Caroline arched her brow and contemplated her future prospects. The simple truth was that she did not love Mr. Darcy. She only wanted to marry him because he was wealthy; because he had the right connections with those in society, but not for love. She sighed; love was too difficult a thing to allow oneself to become entangled with. Caroline had heard from both her mother and father that the reward of loving another far outweighed the inevitable pain that would come with it, but she did not find it to be so. For her, the cost of loving another had come at a truly high price. A price that she was unwilling ever to pay again. As she watched Mr. Darcy, she caught him looking over in his wife’s direction several times. She shook her head and heaved a small, disgusted sigh as she witnessed the two of them exchange looks with one another, before resuming their respective conversations. The way Darcy doted on Elizabeth was almost sickening to watch, and yet a very small part of her longed to have someone share a look or smile at her from across a crowded room. Caroline took in a deep breath and decided it was truly time to let go of any expectation or fantasy of ending the marriage between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth that she once held on to. For whatever reason, he had fallen in love with the woman, and attempting to separate them would be pointless. Darcy would never turn to her, and Caroline was beginning to realize she no longer wished for him to do so. For all his connections and wealth, he really was a difficult, moody sort of man. It was not that he was always unpleasant company, there were times that she had enjoyed his wit and humor. There were equally times when Mr. Darcy was very disagreeable, aloof, and distant, that made being in his company most unpleasant. Caroline sighed again, “Let Elizabeth deal with you, Mr. Darcy. I no longer find your good looks or great wealth so very desirable after all. I believe my attention is better served elsewhere,” she mumbled to herself.
With that thought in mind, Caroline looked over and saw Miss Mary Bennet chatting away with Mrs. Godwin, Elizabeth, and Lady Fitzwilliam. She felt herself becoming more agitated and annoyed as she stood there. How was it possible that even someone as plain as Mary Bennet was going to marry before she did? She watched as Mr. Godwin stepped over and joined Elizabeth and the other ladies. After a few moments, both Lady Fitzwilliam and Mrs. Godwin laughed aloud as did Elizabeth and Miss Bennet. Caroline rolled her eyes, as she watched Mr. Godwin lean over and whisper something into Miss Bennet’s ear. She concluded whatever it was must have been very endearing to her because Miss Bennet promptly rewarded Mr. Godwin with a smile.
The sound of Colonel Fitzwilliam’s voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked over to see him standing near the roaring fire with Miss Catherine Bennet, Jane, Captain Hathaway and Admiral Godwin. It appeared as if both the Admiral and Colonel were sharing stories of their time in the military. She was not entirely sure what was being shared but decided from the looks on her sister-in-law’s face, it must be some harrowing battle that the Admiral had gone through.
Caroline was beginning to wish she had remained at Windham House. Then she noticed Georgiana and her cousin, Mr. Fitzwilliam talking together. She pursed her lips together and considered the man before her. He was not as tall as Colonel Fitzwilliam, but he was still very handsome. He had soft, brown hair and stormy blue-gray eyes that held a bit of sadness in them. For a moment, she thought about pursuing him. After all, he was wealthy, and he would inherit his father’s estate. By marrying him, she would become Lady Fitzwilliam one day. “Perhaps this evening would not be such a waste after all,” she whispered to herself as she made her way over to join Georgiana and Mr. Fitzwilliam. She reached out and brushed her hand against Georgiana’s arm, “My dear Georgiana, I was wondering if you will play for us this evening? I am sure your aunt and uncle will be delighted with the new piece of music you have been working on.”
Georgiana turned to Caroline and smiled. “My aunt has asked me to play for them after dinner is served and I said that I would,” she said.
“I am glad to hear it. You play so beautifully,” Caroline complimented her. “I have never heard anyone who plays as well as you do.”
Georgiana knew that Caroline was only complimenting her because of her desire to know her cousin Owen. She knew since neither her cousin nor Caroline had been officially introduced that it fell to her to make the introductions. She hesitated for a moment, then relented. “Cousin Owen, this is Miss Bingley. She is Charles Bingley’s sister,” Georgiana told him. “This is my cousin, Mr. Owen Fitzwilliam.”
Caroline curtsied, “I am very happy to make your acquaintance, Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she said as she looked up at him.
Owen nodded his head, “Miss Bingley,” was all he said.
After several moments of silence, Caroline looked over towards Kitty and Colonel Fitzwilliam, then she turned to Georgiana and said, “Miss Catherine Bennet seems to be enjoying herself this evening. I must say that the colonel seems to be rather taken with her.”
Owen looked over at his brother and nodded his head. “Yes, I do believe you are right. My brother does appear to be rather taken with Miss Catherine Bennet,” he commented.
Georgiana turned her attention to Richard and Kitty. She watched as her cousin talked with Kitty. “Do you really think so?” she asked feeling agitated all the sudden. “I have not noticed anything between the two of them, other than friendship. He has not displayed any open regard or particular fondness for her. I am sure that if Richard had feelings for Miss Bennet, he would have said something, but he has not made mention of anything to me.”
