Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Books by Samantha Wolfe
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Thanks for reading
About the Author
You Are My Love
Breathless Book 2
By
Samantha Wolfe
Copyright © 2016 Samantha Wolfe
All rights reserved.
Books by Samantha Wolfe
Beautifully Broken Trilogy
Let Me Love You:Beautifully Broken Book 1
Let Me Save You:Beautifully Broken Book 2
Let Me Heal You:Beautifully Broken Book 3
Breathless Trilogy
You Are My Air: Breathless Book 1
You Are My Love: Breathless Book 2
You Are My Life: Breathless Book 3
Order & Chaos Trilogy
An Act of Restraint: Order & Chaos Book 1
An Act of Release: Order & Chaos Book 2
An Act of Redemption: Order & Chaos Book 3
Dangerous Desire Duet
Dark Dominion: Dangerous Desire Book 1
Dark Devotion: Dangerous Desire Book 2 (Summer 2017)
Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, and difficulty.
- Theodore Roosevelt
Chapter One
David
My doorbell rang, followed by several hard thumps as someone pounded their fist against the front door. I glanced over from where I had been slumped on my couch, staring off into space and wallowing in my pain and self-pity for God only knew how long. I knew who was at my door, and I knew that she was angry and rightfully so. I sat there for a moment, unsure what to do, until she started pounding on the door again.
"Open this door right now!" Natalie shouted angrily. "I know that you're there, you asshole!"
I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed deeply. I could run away from a lot of things, but I couldn't avoid this confrontation. She deserved to know that I couldn't be what she needed me to be. I couldn't be what anyone needed. I rose and walked to the door to answer it.
Natalie forced her way in as soon as the door started to swing open. Her green eyes flashed with rage, and color had risen in her cheeks. She had the entire drive over here to get herself worked up, and she was ready for a fight. She could scream at me all that she wanted. I deserved it.
"What the hell, David?!" she snarled as her eyes bore into me. "You just left me all alone at a wedding full of strangers!"
I pulled my eyes away from hers and stared at the floor in shame.
"What?! You don't have anything to say?!" Natalie ranted. "How about a fucking apology?! Hey, Natalie, I'm sorry I was a complete asshole!"
"I'm sorry," I said quietly.
"Why the hell did you leave me there?!" she demanded with arms stretched wide.
"P...Paige was there," I told her as I met her eyes again. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to take her in my arms and beg for her to forgive me, but I couldn't. I couldn't give her anymore false hope that this relationship was going anywhere. It was impossible.
"So?" she asked as her eyes narrowed at me. "Sydney already told me that. It still doesn't excuse what you did." I wondered what else Syd had told her. I couldn't bear it if she knew the truth about Paige. I was still upset that I had blurted it out to Sydney. I wanted to take that secret to my grave.
"She was pregnant and with her fiance," I looked at the floor again. There was a long silence that finally prompted me to look at her. Her face was full of sympathy now, the anger fading away. Sydney hadn't told her the truth, and I was filled with relief. Natalie's pity would destroy me.
"Do you want her back?" The question surprised me. "Do you still love her?" Her voice held an edge of pain.
"No." I shook my head and noted her relief. "I don't want her and any love I had for her is long gone." That's because I love you. I left unsaid what I wished I could tell her. It figured now that I felt able to say it that I didn't dare to voice it out loud. It would just make this more painful for her.
"Then why are you so upset?" she asked with confusion in her eyes. "You're better off without her."
"And you're better off without me," I whispered, barely able to force the words out when I knew how much I needed her, but couldn't have her.
"What?!" Her voice rose an octave. "Are you fucking kidding me? That's what this is about? You're going to let that bitch make you feel like that about yourself?"
"It's the truth, Natalie," I explained in an even tone that I was surprised that I could manage. "I can't...I can't be what you need. I just can't."
"But I need you." Her voice dropped to a whisper, and I could hear the pain in her tone.
I closed my eyes and looked away, unable to bear the anguish in her eyes. I could hear her breathing grow heavier, and I was afraid that she was crying.
"You're a fucking coward, David Mazur!" she screamed at me. My eyes flew open to see the stark rage that had ignited in her eyes like green fire. "Is this your M.O.?! Things hurt or get too hard, and you fucking run away?! Well, wake the fuck up, David! Life fucking hurts! You don't just get to run when you don't think you can handle it!"
"Natalie, I can't..."
"Just stop," she said in a calmer tone as she held up a hand to quiet me. "I don't want to hear it. I know that they're all bullshit excuses because you're afraid to love anyone."
"I'm sorry," I told her. It would kill me to watch her leave, but it was for the best. I moved toward the door to walk her out, but when she didn't follow, I looked at her in confusion.
"I'm not fucking leaving. This isn't over. Are you kidding me?" she continued with a glare. "I'm not letting you do this to yourself. I'm not letting you do this to me." She stalked toward me with a finger pointed at my chest, her eyes blazing again. "I'm going to wait until you wake the fuck up." She dug her finger into my chest with the last two words. "You can't get rid of me that easily. So grow a pair, Mazur, because I'm not going anywhere." She turned and stalked toward the door then paused in the door frame. "I'll see you tomorrow," she threw over her shoulder and stomped out of my house.
