“Compliments about my writing are not going to persuade me to pose for you.” Her eyes blazed.
He shrugged, looking remarkably relaxed, while she felt ready to explode. She wished she could sit down in a corner and cry. His fingertip brushed his mustache as he sat watching the many emotions crossing her face. She was hurting inside—he’d be a fool if he didn’t see that—but his reason for coming here had to come out in the open. While he enjoyed her company—at least some of the time—he had to return to L.A. soon. No matter what, he still wanted her to pose for him.
Kali sank into a chair, looking down at her tightly clasped fingers in her lap.
“I wish I could make you understand. That story was more fact than fiction,” she related in a low voice. If she didn’t look up at him, she just might be able to tell him why she couldn’t have it revealed to the public. “It took me almost a year to write it, and during that time I suffered more anxiety attacks than I thought possible for one person to endure. I cried buckets of tears, I suffered from horrible nausea every time I ate anything, and I went out into the woods and screamed until I was hoarse. Writing it was a living hell, but when I finished, I knew I had purged the poison from my system and I would be able to begin living a pretty normal life.”
“A normal life without your daughter?”
Her breathing stopped for a split second. “I’ve employed so many private detectives… but Blayne, dear con man that he is, seems to keep one step ahead of them. I’ve heard that he’s now working in Europe under a variety of aliases, but no one can ever catch up with him. He makes ‘art’ films.” Her wry tone indicated what kind of art was depicted. “I want Cheryl back, and I’ll sell my soul to accomplish it.”
“What if you run out of money before they find her?” Travis asked gently.
Kali shook her head. “My needs are very minimal, and most of my money is in high-interest-bearing accounts. Besides, I’m sure I’ll have her back by the end of the year.” She didn’t mention she’d felt that way the previous year.
“And if you don’t?”
She blinked rapidly against the scalding tears. “Why do you have to be so damn pessimistic?” she demanded. “I sit here every day waiting for word, anything, the slightest hint about my daughter while I hope and I pray I’ll have her back with me, and all you can insinuate is that it won’t happen. I won’t listen to this!”
Travis remained silent during Kali’s outburst, letting her vent some of the anger and frustration she was feeling. When she’d finished, he finally spoke.
“You can argue about it all you want, but I’d still like to photograph you,” he told her, leaning forward. “Just give me a chance to talk about it before you jump down my throat again.”
Kali stiffened suspiciously but didn’t say a word.
“You’ve turned into a very strong woman emotionally, and I’d like to show that,” he went on, keeping his voice level and calm in the tension-filled room. Kali’s face was so pale and wide-eyed, she resembled a frightened animal ready to bolt. He was determined to keep the atmosphere as calm as possible so she wouldn’t be frightened away. At least her anger had finally disappeared.
She laughed, a sound as brittle as glass. “Me, a woman of strength? Give me a break, Travis. A guppy has more strength than I do.”
His face creased in a slow smile. “Oh, honey, you’re stronger than you realize. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have survived the past few years. How many women would have put up with a bastard like Savage with all his affairs? Why you didn’t just shoot him where it counts and have done with it is beyond me.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I was a naive idiot,” she admitted, refusing to look him in the eye. Why should he believe that someone who had lived in freewheeling Los Angeles could have been so blind? But she had been. She had been so caught up in her career and the mistaken idea that her marriage was storybook perfect, she hadn’t bothered to read the signs that her husband was occupying beds all over town. “And after I did find out, I felt I had to protect Cheryl from the malicious gossip as much as I could—” Her voice broke. “Except I didn’t do a very good job of it in the end.” She was so caught up in her misery, she didn’t notice Travis rising to his feet and crossing the room to sit on the arm of her chair. “All through my pregnancy I did everything the doctor told me so the baby wouldn’t be harmed. I refused to have a nurse or nanny who didn’t understand I wanted to take care of her. I refused to be a part-time mother. I sent her to one of the finest preschools in the city. I wanted her to have everything I didn’t have while growing up, but I wasn’t going to spoil her in the process. She would have as normal a childhood as I could give her.” By then the tears couldn’t be contained. She wrapped her arms around her body, as if she’d suddenly grown very cold. Her blood felt frozen inside her veins, and her body began to shake from the pain she’d revealed. Her breathing grew shallow as she felt all control leave her body, and she hated herself for revealing her vulnerability.
Travis didn’t hesitate in his silent offer of comfort. He wrapped one large, warm palm around the back of her neck and drew her up into his embrace. Kali had no chance to protest even if she wanted to, as he kept his arms around her in a hold that bore no passion, only the need to protect someone from further pain. Even as she cried out for him to let her go, he held her as he waited for her to calm down. It was several minutes before she was able to speak coherently.
“Damn you,” she swore in a low voice, wiping her wet eyes with the back of her hand. “I was doing just fine until you showed up.”
“Were you?” he retorted mildly. “All you managed to do was delude yourself into thinking everything would be peachy keen as long as you hid out here. It doesn’t work that way, Kali. There are times you have to take a chance, and I think your number has just come up.”
