by Natasha West
I still needed to assemble some crew, but Victor could handle most of that himself. My job for the moment was to put together the right cast, with Victor’s help.
This feeling, of being at the front of the pack, it made me think about my first day. It had been like being hit by fifteen buses in a row, coming one after the other, flattening me out. But I wasn’t flattened anymore. I was ready to take the world on.
I thought of Robbie and then quickly pushed him from my mind. There was no place for his doubts. I had things to do. Everyone would be looking to me as this film shaped itself, moving from words on a page into images on screen. That was my job, to steer the ship with unwavering conviction that I knew what I was doing, confident that I would get us all to the shore alive and well. Everyone had to believe I was doing that or it could fall apart in a moment.
Thinking about it all roused me from my bed. Cameron was right. It wouldn’t do to be late.
After we’d gotten hastily ready, we left for the school. As we walked, my mind turned to something I’d been thinking about for a while. I needed to define things with Cameron. We were about to put our names next to each other’s on yet another project, and I still didn’t really know where I stood with her outside of the work.
I cleared my throat and said, ‘Hey Cameron…’
She turned to me quickly. ‘That’s a very serious Hey’ she said apprehensively.
I laughed nervously, ‘It’s just… I was wondering…’
‘Allie, hang about!’ yelled someone down the road and I turned to see Janey running toward me. Classic timing.
‘How was your Easter?’ Janey said breathily as she reached us.
I thought of Robbie again, and put it aside. ‘Well, I’ve been getting my final project sorted, which was cool.’
‘Fuck, already!’ she shouted. ‘You’re such a swot. No wonder you’re Kim’s favourite.’
‘What the hell are you talking about?’ I asked, amazed.
‘You didn’t know that? It’s so obvious. She’s always praising you in exercises.’
‘Check you out’ Cameron said, impressed. But I didn’t believe it was merited.
It was true that after the play was done, Kim had started to behave somewhat more warmly toward me in class. But I thought calling me her favourite was pushing it a bit.
‘Don’t be crazy’ I told Janey. ‘She’s just as nice to everyone else as she is to me. Which isn’t much.’
‘Tell that to Jonny. He was bitching about it before we broke for Easter.’
‘Really’ I asked, delighted. If Jonny was bitching, then Jonny was jealous. I couldn’t have been happier. ‘What did he say?’
‘He said you were an arse kisser.’
‘And what did you say?’
‘I said he was a bitter bitch’ Janey replied breezily.
I put up my hand and Janey high fived me. ‘Thanks for having my back.’
‘Of course! Chick directors unite!’
Cameron suddenly looked at her watch, ‘I’ve got something to do and I’m late to do it’ she said vaguely and ran off.
I watched her go, baffled. She was always doing this when there was anyone else around, running off. I didn’t get it.
‘How was your Easter?’ I asked Janey.
Her smile faded a notch. ‘Oh, I broke up with the BF.’
‘Fuck’ I cried, shocked. The drama had been ongoing all year, but I guess I never really thought they’d end it. ‘What happened?’
‘He dumped me for someone else.’
After I’d picked my jaw up off the floor, I exclaimed. ‘He broke up with you for someone else?’
She nodded, sadly. ‘He wanted someone a bit more focused on him. And I loved him, but I want to do more than be someone’s girlfriend.’
I nodded and added, trying to be subtle, ‘But I guess you probably weren’t… Well, you weren’t, like… a hundred percent faithful to him, were you?’
She looked at me in horror. ‘Of course I was’ she said, offended.
‘Oh! I’m sorry… I guess I just thought…’
‘I’m a flirt, Allie, I’m the first to admit that. But I never crossed the line with anyone. Cheaters fucking suck’ she said heatedly.
‘Right’ I said, thrown. ‘Not even the guy from-’
‘No-one!’ she shrieked.
We were at the school gates by this point and we entered in silence. Janey was mad at me. I hoped in time that she’d get over it. But in the end, I didn’t know why she was so surprised somebody might think she was a cheater. She sure as hell behaved like one.
‘Right, so there’s a mixer arranged with producers and writers today’ Kim told the class. ‘You’re free to team up with whomever you like this term, and this is your chance to impress or be impressed.’
I was about to explain that I didn’t need to go to this session when Jonny beat me to it.
‘Can I just skip this?’ Jonny asked.
‘And why would you want to skip it?’ Kim asked him, sharply.
‘Because I’m writing my own final project’ he told her boldly. I could see he thought he was going to have a fight on his hands, it was in his bearing. He looked primed for battle. And he wasn’t wrong.
‘You can’t do that’ Kim told him flatly. ‘The point of this school is collaboration. Everyone gets to work on their skills, but they also need to know that you can’t make a film alone and that’s why we forge partnerships between the disciplines.’
Jonny huffed. ‘Well, I did have a writer who’d agreed to work with me, but she’s bailed on me for greener pastures’ Jonny said. Everyone turned sharply. Who did he mean? We all wanted to know.
