Through the Window 2

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Through the Window 2 Page 31

by Mary Jane Ballew


  Mary could not help it; her heart was moved at hearing of her mother and father-in-law’s deep and abiding love for one another. “Oh, thank you for sharing that story with me,” she said, moved by the sentiment and emotion behind it. “I will admit to you, there was a time I considered such things as wedding trips to be a frivolous and unnecessary expenditure that could be otherwise used to help the poor and needy,” she told her. “I was very proud, you see, and like to think myself above such human need and frivolity.”

  “What is your view of these things now, my dear girl?” Mrs. Godwin asked her, curious to know her answer.

  Mary smiled just a little, “I am learning as I read my Scripture verses that God does not view it the way I once did. In fact, I have learned I was very mistaken in my attitudes as well as my actions,” she explained. “I see now that the love God has for his Church is very much like the love a husband has for his wife. I am learning that it is perfectly natural for a husband to desire to bestow love on his wife and to demonstrate that love through various means of affection such as wedding trips and adventures together. I am learning that there is much beauty to be enjoyed in the world around me, and I have no want to look down upon it or condemn it any longer.”

  Mrs. Godwin patted her hand gently, “I am very glad to hear it, Mary,” she told her. “I think you will find there is much beauty in the world if we will only keep our hearts open to see it.”

  Jonathan stood with his brother, “I am glad, Thomas, that you were able to come to town. I know it has brightened Mother’s spirits, and I believe Father was very pleased as well.”

  Thomas took a sip of tea, “Well, I was not about to let my older brother marry and not do my best to be here. Father was able to pull some strings and arrange for me to have leave of my duties. I look forward to spending time getting to know Mrs. Godwin better and being reacquainted with you. How long will you be gone?”

  Jonathan looked over at Mary for a moment as she chatted with his mother, “We will be away for a week and then will return so that I might begin my duties in my new parish.”

  Thomas smiled, “You will be a very good vicar, Jon,” he complimented him. “You have a way with people that put them at ease. Even Father has mentioned how having you come back into their lives has helped Mother recover.”

  Jonathan looked down at the cup in his hands, “I am grateful for what you have said. It is high praise; I hope I can live up to it.”

  Thomas took in a small breath, “Now Jon, tell me all about Mrs. Godwin,” he asked him. “She must be very special to have captivated you so.”

  Jonathan sighed, “What can I say; she is perfectly suited for me,” he told him. “She has no false modesty, no pretense or deceit in her. She is perfectly amiable, and I adore her.”

  Thomas laughed, “Exactly what I would expect you to say on your wedding day,” he said teasingly.

  Jonathan laughed, “Not just my wedding day. I would use the very same words to describe her every day.”

  Before Thomas could respond, the sound of Mrs. Bennet’s shrieks and laughter filled the room, causing several guests to look over in her direction. Thomas looked over at Mrs. Bennet then turned back towards his brother, “So tell me, Jon, what do you have to say of your new mother-in-law?” he teased him.

  Jonathan laughed a little and said mischievously, “Thomas, I am sure I have no need to remind you what Mother taught us growing up,” he admonished him.

  Thomas laughed again, “Yes, I recall very well exactly what she would say; ‘If you have nothing pleasant to say, then simply say nothing at all,” he said, mimicking their mother.

  Jonathan nodded his head, “Exactly right; and that is all I wish to say concerning my very dear mother-in-law,” he told him. He looked once again in Mary’s direction and considered his words very carefully before speaking. “I will not deny that Mrs. Bennet is a difficult woman,” he said in all seriousness. “However, I have grown very fond of Mr. Bennet and Mary’s sisters. They are very amiable, and I get along quite well with them. Besides, there is nothing, not even a disagreeable mother-in-law, that would deter me from spending the rest of my days with Mary.”

  “I concede, brother, that you are in love. It is clear for all to see,” Thomas teased him. “I congratulate you. From what Mother has told me, the new Mrs. Godwin has a perfect temperament, and is suited for you.”

  Jonathan smiled, “I believe she is.”

  “Well then, the only question left for me to ask, is if all her sisters are married?” Thomas joked.

  Jonathan laughed, “No, in fact, they are not. Miss Catherine Bennet is still not married. She is to remain in London with Mrs. Darcy and Mrs. Bingley until after Miss Georgiana Darcy has her coming out ball.”

  Thomas nodded his head, “Yes, Mother has suggested that I attend,” he told him. “Now that you have married, I fear she is more determined than ever to see me marry as well.”

  Jonathan laughed again, “Are you still determined to remain a bachelor, my dear brother?” he asked him.

  “I am more determined than ever to do so. Until I have served my country and made my fortune in this blasted war with Bonaparte, yes, I will remain unattached,” he said unwaveringly. “Before you lecture me, big brother, let me just say we both saw the toll Father’s being away took on our mother. I simply cannot bring myself to put the burden of worrying about me like that on someone I profess to love. Better for me to wait I think, and then marry later,” he commented.

