I trail off, lifting my eyes to my friend. Robbie studies me, then slowly nods. He rubs his hand over his jaw, his eyes drifting to the wall of windows to our left. When he looks at me again, his face is serious.
“I think you should come and see her.”
“Serena?”
“No, my mother.” He scoffs. “Yes, Serena. She’s struggling. She takes on everyone’s problems and makes them her own.”
My throat feels tight. I nod, relief inching its way down my spine. If Robbie approves, that means there’s hope for me and Serena, right? I don’t know how it would work with her in Connecticut and me in Woodvale, but lots of people do long distance. We’d be able to figure it out somehow. At least we’d have each other.
Most days, instead of dreaming of starting at the skydiving business again, I’m thinking about Serena. I think about the way it feels to have her arms around me and how much I miss her kiss. I’ve been considering asking for a transfer to change my home base from Seattle to New Haven. I could move if she doesn’t want to. It would be worth it.
If she agreed.
Even though we talk every night, I still hear the distance in her voice. It tugs at my gut, telling me there’s an expiration date to our relationship. Is it even a relationship? It feels like one, but without the really good parts. We don’t get to touch, or kiss, or make love. We don’t get to laugh together or spend time in each other’s company.
But it’s real.
Robbie extends his hand to me and I shake it, feeling the gravity of the moment. “You’re a good man, Kit,” he says. “My sister would be lucky to end up with you.”
My throat is too tight to speak, so all I do is nod.
As Serena’s brother stares at me, I want to tell him the truth. I want to tell him that I care about Serena in a way I didn’t think was possible. It’s not just ‘liking her a lot.’ It’s not just caring about her. It’s love. Deep, unending, earth-shattering love. Our phone calls are the best part of my day, and I spend the rest of my time daydreaming about seeing her again.
But nothing comes out. I can’t say the words, because that would make them real. Even though my heart beats for her, and I’ve never felt anything as close as this before, it’s still hard to speak the word love out loud.
The feeling is there, though, and I think Robbie senses it.
It takes another two weeks to organize time off on the other side of the country. I head back to Woodvale for a night. Serena left a few things at my place, and I decide to bring them back to her in New Haven. I don’t know when she’ll be back—but I also know that there’s hope for us. I might move over there. Keeping her things here doesn’t make sense.
So, I pack up her bag and set it near the door, then find my way over to the Blue Cat Bar.
Jackson’s pulling beers, eyeing a drunk patron with suspicion. I jerk my chin at him, sliding onto a barstool.
“Hey, stranger,” he says. “The usual?”
“Please.”
Jackson spins around to grab a pint glass, then pours me a cold beer. I thank him and take a sip when a hand lands on my shoulder.
“Long time no see,” Finn says, grinning. “Have you given any thought to my offer? We’ll be starting spring jumps in two and a half months. Would be nice to have you on board when we start getting busier. We can go back to how things were. Equal partnership. This is your business as much as mine.”
“Hello to you too.” I grin. “That was quite the sales pitch.”
“I need you, Kit,” Finn says, dropping his voice. “You’re part of that business. It’s not the same without you.”
My heart tugs.
An hour ago, I was ready to leave this place. But Finn’s offering me something that means the world to me, too. We could go back to the way things were. I’d have my own business and my best friend back. I could man planes that I enjoy flying and see the adrenaline-soaked gaze of jumpers after a skydive. I could invite excitement into my life again.
If I live in New Haven, I won’t have any of that. I’ll be driving flying busses for the rest of my career—and that’s if Serena even wants me there.
For the first time since I spoke to Robbie, doubt worms its way into my heart.
I have a life in Woodvale. A future. Friends. Family. Everything I have is here. Can I leave that all behind? Would it be worth it?
Would Serena be worth it?
What if this whole relationship of ours is just borne of necessity? We’re two lonely souls going through a rough patch, so we’ve clung onto each other. What if it isn’t love at all? It’s nothing deeper than desperation trying to make it through a hard time.
