Elizabeth chewed her lip for a moment, “Oh William, do not make me repeat it,” she said to him. “Truly, you look very weary, and you did say you do not wish to talk about your aunt.”
Darcy leaned over and gently kissed her forehead, “I did not mean to make you feel as if you could not share what happened today with me. I would be very selfish if I did not allow you to unburden yourself. I am at your disposal, I can hear what you wanted to say, and you should feel able to speak your heart whenever you wish,” he told her. “So please, tell me what you wanted to say about Mr. Collins.”
Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders, “He spoke of how very upset Lady Catherine was, and how very distressed Miss de Bourgh is at your ending your engagement with her in order to marry me.”
Darcy closed his eyes and shook his head in frustration, “Good grief, with the way Lady Catherine tells it, you would think that I left my cousin waiting at the altar for me! I promise you, Elizabeth, there was no understanding between us. I never promised my aunt, or Anne, that I would marry her,” Darcy told her again.
Elizabeth smiled and gently brushed the hair from his forehead, “Oh my darling William, I know that you did not promise to marry Anne,” she told him. “Mr. Collins is a dreadful little man, who is completely devoid of any character. He likes to think himself superior to everyone else, except, of course, Lady Catherine. I only tolerate him because of Charlotte. If it were not for her sake, I would never think of him again.”
“Mr. Collins is not the problem, Elizabeth. Lady Catherine is,” Darcy sighed. “Collins is not the only one she has told that I abandoned my cousin and broke our engagement.”
Elizabeth arched her brow, “Who else has she told?” she inquired of him.
Darcy took in a deep breath as he walked over and sat down with her on the sofa, “Last night while we were at the ball, Richard overheard both Lady Knowles and Mrs. Peary talking about you. They were saying some very unkind things, and he thought I should know.”
“Oh, is that why you wanted to go and see Lady Catherine today?” Elizabeth asked him.
Darcy nodded his head. “Yes,” he admitted. “I did not say anything to you because I wanted to spare you any distress.” He tried to keep his temper under control as he thought about his aunt, “I wanted to be very clear with her that I would not allow her continued disparaging of your character. I told her in no uncertain terms that she is the one who is causing this irreparable harm in our family,” he explained.
“William, I knew Lady Knowles did not approve of me almost from the moment I met her,” Elizabeth admitted. “Besides, Mrs. Godwin and Lady Fitzwilliam both warned me that Lady Knowles was a very old and dear friend to Lady Catherine. I did not expect that she would think well of me. I am not at all surprised that they were caught gossiping, but you really did not need to go to Lady Catherine and defend my honor. I am not offended by the comments of two busybodies who have little else to do but repeat the ramblings of a spiteful lady.”
Darcy sighed heavily, “Those busybodies could make life very difficult for you whilst we are here in London. If I had not talked to Lord Knowles and made my position clear to him, Lady Knowles could have seen to it that you were blacklisted from a good deal of the social engagements.”
Elizabeth smiled, “I am sorry that you had to go to so much trouble,” she said. “I must say, for myself, I care little about whether Lady Catherine or Lady Knowles turns the whole of London society against me. But I know that for Georgiana, I would not wish it to be so,” Elizabeth told him. “Does Lady Catherine not understand that I have lived with the condescension and ridicule of others because of my mother’s behavior for my entire life? Does she really imagine her words against me, or the words of those I barely know, would do me harm?” she shook her head sadly. “Truly William, Lady Catherine’s thinking ill of me does not cause me distress. The one she does real harm to is Georgiana, does she not consider that?”
Darcy shook his head, “She does not!” he told her, his voice filled with anger. “In truth, she wants nothing more than to punish me for going against her wishes and in the process, she will inflict harm on my sister without thought or regard for her future. She is a bitter, vengeful, cold woman and I told her as much when I saw her.”
Elizabeth felt deeply for him. She lifted his hand to her lips. She kissed him gently then said, “I am sorry, William,” she told him as tears filled her eyes. “I know how very important Georgiana is to you; I am sorry that Lady Catherine could not be persuaded to see things differently now that we are married.”