  Jonathan shook his head, “Your view of it is flawed already, Thomas,” he remarked. “You have not taken into consideration that you have already left several behind who wait eagerly near the fire to hear of your return. You may not have a wife waiting for you, but you do have a mother and father, as well as an uncle and an older brother who spend a great deal of time thinking of you, and lifting up prayers for you to return safely.”

  Thomas sighed a little, “Quite right, Jon, I had not thought of that,” he admitted. “If I have been remiss in saying thank you, please let me do so now. I know it has been difficult for you over these past months with Mother being sick. I know my leaving has been difficult for her, and even for our father, I think,” he continued. “I hope while I am home to spend a good deal of my time with her.”

  “She is improving, Thomas,” Jonathan told him. “I did not mean for my words to cause you to feel guilt at not being here when she took ill. Father, for all his flaws, has done remarkably well to ensure she has the best of care. I have never in my life seen him so attentive to her as he is now. She is his priority, and I believe it has gone a long way in helping her to recover,” he admitted.

  “So then, have you and Father buried the past?” Thomas asked him. “Mother said the two of you have made amends.”

  Jonathan took in a deep breath and sighed, “I do hope that we have,” he told him. “I am sure having you decide to follow after him and go into the Navy did help to ease his disappointment with me.”

  Thomas smiled, “You know Father told me that upon reflection, you are exactly where you should be,” he told him. “I believe he sees things very differently than he perhaps once did.”

  “I certainly do hope so,” Jonathan commented just as their mother walked over to them.

  “Thomas, come along; I want you to meet Miss Darcy and Miss Catherine Bennet,” she encouraged him. “And another very charming young lady by the name of Maria Lucas.”

  Jonathan laughed, “Mark my words, little brother, Mama will have you engaged before you return to duty aboard your ship,” he joked with him.

  Thomas sighed, “I am beginning to think this is a battle I shall not win,” he responded.

  Caroline found herself feeling a bit flustered, so she slipped outside to get some much-needed air. The simple truth of the matter was, there was only so much of Mrs. Bennet she could take before she found herself struggling to keep her comments in check. She pulled her shawl up around her shoulders and began to walk down the path towards t
he garden. It was a little breezy this morning but overall was still a very pleasant autumn day. She took in a deep breath of fresh air and did her best to clear her mind of the thoughts she had been struggling with all morning. Try as she might not to think on it, that lingering fear of being labeled an old maid was beginning to invade her thoughts once again. She did not mean to be overly critical of Mary Bennet, but if such a plain girl could find love, then why was she so inept at doing so? Caroline pulled her shawl tighter. She had to admit, Mary’s wedding did turn out to be very lovely. The gown that Elizabeth helped her sister choose was exactly the right one for her. She looked down at her own dress and considered the workmanship. The stitches were lovely, and the delicate lace was beautifully weaved, but in truth, her dress was no more stunning than the gown Mary wore. As Elizabeth pointed out to her before, Mary’s gown was much less expensively made than her own, but not of inferior quality. She sighed heavily and shook her head, “Will I forever be learning lessons from Elizabeth Darcy…?” she mumbled out loud, sounding just a little agitated.

  “Miss Bingley,” Owen called out to her as he came up behind her. “I thought I saw you walk this way; do you mind if I join you?”

  Caroline shook her head, “No, not at all Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she responded.

  “I thought I overheard you speaking just a moment ago,” he commented. “I hope you are well?”

  Caroline blushed just a little, “I am perfectly well,” she told him. “You only caught me remarking to myself how once again I find that what I believed to be true was not necessarily so.”

  “May I ask in what regards it is you are speaking to?” he asked her.

  Caroline sighed, “Oh, it is nothing; truly, it is inconsequential,” she told him, then changing the subject she asked, “Why are you out walking in the gardens, Mr. Fitzwilliam? Do you not like wedding breakfasts and celebrating?”

  “No, I like both very well,” he told her. “However, there are times when I find I need to break away from others for a time and be on my own with my thoughts.”

  Caroline considered what he said, “I suppose being around newlyweds might be one of those times?” she commented.

  Owen was once again amazed at how well she understood him, “Yes, it is,” he said as he thought about his own wedding. “Emily and I were married in late summer,” he began to say. “She was a very lovely bride.”

  Caroline smiled, “I imagine you had a church wedding in Edinburgh?”

  “Yes, we did,” he told her. “We married in a very lovely church near her home. Emily wore an ivory white gown, and she had her hair all done up with fresh summer flowers. She was very beautiful that day, I must say. I found myself very taken with her.”

  “Were there many guests?” Caroline asked.

  “There were, yes,” he responded. “Emily came from a rather large family,” he continued. “She had several brothers and sisters, as you can well imagine there were a good many people invited to attend. There is no need for a special license to marry in Scotland, as you may well know. We married in the latter part of the day, and had a very large dinner with dancing and music well into the evening hours,” he said with a touch of melancholy in his voice.

