“Hardly. Okay, here it is. Ryan thinks he may have found one of our younger brothers in Maine. He wants all of us to go up and check it out.”
She nodded slowly. “I see. And you don’t want to go?”
“It’s not that. I just keep trying to put myself in Patrick’s place. He was little more than a baby when the family split up. For all we know, he’s lived happily ever after, and now here we come barging in to tell him that his idyllic situation cost the rest of us a family.”
She regarded him knowingly. “Are you so sure it’s Patrick you’re worried about?”
“Of course.”
“Michael,” she chided in the tone she used when she thought one of her children wasn’t being entirely forthright.
He frowned at the unspoken accusation. “Okay, maybe I’m the one with the problem. I lucked out. I wound up with the best family a boy could ask for, but a tiny part of me resents the fact that the twins got to keep our biological parents and the rest of us were sent away. I don’t think I even realized how much I resented it until last night when Ryan said his investigator had a lead on Patrick.”
“You know that none of this was Patrick’s fault,” his mother said. “Any more than it was yours or Ryan’s or Sean’s.”
“Yes, but…” He sighed. “You know what I really don’t get is why Ryan’s suddenly so anxious to find the twins and our parents. He should be the angriest of all, and, deep down, I think he is. It’s Maggie who’s convinced him to do this.”
“Maybe he’s simply wise enough to realize he’ll never let go of that anger until he has the whole story.”
“Then you think we should go,” he concluded, knowing that was exactly what he’d expected her to say when he’d come here. Maybe he’d wanted her blessing even more than he’d wanted her advice.
She rested her hand against his cheek. “Michael, I love you as much as if you were one of my own,” she said quietly. “But this is not my decision. You need to listen to your heart.”
That was going to be hard to do for a man who’d grown used to ignoring anything his heart had to say, especially if it happened to be the least bit inconvenient. He’d always thought of himself as a man of cool actions, not emotion.
“And while you’re at it,” she added slyly, “you might see what your heart has to say about Kelly. You could be surprised.”
“Careful,” he teased. “Some men might find your meddling annoying.”
“Not the smart ones,” she retorted. “Now, shall I turn off the oven and give you a lift home? Or can you stay for dinner?”
“Not tonight. I have some thinking to do. And don’t worry about the lift. I’ll call a cab.”
“Let me do it,” she said, already moving toward the phone.
Michael shrugged into his jacket and jockeyed the wheelchair into the garage.
“I’m not opening that door yet,” his mother warned. “The cab company said it would be at least ten minutes. I wish you’d just let me take you.”
“This is fine, Mom.”
“One of these days you’ll be driving yourself places again,” she said with confidence. It was the first time she’d ventured any sort of comment about his future.
“I hope so.”
“I know so,” she said emphatically. “Now give me a kiss.” She bent down and accepted his kiss. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
She regarded him intently. “Finding your biological parents won’t diminish that.”
He smiled. “I know that.”
“Just thought I’d mention it, in case it was on your mind.”
“Have I told you lately how incredible you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life?”
“You never had to say it,” she said, though there were tears in her eyes. “Mothers can usually see straight into their children’s hearts.”
“You can,” he told her. “I’m not so sure Kathleen Devaney could.”
“You won’t know that until you see her again.”
Michael sighed. “Will you be disappointed in me if I decide against it?”
“I could never be disappointed in you as long as you make your choice for the right reasons,” she said with conviction.
The arrival of the taxi saved him from having to think about what his mother would consider valid reasons for leaving things just as they were.
But finding Kelly waiting on his doorstep pretty much guaranteed that he wasn’t off the hook for the day, after all.
Michael didn’t look especially overjoyed to see her, Kelly concluded as he exited a taxi and made his way up the walk to where she waited. She wasn’t sure what had drawn her back to his place after she’d finished with her last client. Maybe it had been his distraction during their morning session. More likely, it was the uneasy conversation they’d had the night before. She’d avoided asking about the search that morning, but it had clearly been on his mind. He’d hardly said two words to her during the entire session.
“What brings you back?” he asked as he maneuvered the wheelchair past her and into the foyer. “Did you forget something?”
“No.” She’d been waiting for a half hour and in all that time she hadn’t managed to come up with a halfway plausible excuse for returning aside from wanting to see him. “If you’re busy, I can leave.”
“I’m not busy,” he said. “Are you hungry? We could order a pizza or something.”
She was surprised by the invitation. “Are you sure you don’t mind me being here?”
“To be perfectly honest, I’m glad you’re here.”
His response startled her, but she didn’t want to make too much of it. “Oh?”
“I was over at my mom’s. She gave me a lot to think about, but to be frank, I’m not looking forward to all the soul-searching required.”
“If you’re looking for a distraction, maybe I should go rent us a couple of videos, too.”
He grinned. “Perfect.”
“Action, romance or comedy?”
“What do you think?”
“One action movie for you, one chick flick for me,” she concluded. “That’s only fair.”