‘Who?’ Kim asked.
‘Cameron. She’s ditched me to work with Allie.’
I felt like my eyes were going to fall clean out of my head, they went so round. What was he talking about?
Kim rounded on me. She looked pissed. ‘Is this true?’
I couldn’t speak. I was too surprised.
‘She snaked her right out from under me’ Jonny said, giving me serious side eye.
‘I asked Cameron to work with me, yes…’ I started. But before I could finish, Kim said, ‘Can I have a word with you, please? In my office.’
The room was silent as I followed Kim out of the classroom, down to her office. Once we were ensconced, she turned to me with a cynical smile. ‘Look, everyone is going to assume I’m ripping you a new one in here, but frankly, I couldn’t care less. But you need to know, if this is how you do things, you’re going to get a reputation – just make sure you don’t care. There’ll always be a million-people nipping at your heels and if you want to fuck them over it’s fine, so long as you choose the right people to fuck with and that whatever you win is a good enough prize for the potential cost. It’s not the sort of thing I like to say in class because not everyone can hear it. But you’re clearly a big enough girl to hear the truth. Got it?’
I didn’t get anything at all. ‘But I didn’t snake anyone’ I exploded. ‘Cameron never said she’d-’
‘I told you, I don’t care’ Kim said, tiredly.
I was incensed. Everyone was going to think I was some sneaky shit, and I wasn’t even allowed to explain myself. Whether Kim cared or not, I did. She almost seemed pleased with me, happy that she had this opportunity to share some hard-won wisdom. But I hadn’t come by it honestly. I hadn’t done this.
‘But… but I never even knew…’ I stuttered.
‘Allie, would you just go to the mixer? I don’t have time for this.’
Oh great. I was now going to go to a mixer where there would almost certainly be one main topic of conversation. The ethics of writer theft.
Chapter Twenty-One
I walked into the bar, set up not for heavy drinking and dancing, but for the altogether more genteel activity of networking, at least on the face of things. The truth was, it was a bear pit, a covert competition where the winners were the ones who could leverage themselves into
the best project with the perceived up-and-comers. And everyone was there, not just writers and producers. It was the whole year. There were sound engineers, composers, lighting technicians. Everyone was looking for a final project to beef up their show reel.
But I wasn’t that interested in crewing up. I went straight for Cameron. ‘I’ve just been embarrassed in front of the whole class’ I spat at her. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were already signed up with Jonny? Come to think of it, why were you gonna work with him anyway? I thought you had a terrible time with him on that winter project?’
Cameron looked taken aback at the volley of accusations. ‘I agreed to do it ages ago. I didn’t know you’d ask me, or I never would have said yes. It was when things were a bit weird, after I told you that stuff...’ her voice lowered, ‘About Ashley.’
‘But why did you even agree to it?’
‘Well, you know, he’s, he’s won competitions and everything’ she admitted. ‘And I’ve never been good at saying no to people’, she added with a flush.
I was confused. ‘Does that mean you don’t know how to say no to me either?’
‘No! I wanted you from the start.’
I frowned. ‘To work with or… The other way?’
‘Both.’ She sighed. ‘I’m still working on the assertiveness thing. Please don’t be mad at me, Allie.’
I was completely flummoxed. But the way her cheeks were turning pink, I couldn’t stay angry. ‘Everyone thinks I did this on purpose, Cam’, I told her, my tone gentler.
‘I’m sorry. It never occurred to me that would happen. I thought he’d just get over it and get someone else.’
I took a deep breath. ‘Alright, I forgive you.’
She looked deeply relieved. ‘Thank you. I’m sorry.’
‘You don’t need to keep saying that’ I told her. This wasn’t the conversation I’d wanted to be having with Cameron today. I’d been considering asking her to make it official. Instead, I was berating her at a school function. I took her hand subtly, not wanting to draw further attention to us. ‘It’s really fine.’
She smiled and leaned in to my ear, whispering, ‘I really only ever wanted you. I just want you to know that.’
I felt a silly grin slip onto my face. But then I heard it. To my left, I swear I heard someone mutter mine and Jonny’s names in the same breath. I’d been dead on, people were talking about it. How could they not? It was prime school gossip and it was fresh off the vine.
After I parted ways with Cameron, I found Victor. He was talking to Mike. ‘Hey, your housemate wants to compose for us’ Victor told me.
‘Cool!’ I exclaimed. I’d heard the compositions that drifted out of his bedroom. He made some beautiful stuff.
‘Yeah and I think Zara’s up for DP’ing’ Mike said. ‘If you want her?’
‘Great’ I said, but I was less enthused by that piece of news. Zara had talent for days, I’d seen her work before and she had a serious eye, but she was a pain in the arse to live with and I didn’t doubt that her attitude would transfer to a shoot. But I supposed they were a package deal now, Mike and Zara. I wanted one, I had to take the other. Zara had better not get under my feet, I told myself. I had enough to contend with over my minor scandal with Jonny and Cameron.