  Caroline looked over at him, “Does it cause you pain to speak of it?” she asked him, her voice filled with sympathy. “I did not mean to ask so many questions; that was rather thoughtless of me.”

  “No, not at all,” he assured her. “I find when I speak to you about Emily, the pain is not as sharp as it once was. In fact, in many ways, sharing these things with you has helped to lighten my mood and heart a great deal.”

  Caroline smiled, “I am very glad to hear it,” she told him as they continued walking.

  “What about you, Miss Bingley; why are you out here walking all on your own?” he asked her.

  Caroline laughed, “Because I am attempting to learn how to behave myself, Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she told him honestly.

  He furrowed his brow, “I am afraid I do not understand your meaning?” he said. “Have you misbehaved in some way?”

  She laughed, “No, not yet,” she told him. “However, I believe if I spend too much time with Mrs. Bennet, I will do so. I know I should learn to ignore the woman, but truly, it is difficult. After so much time in her company, it becomes a good deal more difficult for me to do so.”

  Owen laughed, “I think my cousin shares your struggle, Miss Bingley,” he remarked. “I have noticed that my cousin spends very little time with his mother-in-law.”

  “I know I should learn to be more patient, but I find I am not a very patient person when it comes to some individuals,” she admitted. “It is a flaw in my own character, and I am determined to work on it.”

  “I see,” he commented. “So your only reason for walking alone in the garden while everyone else is inside with the happy couple is so that you can avoid speaking ill of Mrs. Bennet?”

  “Yes, that is it exactly,” she told him.

  Owen looked over in her direction. He hesitated for a moment, and said, “Are you sure there is no other reason for your walking out here alone?” he asked her. “I thought perhaps you might have some thoughts of your own that you might be struggling with.”

  Caroline took in a deep breath, “Perhaps there are a few thoughts that have come to mind today that I would not like to give room to just now,” she admitted.

  “Would you care to share them with me?” he asked her.

  She narrowed her eyes just a little and shook her head, “No, I think not,” she said without hesitation. The topic of her being an old maid was not one she was about to discuss openly with him or any other man.

  “Very well,” he said, sounding just a bit disappointed. “Well, what shall we talk about then?”

  Caroline thought for a moment. Several topics came to mind, but she found herself not wanting to speak to them. Mr. Fitzwilliam had a way of talking to her that was unsettling for her. When she was with him, she felt things she had not allowed herself to feel in a very long time, and she did not like her emotions being out of control. “I suppose we could talk about how very rude Mrs. Bennet’s behavior has been this morning…” she blurted out without thinking. “Surely, you must have noticed the way she carried on about Miss Catherine Bennet to you. I am sure she has designs in marrying her daughter off to you! You should be careful, Mr. Fitzwilliam; you may find yourself joining Mr. Darcy in his struggles.”

  Mr. Fitzwilliam furrowed his brow and shook his head, “No, that is something I will not do, Miss Bingley. I will not gossip and make light of another person’s failings,” he said, sounding somewhat disappointed in her. “You see, to my way of thinking; it is just as wrong to say unkind things about another person whether they are present or not.”

  “I meant no offense, but truly, you must admit that it was rather tactless of her to carry on so,” Caroline said without thought to his disapproving tone. “And Miss Catherine Bennet did little to dissuade her mother. Surely you noticed the way she conducted herself as if she truly deserved all that high praise her mother heaped on her. We all know that she has a lovely voice, but truly, to compare her to that of a songbird or an angel?” she said snidely. “Why, if you had not told me of the discussion that you had with Miss Catherine Bennet, I would think she has set her cap for you!”

  Owen sighed heavily, “I am disappointed in you, Miss Bingley,” he admonished her. “You speak ill of Miss Catherine Bennet when it is undeserved. You have spent enough time in the lady’s company to know she is not an attention seeker,” he said sternly. “And you know very well that Mrs. Bennet often speaks out of turn; much to the embarrassment of her daughters!”

  Caroline sighed heavily, “Very well, we can speak of something else if you like,” she suggested. She knew he was displeased with her, but as she considered what she had said, she really did not think it so very bad.

  Owen did not say anything more. The two of them walked along in awkward silence as he considered the lady before him. Perh
aps by chance, she had shown her true self to him today. Perhaps all the other time they had spent together was just a pretense for his benefit. A part of him did wonder if Caroline Bingley could be playing him for a fool. It was possible that she was not at all a changed person and that he only saw what he wished to see. Owen decided perhaps it would be good for him to distance himself from her for a few days. He had planned to attend the ball Mrs. Wessham was holding in two days’ time, but now decided against it. He wanted some perspective, and not being in her company was the only way he would achieve that. As they came back up to the house, he allowed her to go inside first, then he followed. “Thank you for the walk, Miss Bingley,” he said as he bowed slightly to her.

  Caroline could sense he was still disappointed with her, “Tell me, Mr. Fitzwilliam, will you be attending the ball Mrs. Wessham is giving?” she asked him, trying to lighten the mood.

 

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