Darcy pulled her into his arms, “You have nothing to be sorry for, my love.” He held her close and gently stroked her hair, “Lady Catherine is the one to blame if Georgiana is mistreated in any way. You hold no blame in any of this.”
Elizabeth smiled as she looked up into his eyes, “Then promise me this,” she began to say, “Promise me, no matter what happens, you will remember that you are not to blame either.”
He nodded his head, “I give you my word,” he said just before he leaned down and ever so gently kissed her lips.
Chapter Thirteen
Caroline was up early the next morning, as was Jane and Elizabeth. The three of them sat having breakfast in the dining room when Caroline looked over the top of her teacup at Jane and said somewhat hesitantly, “Jane, I wonder if you and Charles might consider taking a turn in the park with me?” she asked her.
Jane furrowed her brow just a little, “I beg your pardon, Caroline, but I do not believe that I heard you?”
Caroline hesitated just a little, then repeated herself, “I said, I wonder if you and Charles might like to take a walk with me this morning? Perhaps we could walk through Hyde Park?”
“Oh, I am sorry. I believe Charles has gone to see his accountant this morning,” she told her. “However, he will be back this afternoon if you would like to put off our walk until then?”
Caroline considered how to respond, “Perhaps you and Elizabeth would like to accompany me since Charles is unavailable?” she suggested. “I would like to go this morning, if at all possible.”
Jane took in a small breath, “I suppose I could join you. I have no other pressing engagements this morning,” she told her.
“I do not have any pressing matters to attend to,” Elizabeth told them both. “Although, this evening we are to join the Admiral and Mrs. Godwin for dinner, so perhaps going this morning is a better idea.”
“Yes, Charles did mention that,” Caroline responded. “I understand that Colonel Fitzwilliam, Georgiana, and I are to remain and spend the evening here at Windham House while you go with your family to introduce your mother and younger sister to Mr. Godwin’s family.”
Elizabeth nodded her head, “Yes,” she said, almost expecting some snide remark from Caroline.
“Well, I do wish you all the best, and hope you have a lovely evening,” she told them as she finished her breakfast. “If you will both be ready to go, perhaps you could call for the carriage to take us to the park within the hour?” she asked.
Elizabeth and Jane were both surprised at how pleasant Caroline was being. “I will let James know,” Elizabeth told her. “Caroline, is there any reason why you wanted to go for a walk this morning, and not wait for Mr. Bingley to join us later?”
“No, not really anything in particular,” she said before she turned and walked over to the door. “Although,” she stopped suddenly as if she had just remembered something important to tell them. “Now that you mention it, it does come to mind something that I should tell you. It is very possible that Mr. Fitzwilliam might be there as well.”
Jane smiled, “Oh Caroline, you should have said you were planning to meet Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she said.
Caroline shook her head and furrowed her brow, “I do not mean to imply that I have a planned meeting with Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she said rather coyly. “Only that he said to me that he would be walking in the park this morning, and if I should be there as well perhaps w
e might take a turn together.”
Elizabeth did her best to keep from smiling, “Well, I think it will be very fortunate for Mr. Fitzwilliam that we will be there this morning, then. That way he will not have to walk alone.”
Caroline smiled briefly and then hurried upstairs to get ready. She could not help but feel just a little anxious about meeting with Mr. Fitzwilliam again. She was not exactly sure why she felt that way, but she did. After all, each time that they had been together before was by chance. However, this time he had purposely made mention of his being there and asking her if she might be there as well. She considered how much time they had spent talking and how attentive he was to her. “Surely it must mean something?” she thought. She told herself that at the very least, he must consider her to be able to share in some interesting conversation with.
Once in her room, she went through her wardrobe until she found the very best dress for just such an occasion. She pulled out her best Promenade Dress and called for her maid to help get ready. It was a lovely frock with pale cream fabric and tiny little rose flowers. The hemline was a little shorter, which made walking a bit easier. Caroline took in a deep breath and did her best to calm her racing heart. She kept telling herself that Mr. Fitzwilliam was only being kind and that it meant nothing. She would not allow herself to be caught off guard again. She told herself not to forget she was merely taking a walk in the park with her sister-in-law and Elizabeth, and nothing more. If they just happened to meet Mr. Fitzwilliam, then so much the better. After all, she enjoyed his conversation and company.