I stared after her in shock, my mouth hanging open in the doorway as she got into her car, slammed the door closed, and practically peeled off away from my house. I stood there for a long time, staring out at the empty street and wondering what the hell had just happened.
*********
"Hello, David," Paige answered the phone with a reluctance in her tone that made my chest hurt.
"Hi, sweetheart," I said, cringing as I used an endearment that I had no right to call her anymore. It had only been a week since she had ended things, and I was still reeling from the abrupt direction change of my life.
"What do you want, David?" she asked in exasperation, ignoring my slip up and getting right to the point. I had the sudden realization that I was talking to a stranger now. She wasn't the same woman whom I fell in love with two years ago. She was distant and hard now, and I don't know what I did to cause it. I felt my constant pain twist more sharply inside my chest.
"I...I got a call from your OB/GYN yesterday about a follow-up appointment and...and I wanted to make sure you were alright," I babbled out, wondering why I still cared at all. "Are you sick or something?" Horror stories of cervical cancer and ovarian cancer had been floating through my head since I got the call y
esterday. The doctor's office couldn't tell me anything because of privacy issues, and not knowing if she was okay was killing me. There was dead silence on the other end for several long moments, and a deep dread bubbled up inside me. I had the sudden urge to end the call.
"David..." Her voice was small and unsure. "We...we shouldn't talk about this on the phone."
"What's wrong?" I demanded. "Just tell me, alright? If you're sick, I can take care of you. I can get you the best doctors. You know I can. If this is why you broke up with me, it was a mistake. Please, I can take care of you no matter how bad it is."
"I'm not sick, David," she said in a pained voice. "It was just my yearly exam."
A sick feeling came over me. I knew she was lying to me. I remembered that she had her yearly exam three or four months ago. "We both know that's a lie, Paige." My voice came out darker and lower than I intended. There was more silence from her end. "Tell me what the hell is going on," I snapped out, losing my patience with her.
"We shouldn't talk about this now."
"Then when?" I asked angrily. "When I happen to run into you somewhere? Do we meet for coffee like old friends?"
"David..."
"You can meet me here. We can sit around my house and talk about all the great times we had before you dumped me." I was losing it now, and all my anger and bitter resentment burst out of me in a rush. "I still have your wedding idea binder floating around here somewhere. Maybe we can look at it and reminisce about the perfect wedding that we never had. Then we can..."
"I was pregnant," she blurted out coldly, stifling anything else I was going to say.
"What?" I asked in shock, my voice softening. "Did you...did you lose the baby?" I felt nauseous now. Was this why she left me? Was it grief over losing our baby? "Why didn't you tell me? I could have been there for you. I could have helped you through it. You don't have to grieve alone. It was my loss too."
"David, stop," she continued in annoyance. "That's not what happened."
"Then what the hell did happen, Paige?" I answered with equal irritation. "I can't read your goddamn mind."
"I had an abortion," she said, her voice cold and emotionless, like she hadn't just killed me all over again. I was silent for a while before I could speak. A maelstrom of pain and anger was colliding inside me, and I could barely breath past it.
"You...you killed our baby?" I asked in a whisper that I had to force out.
"I wasn't ready to be a wife or a mother yet," she said. "I did what I had to do."
"And I didn't get any say in this?" I asked bitterly. "I don't get a choice with my own child?"
"It was my body and my choice."
"You weren't planning on ever telling me, were you?" I asked as realization hit me. I would have never known if the doctor's office hadn't made a mistake and called the wrong number. Her answering silence told me everything I needed to know. "Good-bye, Paige," I told her in a dead monotone and ended the call. I had no idea love could turn into hate so quickly, or that my entire life could change so abruptly with a decision I had no say in. I would never let anything like this happen to me again. Never.
The next day I contacted Doctors Without Borders and signed on without hesitation. Within a week, I was on a plane to the Ukraine, running away from my pain and from the future that was stolen from me by a heartless monster who never cared about me at all. A monster who didn't think I was worthy of being her husband or fathering her child. I'd never risk my heart like that again. Never.
My eyes flashed open, and I was lying alone in my bed and staring at the ceiling. Sunlight was pouring in through the window across the room. I lie there for several minutes as the dream faded away, the hazy pain it had caused morphing into fresh agony as I remembered the wedding yesterday and leaving Natalie.
The sunlight in the room struck me as odd. How long had I been asleep? I turned onto my side, grabbed my phone off the nightstand, and glanced at the time. It was just past eight-thirty. I stared at it. I never slept this late. I'd been waking up at five, for as long as I could remember. I really was messed up right now. I needed a run, maybe that would clear my head and give me some clarity.
A half-hour later, I was getting out of my Audi at the park. The trees looked beautiful this morning with the bright sunlight highlighting all the fall leaves, but I didn't care this time. I needed some mindless physical exertion to shut my brain off for a while. I put my ear buds on, and took off at a brisk pace with Thirty Seconds to Mars blasting in my ears.
