by Piper Frost
I wince at her words. "I love him too, Jo," I snap. "More than anyone. I love that stupid man. But what happens when love ain't enough? Love doesn't fix broken bones. Love doesn't make wild animals not kill you, or bullets not hit you. He's got Will shootin' now," I hiss, my heart beating out of my chest. "What happens when a bullet goes the wrong way, just like that goddamned hatchet did? He kills his sister?"
Leaning over her chair, she loosens her tight jaw. "Will's been a wild child long before Bo came around. I'm not going to agree with you on this situation and right now I'm too tired and too amped up to make you see you're being a bitch, blaming shit that you got no right to blame on anyone." Standing, she turns around as Brandt enters the room. "I need a soda or something," she mumbles and walks out.
"What's with her?" he whispers, sitting in the chair next to me.
"I pissed her off." I shake my head. "You think Bo and I are even good together? After all this?"
Brandt shifts in his chair and glares at me. "Kinlee are you seriously thinking this? Right now?"
"My life's turned upside down too many times to keep count anymore, Brandt. I can't handle losing him for good. I can't handle losing Will or Wendy." I glance at my siblings and a tear slips down my cheek. "Maybe if I let go when he's still alive, the hurt of him dying won't hurt so bad," I whisper, knowing there's zero truth in my words but the fear and anger rolling through me has my mind doing some ridiculous stunts right now. More dangerous than Bo's ever tried to pull.
"I think you're the best thing Bo has in his life. You're the best thing he's ever had in his life. And he's perfect for you three." He stands and walks over to the window. "Kinlee, remember when we were seventeen and you cut your leg crawling out of your bedroom window?"
"Still have the scar from it," I mumble. "What're you getting at, Brandt?"
"Bo beat himself up for weeks on end for letting you get hurt. I'd never seen him like that. But looking back, I think it's because he loved you and he felt like it was his fault you got hurt."
"It wasn't anyone's fault, Brandt." I lean back in my chair and stare at the ceiling. "The house was old. It was unpredictable."
He glares at me and I drop my head, realizing what he means.
"Life is full of unpredictable things, but pretending you know what the future holds and then ruining the best thing that's happened to you." His expression dares me to disagree with that statement. But I can't. It's true. "It's stupid. And cruel to do to the kids and Bo. Bo's loved you ever since he knew what it was like to love someone other than himself. Leaving him because you're scared...that's just damn selfish. And you're not a selfish person." He heads for the door. "I'm goin' out to find my wife."
In four long strides he's out of the room and I'm left alone with my thoughts, which is a very dangerous situation right now. I want to say it'd be easier not being with Bo and not constantly living with the fear of losing him or fear of my siblings getting hurt because of some stunt. It'd be easy, maybe, moving on...but that's a lie and I know it. It wouldn't be easy not living with him. It wouldn't be easy at all without him in my life. It's the worst situation I can think of. I know it seems like I use Bo for the money, but that's the furthest thing from my mind right now. He's so much more to me than stability. He's the only person ever that's made me feel like I'm not fucking things up. He's the only guy that's ever looked at me the way he does. The only one that's ever touched me the way he does. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Had you asked me yesterday about my future I would have said without a doubt that it includes Bo. Hell, I couldn't get him out of my mind if I tried. And I know I should try…because he's dangerous. And if he's not dangerous, the things he surrounds himself with are.
I love the man. I love him so much my chest aches.
But don't I have to do what's best for Will and Wendy?
A knock on the door brings me back to the present, and when the nurse from before peeks her head in, I rush over to her. "Anything?"
"Not yet. I'm sorry. I've spoken with an OR nurse, however. They've run into complications. It's looking to be a long night for everyone involved." She rests her hand on my arm. "Is there anything I can get you? A cot? Some food?"
Complications?
"Um... No. Thank you," I mutter, staring at her. I can't lose him. "Complications like what?" I whisper, praying she has more information but she purses her lips together and frowns at me.
"I'm so sorry I don't have any other news right now." She pats my arm and leaves, letting the door close quietly behind her.
These past six hours I've experienced every range of emotion I possibly could. From happy, to scared, to utterly traumatized and angry, all the way to sad. Now here I stand, in the middle of a hospital room waiting to hear the status of the man I love.
While the twins sleep, I shoot a text to Bo's sister about the accident. She's not in town anymore, but I really don't want to get his parents involved right now. Call me selfish, but I know Bo wouldn't want them here and I definitely don't, so I'll leave that up to her. I highly doubt any of his relatives will end up at the hospital, but he doesn't need them anyway.
He's got me and the twins.
I've had a lot of time to think, and I know Brandt's right. What the hell am I doing thinking of leaving him? Exhaustion can make people think crazy thoughts.
Around eleven the doctor comes in with news that puts some light on the night at least. Will won't need surgery. He'll be in a cast for six weeks then possibly a walking boot after it, but no extensive damage he won't heal from.
Around midnight, Will's released and Jo takes the twins back to her house. There's no need for them to be here for whatever's to come. I grab a new t-shirt from the gift shop and clean up in the bathroom so I'm not covered in dirt and blood anymore. The shirt's a size too large on me, but at least I feel a bit better looking more put together and not like everyone can see my sanity slowly slipping.