Caroline walked along with Mr. Fitzwilliam while Elizabeth and Jane walked with the Colonel.
Owen looked over at Caroline, “So Miss Bingley, we did not get to finish our conversation yesterday,” he commented. “As I recall, we had reached an impasse in our discussion as to how was best for young ladies to find husbands. You did not approve of my suggestion of allowing a young lady to determine who is best suited for her.”
Caroline looked at him; she considered how she should respond. “I think it is a matter we will probably not agree on, so it is best left,” she told him.
Owen arched his brow, “I suspect I have made you uneasy, and that is why you do not wish to discuss it any further,” he commented.
Caroline took in a small breath, “My mother died before I came out into society, Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she said as she thought back to that time. “I believe I was not yet thirteen when she died. So I did not have the advantage or the guidance that some of the young ladies in society have when it comes to matters of the heart. My father did his best, as did my aunt, and yet I remain unmarried.”
“I am sorry, Miss Bingley,” he said sincerely. “I did not know of your mother’s passing when I made my comment yesterday. If I had known, I would not have been so careless with my words.”
Caroline shook her head, “Oh, please do not concern yourself, Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she told him. “It was a very long time ago, and I am not a little girl any longer. For a time, it was all very sad, but time has a way of healing old wounds if you will allow it to.”
Owen looked at her intently, “Yes, but that is just it, Miss Bingley,” he began to say in a distant voice. “Neither you nor I have allowed it to, have we?”
Caroline narrowed her eyes and cleared her throat, “Perhaps we should talk about something else,” she suggested.
Owen could sense she was uncomfortable. He thought for a moment and considered his own feelings. Even he was not sure if he was prepared to face some of his own demons just yet. “Perhaps you are right, let us move to safer topics,” he agreed in a nonchalant manner.
Caroline thought about what to say next, “You said your mother seeks to find you a suitable match, do you think she would approve of Miss Catherine Bennet?” she asked him.
He laughed a little, “I thought we were moving on to safer topics,” he remarked. “Matchmaking is certainly not a safer topic; it is one wrought with pitfalls and dangerous turns.”
Caroline shrugged her shoulder, “I promise I have no hidden agendas, Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she assured him. “I only ask because of the particular interest your younger brother seems to have for Miss Bennet.”
Owen took in a deep breath, “Are you sure that is your reason for asking?” he wanted to know. “There was not perhaps, another reason?”
Caroline furrowed her brow, “What other reason could there be?” she asked.
He smiled at her. “I thought perhaps you might not have liked the fact that I spent time walking in the gardens with Miss Bennet yesterday. You were not jealous, were you?” he asked.
“I most certainly was not jealous!” she said, trying to hide the fact that a small part of her was. “Really, Mr. Fitzwilliam, you astonish me with how forward you are. Do you always assume all young ladies want to spend time with you?” she scolded him.
He laughed, “My dear Miss Bingley, do not mind me. I am not being forward with you,” he told her. “I am, however, very vain and full of conceit,” he said somewhat jokingly. “You see, there was a time I believed the world revolved only around me. I am afraid it is a curse that I am this way. I assure you though; it is no fault of my own.”
Caroline laughed. “Is it not?” she questioned him. “What kind of curse is it that has befallen you, Mr. Fitzwilliam? What kind of curse causes one to be vain and think that all ladies want to be walking with you through the gardens?”
“Why, the curse of the first-born son, of course?” he said in a teasing manner. “Have you never heard of it?”
Caroline laughed again. “No I have not!” she told him.
“Oh, it is a dreadful thing, I promise you,” he continued. “Why, as the victim of this curse, I am forever destined to think myself a very fine fellow. One who expects everyone to love me as much as my dear mother and father do. You see, from the moment a first son is born, vast amounts of love and praise are heaped on him. So much praise, in fact, is bestowed on him, that he begins to believe it himself. He becomes filled with self-importance and runs around thinking everyone must love him…” he said his voice filled with melancholy. “Until one day, he talks to a very precocious young lady who does not think him so wonderful, and tells him so in no uncertain terms.”
