“Don’t thank me. If I shut up about it, if I lied, it’s only because I’m too shocked to make a decision. But don’t think that you’re going to get away with this ; I’m not protecting you ! That is over. You’re nothing to me now. You have destroyed everything, Crystal ; my trust, my friendship, and my faith in you. But the fact that the future All Powerful is a traitor is such a serious thing that I can’t allow myself to treat it lightly. I need to think seriously about what the best thing to do is... and believe me, once I have, you’ll pay for this.”
Crystal fell more than sat on the edge of the bed.
“I understand that you’re beside yourself. But please have pity on me. I am alone in this shit that is my life. You chose it. For me, my destiny was forced on me. The death, the blood, the horrors. I’m lost, and all I have is you guys. You are my home, my family. Don’t drive me away. We are friends ! You trained me, Cornelia, you took care of me – doesn’t that mean anything ? Don’t all the hours we’ve spent together count ? The fits of crazy laughter that had us in stitches, the number of times I’ve cried on your shoulder ? The flowers we bought together for your human girlfriend and the note I wrote for her ? Don’t all those motorcycle rides, those lost nights spent just hanging out, mean anything to you ? The bruises you gave me in training, and the day when you pretended to be Falada so that I could practice telling him that I loved him ? Doesn’t that mean anything ?”
“Shut up,” thundered Cornelia. “No, that doesn’t mean anything to me. Not now, not after what you’ve done. Let me tell you something : it’s not because Dimitri is trying to murder your father, my All Powerful, to whom I have sworn loyalty. It’s not because human beings would be reduced to slavery, mauled like beasts of burden if the Order of Hell took power. It’s not because I promised to defend Good, whatever the cost. It’s because your lover is responsible for Sybil’s death ! It’s because he savagely tortured and killed her little five-year-old girl ! It’s because he killed two Paladines before that ! It’s because every time I look at you, I tell myself that I would sacrifice myself to save you from that demon. It’s because I would give my life for those that I love. And you wouldn’t. By fucking him, you have put us in danger, without even hesitating. You have betrayed us. Us, your own father, your people and your bloodline.”
“I know,” Crystal moaned. “But you have to believe me : I tried to resist Dimitri. At first, I never found the right time to tell you all and then I wanted to again and again but I was being sucked in. I didn’t want to see it, but it was stronger than I was. He was stronger than I am, and I was so weak. So alone, so scared. It’s wrong, but I gave in. He was the temptation. He still is. Don’t condemn me, I need help. Help me, there’s nothing more important than your friendship. Help me, it’s not too late !”
The Paladine narrowed her eyes, her stomach turning.
“Do you feel any affection for him ?”
“Yes,” confessed Crystal. “Between the two of us, it’s just sexual, bestial, but... I like him, it’s true. It’s completely insane, but Dimitri can be lovable... sometimes. When we’re intimate, he’s very different from what you would think.”
The silence hung heavily in the room for an instant. And then the warrior spit in the young woman’s face. Crystal accepted the glob of spit without protest. Her shoulders just slouched lower.
“How dare you make excuses to me for that pig ? You are disgrace incarnate, Crystal. You are less than nothing. I was your friend once, so I’m going to do you one last favor. Leave this apartment. Hide as far away as you can, because I’m going to denounce you. When I do, the cult will judge you for high treason. You will never be the All Powerful. There will be a price on your head, and we will probably be charged with killing you. Pack your bags ; I’ll give you a few hours.”
Crystal remained in a daze for a good while. She couldn’t even cry. Like a zombie, she wiped away the traces of saliva that stained her face with her sleeve. She felt a slow sorrow whirling around her. Things had just gotten worse and worse over the last few months ; everything seemed to have slipped away, irretrievably. The impalpable break-up of the gang, her father’s agony, and Dimitri, obviously. Sitting on the bed, she buried her head in her hands. Stupidly, she had tried to be honest with Cornelia. A thousand times more honest and clear than she had ever been with herself. She had prayed to herself that the Paladine would pull her out of this jam, prayed that her friend would take charge of her as she had done in the past, like in the beginning, like she once had. That with all her strength, she would save her from the accursed Prince.
Crystal sniffed abruptly, shook herself and stood up in a final burst of determination. The time for crying about her fate had passed. Her childhood was over. She had been driven into a trap that had fatal consequences. And she wanted to live. So they would prevent her from being the All Powerful – what did she care ? That status, that power – she had never wanted it anyway. Since her Damnation she had not wanted anything ; it had all been forced upon her. But now she wanted something. To live. With a determination that surprised even her, she pulled her suitcase from the closet and started to throw her things into it every which way. Her eyes burned with tears, blinding her without her even aware of them. Flight. Outlawed. Condemned to death by the most dangerous cult on the planet. Hunted down by her best friends and teachers. Her fingers grasped the door jamb of the closet tightly and a necklace fell to the carpet. Crystal knelt down. It was a pendant of white gold with a minuscule diamond, the present Glory had given her for her twentieth birthday. She sobbed ; other memories were scattered on the floor. Photos. Cornelia and Miranda sticking out their tongue at the camera, at a concert with her. The whole group dressed up for Mardi Gras. Falada and her in the middle of a home karaoke duet.
