Wickham could see she meant what she said. “You really are the perfect wife for him,” he said as he stared into her cold and disapproving eyes, “Even in the way you look at me,” he remarked. “You show your disgust without ever saying a word to me. I must say, you make a very fine Darcy.”
Elizabeth turned back around and opened the door, “Lydia, Wickham has come,” she said as she neared the bed.”
Lydia opened her eyes and smiled brightly as Wickham made his way over to her. “My darling,” he gently pulled her into his embrace. “When I heard the news, I was overcome with worry until I came here to see for myself that you are well.”
Lydia laid her head on his shoulder, “It was dreadful,” she pouted. “I thought I would surely die,” she told him. “Lizzy and Jane thought I would as well,” she said as she pulled back from him and looked up at Elizabeth. “But Lizzy stayed with me, and she helped me through,” Lydia said unexpectedly. In a moment of genuine gratitude, Lydia smiled at her sister and said, “I believe I owe you a thank you, Lizzy; you saved my life and the life of my son.”
Wickham looked up at her, “Well then, I am forever indebted to you,” he said somewhat awkwardly.
Elizabeth did not know what to say. For the first time she could remember, her sister had expressed a genuine thought of appreciation without any expectation in return. “I think you give me too much credit, Lydia. I merely held your hand and very sternly suggested you push,” she teased her.
Lydia shook her head, “No, Lizzy, you did much more than that…” she said as she reached up and held her hand for a moment. Then Lydia took in a small breath and sighed, “Now Lizzy, will you bring me my son?” she said as she let go of her hand and pushed herself back up against the pillows.
Elizabeth turned and lifted the sleeping babe out of the cradle and handed him to Lydia. “I will be over here if you need anything,” she said softly as she moved to the other side of the room to speak with the servant.
Lydia held her son in her arms and pulled back the blanket, “Wickham, this is your son,” she told him. “I have named him Bennet for my father, but we shall call him Ben.”
Wickham looked down at his son, and for a brief moment, he forgot himself. He smiled and laughed just a little, “He has my father’s ears,” he said softly without thinking. Tears formed in his eyes as he looked at him. “Hello Ben,” he whispered softly as he gently reached up and held his tiny hand.
Lydia looked into Wickham’s eyes, “How do you like him?” she asked.
Wickham cleared his throat as he sat there staring at his son. He did not say anything for several moments then he said, “I like him very much,” he said as he quickly blinked his eyes and shook his head. For the first time in his life, Wickham realized just how far he had fallen from being the man his father once hoped him to be. All the hopes and dreams his father held for him suddenly weighed on him, and he could not bear it. Faced with seeing what he had become as he looked at his son, he pulled his hand away and stood up suddenly. “Well then, I should be on my way,” he told her. “I must return to my regiment and to my duties, and you must rest. I am sure you are very tired after such a harrowing time of it.”
Lydia looked disappointed. “Can you not stay with us for a little while?” she pleaded with him.
Wickham shook his head, “I am afraid not, my dear,” he told her as the baby began to fuss just a little.
Lydia called out, “Lizzy, will you take him?” she asked her.
Elizabeth came over and scooped him up into her arms. “Yes of course,” she said as she took him, then moved back away from them.
Lydia reached out her hand to Wickham, “When will you come for us, my love?” she asked. “When will we all return to Newcastle?”
“I am not sure,” he told her as he took her hand in his and knelt down by the bedside. “I promise you though; it will not be too long. Right now it is not safe for you there. My duties are of such a delicate nature that I never know from one moment to the next where I will rest my head for the night. It is better for you and little Ben to remain at Longbourn with your mother and father for now.”
Lydia reached up and gently stroked his cheek, “Will you come to Longbourn to see me soon?” she asked him.
He looked over at Elizabeth and his son, “I will promise to come when I can,” he said as he looked back at Lydia. “Now, you must promise me to take very good care of yourself and to write to me very often.”
“I shall write to you as often as I can,” she told him.
“I look forward to each letter,” he said as he leaned over and kissed her. “Now, I am off. I will write to you as soon as I have everything settled for your return.”
Lydia smiled, “I love you, my darling Wickham.”
Wickham kissed her again, “I love you, my dearest,” he said as he pulled away from her and headed for the door.
Elizabeth handed Ben to the servant and followed Wickham out into the hall. She closed the door and called out to him. “Mr. Wickham,” she began to say. “Will you not even hold your own son before you go?”
Wickham walked back over to her, and he shook his head, “No, Mrs. Darcy, I will not,” he said with some difficulty.
Elizabeth could see he was struggling, “Surely seeing your son has stirred something within you. You must have some feeling for him,” she asked. “How can you just walk away from him now? How can you be so cruel?”