He nodded. “What do you want on your pizza? I’ll order while you’re gone.”
“Nothing slimy.”
Michael laughed. “Besides anchovies, what exactly does that exclude?”
“Onions and mushrooms.”
“Fine by me. I’ll get half pepperoni and half sausage.”
“You have beers or sodas?”
“Plenty of both,” he confirmed.
“Then I’ll be right back.” She started down the walk, then turned back. “When was the last time you went to the movies, just so I don’t get something you’ve already seen.”
“The last movie I saw was Lethal Weapon.”
“Which one?”
He stared at her blankly. “There was more than one? Movies weren’t something I paid any attention to once I hit my teens. I was too wrapped up in sports.”
Kelly laughed. “I can see you have a lot of catching up to do.”
It took her less than twenty minutes to pick up Lethal Weapon II, along with Die Hard and Pearl Harbor, and for her, the romantic comedy Return to Me, which she’d already seen twice before. She grabbed a package of microwave popcorn at the checkout counter while she was at it.
Back at Michael’s, she arrived at the same time as the pizza. She paid the delivery man, then juggled everything and almost dumped it on the floor twice before finally getting the door open.
She noted that Michael had already poured a beer for himself and a soft drink for her and was seated on the sofa with a basketball game on TV. He instinctively started to get up, then fell back with a muttered oath.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
Kelly merely nodded, took the pizza over to the coffee table, then held up the movie selections. “You pick first.”
He pointed to the Bruce Willis film. “Somehow testosterone goes better with pizza and beer.�
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“A matter of opinion,” she noted, but she slipped it into the tape player and sat down beside him.
As requested, the movie was noisy and filled with action, so no conversation was required, but Kelly still felt as if Michael was holding something back. As soon as it was over, rather than slipping a second tape into the machine, she turned to him.
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about whatever’s on your mind?”
He leveled a look at her and slowly shook his head. “I’d rather do this,” he said, reaching for her.
Kelly sighed and murmured, “Me, too,” just as his mouth covered hers.
Chapter Nine
The kiss did what nothing else had been able to do. It drove all thoughts of the search for the rest of the Devaneys from Michael’s head. All that mattered was the silky brush of Kelly’s lips across his, the intoxicating heat that curled through him like a slug of fine Scotch, and the thundering of his heart. For a few minutes, he forgot that he couldn’t walk, forgot that his future was filled with uncertainty. All that mattered was here, now and the woman in his arms.
Then, somewhere in the back of his head where his values and conscience resided, he heard the first faint whisper that lust was a poor substitute for deeper feelings. And sex was no way to block out problems that needed to be dealt with.
There was little question that he could spend the next few hours, perhaps even the whole night with Kelly in his bed and his problems on hold. But he’d never used a woman like that before, and he wasn’t about to start with one he genuinely liked. He sighed against her delectable lips and slowly released her.
Forehead pressed against hers, he murmured an apology.
“For?” she asked cautiously.
“I keep swearing that I won’t do this again.”
“Have I complained?”
His lips curved. “No, but you should. There are a million and one reasons why it’s a bad idea.”
“Name two,” she challenged.
“Your professional reputation,” he said, tossing her own frequently stated argument back at her. “And the fact that I’m at a crossroads. I have nothing to offer you. Until I figure out who and what I’m going to be now that I’m no longer a SEAL, I have nothing to offer to anyone.”
Eyes sparkling with indignation, she frowned at that. “Michael Devaney, if that’s not the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You don’t have to put yourself in harm’s way for your country to be a worthwhile human being. The reality is that very few men do what you’ve been doing the last few years, and most of the rest live perfectly respectable, fulfilling lives with women and children who love them. Are you suggesting that any one of them is less of a man because of what they do or because they don’t do what you did?”
“Of course not,” he said fiercely. “I would never say anything like that. It’s about being able to do what you love, what you’re good at. I was good at being a SEAL. I loved it, the same way Ryan loves running his pub or Sean loves being a firefighter. It’s about being passionate about something, and then losing it. We were talking about your professional reputation the other day. That wouldn’t matter if your career weren’t important to you, right? So, what if you lost it? What if they took your license away? How would you feel?”
Her expression faltered at that. “I’d hate it,” she said at once, then added with absolute certainty, “but I’d get over it and find something else.”
“Just like that?” Michael asked skeptically. “You think it’s that easy?”
“No, of course it’s not easy, and maybe it wouldn’t happen overnight, but I wouldn’t give up or think my life was over,” she insisted.
Though he didn’t share her belief that she could move on so easily, Michael accepted the fact that she believed it. “Fair enough,” he said. “All I’m saying is that I’ve only reached the point where I can accept that my life isn’t over. That’s a long way from knowing what I can do with it.”
“Ryan offered one option the other night,” she said cautiously. “You didn’t even consider it, did you?”
“No, because it’s ridiculous.”
“Why?” she persisted. “Because being a charter boat captain is somehow demeaning?”