“I won’t pose for you. I’ve told you that before,” she mumbled, finding it nice to have a man’s arms around her again. It had been a long time since she had been comforted by a man’s touch, and strangely it felt right coming from him. But why did it have to be someone who looked as if he’d just escaped from a chain gang who could make her feel safe?
“A chain gang?” Travis chuckled. “That’s a new one for me.”
Kali was horrified that she had unwittingly spoken the last words out loud. “You’re making me say and do things I don’t normally do,” she said with a moan, burying her face against the curve of his shoulder. The warm scent of his skin assaulted her nostrils, bringing to mind tumbled bed covers and a naked, hard-muscled body. It gave her ideas she had no business even thinking of.
Hormones, she decided, feeling horrified at the explicit pictures crowding her mind. It was just time for her hormones to go out of whack, and Travis happened to be there when it happened. She wondered if a good dose of cod liver oil would put things to rights. Her arms crept stealthily around his waist and hung on for dear life.
Travis didn’t miss her arms slowly slipping around him. He wondered how long it had been since a man had held her, just held her without passion or need, to silently let her know she was safe from any harm.
“How about we make a deal?” he asked, his lips perilously close to her ear.
“What kind of deal?” she mumbled, deciding she liked the way his mustache tickled the top of her ear.
“How about allowing me to stick around here for a while?” He ignored the little voice inside, reminding him of all the work waiting for him in L.A. This was much more important. “No pressure about you posing. Just a chance for you to get to know me and find out I’m not so bad after all. If you say no, I’d understand, although I hope you’ll give me a chance. And no one will ever learn your whereabouts from me. But I hope you say yes.”
Kali ran her tongue over her lower lip. How was he able to make it sound so innocent when she was sure he had other things in mind than just talking. After all, she hadn’t forgotten that one New Year’s Eve.
“Dare I ask whe
re you plan to stay, since there’s no hotel in town?” she asked coolly, although she had a pretty good idea what his answer would be.
“What’s wrong with the room upstairs?” he asked. “I didn’t find any bedbugs, and the mattress is good and firm. I’m reasonably housebroken, as I’ve shown you. I know how to pick up after myself, and I can even help with domestic chores as long as you don’t have me cooking.” He was pleased to hear her laugh at that. He added for her peace of mind, “I don’t go where I’m not invited, Kali.”
She understood his meaning right away. He wanted her to know he wouldn’t enter her bedroom unless asked.
“You mean it about no pressure regarding my posing? You’ll leave it alone?”
Travis nodded. “I give my word. Besides, I haven’t had a vacation in six years. Communing with nature just might be what I need.”
Kali looked skeptical but found herself hard pressed to come up with a logical argument other than she just plain preferred to be alone. “I would think your idea of communing with nature would be checking out the local bars.”
One corner of his mouth lifted. “That sounds like a good idea too. I bet Saturday night is something else around here.”
She stepped away before she softened too much. If she wasn’t cautious, all her carefully erected walls would come tumbling down. ‘To be honest, I don’t think it will work, but I always was a gambler. I’ll be up front and tell you that if you mention ‘Human Frailties’ just once, you’re out on your ear.” She nodded her head toward the door to make her point. “I’ll probably regret this in the end.”
“I’ll make sure there won’t be any regrets.” He held out his hand to seal the bargain.
Kali accepted it hesitantly, feeling the calluses on his palm graze her hand as she shook it. She didn’t want to be aware of him as a man, so why was she allowing him to stay with her for the next week or so? She blamed the hormones again. She remembered once reading that a woman in her thirties was at her sexual peak, so there was good reason for her to feel the way she did, even as she reminded herself that she had cut out all soft feelings from her heart years ago.
Every muscle in Travis’s body relaxed. He hadn’t expected Kali to go along with his suggestion as amiably as she had. While he still wanted to photograph her, he wasn’t about to abuse the privilege by discussing it again until she brought it up.
He looked down at her and said the first thing that came to mind. “You deserve a lot of nice things.”
Kali’s smile wobbled. “Such as a hot-fudge sundae with extra fudge and nuts and loaded with real whipped cream,” she countered. “And cotton candy at the fair, and a day at the beach during the summer.
He shook his head. He knew she was trying hard to evade what he really meant, but he didn’t intend for that to happen. She had retreated from the real world for too long a time. He wanted to see her back in the mainstream of life full-force, and he intended to be the man to lead her there.
“How do you feel about moonlight swims?” he suggested in that drawling, tender voice that sent dangerous shivers up and down Kali’s spine.
Yes, she could visualize that scene. A quiet, rippling lake with the silvery moonbeams floating across the surface and two figures holding hands as they waded into the warm water. Two figures who were gloriously naked and obsessed only with each other. No, she mustn’t think of such a thing. That kind of dream would only make her crazy. What was it about him that prompted such scenes in her mind? Had she been alone too long?