‘As for production design’ Victor said, ‘I was thinking Ashley again?’
This was tricky. Victor didn’t know about my fling with Ashley so as far as he knew, we’d worked together well already, and it was a natural fit. There was sense in his suggestion. And yet I had to think of a way to talk him out of asking her.
But then it occurred to me, I wouldn’t need to. She’d never say yes, not in a million years. Not after what had gone down in the chip shop. ‘That’s a good idea’ I told Victor, lying through my teeth. ‘Have you mentioned it to her?’
‘Yes, she said she’s happy to do it. Just wanted to run it past you first.’
I thought I’d misheard him in the din of the bar. ‘She said she’d do it?’ I repeated.
‘Yep, she’s very keen, actually. Nearly bit my hand off when I mentioned it.’
For fuck sakes. Why on earth would she ever want to work with me after how it had ended? I couldn’t think of even one reason. But she was on board now. I couldn’t go back on what I’d said to Victor, not without spilling the beans. I could have done that, I supposed, but I was tired of being surrounded by all this drama. Victor probably knew all about the great writer theft of ’17, and now I’d have to tell him I couldn’t actually work with Ashley because of a fling gone bad? I was concerned that when you added it up, I looked like a train wreck. So I said nothing. I simply listened as he told me about other crew member suggestions and locations and budgets and schedules and casting. And I kept that smile slapped on my face as I added up the people I was about to spend the next couple of months working with. An ex fuck-buddy, the person I was currently seeing, the housemate I thought about murdering on a weekly basis and her boyfriend who she couldn’t stop fighting with. And that was before we’d even started adding further cast and crew.
There was no doubt about it, I was in for a fun term.
Chapter Twenty-Two
It was the first pre-production meeting for Sickness. It was a story Cameron had pitched me about a woman trapped in a mysterious hospital where no one will tell her what’s wrong with her. I couldn’t wait to get started.
I was first to arrive, which was risky. Whoever came second, I’d be alone with them. If it was Mike or Victor, fine. But Zara, not great. Cameron would be alright. Ashley was the worst outcome. Actually, no, the worst outcome was that Cameron and Ashley would arrive at the same time and I’d have to sit with the pair of them, everyone knowing what had happened. Then we’d all have to make polite chit-chat while we pretended not to want to run away from each other. Zara had that one right. Being British was occasionally ridiculous.
But that wasn’t what happened. Instead, I got the second worst scenario. Ashley had arrived, and I was here alone - in the cafeteria - wondering whether I could hide behind a travel mug.
‘Morning’ she said lightly, sitting down opposite me at the large round table. She looked the same as ever, sex on a stick. I was deeply annoyed to find out I still felt a little reaction in my downstairs at the sight of her. But that was Little Allie. She was an idiot. It was that shiny long hair, those lips. It wasn’t just how she looked right now that was the real problem: the real issue I had was that I was quite clearly able to picture her naked.
No, I commanded myself, Stop that!
I thought of Cameron and I felt guilty for even having access to a bank of images of Ashley Douglas naked. It was silly, but there it was.
‘Good morning’ I said, too cheerily. She gave me a small look as she took out a file. ‘Right, since I’m the first here, would you mind looking at some stuff I’ve put together, just to get a sense of the kind of thing that flicks your switch.’
‘Sure’ I said, getting up without thinking and coming around the table to sit next to her. Whatever had happened, I knew Ashley would have some cool stuff for me to look at and I was excited to see it. Maybe it didn’t have to be weird after all, maybe we could focus on work, I thought, as I looked through the images she’d printed out; pictures from all sorts of places, showing me ideas for sets. As we flicked through together and she told me what she had in mind, I realised how stupid it would have been not to work with Ashley when she was clearly excellent at her job.
As she came to the end of her presentation, I told her what I thought about her collection of images, which ones had really gotten my attention and she said, ‘Great, that’s a place to start’ and closed up her folder, putting it away.
Still, no-one else was here. And now there was no more work to talk about.
‘How’s things?’ I asked her.
‘Fine’ she said quietly. ‘How was your brother’s visit? Did he stay long?’
I grimaced. ‘Actually, no. We got into a little thing and…’ I
wasn’t sure what else to say about it. We still hadn’t made up and it was always at the edge of my mind, but I hadn’t spoken about it. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. Particularly not with Ashley. We weren’t at friend stage. We were still just trying to be normal with one another.
‘You’ll make it up’ Ashley told me.
‘I don’t know’ I said vaguely. And I really didn’t. The gap that had opened between me and Robbie was utterly unprecedented. He’d always been my best friend, lame as that was. And now we hadn’t talked in weeks. I didn’t know how to handle something that had never happened in the history of the Parker siblings.