It's two a.m. and Brandt’s sitting in the chair next to me, his knee bouncing from nerves. He hasn’t said but three words since Jo left with the twins and my stomach’s rolling.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, picking at my nail polish.
“What?” He sounds almost as drained as my body feels.
“I shouldn’t have said that back there.” I clear my throat. “I’m scared, Brandt. I say stupid things when I’m scared. I’d never leave that man. He’s got me for life.”
“He’s gonna need you to be strong for him, you know? He ain’t gonna put up with flaky bullshit. Especially not with the recovery road he’s bound to have.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and wringing his hands together.
“I’m not flakin’,” I whisper. “I love Bo, Brandt. I’d put my own life on the line to save his. That alone terrifies me because I have too much in this life that depends on me and he’s too stubborn to stop these games.”
“You ain’t gonna change him. You’ve been told how many times?”
“I don’t want him to change,” I blurt. "I just want him alive. I want him with me. I’m gonna marry that big oaf one day, you watch. I can’t marry someone who ain’t alive.”
“Bo won’t die, Kinlee. Not when he’s finally got everything he ever wanted right here in this waiting room.” He wraps his arm around me and hugs me to his side. Brandt’s so sure of his words, but the longer we sit the more dread fills me.
I rest my head on his shoulder and watch the doors to the back for what feels like hours.
At three a.m. the nurse finally comes walking over to us. "He's all set in his room. You ready to see him, sweetheart?" The nurse who's been helping me all night says, smiling bright. "You can come too," she says to Brandt and he lets out a puff of air.
Brandt looks at me then wraps me in a hug before letting go. "Let's do this."
I take a shallow breath, trying to stand straight. I'm terrified of what the future holds, but I know without a doubt in my heart it includes Bo. No matter the condition he's in today.
Brandt stands in place, hands shoved in his pockets, waiting for me to make the first move. With trembling hands, I turn the handle and push the door open. The smell of the hospital, crisp and medical, assaults my senses all over again, then the noises of the monitors. It's almost too much to handle. As I walk into the room slowly, my eyes hit the bed and I immediately tear up.
"Bo, baby?" I whimper and sniffle, going straight to his side. "God, Bo."
I take his fingers in my hand gently, my eyes trying to find the man I need so badly in my life behind all the tubes and bandages. I let out a small sob, and a hand rests on my back. Turning, the look of pain on Brandt's face from seeing his best friend like this is too much to handle, and when my sobs don't stop, he wraps his arms around me.
"He's alive, Kinlee. He's gonna get out of here." His voice is tight and low and I hear him sniffle through my crying.
I turn back to Bo once I've calmed myself and Brandt pushes a chair up to the side of the bed for me. "I'm here, Bo. I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this," I whisper. "We have to get through this." I bring my fingers to his cheek and slide them down, stopping before I get to a bandage on his neck.
I whimper, shaking my head, and swipe away a few tears. I try to count the tubes coming out of Bo's body, but between the monitor cords, the tubes, the IV bags, and the bandages it's hard to tell where one tube ends and another begins.
Almost nine hours in surgery, but he made it out alive. His road to recovery is going to be long, and more than likely bumpy, but we have to get through this.
I know the smell and when I open my eyes, I know the pain. The reason I'm laid up is the bull, I remember that much. My eyes go wide when I remember Will. Will and the damn bull. God he was stupid. I hope he's okay. He has to be okay. I saw him on the other side of the pen. He was safe. Unless he jumped back in like he was trying to...
"Kinlee?" It's the first word out of my dry mouth and I try to turn my head, but I can't. I'm completely immobile.
"Shh, I'm here, Bo. I'm right here." She leans over me, her hand resting on my cheek and she smiles, her eyes glistening with tears. "Hey, baby."
"Will?" I ask, my heart racing.
"He's fine. He's going to be just fine. Don't worry about him now." Her hand gives mine a gentle squeeze.
I exhale and close my eyes. This is a bad déjà vu. Except it's actually happened. I've been in this situation twice.
"What'd anyone say, Kinlee? Have you talked to a doctor? What'd they say?" I start to panic because the first time I went through this, I was told I wouldn't function the same again, but I was defying that odd. And right now, I can't move. The only thing I can feel moving is the fingers on my left hand.
"Baby," she whispers, then glances up before smiling back down at me. "Maybe you should rest for a bit, until the doctor gets in here."
"I'll let them know you're awake," Brandt's voice comes from the other side of the room.
"Shit, Kinlee," I whisper and can't even move my arms to cover my face to hide the start of tears I shouldn't be crying. They're not pain, they're pity. I'm pitying myself right now. I've already gone through this.
"No, no, Bo, hey. You're alive. You're gonna be just fine." Kinlee swipes away the tears and her trembling hands cup my face gently, her eyes locking on mine. "You're strong and stubborn, Bobby Hart. Whatever that doctor tells you, just remember that, okay?"
I turn my head the slightest to kiss the palm of her hand. "I love you."
"I love you so much, Bo," she whispers. "We'll get through this."
My eyes dart to the door and Brandt's walking in with a doctor behind him.