Goodbye, to all whom I have loved. You have been everything to me. You have been more than I believed I would ever find. Each of you holds a part of my heart. Each of you will always own a part of me. I love you. I will always love you.
Crystal locked her memories up in her suitcase and fastened it, allow her tears to flow. Her whole soul.
A noise, a presence made her raise her head.
Falada was standing in the doorway.
16
The Fire and the Passion
In the doorway, Falada gave Crystal a questioning look. She pushed her suitcase back under the bed.
“What are you doing ?”
She turned toward him, crossed her arms and swallowed back her tears. I have to lie to him, it’s the only way out.
“I’m sorting my clothes a little. You know how women are : too much shopping and not enough room in the closet.”
“And that’s what’s put you in such a state ?” The Paladin saw through her without any trouble. He had spoken with profound gentleness and with his hand he stroked her cheek.
Crystal turned away.
“Don’t touch me, please. You belong to someone else.” (And I love you still. I will always love you, even though I know that you take her in your arms every night when I’m sleeping a few rooms away from the two of you ; even though I, too, am lost in another’s sway. It’s over, Falada – tomorrow you’ll know everything. You’ll despise me, and you’ll be right to).
“Glory and I,” he sighed. He had wisely removed his hand, which hung at his side, and yet more than ever he wanted to touch Crystal, seeming to guess in the depths of his being that it might be the last time, his last chance.
“We have to talk,” he gulped, unsure of what he wanted to say. “I have to explain it to you ; I need to explain myself. You can’t imagine what morons we men can be sometimes,” he scourged himself with a half smile. “We are always the last to know what we’re feeling.”
Crystal forgot the tears she was holding back. She stared at him, rooted to the spot with astonishment. Her heart began to pound wildly. No, she had misunderstood. She was making things up. Falada was not on the verge of saying what she had waited years for him to say. He could not do that. Not
now. She wouldn’t be able to bear it.
“You have nothing to explain to me ; it’s too late,” she responded with regret. Don’t say anything ; I don’t want you to give me hope. Don’t say anything ; I have to leave. And from this trip I won’t be coming back.
“Listen to me !” the Paladin ordered her with a sudden attack of anger.
The young woman drew back a step. He came closer to her. “I love Glow, that’s true ; she’s the most fascinating woman I’ve ever met ; she’s the femme fatale who brought the seducer I used to be to his knees. But I’ve been burying my face in the sand for the last few months... you aren’t just a little sister to me, you’re not just a friend, or just an assignment either. You are much more than that, you are....”
“Stop,” Crystal cried out in confusion. “I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to hear anything. The truth is that I’m nothing at all, Falada ! I’m nothing, and what you’ve made of me, I have ruined. What there was between us, the only beautiful thing in my life, I sullied. I’m rotten, I’m so rotten....”
Horrified, desperate, the Paladin flew to the aid of this soul and caught her in his arms so that she nestled there. A piece of heaven. His heaven. And before she pushed him away, he thought, incoherently and sadly, no one knows what it is to be in her position, no one knows what she endures. But I will be there. I have always been there, since I first saw her. Since the first glance. Since I understood the suffering within her, her capacity to hate herself. No one knows, no one knows her as well as I do. I am here.
Crystal detached herself from him, her eyes unbearable.
“Leave, Falada. Tomorrow things will be better ; tomorrow we’ll talk,” she lied with a second wind of courage.
“No we won’t. I can tell when you’re lying. Your cheeks blush slightly when you lie.... Why are you doing this, little flower ? It’s me, it’s just me. Falada, your Falada.”
Like a child, she sniffled, and their eyes met and held. And if I told you, Crystal thought, that I’m sorry. The word we have repeated so many times. And if it then took on its full meaning. And if I could tell you, I’m sorry, what wouldn’t I dare to confess to you afterwards ? Falada once again reached out his hand to her, and Crystal held on to it. He did not dare to take her by the waist, but he moved toward her. Hesitating, the Paladin lowered his face toward her, letting her choose whether to kiss him. He did not want to force her ; he would never do such a thing. Then she put her lips against his. So softly that he hardly felt her touch. Falada leaned in and the sound of a chaste kiss echoed in the room. Crystal closed her eyes – he did not flee. She did nothing. He increased the pressure of his mouth – a way to leave each other. Their lips parted, seeking each other. I’m holding myself back but I want to cry out. The tips of their tongues touched each other, caressed each other. I love you. I have always entrusted all of myself to you. And I love you. I love you like a girl who is not worthy of you. I love you like the girl that Satan has carried off. I love you in spite of all that. You see, I love you as if you were still my first time.