Finn rattles off some numbers about the business, trying to persuade me that it would be a good move. He promises that within a year, I’ll be making more than I do as a commercial pilot.
“Okay, okay.” I laugh. “Enough. Let me think about it.”
“Think about what?” Sacha, our friend from elementary school, slides onto the barstool next to Finn’s.
I nod at him. “Nothing. How’s Willow?”
“She’s good. Coming here with the girls in an hour or so.”
I force a smile, even though my heart squeezes. Sacha came back to Woodvale a couple of years ago. He and Willow picked up right where they left off, and he decided to stay. Isn’t it simple when the two people who love each other want to live in the same place?
I’m not so lucky. As I drain my beer and order another, the truth reveals itself to me. I’m going to have to choose between Serena and Woodvale. Between new, burning love—and home.
Bitterness coats my mouth, and it isn’t the taste of the beer. When Willow, Nadia, and Esme arrive, I force a smile onto my face and watch Willow wrap her arms around Sacha, and Esme wrap her arms around Finn. My chest aches.
I shake the feeling away, trying to enjoy my time with my friends. I might not have much more of it if I decide to leave. As I sit in our favorite bar, laughing at something Jackson says, I push my worries down and vow to enjoy this evening.
Tomorrow, I’ll be flying across the country to see Serena for the first time in over a month. Then I’ll know what the right thing to do is. I’ll know whether to choose her or them.
My friends laugh at something else, ordering a round of shots. I grimace but accept the shot anyway.
I don’t know how many more nights like this I’ll have, so I might as well enjoy it and ignore the flash of pain that thought causes in my heart.
26
Serena
It’s a new year, but I feel like I’ve moved back in time. I live with my mother, helping her around the house and making sure Nonna is taken care of. It’s like I’m a teenager again, spending all my time with my family.
We manage to clear out Nonna’s personal possessions from her house and get it ready for sale, but my mother is shattered. I bring her home and make her a cup of tea, returning to the kitchen to lean on the counter.
My shoulders round as I try to take a shaky breath. We’ll be able to move my grandmother into a care home, but it feels like everything has shifted. Things aren’t what they were a couple of months ago.
Woodvale seems like it was years ago, not weeks. As I stand in the kitchen, trying to build myself back up to be strong for my mother, it feels like I’m grieving more than just the loss of my grandmother’s cognition.
I’ve lost my own future, too. The promise of an exciting, new relationship with Kit. The chance to work at a new school. The opportunity to have friends. Real friends, who care about me. I had it just long enough to realize what I’ve been missing in New Haven before it was taken away.
The sound of the front door opening makes me straighten up. I wipe the sadness off my face and brace myself for whoever just walked into my mother’s house. I need to put on a brave face for them, whoever they are. The family always congregates here, and if my mom isn’t strong enough to be the host and the backbone of the family, that responsibility falls to me.
Ex
cept it’s not an uncle or aunt or sister. It’s Kit.
My heart plummets to my feet as my stomach knots. It’s not fair for one man to be so beautiful. His eyebrows tug together as his jaw clenches, his eyes boring holes into mine. A sprinkling of snowflakes dusts the shoulders of his jacket, highlighting just how broad he really is. Lucky snowflakes. After a pause, Kit pulls in a bag and steps aside to let Robbie through.
My mother coos and hugs my brother, squeezing him tight. I still can’t speak.
Everything’s spinning around me. Yes, I’ve spoken to Kit every day since I left. Yes, it’s the best part of my day. Yes, he’s propped me up and lent me strength while I’ve been struggling to stay afloat.
But having him here feels different. He doesn’t belong in this world. It’s too sad for him over here. Too fraught with expectations and the weight of family traditions.
He shakes his jacket off and hands it to my mother, who already has a coat hanger waiting. She gives Kit a kiss on the cheek and says something I don’t hear. I can’t hear anything except the rushing of heartbeat in my ears.
He’s here.
