My Sweet Paige

by Mallory Funk

  While the guys are next door, we decide to sneak over to the brothers’ house. We spend the next hour or two checking the windows to make sure we aren’t caught, or that we don’t have to sneak back home before they know something up. I know that after this they aren’t going to hold back. They said we declared war, but I think we all agree that we don’t want to sit around and wait for them to attack us.

  We have the huge supply of tampons and pads and start decorating the house and all the cars- even my brothers’. I had snuck their keys a few days ago and decided to make copies. It makes it so much easier for us for attack them by having a spare set. We keep them all on the same ring. I get into Liam’s room to start decorating it and that’s when I notice how incredibly neat it is. I head into his closet and see his clothes separated by type of clothing and then colour. I look inside his drawers and see his boxers and socks put away nice and neatly. The bed was even made a certain way. I noticed that their house is always clean, but never this neat and organized. I realize that this is his domain- where he gets to express who he is and, by looking, I can’t believe that I didn’t realize that our Liam has OCD.

  That’s when a lightbulb flicks in my head, and I start reorganizing his stuff. I may or may not laugh like a crazy person while I do it. Messing with the brothers has never been so much fun. When the girls and I sneak back home, we notice that we were never caught, so we head to bed like everything is normal.

  Trevor

  We are all finishing up what we were doing for the evening. We only stopped when the girls brought over pizza and beer to feed us. Little did we know that they brought this offering so that we didn’t know what was going on the last few hours that we weren’t keeping an eye on them.

  Walking into our house to shower and head to bed for the night, we notice that they did some redecorating to our house.

  “Motherfucker!” Cole says loudly.

  “How the fuck did they find the time to do all of this?” Noah says. He and his brothers come in wide-eyed.

  “They are fucking asking for it,” Sam says looking up at the ceiling and I follow his eyes and glance. Fuck me. Is that a fucking chandelier made out of pads and tampons?

  “They even fucking decorated our cars!” Kyle says looking less than pleased.

  “All of them?” Derek asks in a panic. We all know that no one touches his car. It’s practically his baby. I won’t be surprised if his car is covered in this shit.

  We start walking around the house and check out everything they did, and I see that the kitchen is covered too. The whole fridge door is covered in pads. They even made a smiley face out of them on the kitchen table. I can’t help but laugh at that. I look at everyone else and notice that they are impressed by the lengths that the women went to for this. Derek comes in wide-eyed. Oh fuck.

  “They tamponed my fucking car! They are dead!”

  The second he steps into the kitchen, the song Man, I feel like a woman by Shania Twain comes on. Seriously, how did they time that?

  “Let’s check if they did anything to our rooms,” Sam grumbles, and at that Liam runs upstairs like his ass is on fire. Just like Derek’s car is his baby, Liam’s room is his domain. No one messes with it. He has been able to let go of control around the rest of the house, but his room is where his shit is freaky organized. I feel for the woman who falls for him and hope she can handle his need for organization.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?!” I hear yelled from Liam’s room. Ahh fuck, they messed with his room. I get in there and notice all the clothes in the closet have been scrambled (looking like a normal closet to my eyes), and the bedspread is even upside down and made. Whoever did this seriously picked up on his OCD and decided to play dirty. Even the pictures on the wall are slightly slanted.

  “Whoever was in here is dead, you hear me! I bet any money that this shit was Paige. This has her name all over it.” I can’t really deny that. The more I think about it, no one loves to mess with Liam more than her.

  “Fuck, I have to go check my room now.” We all scramble out of there and run into our rooms.

  My room has tampons and pads all over it of course, but there is also a bright pink comforter set with yellow daisies on it. In my dresser, I see something pink. Fuck no. They went after my clothes. I am almost scared to see what they did. I open it and see an assortment of hot pink and purple thongs instead of my boxers. I don’t know how these girls keep doing these things without us noticing but, fuck me, they are good.

  Cole’s room is full of the movie Trolls bedding and posters, and I honestly think he is impressed on how far the girls went in such a short amount of time.

  Derek’s room is now covered in posters from the movie Magic Mike and has a few stripper outfits in his size laid out across the bed.

  Sam’s room has dolls all over the place- those plastic babies that little kids like to play with. His floor, dresser, and bed are covered in them.

  “Fuck, they are good,” Liam says after he checks the rooms. I see his lips twitch at Derek’s room.

  “So glad we haven’t moved yet or this could have been us instead of a tamponed truck,” Luke laughs.

  “Seriously, how the fuck did they do this shit so fast?” Kyle says in disbelief.

  We all decide to walk across the road to the girls’ house. The closer we get, the louder we can hear them laugh. They open the door and are pretty much falling all over each other laughing. I can’t help but feel my lips twitch in amusement at these women.

  “Oh god, you should see your faces!!” Tara says holding her stomach laughing. Paige is wiping tears from her eyes. Courtney is already on the floor on her back laughing hard. After a few minutes, I don’t think any of us can help but laugh.