Wickham thought for a moment, then said, “Because he deserves better than me, Mrs. Darcy. I realized it the moment I looked at him; the very best thing I could do, the most loving way I could demonstrate any true feeling for him is to walk away from him now. Let your father raise him. Mr. Bennet is a good man, and he will do right by the child. I will come from time to time to see Lydia, but I am not cut from the same cloth as Darcy. I am not a good husband and cannot be a father,” he told her and then turned to leave.
Elizabeth said nothing more. She could not feel sorry for him. Wickham had before him the love of his wife and a beautiful son, but the pursuit of selfish pleasure held more appeal for him than a life with his family. She knew it was exactly as William had told her; Wickham could change if he truly desired it. However, his actions proved that he did not. He may have felt some momentary guilt for what he was doing, but she was sure it passed quickly. As she watched him walk down the hall, she only felt shame for him, but his character invoked little sympathy.
It was very late by the time Darcy and Elizabeth returned to Windham house and retired for the evening. Little had been said of Wickham’s brief visit to see his wife and newborn son. Elizabeth found that more than ever those stirring feelings of wanting to have a child of her own were renewed. She thought again about their ‘Someday Room’ as she combed out her hair. Even though little Ben’s birth was not the most ideal, both Lydia and her son had come through it fine. Elizabeth was very thankful for that. However, she was not at all happy with her mother’s regaling them all evening with tragic stories she had heard of women dying while giving birth. Several attempts to change the subject went ignored by her. Even after William and Charles came with her uncle and father to join them in the parlor, she continued on. It was only after Jane was able to convince their mother that the topic had been discussed sufficiently that she finally relented and moved on to talking about Wickham and his promotion to second lieutenant. After all, it was decided that the topic of childbirth was not at all appropriate for mixed company.
After she finished combing her hair, Elizabeth turned and looked over at Darcy as he sat in the chair by the fireplace reading. He did not say much to her during dinner and even less as they rode home in the carriage. She knew he had overheard at least some parts of her mother’s conversation, and she very dearly hoped he would know it was just the long-winded ramblings of her mother, and not to be taken seriously. “I wonder, Mr. Darcy, what it is you are thinking at this very moment?” Elizabeth asked as she walked over and stood near him.
Darcy looked u
p and smiled briefly, “I was thinking about this very well written and interesting character in my book,” he lied.
Elizabeth narrowed her eyes just a bit, “Well, what makes this character so interesting to you?” she asked him.
Darcy smiled, “He is a very poor fellow who has faced many difficulties in his life, and yet, he does not allow them to overcome him. He perseveres and continues on.”
“Sounds like a very good sort of man,” Elizabeth said softly as she sat down on the arm of the chair. “William, do you think we could talk about our ‘Someday Room’?”
“If you like we may talk about it, yes,” he said pretending not to know what she was really asking. “Have you changed your mind about the window seat or the fabrics? Do you wish to change the furniture pieces?” he teased her.
She smiled, “No, I have not changed my mind on any of those things,” she said pretending to be just a little offended.
“I am very glad to hear it,” he told her as he took her hand in his. “Because I rather like the window seat where it is, beneath the window,” he told her.
Elizabeth laughed, “Yes, well, it could hardly be called a window seat if it were in the closet,” she told him.
Darcy took hold of her hand and kissed her palm tenderly. “I suspect you had something else in mind when you asked to speak with me about our ‘Someday Room,’” he said as he set his book aside, then got up and walked over to the fire. “I promise, you have my undivided attention. I will listen attentively to whatever you have to say.”
Elizabeth took in a deep breath, “Well, I was rather thinking about what happened with Lydia today. I suppose I wanted to reassure you that her circumstance was rather unusual, and there really is no reason to think anything like that would happen should we have a baby,” she said, then added for emphasis, “Someday.”
Darcy took in a small breath. After seeing her hold her nephew, he knew she would be thinking about having a child again. “Am I so obvious that you knew my thoughts without me speaking them?” he said as he turned towards her.
Elizabeth smiled as she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, “No, Mr. Darcy, you are not so obvious. Especially to those who do not know you as I have come to know you,” she assured him. She reached up and gently brushed the side of his cheek, “I am sure you heard my mother carrying on. I was sure I detected some concern in your eyes when you looked over at me.”
“Yes, I did overhear your mother talking. It was difficult not to. Your mother has a habit of talking excessively loud whenever she speaks,” he told her. “I must say, I thought it a very odd topic to be discussing on such an occasion as the birth of her first grandchild.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes, “I am sorry to say Mama does not think before she speaks,” she told him. “Are you very upset by what happened today?” she asked him. “Has it brought back difficult memories for you?”
Darcy wrapped his arms around her. “I will admit to feeling somewhat unsettled by what transpired with Lydia. Little Ben’s birth being such a difficult one, mingled with your mother’s alarming stories of tragedy have brought back up some old memories that I still have not conquered,” he admitted.
Elizabeth laid her head on his shoulder, “Is there anything that I can do to help?” she asked him.