Michael hesitated. That was part of it, but there was more, something obviously Ryan and Kelly hadn’t even considered. “It’s not something I can very well do unless I’m back on my feet.”
“But you will be,” Kelly said fiercely. “I believe that with all my heart.”
“I wish I were as confident.”
“Make me a deal, then. When you’re back on your feet, you’ll at least meet your brother’s friend.”
As reluctant as he was to do it, he nodded slowly. “Okay, that’s fair enough.”
“I’ll remind you, you know.”
He grinned. “I’m sure of it.”
She regarded him with a suddenly wistful expression. “Are you saying you can’t sleep with me until then, either?”
“I shouldn’t,” he said emphatically, fighting a whole slew of regrets as he said it. “And I won’t.”
Kelly tilted her head and gave him a considering look. “Then I hope you won’t mind if I bring you a few books on changing careers next time I come by, just in case the charter boat thing doesn’t work out.”
For the first time in days, Michael laughed. “In other words, you intend to do your best to speed up the process?”
“Yes.” She locked gazes with him and ran her thumb across his lower lip. “And be warned, in the meantime, I also intend to make it all but impossible for you to resist me.”
Michael’s pulse scrambled at the challenge. “Kelly,” he protested.
“Save your breath,” she said. “That’s just the way it’s going to be. Until tonight I wasn’t absolutely certain you wanted me this way, but now I am.”
“And what about all the professional considerations you’ve mentioned?”
“Easy,” she said with a shrug. Her gaze locked with his. “As of tonight, I quit.”
He pulled away, shocked by the feeling of desperation that cut through him at her words. “Hey, you can’t do that,” he protested.
“Sure I can.”
“But I need you,” he said.
A faint spark of something that might have been satisfaction lit her eyes at his words. “You need a good therapist. It doesn’t have to be me. But actually, I have no intention of letting you find one. I’ll go on helping you. I just won’t let you pay me for it.”
“And that makes it okay for you and me to…?” He hesitated over the precise description.
“Have sex,” she supplied bluntly, her eyes twinkling at his discomfort.
“Yes, that,” he agreed.
She grinned. “It can’t hurt. Besides, who’s going to turn me in?”
Michael could think of one possibility in particular. Her brother might at least threaten to turn her in to save her from making a huge mistake that would cost her everything. “Bryan,” he suggested.
“I’ll deal with my brother, not that he’s likely to know if you and I are sleeping together.”
“Trust me, he’ll know,” Michael said dryly.
“How?”
“Men always know when their friends are getting lucky.”
“Because you all like to brag?”
“No, because we’re a whole lot less cranky.”
Kelly laughed. “I don’t think we need to worry about that in your case. You have lots of excuses to be cranky that have nothing to do with sex. I doubt that will change.”
“Thanks,” he said, unable to keep a hint of irritation out of his voice.
“Just calling it like I see it.”
“I think it’s time for you to go,” Michael said stiffly.
“It’s not that late,” she argued.
“Oh, yes, it is.”
She regarded him curiously. “Are you afraid you’re going to grab me and haul me off to bed right now?”
; Michael groaned.
Kelly’s expression turned gloating. “That’s it, isn’t it?”
“A smart woman would stop tempting fate and get out of here before we both regret it.”
For what seemed like an eternity, Michael was terrified she was going to refuse. He wasn’t sure his willpower was strong enough to withstand even five more minutes of her deliberate teasing.
Finally, her expression thoughtful, she nodded. “You win. For now.”
She grabbed her coat and purse, started for the door, then came back and kissed him so thoroughly, he had to wonder if he’d lost his mind when he’d all but kicked her out.
“I’ll see you Tuesday bright and early,” she called out when she reached the door.
She sounded so blasted cheerful, Michael was tempted to pick up the nearest heavy object and hurl it after her.
But he didn’t. He murmured a polite farewell, hit the remote and started another movie. For a long time after she’d gone, he was oblivious to what was playing on the TV screen. Then he noticed that it was a romantic comedy and muttered an oath that could probably be heard down the block.
He shut off the VCR and flipped through the channels until he found a basketball game. Just what he needed, he thought happily, reaching for what was left of his beer. He understood basketball. He understood sweat and competition. He apparently didn’t know a thing about women or he would have seen this whole thing with Kelly coming a mile away and he could have gotten out of the damned way.
Kelly sat across the table from her best friend and flinched under Moira’s knowing stare. There was no question that this unusual Sunday breakfast was a command performance. The message on her answering machine the night before had made that clear. Now that they were here, she wished Moira would just get it over with. Kelly pushed her eggs around on her plate and waited for the lecture to start. When the minutes dragged on and Moira said nothing, Kelly’s nerves finally snapped.
“Just say it,” she commanded.
Moira regarded her innocently. “Say what?”
“Whatever you’re thinking.”
“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking.”
“Probably not,” Kelly murmured morosely, staring at her plate because she couldn’t bear to see the censure in the other woman’s eyes. “Say it anyway.”
Michael's Discovery Page 11