"Mr. Hart." The doctor smiles and heads toward my bed with a stack of papers in his hands. "How are you feeling?"
"Like an invalid, doc. When can I move? When can I get out of here? Give me something good." I move my hand the miniscule amount I can, hoping Kinlee sees, and it only takes her a second to grab it.
"It's not good. You broke your back again. We flew in Doctor Ruth, the original surgeon and combined we worked some magic but only time will tell. But you're going to be in this position for awhile. You’ve got extensive nerve damage and I don’t have hope for the right half of your body. My bet? You probably won’t ever walk again. Maybe with some help. This is the price we pay when fighting with bulls, Mr. Hart. I'll be back by this afternoon with Doctor Ruth. Get your rest. Young lady." He turns to Kinlee. "Make sure he gets his rest. You died, Bobby." He looks at me with a scowl. "You're lucky we know what we're doing here."
"What?" I shift as much as I can but the right side of my body ain't helping nothing. The doctor's gone, but my eyes find Kinlee. "Why'd he say that?" I look at Brandt. "Someone better damn tell me why he said that!" I blurt and wince from getting too worked up.
"Calm down, Bo." Brandt says, glancing at Kinlee. "I'm gonna grab some coffee for us and leave you to this." He pats my bed before he heads out of the room and Kinlee is watching me with worry written all over her face.
"Um... So where to start." She sighs and sits, taking my hand again. "Your surgery was nine excruciating hours. We're at Mercy, in the city. They had to fly you in." She clears her throat.
"Kinlee, he said I died," I grit out. "I don't want all the details right now, darlin', I just want to know what the fuck he's talking about. He obviously ain't got the time of day for me right now." I grit my teeth thinking about the money I will spend for this and can't even get the common courtesy of talking to a doctor for more than five seconds.
"You flatlined on the operating table, Bo," she whispers. "Almost two full minutes. I just found out a couple hours ago. They told me there were complications." She pauses and shakes her head. "I was so scared I'd never see you alive again."
Holy shit. I literally died.
I start to rasp out a chuckle that hurts like hell. "That bastard tried to kill me." I grin, though there's nothing funny about this. "I'll get rid of the bull," I mutter, knowing she's gonna damn well make me even if I don't want to.
"Nothing about this is funny, Bo." Her eyebrows furrow and she pulls her hand from mine, shoving her hair out of her face. "When I found you out there, twisted and not responsive? I watched my worst fear play out right in front of me, and I couldn't do anything to help you. Then you died on that table. That's...not funny. That's terrifying."
"I told you I'd always come home to you." I close my eyes.
She sniffles and gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "You saved Will's life. Thank you. I'm sorry my brother's brain-dead at times, but thank you for putting your life on the line to save his."
"You three will always come first." I'm trying to stay awake but I'm losing the fight. "You'll stay?" I mumble, not able to open my eyes to look at her.
"Always," she whispers.
I wake up to laughter downstairs and smile hearing the twins. I was in the hospital for weeks, doing more damage than good because I hated it there. The second we got home, I felt as if I had an actual chance at recovery. There's still no feeling on my right side and doc said there probably never will be again. With the way things have been going, I'm starting to believe him. And I'm starting to think I won't ever be walking again.
The kids' happiness makes me know everything's alright, until I hear a voice I don't recognize. I ring the god-forsaken bell Kinlee left. I try not to use it but sometimes there are no choices. I hate beckoning her like this. I'd ra
ther use my voice, but screaming ain't the best for my condition. Not to mention, she's not my damn nurse...even though that's what she's become.
She walks into the room, hair on the top of her head, tiny little shorts and tank top, smiling bright. "Yeah, babe?"
"Who's here? Garrison Kenshaw?" I ask, wondering if it's Brandt's dad, but it doesn't sound like him.
"Garrison? No, Chase stopped in to see how you're doin'. He's staying for breakfast." She sits on the bed next to me and checks the pad of paper on the nightstand. "You're almost due for more pain pills. How ya feeling?"
"I'd sooner expect Garrison in my house over Chase Haring," I snap. "I'm glad y’all have someone to fill my empty spot. I don't need pills right now, thank you." I'm pissed he's in my house with my girl and her siblings. Sitting at my table where I should be but I can't even move my head without help.
"You're mad that my friend...our friend...came to check on you?" She huffs, letting out an annoyed laugh.
"I ain't mad, Kinlee. Go get back to breakfast." I close my eyes, really wishing I could roll without help.
"You're pissed, Bo," she whispers. "And that's not fair. Chase worries about you. About all of us." Her hand rests on my arm. "If it were Jo would you be reacting this way?"
"Have you ever fucked Jo?" I quietly snap, glaring at her.
"If I said yes..?" She smirks then laughs. "I don't walk around holding a grudge against everyone you've fucked, Bo. And Chase and I are nothing more than friends."
"That's a good thing because Cassidy Jude is comin' into town. She's the nurse that helped me with my previous injury. We dated awhile afterward. She wants to stop in." I haven't talked to Cassidy since I broke up with her at a horse race. But if Kinlee don't see my point, I'll have to take it up with Chase.