Kali walked away from Travis’s presence, desperate to put distance between them. While he had held her, she’d become aware of him as a man and she didn’t like that. She didn’t want to notice that his jeans fit him like a second skin, or that his faded blue flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled above his forearms revealed a tattoo peeking out from under the cloth. She was curious as to what kind of tattoo he had but feared that if she asked to see it, he just might take off his shirt to show her and that might be a bit too much for her in her vulnerable condition. She was right that first day. This man was dangerous to her peace of mind, and she was taking an enormous chance by having him stay. She would have to watch herself very carefully because the longer she was around him, the more sensitive to his every word and movement she became. If only she hadn’t chosen him that New Year’s Eve, this never would have happened! She’d lost the war between the sexes once before and had just barely recovered. This time might not be so easy, because the man she would be battling had something Blayne never had had: the intimate knowledge of the pain in her soul.
Chapter 5
For the next few days Kali played the part of the perfect hostess, which was quite a change from her earlier hostility. Travis was relieved and suspicious all at the same time. The first day she’d aimed a shotgun at him; now she was cooking meals for two. She even took him out to the barn to introduce him to her two horses, a bay named Brandy and a dark chestnut called Cognac.
She smiled, even talked to him in the mornings, but still kept her guard firmly in place. Travis knew it was going to be difficult if she remained wary of him all the time he was there.
During those first few days Travis saw a side to Kali Hughes of which the public had no idea. Here, she wasn’t one of the most popular models in the country. All she cared about was making sure the barn was clean, food was in the pantry, and the dirty laundry didn’t pile up too high. He especially liked the way she wandered around the cabin muttering to herself.
It wasn’t as if she floated around the cabin in sheer negligees guaranteed to drive a man crazy. Her jeans were well-worn and faded; her colored Tshirts, coupled with a flannel over shirt or pullover sweater weren’t tight; but she still managed to impart a sensuality most women worked hard to achieve and never truly attained. He even liked the crazy-looking socks she wore.
“Where’s the sugary, yet sexy, temptress fashion magazines knew?” he once asked during an hour of relaxation before bedtime.
Kali eyed him sardonically over her brandy glass. “She grew up. She finally realized the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow was pure gilt and wasn’t worth the pain of pursuing.”
Travis stared down into the amber liquid, the glass cradled between his palms. “He did quite a number on you, didn’t he?”
There was no need to pretend she didn’t know who he was talking about. Kali set her glass to one side and leaned back in the chair, her hands clasped behind her head. “In a way, I had two children because Blayne refused to grow up and accept responsibility for any part of our marriage. As a result, I had to learn to be the stronger one.”
“Then why did he take your daughter?”
Kali’s eyes narrowed. “My, you enjoy using the sharp edge of the knife, don’t you?”
“It’s the best way to find out anything I want to know. Besides, your ambivalent feelings toward your ex at the end of your marriage were pretty well known.”
“Ambivalent?” She chuckled. “That’s a ten-dollar word if I’ve ever heard one. Say hate, that’s more like it.” She stared off into space, gathering up the jumble of words and emotions running through her mind. “Blayne hated to lose, he always did. His way of getting back at me was through Cheryl, and what better way to punish me than by taking her from me?”
“It’s surprising your P.I.‘s haven’t picked up any clues about his whereabouts,” Travis commented.
Her eyes clouded over, and she silently commanded herself not to cry. “Blayne has been a con artist since birth.” She stood up, preferring to end the conversation before she revealed too much. What was it about this man that prompted her to want to talk so freely about the painful past when she hadn’t uttered a word even to her closest friends? “It’s still very difficult to talk about, so I believe I’ll say good night now.” She headed for her bedroom.
“Kali.” Travis’s quiet voice halted her escape. “Let me help.”
She shook her head, instinctively knowing what he was talking about. She realized tha
t giving in to him on this would mean giving him everything when she really had nothing to give to anyone. “If a team of highly rated investigators can’t do anything, what makes you think you can?”
“High-priced investigators don’t necessarily have the right friends in low places.”
Tears stung her eyes at his sincere offer, and she wrapped her arms tightly around her body. Deep down she doubted he would have better luck than the men she had hired over the years, but she did appreciate his offer.
“Good night, Travis.” She continued toward her bedroom and closed the door behind her.
Kali undressed slowly, willing herself not to cry. And here she had been doing so well too. It was having Travis around that was making her feel uneasy. She decided a trip into town the next day might be an excellent idea. It would also get them away from the confining walls of the cabin.
She heard the sounds of water running in the kitchen, the loud clicks of dead bolts thrown, then the creak of the steps leading to the loft.
Why had she allowed him to stay? If she wanted company, there were a few other friends she could have chosen from. If she was smart, she’d ask him to leave in the morning. No excuses, just that she wanted him gone. If he mentioned “Human Frailties” to her, she’d give him a flat and final no. She knew she couldn’t live through that hell again, and her return to L.A. would just dredge up memories better left dead and buried. When all was quiet overhead, she finally drifted off to sleep with dreams that both disturbed and aroused her, although she remembered nothing in the morning.
When Kali awoke the next morning, she could smell brewed coffee. That was one good thing about her unorthodox houseguest—lately he had been getting up early and fixing a pot of coffee, and she appreciated his thoughtfulness. He was a perfect houseguest, always picked up after himself, helped with the dishes, and even chopped wood one afternoon.
Kali showered and brushed out her hair, letting it dry on its own. She dressed in jeans, a cobalt crew-neck sweater, and purple socks with pink polka dots.
Only Love Page 6