Darcy smiled briefly and sighed, “Oh, well you could promise me that nothing will ever go wrong and that every child we have will be born with such ease that you will not suffer an ounce of pain or discomfort,” he teased her.
Elizabeth looked up at him and laughed, “I would gladly promise you those things, but we both know all too well that is not how the real world works,” she reminded him.
“Yes, I suppose we do,” he said as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “Tell me, Elizabeth, has today’s events made you feel any doubts at all about having a child?”
Elizabeth considered for a moment what to say. She pulled away from him and walked over to sit on the end of their bed. “I suppose if I am honest, for a very brief moment just before little Ben was born, I was very afraid,” she said. Seeing that he was about to say something, she quickly added, “However, as soon as I saw my nephew and how completely beautiful he is, all that fear just went away. In fact, as I stood there watching Lydia hold her son, I was for the first time in my life just a bit envious of her.”
Darcy walked over and sat down next to her, “Then I suppose I cannot dissuade you from wanting to have a child so soon,” he remarked.
Elizabeth looked at him. She was a bit surprised, “William, are you trying to dissuade me from wanting to have your child?” she asked him.
He smiled, “No, not entirely,” he commented. “Just perhaps until some of the images that I have in mind from your mother's very detailed stories are gone from memory,” he smiled.
Elizabeth laughed, “Oh William, one thing you must always remember about my mother,” she began to say. “She always overstates everything she says. Take the story she told this evening of poor Mrs. Jacobson.”
“You mean the lady who suffered such agony at the birth of her child she refused to have any others?” Darcy asked.
“Yes, the very one,” Elizabeth laughed, “Mrs. Jacobson has seven children,” she told him. “My mother conveniently forgot to mention that Edward was her last child. Mrs. Jacobson did relate that he was her most difficult birth, but only because of the duration of her labor. Edward was born without difficulty and did very well.”
“I suppose you have told me this in hopes to ease my concern for you?” he said softly.
Elizabeth nodded her head, “Yes, I have,” she told him. “Besides, as I told you before when the day comes, and we are blessed with our own little one, I do not want you to be uneasy about it.”
Darcy thought about what she said. The truth was, the moment he saw her holding her nephew, he knew more than ever in his heart he wanted to have a child with her. He gazed into her beautiful brown eyes and saw the love she had for him. He leaned down and gently kissed her lips. “This afternoon when I saw you holding your nephew, I found I could not look away. You were captivatingly beautiful, and I thought at that moment how fitting it was to see you with a child in your arms. You will be an amazing mother, Elizabeth, and I would never allow my fears to keep us from having a child of our own. I should tell you that at that moment seeing you standing there; I resolved once and for all to overcome my doubts and conquer my fears. I am as eager as you for us to have a child,” he told her.
Elizabeth’s eyes filled with tears, “Truly, William, you mean that?” she asked him.
Darcy pulled her into his arms and kissed her again, “I do, my love,” he said, his voice filled with emotion.
Chapter Twenty
Richard and Darcy rode through the park at a fast gallop until they reached the edge of the trees. Darcy brought his horse to a stop and got down to allow the animal to drink from a nearby stream. “So, what you are telling me is that it is entirely possible that Wickham was telling the truth, and this Colonel Wellington did send him here to London in order to gain information from the Lady DuVernay?”
Richard led his horse over to the creek, “Yes, it is possible. Although, a mission like that would not be known to very many, which might explain why neither Captain Hathaway nor myself were privy to it. I have heard that those who involve themselves in the spy trade can make a great deal of money for themselves.”
“I find the entire business repulsive,” Darcy told him. “To think that Wickham’s actions and treatment of his wife would be defended, even encouraged by his commanding officer is something I could never think acceptable. I believe this Colonel Wellington must be as deceitful as Wickham to approve of such a thing.”
Richard was not so willing to cast Colonel Wellington in a negative light. “It is possible that the colonel finds Wickham’s conduct just as distasteful as you and I do,” he told him.
Darcy furrowed his brow, “I do not see how that can be. The man gives
Wickham leave of his duties, he sends him here to be with this woman, he pays his debts, it sounds to me as if he supports Wickham’s actions very easily.”
Richard took in a small breath, “Darcy, Colonel Wellington has not sent Wickham here to have an affair,” he corrected him. “He has sent him here to gain the Lady’s trust and gather any information he can from her.”
Darcy turned and looked over at his cousin, “My word man, you almost sound as if you approve of Colonel Wellington’s part in all of this!”
Richard did not want to be misunderstood, “Darcy, I am not defending such tactics as being honorable, they are anything but,” he told him. “I am merely saying that in times of war, I have heard of such things happening. It is a brutal business, and there are those who will do whatever it takes to gain the upper hand and make a name for themselves. Wickham is one such fellow.”
“Yes, but surely this kind of behavior is not condoned,” Darcy commented.
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