  “Who the fuck did my room?!” Derek yells. All the girls stand up straight and look at each other. I can see that it’s going to be tough to find out who did whose room.

  “What about my fucking room? Paige, I know it was you! I don’t know how I know, but I know it! You know how long it’s going to take me to organize that shit?!”

  Paige starts laughing really hard, giving herself away. “Oh god, but it was so much fun! I don’t remember having so much fun in my life.”

  Courtney and Tara start laughing, and Courtney speaks up, “Oh god, I could hear her laughing like an evil villain the whole time she was in there. That shit was funny.”

  Liam’s eyes narrow on her. “You were laughing while you were fucking up my room?”

  “Totally.” She nods and beams up at him.

  “Who touched my fucking car?” Derek yells at them.

  Paige and Tara look at Courtney. She rolls her eyes. “Gee, thanks guys!”

  “You need to own that shit. That was awesome!” Tara says which earns a glare from Derek.

  The girls tell us who did what and are laughing while they do it. I find out that Tara did Sam’s and Cole’s rooms and Courtney did mine. Paige did Liam’s and Derek’s rooms. They had done the chandelier throughout the week when we weren’t paying attention. Courtney spent most of her time “decorating” the cars. They refuse to help us clean up the mess saying that whatever we had planned for them we wouldn’t help them clean it, and I know they are right. I don’t really care about my room since I keep stuff at Paige’s and I will just sleep there until I get everything sorted.

  It’s almost midnight by the time any of us go to bed. We had spent some time cleaning up the mess, but we were saving most of it for the next day. Liam spent the whole time in his room, probably fixing the damage Paige had done.

  Once I get in bed with my girl in my arms, I take a deep breath. God, I love this woman so much. Her and her friends have really made their way inside my family’s circle. I never thought the day would come. Paige’s brothers are slowly becoming part of that circle too. I know that whatever we plan to do to the girls has to happen soon in case they plan another attack against us. I don’t know where they come up with the ideas, but they are good. I make love to Paige
before we fall asleep. This woman has turned my world upside down and she doesn’t even know it.

  I wake up the next morning and decide to let Paige sleep. I get the coffee pots ready as usual, and once I have my cup I sit out on the porch. I don’t know how I am always the first one awake, but I am. I see Paige’s brothers pull up and I talk with them while everyone else slowly gets up. It’s nice how we all like to get up and have morning coffee together before we start our day. Noah and his brothers inform us that they took the day off to move stuff. They have the rest of the week off to fix up the house. They own a mechanic shop just down the road. They had some of their guys take over for the week while they get moved and settled. Also, they took it off so that we could all start working on our plan of attack. It will be easier to handle while the girls are at work.

  After we are done our coffee, Paige’s brothers leave to get their moving truck and load it up. The girls get ready for work and my brothers and I head to work. The next couple of days, everyone seems busy. We work and have supper and do our thing. I think everyone, even the girls, enjoy working on the house next door. That is where we spend the next couple evenings. In addition to getting the house all ready, none of us want any of the girls out of our sight until we at least get them back for all the shit they did to us.

  Friday comes and while the girls leave for work, Paige’s brothers start setting up our plan of attack. Sam is staying with the girls at the salon, so he will let us know when they leave. We all pretended to leave for work when the girls left so that they wouldn’t catch onto our plan.

  They really should have been thinking since we all have keys to their house and alarm codes. But since we haven’t done anything while they were at work, I think that they thought they were safe.

  We get into their house and line every hallway in with pinup girl wallpaper.

  Cole heads straight for their bathrooms and is filling their shampoo bottles with temporary colour and replacing their lotion with orange self-tanner- I’m talking Oompa Loompa orange.

  Kyle decided that since the girls left us so many dolls that we should turn them into lights. He sticks lightbulbs in the dolls and places them all over the house.

  Noah found fake tarantulas that look real and decides to place them in their bedding and make-up bags. He also took the time to put some of their makeup in balloons and release them around the house.

  Liam had a bunch of shirts made with his face printed on them and switches out all the girls’ shirts with these shirts. I don’t know how much money he spent on that shit, but the face he is making in the picture is hilarious. He has a huge grin on his face and is crossing his eyes. The camera is close to his face. He had also bought three blankets with his face on them and decided to make their beds with them.

  Derek puts glitter in all of their hair dryers. Then he changes all their settings on the T.V. and computer to Spanish.

  Luke puts flour on the ceiling fans so that when the girls turn them on, flour flies everywhere.

  I grab a life-sized Chewbacca cut out and put it outside the kitchen window. Then I tape all their coffee mugs to the ceiling. I can’t make it easy for my girl to reach them. I replace all their throws and throw pillows with ones that have pictures of me giving them a thumb’s up and a big smile printed on them.

