mad and Brent, not even acknowledging their presence. All he wanted to do was escape the crushing pain. Romy was his love. His life. His future. The thought of something happening to her was inconceivable. He had no desire to live in a world where she didn’t exist.
Coming to the barn, he saddled Buck. His movements were methodical, automatic. Riding from the barn, he looked up at the blaze on the mountain. Despite the late hour, helicopters and planes were passing overhead, working on putting out the fire.
Pulling on the stallion’s reins, Nathan headed his mount in the opposite direction. He needed to get away. He needed to put distance between himself and the specter of sorrow threatening to drown his hopes. If he rode hard and fast enough, maybe he could outrun the agony tormenting his soul.
…Clare sat on the couch, staring at the wall. She was at a loss. Heartsick in more ways than one. Nathan was gone. What was she supposed to do now?
The sound of a door slamming caused her to jerk around. Hopeful. “Nathan?”
“No, it’s me.” Mad stood there with an angry look on his face. “Where did McCoy go?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Yea, I did. I told him everything.”
“And he just left?”
Clare wrapped her arms around herself, shaking with emotion. “Yes.” She began to cry. “And that’s what I wanted him to do!”
“Oh, really?” Mad watched her, his body tense, his hands clenched into fists. “I guess that’s why you’re crying like your heart’s breaking? Because you wanted him to leave?”
She lifted her face to her brother, tears running in rivulets down her cheeks. “All right! It’s true. I don’t want him to leave. I want him to stay. And I don’t want to die. I want to live! But…we don’t always get what we want, do we?”
Mad stepped over to Clare and kissed her on the forehead. “Well, we’ll just see about that.”
“Mad! Wait! What are you going to do?”
Maddox Connelly didn’t stop to answer. He was on a mission.
…Giving Buck his head, Nathan leaned low over the horse’s neck. He was barely aware of the tears falling from his eyes. His throat felt raw, his lungs ached with the effort to breathe. What was he going to do? How could he fix this? A cry tore from his mouth. “No! Romy, no!” He couldn’t lose her now. Not when they had everything to live for.
“Hey, McCoy!”
Nathan didn’
t slow down as Mad rode up alongside him.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
“Leave me alone, Connelly!”
“Why? So you can leave my sister alone?” Mad grabbed him by the shoulder causing Nathan to tumble from his horse.
“Are you crazy?” Nathan jumped up to face Clare’s brother.
“A little, yea. At least I’m not a yellowbelly. My sister loves you. I thought you loved her! Are you too much of a coward to watch her die?”
Nathan reacted instantly, pulling back his fist to give Mad a hard uppercut to the jaw. “Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that! Romy isn’t going to die!”
Mad rubbed his face. “She will if she doesn’t have the chemo and the bone marrow transplant. And the only person who can convince her to do that is you.”
Nathan hung his head, tears falling to the ground. “I don’t know if I can.”
“Well, you’re damn sure gonna give it a shot! I’m not about to let you walk out on her. If you love her like you say you do, you gotta cowboy up.”
Nathan looked at Mad like he was losing his mind. “I wasn’t leaving. I’ll never leave her.”
“Then, what in the hell are you doing out here?”
Nathan wiped his face with his sleeve. “I didn’t want her to see me cry.”
“Oh.” All the wind left Mad’s sails in an instant. “Okay.”
“Just give me a few more minutes.” He pulled himself into the saddle. “I just need to pull myself together.”
“Yea, okay,” Mad agreed. “We have to be strong.”
“I intend to be strong. For Romy.” Nathan flicked the reins, sending Buck into a gallop. When he made it over the hill and out of Mad’s sight, he slowed the horse to a walk and jumped off. Feeling sick, his feet barely touched the ground before he emptied the contents of his stomach. Pivoting away, he wiped his mouth, then looked up to the sky. “How am I going to do this?”
Nathan knew he needed to talk to someone.
He needed to talk to Aron.
Fishing his cell from his pocket, he punched the contact button to phone his brother. A few moments later, he answered.