It took a few miles, but eventually my brain stopped dwelling on my problems, and it finally shut off. The peace was a welcome change, so I kept going, running mile after mile at a hard pace, even when fatigue set in and my left knee began to ache. I'd probably have to ice it when I got home, but for right now I didn't care. I ended up running well over ten miles and taking umpteen laps around the golf course. I had a distinct limp in my gait as I walked back to my car.
I was walking slowly and staring at the ground, so I didn't notice the figure leaning up against the passenger door of my car until I was only a few yards away. I stopped suddenly, making my knee twinge, and I winced as I stared at Natalie. She gave me a tight smile as I pulled my ear buds off and hung them over my neck. She looked beautiful in a simple gray sweatshirt and jeans. I felt a deep ache as I denied myself the urge to take her in my arms and kiss her. I missed her so much.
"Hi," she said as I tried to figure out what to say to her. "Are you okay?" she asked as she pointed at my knee.
"I'm fine," I told her. "I just overdid it running this morning."
"What are you trying to run away from this time, yourself?"
"What?" I asked her.
"You were running pretty hard out there, and you've been going at it for quite a while," she clarified with a shrug, her blank face unnerving me. "It looked like you were trying to run away from something."
Once again, she unerringly saw right through me. It made me feel vulnerable, and I didn't like it. "What do you want, Natalie?" I asked irritably as I limped past her to the driver's side of my car.
"You," she answered. I turned to find her right there in front of me with a warm smile on her face. I could smell pears in her hair, and my breath caught. A deep longing came over me, and from the softening around her eyes, it was obviously written all over my face for her to see. She lifted her hands and cradled my face in them, her warm soft skin feeling so good on mine. I felt myself trembling as I fought the urge to wrap her up in my arms and kiss her.
"Natalie, I can't..." I began, taking her wrists in my hands, yet not able to bring myself to pull her hands away from my face. I still needed her, still ached for her touch, and I couldn't just will it away.
"Can't what, David?" she interrupted me, her voice lowering seductively. "Can't stop missing me? Can't stop thinking about me? Can't stop wanting to kiss me?"
I opened my mouth to deny all that, but she crushed her lips against mine. I couldn't stop the moan that escaped me as my heart practically sang with happiness inside my chest. She tasted so good, and when she latched onto my lower lip, I couldn't stop myself from putting my arms around her and pulling her closer. I started kissing her back, need and love igniting inside me. I let it go on for far too long, burying my hands in her hair and feeding on her mouth in desperation. When I finally managed the will to push her away, we were both panting for air.
"I'm...I'm sorry, N...Natalie," I stuttered out, terror streaking through my body. "I can't...can't do this." I expected her to be angry again or start crying, but she merely narrowed her eyes at me. She said nothing as I opened the driver's door and escaped into my car. I started the engine, and looked at her before driving away.
"I'll see you tomorrow, David," she told me with a wicked smile that made my heart stutter. I drove away without a word, breathing heavily and wondering if she was trying to kill me, because it was working.
*********
For the first time in years, I set an alarm on my phone out of fear
that I'd oversleep on Monday morning. The damn thing scared me to death when it went off at five, but I was grateful to end another nightmare about Paige. This time she had been gloating about her new man and her pregnancy, and taunting me about being worthless and not good enough for anyone. I felt like I hadn't rested at all.
My knee started throbbing as soon as I got up and put weight on it. I gimped to the bathroom swearing under my breath, and downed two naproxen before taking a shower. I wouldn't be running again for at least a few days, and it pissed me off. Working today on a bum knee would be a real treat.
I headed to the kitchen after I got dressed and started the coffee maker. I'd probably need the whole damn pot to wake up today. I made myself a couple of eggs and some toast, and carried my breakfast to the living room, so I could elevate my knee on the couch. I turned on the TV and stared at the news, comprehending none of it. My brain wouldn't shut up. Images of Paige standing there, holding her swollen belly kept flashing in my mind, and the only thing that could banish it were thoughts of Natalie, which brought a whole other type of pain.
The doorbell rang, pulling me from my dark thoughts. "What the...?" I asked no one, then realized who that probably was, and I stuffed down the part of me that was elated over it. I set my plate on the coffee table and limped to the door, shaking my head in exasperation. I opened the door, and Natalie walked in like she lived here. She looked adorable in her gray pants suit and low heels.
"Good morning, David," she announced brightly. "I brought you a caramel latte. It's your favorite, you know." She handed me the drink as she walked past me into my living room.
"Natalie..."
"I know. I know," she interrupted me with a wave of her hand. "What am I doing here?" I watched helplessly as she plopped herself down on my couch and started picking bits of egg off my plate with her fingers and eating them. "You make the best eggs. Did you know that?" Then she started eating my toast, but considering my lack of appetite; I didn't really care.
You Are My Love: Breathless Book 2 Page 1