  After we had spent the day doing that, we go across the street to our house and decide to wait for the girls to get home. We all had taken the day off so that we could pull this off. Once we see Sam pull up, we all sit by the window to see the girls head inside, and then wait to hear them when they find our presents.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Paige

  We get home after a long day at the salon. All we want to do is eat and go to bed. We had no breaks in between clients and walk-ins so I barely had time to text Trevor, which was okay since he told me he would be busy working on a job today. Yawning, Sam tells us he will see us later and jogs across the street home. He has a huge smile on his face and I think maybe he has a hot date or something. It’s not until we get into our house that I realize my thoughts were wrong. Dead wrong! In the living room, I see pictures of my man on blankets and pillows sitting on the couch and love seat. Then my eyes travel the stairs. Along the stairs’ wall up into the hallway, I see semi naked pictures of woman throughout time. They cover the walls like wallpaper.

  Groaning, I decide to head to the kitchen. I scream and cover my hand over my chest. The girls come running in behind me and scream too. Those assholes nearly gave me a heart attack! There is a mother fucking life-sized cut out of Chewbacca sitting outside my kitchen window. I let out a frustrated breath.

  “Why! Why today? I’m so fucking tired!” I yell out loud.

  “Uh Paige, darling, look up!” I follow Tara’s eyes and look. What I see has me groaning.

  “Are you kidding me? My fucking coffee mugs. They’re so high,” I start to whine. I sound like a child, but I don’t care. I’m tired. The house is pretty hot. I see Courtney turn on the fan, and I suddenly have a bad feeling about it. “No Court, don’t!”

  It was too late. We are now all completely covered in flour. We decide to head upstairs, but I have to admit I am a bit scared. I know that since we did their rooms that they probably went for ours. Once we get to the top of the stairs, I see balloons covering the ceiling. Our bedroom doors are closed, so I know that they went in them. We never close them once we wake up. We only close them if we are in them.

  “You have got to be shitting me!” Tara yells. She points to the balloons. “They put makeup in the balloons!”

  I look up and see that she is right. I see a tube of lipstick in a yellow balloon. The other balloons are darker, so I can’t really see inside them.

  I head to my room and laugh at what I see- a queen-sized blanket with Liam’s face on it. I know it’s him because his eyes are brown, and Cole’s are blue. I seriously cannot see Trevor wanting to sleep with a huge picture of his brother on the bed. I remember that I am covered in flour and head to the bathroom. I get into the shower and do my thing. I get out of the shower, wipe the mirror, and can’t help but scream at my reflection. My hair is green- motherfucking green! I will kill those assholes! I dry myself off and grab the hair dryer. I turn it on and am covered in glitter. Great. Just fucking great. I hear the others scream and I know that they are discovering the same shit as me. They fucked with our bath products. Not trusting anything else, I head out to my room and grab some clothes. I put on some black leggings and that’s when I notice that all my shirts are gone. All I have left is t-shirts with Liam’s face all over them. I shrug and pull it over my head. I can’t exactly be topless to go and kill them. I get into the hallway at the same time that Tara and Courtney do. Tara is wearing shorts, so I see her orange legs. She also has blue hair. Since she is blonde, you can really see it. Though it does go with her blue eyes. I can’t help but snort at that. Courtney has pink hair, and her arms are orange too. I notice that their hands are also orange. Tara and Courtney are also covered in glitter.

  “Why the fuck are you guys orange?” I ask them confused.

  “It’s supposed to be fucking lotion! Those assholes!” Courtney yells.

  I can’t help but laugh. “Why the fuck are you laughing? This shit is not funny!” Tara says looking at me like I am crazy.

  “Actually, it is. They kept saying they would get us back, but we never believed them! Fuck, we need to add more girls to our circle because this eight against three is so not fucking working for me!”

  We make our way downstairs and across the road. I know that the guys are watching out their window because I can hear them laughing as we walk out our door. Before I have a chance to react, T is at their door pounding her fist on it since it seems to be locked.

  “You motherfucking assholes! My hair is blue! God damn fucking blue!! I will kill you all where you stand! You better open this door right now!”

  “Yeah, that will make me unlock the door,” Noah says dryly.

  I h
ear them snicker and I roll my eyes.

  “Ugh!!! Why did you have to turn me orange?” She keeps yelling and pounding which prompts them to laugh louder.

  I can’t help but laugh. She looks at me and glares. “Quit fucking laughing!! This isn’t funny! My hair! My precious hair!” she pouts with her lip sticking out.

  “Fucking calm down,” I say while laughing. “Like you didn’t laugh your ass off when we pranked them three times! We soooo had this coming!”

  “We did not!” Tara yells at me.

  Courtney starts to laugh. “Oh we fucking did. You getting this bent out of shape is making it funnier. That was probably the reaction they were hoping for!”

  Just then, they all come outside, take a good luck at us, and start laughing. We all cross our arms over our chests and I try my best to scowl, but I can’t help it when my lips twitch.

  “Wait, how come you aren’t orange?” Cole says looking at me with a bit of disappointment which indicates that he was the one that fucked with the shampoo and lotion.

  “You!” Tara and Courtney say together.

  “After the hair and glitter, I decided not to trust anything else in the bathroom. Obviously these two didn’t come to the same conclusions.”

  “I didn’t look in the mirror until my arms turned orange!” Courtney says throwing her hands in the air.