“I might as well, right?” I went on. “I’m the eldest, even if it’s only by ten minutes, by rights, so it’s my responsibility.”
I flattened my lips as I thought back to what Grandpa Nathan had told me just yesterday about me taking responsibility. I felt like it was a little late to be thinking about it, after the hard rejection from yesterday.
And I was keeping things from my brother, but I didn’t feel like telling him about how I’d been the last of the two of us to see Grandpa. Also…that him having a heart attack might be connected to that earlier visit.
There was simply no other explanation. All I’d seen yesterday, was what I wanted to see. I’d seen how tired, how shaky he looked, but I’d pushed it out of my mind with my anger and annoyance. And this was the result of that mistake.
“Is that all you can think of right now?” Noah says with a scoff that reminded me a lot of Grandpa’s. “All that’s on your mind is the inheritance when our grandpa could be on his deathbed? Have you ever changed, Jason?”
I let his accusation wash over my back. I wasn’t used to my family giving me the benefit of the doubt, after all.
“Sure, Noah,” I muttered. “That’s all I give a damn about.”
Chapter Six
Rachel
I’d been at the hospital pretty much from when we took Nathan in. He’d already called for a car, thankfully, from one of the workers on the ranch. So we were able to get him there quickly for treatment.
The twins were called the next day. And, the day after that, we got the news that Nathan didn’t make it.
I was there with Jason to receive the news, though I wondered if he’d even seen me. Noah was out by that time, but he got the news later.
Jason…took it hard. To say he was devastated would be an understatement, and I couldn’t compare it to his careless, jerky attitude from a few days ago. I’d been ready to give up on him, but I felt sorry for him at that moment.
When he left the hospital alone, I couldn’t stop my feet from following him. I was wearing shoes with rubber soles and moved so my steps were near silent. I didn’t think he even noticed I was behind him, trying to muster the courage to call out to him until we got outside and he just stopped.
“Rachel?”
I jumped when he said my name, and whispered, “Yes?”
“I’ll drive you to the ranch. You can stay over if you’d like. I…have some things I need to take care of when we get there.”
Then, he went to his car. I’d followed him, against my better judgment, and gotten into the car with him.
Over the whole of a couple of days, Jason had changed. From the sure man, I’d always thought him to be, to someone torn. Even though he’d rejected the idea before and left so quickly after he arrived, I didn’t doubt that he meant to stay this time. He left for a couple of days, then came back with a few things in his car.
“I sold everything,” was what he told me when he saw me. “I’ll be living here from now on.”
They were the first words he’d said to me since we left the hospital, and his voice sounded so hollow. He had dark bags under his eyes, and his skin was pale. I was afraid because he’d been driving around when he looked like he hadn't been sleeping much.
More than that, I worried about what was going to happen to him.
A little over a week later, we attended the funeral. A lot of people in the town, including all the people that worked at the ranch, attended. Jason and Noah were both there, but they kept away from each other and didn’t even speak.
They were twins, with identical faces, but watching them on that day, it was like they’d switched places. Jason had always been the one with confidence, and yet, at that moment, it was Noah that held himself together better. Not that Jason broke down. Anyone else might not have noticed it, but I knew him. For a grandpa he never claimed to care for, he was taking it hard.
Is it because of guilt?
The thought made sense.
“Does Noah know?” I asked.
The funeral was over, and it was just Jason and me going back to the ranch in his fancy car, a little too fancy for living out on a farm, but I doubted he’d trade it for a standard truck. Jason disliked trucks with a passion.
“Hmm?” he hummed, throwing a glance at me.
I sighed. “Did you tell Noah that you came to see your grandpa, before…”
I let my voice trail off because he would know what I meant anyway, and it wasn’t easy for me to say. I watched Jason carefully and noticed how his hands tightened on the wheel until his knuckles were white.
That right there was my answer. If he’d told him, he would have just said so.
“At least tell me you don’t think this was your fault,” I said.
He scoffed. “What are you talking about, Rachel? Of course, it’s my fault. You think that bastard won’t rub it in my face if I tell him?”
I pursed my lips. I hadn't been around Noah much. But, I’d always known, that no matter how much they looked alike, the two brothers couldn’t be more different from each other. They didn’t get along much, either.
“Is there a reason you haven’t told him yet?” I asked because I couldn’t think of one myself. Noah would probably appreciate it. Though, not if he knew the conversation the two of them had, just a while before Nathan collapsed.
“He doesn’t need to know,” was Jason’s response, his voice hard and stronger than I’d heard since that fateful day.
“He’s your brother, though—”
“That is precisely why he doesn’t need to know. What would he do with the information, anyway? Grandpa is gone already. It’s a little late for regrets now, don’t you think?”
The last words were bitter, and I felt they were directed more at himself. I wanted to reach over and pat him, on his hand, or his shoulder. Instead, I clasped my hands together tightly in my lap. I didn’t have the right to touch him, after all. I was lucky he wasn’t pushing me away. Though, what should have been going through my mind was why I was sticking around at all?