Owen laughed, “Cousin Georgie, do you truly think if my brother had feelings for the lady he would confide in you about such things?” he teased her. “I would hardly think it proper if he did.”
Georgiana was just about to respond by saying how close she and Richard had always been, but she suddenly realized since things happened between herself and Wickham, Richard had talked less and less with her about the goings on in his life. She chewed her bottom lip and forced a smile. “Of course, you are right, cousin. It was silly of me to think otherwise,” she said.
“Colonel Fitzwilliam told me only a few days ago how much he admires Miss Catherine’s voice,” Caroline remarked. “I do believe he very much enjoyed hearing her sing when we were all together last at Netherfield.”
“Yes, he was commenting to my father when he first came in about how beautifully she sings. He said he had never heard a voice so beautiful as Miss Bennet’s before,” Owen told them both.
Caroline smiled, “I have only heard her the one time,” she commented. “However, I must say she did sing very well. There is a sweetness to her voice that is very pleasing, almost inspiring, really.
“That is high praise,” Owen remarked. “I find now that I am all the more eager to hear her sing. Thankfully, Richard has persuaded Miss Catherine to sing for us this evening so I will not have to wait long.”
Georgiana looked up at her cousin. She did little to hide her surprise, “Richard requested that Kitty sing for us?” she asked feeling rather annoyed.
“Yes, he did,” Owen told her. “I believe he said that her sister, Miss Bennet, would accompany her so that you would not have to.”
“Oh,” she said softly. She looked back over at her cousin with Kitty and saw the two of them laughing. She looked back up at her cousin and Caroline. “If you do not mind, I think I will step out into the garden. It feels a bit warm all the sudden.”
Owen smiled, “Would you like me to accompany you, Georgie?” he asked.
She shook her head no, “I am fine, I just need a little fresh air. I will not be long,” she told them as she made her way towards the door.
Caroline watched as Georgiana walked away. She turned back to Owen and said, “I do hope she will feel better. Perhaps the fresh air will do her good. The room is a bit warm, I suppose.”
Owen smiled. “Yes, it is warm in here tonight. I believe my mother prefers it that way. She is often overcome by the drafts in this house,” he said as he looked over at the roaring fire.
“O
h, you cannot be serious?” Caroline said as she smiled sweetly. “Why, this house is far too lovely to have drafts. I think you must be teasing me. This house is too fashionable and elegantly decorated to have a draft. It simply cannot be possible.”
“I assure you, Miss Bingley, just because a house is lovely and elegantly decorated does not mean it will not have the occasional draft when there are cold, windy nights or storms are moving in,” Owen said in a somewhat aloof manner.
“I suppose that is true,” she said, not knowing what else to say. Caroline looked around the room searching for another topic to keep the conversation going with Mr. Fitzwilliam. “Mr. Darcy mentioned you were in Scotland visiting with your aunt when he and Mrs. Darcy married.”
“Yes, my mother’s family is from Scotland, and at least once a year she likes to go to visit with her sister. This year she asked that I join her,” he told her. “That is why we were unable to attend my cousin’s wedding. I know my mother was sorry to miss it, but by the time we received news of his impending nuptials, we would not have made it back to Meryton in time to attend.”
“Oh, it is a shame. It is too bad Mr. Darcy could not have waited until you returned so that your mother could have attended the ceremony,” Caroline said. She thought about it for a moment, then said, “It really did turn out to be a very lovely affair for both couples, I think.”
Owen furrowed his brow, “I do not think my cousin would have wanted to wait for our return to begin his life with his bride,” he said sounding a bit snide. “And truth be told, I would not have asked him to do so. When Emily and I married, it was the happiest day of my life. I would not have liked being asked to wait one day longer to take her as my wife, and I suspect my cousin felt the exact same way about Mrs. Darcy.”
Caroline smiled politely and said. “You are probably right about that,” she admitted. “I do not believe Mr. Darcy would have liked to wait longer to marry Elizabeth.” She looked over at Elizabeth and caught her exchanging another glance with Darcy. She sighed a little, then turned her attention back to Mr. Fitzwilliam. “I was very sorry to hear about your loss, though,” she said softly.
“Were you?” he asked sarcastically. “I only ask because most young ladies only say they are sorry when in fact, they are not. Most are actually very happy with the prospect of trying to catch a potential husband, that they do not consider what has been lost. They consider my wealth, the homes I will inherit, and my title and hope I will show some interest in them. They pretend to be concerned for my feelings, but secretly, they are only interested in attempting to win me over and marry me.”
Caroline took in a deep breath and raised her brow. She thought for a moment how she should respond to him. She looked up at him and saw the doubt and sorrow in his eyes. For the first time, she realized he truly was still hurting over the loss of his wife. Something inside her could not help but feel sympathy for him. After what seemed an eternity, she found her voice and said, “I would protest what you have said, Mr. Fitzwilliam. I would tell you again how truly sorry I am for your loss. However, you would only accuse me of attempting to lure you into marriage, so I shan’t bother doing so. I can see in your eyes that your pain cuts deep for the loss of your wife. There is no denying it, so I will only say I pray the wounds will in time heal, and you will one day find peace again.”