I’m not ready for this. I’d only just resigned myself to putting distance between us. I’ve been preparing myself to let him go and mourn the loss of our new relationship.
But seeing him here, stalking toward me as the fabric of his tight sweater stretches over his strong frame...It’s too much. I’m not strong enough to resist. He’s so beautifully male. Strong. Confident. Heading toward me with the conviction that this is exactly where he belongs.
Kit doesn’t pause. He just slides his hands over my hips and wraps his lean arms around my trembling body. I inhale him, feeling like I’m home for the first time in weeks. I try to resist, stiffening as he pulls me close. I try to fight the urge to melt into his embrace and accept the love he’s sending my way.
But I can’t fight it. With a long exhale, I close my eyes and rest my cheek against his chest, hearing his heart beating in his ribcage. It thumps against my ear, as if calling out to me. Mine. Kit’s hand cups the back of my head, tangling into my hair as he holds me close.
He places a soft kiss on my forehead, and I vaguely register that he’s doing it in front of Robbie and my mother. Is he okay with that kind of public affection? Robbie knows that we were…together. My mother doesn’t. Were we together? What’s going on between us?
My heart starts to race as my mind spirals. I pull away, wiping moisture from my eyes as I clear my throat. “You’re here,” I manage to squeak.
“Brought your things back from Woodvale,” he says, gravel rattling around in his voice. His eyes are glued to mine, and I wish he’d look away. At least then I could breathe without feeling like I’m being torn apart.
“Personal delivery. I’m honored.” I huff out a laugh, but Kit doesn’t smile.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m okay,” I lie. Can he tell that I’m only holding it together with wine and sheer necessity?
Kit squeezes my hand, turning to face my brother. Robbie moves to hug me, wrapping both arms around me and releasing after a quick squeeze.
“Hey, sis.”
“How was work?”
“Good to be back with this guy,” Robbie jerks his thumb at Kit, grinning. “I think he missed me.”
“Among other people,” Kit mumbles, stealing a glance at me. He moves away, and the space where he used to be feels empty and cold.
How the hell am I going to break up with him? The room feels warmer with him in it. Lights seem brighter. There’s a thrill in my chest for the first time in weeks.
And I’m supposed to push him away?
Kit hauls the suitcase toward me, nodding to the stairs. “Your room up there?”
“I can carry it,” I say, reaching for the bag.
“Don’t be silly.” Kit tightens his grip on the suitcase, arching an eyebrow.
“Silly? For wanting to carry my own shit?”
“For thinking I won’t insist on helping you.”
My heart flutters. Like it has wings that brush against my ribcage, letting me know that I like him being chivalrous. I like being taken care of. I like this big, strong man doing things for me.
Great.
That bodes well for the difficult conversation I’ve been trying to convince myself to have.
Kit follows me up the stairs and carries the bag into my childhood bedroom. His eyes sweep over the medals hanging on the wall from my time as a soccer player, to the pink comforter stretched over my single bed.
“Cute.” He grins.
“Shut up, Kit. I’m sure your childhood bedroom is no better.”
“I moved out of mine when I was a teen,” he says, sadness tinging his words. “But yeah. It would’ve been similar.”
I haul the bag onto my bed, unzip it, and flip it open. In my haste to leave Woodvale last month, I left about half my stuff. Kit has folded it neatly, packing it expertly in the bag. Even my underwear has been treated with reverence, folded and rolled into tight little cylinders.
“You’re better at packing than I am.” I grin. “I usually just stuff my undies into my shoes and toss them in the bottom of my bag.”
Kit’s reading the inscriptions on my soccer medals. He glances over his shoulder, grinning. “I didn’t mind spending time folding your underwear.”
“Creep.” I fight a smile—one of the few smiles I’ve had since I came back here.
“Complete, shameless creep when it comes to your underwear.”
God, that grin. Did I think I’d be able to resist it? It tugs his lips into a soft curve, reminding me of the firm softness of his kiss.