“Don’t you think he deserves to know, though?” I countered. “How long do you think he’ll be sticking around?”
Jason sniffed. “Oh, he won’t be sticking around at all, so no, he doesn’t even deserve to know. He’s got his ranch he needs to get back to and look after. He’s perfectly fine with me sticking around and looking after Grandpa’s ranch.”
The words were sarcastic, and I ignored it when his voice hitched a little as he mentioned Nathan. I bit down on my lower lip to push back the grief myself. It was hard to believe he was gone when I’d talked to him not that long ago. I’d known his health was a bit shaky for a while, but it was still unexpected.
We came to a stop in front of the house, and Jason turned to me instead of stepping out immediately. It was the first time since that day he came back that he was meeting my gaze head on.
“I’m going to ask this of you, Rachel, even though it’s not your place, anyway. Do not tell Noah anything about me coming back, or whatever Grandpa wanted to talk to me about when he called me here. He doesn’t need to hear it, all right? I know I haven’t given you that many reasons to trust in me, but I hope you’ll listen to me this time.”
I sighed as he opened the car door and stepped outside. When he said it like that, there was nothing I could say. I’d keep his secret, even though I would hate it.
Because I couldn’t deny that a part of me still greatly cared for Jason.
I got out of the car and followed him into the house.
“I won’t say anything,” I called out, and he froze on the stairs. “Because you’re right, it’s not my place to. It’s yours.”
Jason didn’t reply to me, just continued his way up the stairs after he heard what I had to say. I sighed and slumped on the couch.
I wonder what happens now, I thought as I let my eyes slip closed.
Chapter Seven
Jason
I was not meant to take care of a ranch.<
br />
I’d always known, and it was one of the reasons I’d left to begin with. I was reminded of this when I tried to take care of the ranch after the funeral.
There was a time when I’d had a try at it, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know. But, for several months, I’d changed that knowledge into what I could do for my business, not how to take care of a ranch. In a lot of ways, my business in the city had been easy, especially since I’d had some partners that helped with the bulk of the work.
I had the ranch foreman to help out, but he was just another part-timer that had come in after I’d been gone, so most of the work still fell on me. I was starting to regret selling everything and coming down here so impulsively.
Then, Rachel walked into the office one morning, hands fisted on her hips with a fierce, determined look on her face.
“I’m going to help you, Jason, and you’re going to let me do it,” she declared, voice firm.
It surprised me. Ever since our first meeting, I hadn't thought she’d even want to see me again. She shouldn’t have been at the ranch that day at all, certainly not to meet me. And yet, here she still was. She’d looked after my grandpa while I wasn’t around, she’d been there for him when he collapsed, and I heard she was the one to take him to the hospital as well.
There was so much I had to be thankful to her for. This was just one more thing on the long list.
“I would love that, Rachel,” I said honestly, my shoulders slumped in my relief. “Thank you. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing right now.”
It wasn’t something easy for me to admit, and she realized it. Her stance changed, becoming softer. Hesitantly, she walked over to the desk where I sat. She leaned across it, and I quirked a small smile when she patted my shoulder, probably trying to be comforting.
“Things are different here from the city?” she guessed.
I snorted. “That is such a fucking understatement, Rachel, you have no idea. I guess I went out there and forgot it all, right? I decided, so I want to be useful, but I can't even do that…”
I pursed my lips. I thought back, thinking of all the what-ifs. If I’d just waited and talked to my grandpa, or clued in when he got insistent on me coming to visit. Just maybe, things could have gone differently. He might not have had a heart attack that day if I hadn't riled him up.
There was no room for doubts and regrets, though. Not enough time with everything I had to do when I didn’t even remember most of it.
“I can start on the paperwork,” Rachel said. “You can just go and take a rest.”
I frowned. “I’m not going to just leave everything to you, Rachel,” I complained. “It’s my responsibility, I just…need a little help.”
She didn’t outright laugh at me when I said that, and I wondered how she was holding it all in. She had been there through my short discussion with Grandpa. There was no way she wouldn’t have heard everything we talked about that day, but after I’d told her not to tell Noah, she hadn't brought it back up again. Noah, the bastard, hadn't even shown up at the ranch once since the funeral.
“Fine, then,” Rachel said, rolling her eyes at me. “If you want to do something, then get out and do rounds through the ranch. How long has it been since you even walked around here? You left this ranch long before you left me, after all.”
I grimaced at the reminder, even though I hadn't needed it. It was difficult to forget what I’d done, after all. Especially in light of recent events.
She was shooing me away, so I got up and moved away from the desk, and she replaced me. Instead of going ahead and taking her advice just yet, though, I stood there watching her.
Rachel had changed. It was expected, of course. I’d left her behind. I’d felt remorse over it, but not enough to stay or try to keep in touch. I’d been doing my best to forget her, in fact, since I’d thought it was the best for the both of us.