Owen found himself puzzled by her response, “You pray that I will find peace, and not find true love once again?” he remarked sarcastically.
Caroline shook her head, “One does not need to find love again to be set free from the torment of losing someone so cherished. They need peace, and release from the anguish of what might have been.”
“You say that with such conviction as if you have suffered a great loss yourself, Miss Bingley,” he remarked. “I find myself almost believing you.”
Caroline shook her head, “Do not think well of me, Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she told him in a moment of weakness. “My intention in coming this way was to attract your attention in hopes of becoming acquainted with you. I did hope to lure you into a marriage proposal. Your title, wealth, and estates make you a fine prospect. Your first instincts about me were right. I am no different from all the other young ladies you spoke of, except, perhaps, a little older than some.”
Again, he was astonished by her candor, “I must say, Miss Bingley, I am both delighted and impressed with your honesty,” he said as he stepped closer to her. “Are you always this honest?”
Caroline was not really sure what had come over her. She laughed a little and shook her head, “No sir, I am not. Before you ask, I cannot explain to you why I am saying these things to you. I do not know myself why I am overcome with being so honest with you. Perhaps it is the season that is about to come upon us that has made me speak so to you.”
He shook his head not fully understanding her meaning, “The season?” he commented. “I am afraid I do not understand.”
Caroline smiled and took in a deep breath. “Yes, the season, you know, wishes for Christmas joy, peace, goodwill, and all the rest,” she said feeling somewhat agitated.
“I highly doubt that is the reason for this behavior tonight. You do not seem to me to be the sort of woman who thinks much of well-wishing and glad tidings” he commented.
Caroline sighed, “Perhaps that is true as well,” she said feeling very tired all the sudden. “However, I have no other explanation to give you for my sudden desire to be honest; you must make of it what you will.”
Owen smiled as he considered the woman before him. “And with that, I suppose it is left to me to choose another topic of discussion if we are to continue talking,” he said softly.
Caroline shrugged her shoulders, “You may if you like,” she said then added. “Or you may give any excuse that you will and leave me to myself. It would be the wiser thing to do, I think.”
“No, talking with you is proving to be much more interesting than I would have thought it would be,” Owen told her. He looked at Caroline, and this time he really saw how pretty she was. He had heard so many unbecoming things about her from both his brother and his cousin that his opinion of the lady was already set before he had even met her. Richard warned him that Caroline might set her cap for him, and Darcy suggested he be leery of her constant flattery. Both said the woman was not to be trusted as she was known for saying things that she did not mean in order to get her way.
Caroline was beginning to grow more uncomfortable under his intense gaze. “Mr. Fitzwilliam, is there some reason you are staring at me so intently? Have I grown a third eye that I am unaware of?”
He smiled, “I am merely trying to understand you, Miss Bingley,” Owen told her. As he looked into her eyes, he could see something there that others had probably not seen. He realized that Miss Caroline Bingley carried with her a deeply buried wound, that like him, she held on to.
“There is very little to understand. Truly, what you see before you now is all there is,” she told him.
“I do not believe that for a moment,” he assured her. “In all honesty, I believe that was the first falsehood you have told me this evening.”
“Believe what you will then. I did try to warn you,” she said softly.
“That is exactly what makes you so intriguing to me,” Owen commented. “You stand here before me telling me that you were at first planning to attract my attention, but have since decided against it. You openly admit to lying at times, and you seem to have no desire to win my favor. I do not know what to make of you.”
Caroline was just about to respond when she saw Jane motioning for her to come over. “I believe my sister-in-law wishes to speak with me,” she said before she turned and walked over to join Jane and Charles. As she walked away she smiled, a part of her thought about the conversation that she just had. She did not know why she said the things she did, but she was glad she did. In a way, she could not fully comprehend herself. Caroline felt as if a door had been opened to her self-imposed prison and for the first time
in a very long time, there was some small bit of light coming through.
Georgiana stood on the balcony overlooking the gardens below. It was chilly out, but she found she preferred the cool, crisp air to the stifling warmth inside. She pulled her shawl a bit higher on her shoulders and took in a deep breath. She thought about what her cousin Owen had said about Richard and Kitty and wondered if it might be true. She was not sure why the idea of her cousin having feelings for Kitty would bother her so, but it did. The more Richard praised Kitty for all her accomplishments, the worse it made her feel. She thought about how much she missed Richard’s attentiveness to her. He was always the one encouraging her. But lately, he had done the opposite. She was sure he was more disappointed in her conduct with Wickham than she had ever realized. Tears formed in her eyes as she looked up towards the night sky. She sniffled in a little and was just about to turn and go back inside when she saw Captain Hathaway coming through the door towards her, “Miss Darcy, I thought I saw you step out here. Would you mind if I join you for a moment?”
Through the Window 2 Page 8