I clear my throat. My room feels too small for the both of us, but it’s comforting. It feels good to have him here. “How are things in Woodvale? You done any more flights at the skydiving center?”
Kit’s muscles tense. His jaw clenches, and I know I’ve hit a nerve. Then he releases the tension and shakes his head. “No, but Finn wants me to come back full-time. Said we could go back to the way it was before. Partners.”
“That’s great!” My voice rises up a few octaves as I force the words out. I try to smile, but my face isn’t cooperating. An awkward grimace tries to climb its way over my lips until I give up and let it drop. I turn my back to him, trying to stop the shards of my heart from poking through my flesh.
Kit will take the job and go back to being the carefree skydiving pilot in Woodvale. I’ll stay here, taking care of my mother and grandmother. It’ll be for the best, right? At least he has a future over there. I know that he hates commercial flying.
But I feel Kit’s presence before I can convince myself it’s what he wants. His big, broad body steps behind mine as his hands find my hips, dipping his thumbs beneath my shirt. When the pads of his fingers connect with my skin, a shiver courses through my body.
“I’m going to turn it down,” he says, his breath tickling my ear.
I frown, turning. “What? Why?”
“Serena…” Kit’s brows draw together. Pain flashes in his eyes as he shakes his head. “I don’t think you understand how much you mean to me. I know it’s fast. I know we barely know each other, but I also know I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone, ever. I can’t just let you walk into my life and walk back out again without telling you how I feel.”
My throat constricts. My heart does its best to beat its way out of my chest as I blink away tears that threaten to escape down my cheeks. I swallow, struggling past the lump in my throat.
“Kit…” I inhale sharply, splaying my hands over his chest. “I don’t want you to give up everything for me.”
“I’m not,” he says, cupping my cheek. “I’m not giving anything up.”
I can feel the lie coursing through him. I know he’s not telling me the truth. I know it kills him to think about leaving Woodvale, leaving his business, leaving his family. But just for one moment, I let myself believe it. I soak up his pretty words and feel a wave of warmth
wash over me.
Tilting my chin up to his, I wait for the kiss I’ve been dreaming of for weeks—and Kit doesn’t disappoint. His lips are warm and wanting, exactly what I’ve been missing. His kiss is slow, tender, yet firm. Unyielding. Kit teases my lips open, sliding his tongue against mine as a groan rumbles through his chest.
“I’ve missed you,” he says softly, lips moving against mine. “So much.”
“No talking,” I say, nipping at his lip. “More kissing.”
Kit chuckles, splaying his hands over my lower back and sliding them down to grip my ass. I sigh, trembling, allowing myself this moment.
Heat rips through my core, chasing away the chill that had settled in my bones when I arrived back home. As Kit drops his lips to my neck, tilting my head to the side with his hand as he runs his lips over my sensitive skin, I let out a shiver.
I forgot how good it felt to be in his arms.
“Serena,” Kit growls.
“What did I say about talking?” I quip, sliding my hands over his chest and sighing when I feel the bumpy, hard muscles on the way up to his shoulders.
“I love you.” The words tumble from Kit’s lips. His eyes widen slightly as his sentence hangs between us. I freeze, my heart hammering so hard I think I might pass out.
“You…what?”
Kit sighs, his shoulders rounding. “I love you. I’m sorry if it’s too soon. I just couldn’t go on without telling you.” His eyes search mine as he sucks in a breath.
My throat tightens as my pulse rages. The words are on the tip of my tongue. Isn’t that what I feel, too? Love? Isn’t that what’s made me crawl back to him, night after night, falling asleep with the phone to my ear? Isn’t that why it feels so damn good to be in his arms?
But how would it work? Kit wants to be flying planes as people jump out of them. He wants to be running his own business in his town with his friends, even if he tries to convince me otherwise. Relationships are built on more than just love. What about everything else?
Don't Need You: A Brother's Best Friend Romance (We Shouldn't Book 3) Page 16