But now… I was wondering why. Why the fuck did I ever let her go? She’d been there for me ever since we got the news. She stayed out of my way as if trying not to make a nuisance of herself. She made food for me and made sure it was available, without pushing me to eat. This was the first time she’d spoken to me so firmly, and I couldn’t help but obey when I’d refused to take orders from anyone. I wanted to.
“Will you stay?” The words came out of my mouth unbidden, but I didn’t call them back. I’d thought of asking her already. I hadn't been sure it was the best idea before, but now, I couldn’t think of anything better. Rachel had always been of great help to me, and now even more so. I would be lucky if she could stay.
She looked up at me, blinking like she hadn't heard what I said. “I’m sorry, what?”
My lips twisted up into a smile. “I was just wondering if you could stay. You know, here on the ranch? Permanently.”
She just stared at me a moment, then opened her mouth. Instead of speaking, though, she just continued to stare, with the occasional blink. I didn’t blame her. The offer was coming out of nowhere, after all.
“Rachel?” I called softly after a minute of no movement.
She blinked her eyes rapidly as she looked down. Then, she gave a slight shake of her head, eyes rising to meet mine.
“I’m afraid I can't, not permanently, anyway. I have a home to go to, Jason.”
I pursed my lips. I’d known it, but I didn’t like hearing it. I should have expected her to answer anyway. Why would she want to live with me?
“You can just pack a few things and come here,” I said, insisting. “There’s plenty of room in here for you, and I promise not to kick you out.”
She shook her head again, slower. “If you need help, I can give it to you,” she explained. “But, I do have things I need to do at home. That day I stayed over because Nathan insisted, but it can't happen again. I’m sorry, Jason.”
I waved away her excuse, even though I could see through the lie. Maybe it wasn’t entirely wrong, but she wasn’t telling me the real reason she had to go back home.
“It’s fine, Rachel,” I said, backing out of the office. “Just work for as long as you’re able. And thank you so much for offering to do this at all.”
I left her alone to get through the paperwork, frowning as I did what she’d said, taking a walk around the ranch. Thinking back on it, she’d done it since the first day, hadn't she? She was there during the day when I looked up and noticed she was around. But, she’d been leaving at around five in early evening every day. And it was something she had to rush off to, every day.
It was strange, and I couldn’t help the clench in my chest that told me I probably wouldn’t like the real reason.
Chapter Eight
Rachel
A few days passed. Jason and I were working well together, and he was starting to remember how things were done. Not that long had passed, and already he was less than a mess.
But, that had always been Jason. If he put his mind to something, it would only be a matter of time before he fully grasped it. He hadn't let that many people see that side of him, though, even his family.
The ranch was slowly moving back to its normal operations. It was pretty sizeable land that took a lot of work, even when all you were doing was paperwork. I also noticed that a lot of the paperwork was stuff Nathan had left alone. I could feel a pang in my chest as I thought of him being too unwell to even do his work right. The ranch had meant a lot to him, and I knew he wouldn’t have neglected it otherwise.
Everything was going fine, until I received a call, just when I’d finished getting dressed so I could go over to the farm.
“Hey, Mary?” I said slowly. “What is it?”
My babysitter sighed on the other end of the call. “I am so sorry about this, Rachel,” she said, sounding guilty. “I wish I wasn’t making this call to you right now, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it today.”
I sighed back. I’d guessed already because there was no other reason why she would be calling, when she was supposed to see me in a few
minutes. How was I supposed to handle this, exactly?
“I guess it’s something really important. You don’t usually cancel at the last minute.”
“It’s an emergency, something really important. I am so sorry.”
“Can you at least recommend someone for me?” I asked hopefully.
“I’m afraid not…”
There was no more to say. We said our goodbyes and hung up. I knew it would be impossible to find someone to help me out this late, and it wasn’t like I could leave the job to just anyone. Knowing it this late…
“I won’t be able to go in,” I muttered to myself.
Jason deserved to know. So, before I put my phone away, I dialed his number. He picked up on the third ring.
“Jason? It’s Rachel.”
“I know,” he said. “You haven’t changed your number.”
He hadn't changed his either, but it was still a surprise to hear he’d kept my number saved. I’d tried plenty of times to erase his from my phone, so I didn’t understand why he still had mine. Still, there was no denying the spark of happiness in my chest when he said it.
Don’t think too much about it, I chided myself. He could have just been too lazy to delete it, or something.
I put my thoughts aside.
“Did you need something?” he asked.
I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me at that moment. “No, everything’s fine. I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be coming in today. Something urgent came up, and I have to take care of it. Sorry.”
There was a short silence over the line, then; “Can you tell me what it is?”
No.
There was absolutely no way I could tell him about this, not this late. He would have some choice words to say, words I didn’t want or need to hear from Jason of all people.”
“It’s nothing too big,” I said hurriedly. “Just know it’s something I can handle, and you don’t need to worry about it. I’ll be back to the ranch tomorrow, hopefully.” I’d just need to find a backup babysitter in case Mary’s emergency lasts longer than expected.
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