Caroline detected the sudden sadness in his voice and said, “Now you are speaking of Emily,” she said softly.
“Yes, I was,” he told her taking on a more serious tone. “You see, Miss Bingley, while my mother and Emily’s mother were the best of friends two women could ever be, there was never any pressure for Emily and me to one day marry. I always knew it was my mother’s fondest wish that I one day would marry Emily, but there was not an expectation that we must. We were allowed to fall in love with one another very naturally. That is why I think to have a mother or any relative go about attempting to persuade, or as in the case of Mrs. Bennet, bully her daughter into marrying, is not a good or advisable thing.”
“And did her love help you to break that curse, Mr. Fitzwilliam?” she asked him.
Owen was quiet for a moment, then said, “As silly as it sounds, Miss Bingley,” he said softly. “I do believe that it did.”
“It does not sound at all silly,” she said in all sincerity. As they walked along in silence, Caroline thought about her past once again. It was such an odd thing to her. Most women would not like a man to talk so much about his past love, but not Caroline. In a very strange way, it helped ease her own heartache and set her at ease. For such a long time, she believed all men were alike and not capable of returning true love. Yet here she was, being proven wrong once again. “I find myself wanting to know more of your romance with Emily, Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she commented without really thinking.
He narrowed his eyes just a little, “And why would that be, Miss Bingley,” he asked her. “Why is it that such a beautiful young woman as yourself. One who is clearly intelligent, well-bred, and confident, wishes to walk through the park on an autumn day with a man who has expressed no desire t
o remarry and listen to him speak about his late wife?”
“Perhaps because it helps to know that that kind of love can exist,” she said, her voice just barely above a whisper. Caroline chewed her bottom lip again as she considered whether to say anything more, “There was someone once,” she whispered softly. “Someone a very long time ago,” she said then stopped as the tears sprang to her eyes. She looked over at him and hesitated. There was a part of her that wanted to tell him everything, but she found she could not. As her stomach began to churn and doubts filled her mind, she quickly blinked away the tears and swallowed hard. “Please do not ask me to say anything more,” she said her voice breaking just a little with emotion. “Just know that in a way I cannot explain to you, hearing you talk about Emily mends my own heart just a little.”
Owen thought about pressing her further, but he knew she was not ready to say more. He thought about his own heart. He found he liked Caroline very much; he was attracted to her, and for some unexplainable reason, he found he liked the way she rolled her eyes when she was displeased. However, he knew that at some time she had been hurt by someone she cared for very deeply. He could see it in her eyes every so often when she let her guard down. There was real heartache and sorrow there. On a few occasions, he thought he detected regret as well. He took in a small breath and decided to let the matter lie until he could commit his own heart. He did not want to be the man who would cause her further torment. “Very well then, Miss Bingley,” he said in a very tender, caring voice. “Let me answer your question; no, I do not think my mother would approve of Miss Catherine Bennet,” he told her honestly. “But not for the reason you might be thinking. It has nothing to do with her mother. Although I will readily admit to you now that Mrs. Bennet is an interesting sort of woman to spend time with,” he smiled, then continued. “My mother hopes to spare Richard some of the pain that she watched her own sister suffer in life. You see, my aunt is not a wealthy woman. In fact, she is married to a man who is very much in the same situation as Mr. Bennet. They are unequally matched in both character and heart. Truly, I believe it has pained my mother to watch her sister struggle with never having enough money all these years. As I said, my uncle is not a wealthy man. However, he likes to spend as if he is. I believe because of that my mother hopes Richard will marry someone who has an income that will help him make his way. You may well know that as the oldest son I am to inherit everything; the family estate, the house in town and a very tidy income from my father to live on the rest of my life. However, Richard, being the second son, is left to have next to nothing. Only a small income that can neither support him or any future family that might come along,” he told her.
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