They were intertwined and kissing each other breathlessly, but it couldn’t compare to being bitten by Dimitri. There was still innocence in the kiss. Crystal grasped her Paladin’s neck for this last kiss and he wrapped his arms around her. An empty teenage dream. Everything comes to an end, Falada. Everything is over for us, but I love you without a future, without expectation. I will love you even when you detest me for my mistakes. I will love you when I am no longer here, when you are no longer here. She was in his arms, her neck bent back, her mouth taken and fulfilled. They stopped kissing. The Paladin released her, disoriented. She drove him out of her room, promising him that there would be a tomorrow. She drove him out, and quickly, above all to keep from thinking, she grabbed her suitcase and dematerialized. To Dimitri. To the opposite shore. To her true Damnation.
New York, Prince Dimitri’s mansion
In front of the mirror, Dimitri roared, revealing his murderous insanity, his true nature, as the conversation proceeded. Beyond the mirror, the woman froze as he stormed.
“You sent Beatrice to kill her. My Crystal. You dared to touch her against my will ! If I had not saved her, if she had died, you would have paid the price for it.”
“Your Crystal,” the woman in the mirror repeated, glacial and bitter. “That’s how it is ?! That whore is spreading her porcelain legs for you. You’re sleeping with her !”
The Prince stopped for an instant. He tilted his head the way the young woman loved so much. But this time, for the woman in the mirror, it was a movement of implacable savagery. He bellowed.
“She’s mine ! I’m not asking for your opinion. She is my property and I can’t stand having someone else mess with my business, you hear ! Do you hear me ?!”
Through the mirror, the woman stiffened.
“This is also my business. Beatrice was supposed to kill her, and you prevented her from doing so. I’m not going to let you prevent our ascension for some little piece of ass. If you don’t get a grip on yourself, if you don’t destroy her....”
“Don’t give me orders ! Stop working against me ; I am Evil. I am the Power. I do not tolerate....”
“Don’t speak to me in that tone, Dimitri. I’m done with this if you keep heading for trouble.”
“Fine, finish it by yourself then,” he fumed, smashing the mirror with his fist.
The woman’s image disappeared as slivers of glass streamed to the floor. The Prince forced himself to breathe normally. Fury was overwhelming him. He foamed at the mouth, tasting metal.
Slowly he regained control over himself and became aware of a presence behind the door to his apartments. He opened it without looking.
“What now ?”
Crystal was standing in front of him, her big baby eyes defeated, filled with tears. He narrowed his eyes, noticing that she was dragging an enormous suitcase with her. Without realizing he was doing so he blocked the door with his body. He was really starting to get tired.
“Are you leaving on a trip ?” he questioned her coldly.
She nodded her head. A little girl.
“You could say that. I’m leaving. Cornelia knows that we’re having an affair. She’s going to tell the others. I had to flee. My father can no longer do anything for me and in any case I was so horrible with him... so I thought about my mother. I’ll go look for her and hide with her. I’m afraid that the girls will hurt her.”
“Come,” the Prince said more calmly, putting his hand on her back to guide her into the living room. Without thinking, instinctively, he gripped the handle of the huge suitcase and carried it to the couch where Crystal had collapsed.
He stood assessing her for a long time, his fists on his hips – but perhaps he was assessing himself. The Master of Shadows. The monster.
“You are going to be judged for High Treason. That has never occurred in the history of our cult, but I don’t think you’ll have the right to govern. You will have the powers of an All Powerful upon the death of your father, of course, but you will not have access to his position.”
“Yes,” she acquiesced in a worn-out voice. “They are going to hunt me down, aren’t they ? I will be condemned to death. My friends are going to have to kill me. My best friends. My sisters....”
Dimitri nearly pulled out his hair.
“These are not your friends ! They are Paladines, machines trained to eradicate everyone who doesn’t fall into line. When are you going to get that through your head ?”
She raised her eyes to him. She was afraid. So afraid. Her relationship with the Prince was not just physical ; he was her worst enemy even if he had had a burst of humanity when saving her from Beatrice. Why had she rushed to him again ? He knew perfectly well the risks that she ran sleeping with him. And he couldn’t care less, to judge by his attitude. It probably suited him very well, now that she thought about it. She straightened up, clumsily smoothed her skirt, ashamed. Wounded, humiliated. She gave a last glance at her
lover and turned to leave.
The Prince grabbed her by the elbow.
“Wait.”
He had closed his eyes. His forehead wrinkled, his eyebrows creased ; he looked like a man struggling with his soul. Or what was left of his soul.
“Stay here.” He pressed his lips together, clenching his jaw. “I’m sorry, kitten, I wasn’t very nice.” He couldn’t help being a man with her and this power, this incredible and enormous power she had over him, was starting to alarm him. Just a girl. He would end up losing all his supporters, breathless here before this kitten, and yet, and yet.... He looked at her and weakened. “Stay here with me. Stay, I’ll protect you.”
Crystal collapsed against his torso, unpredictable, and started to cry harder than she ever had. She had held on and held on and held on. But now she was at the end. She melted against him in an attack of abominable anguish. Perplexed at first, then abandoning all logic before this little rag doll clinging to him, he wrapped his arms around her.
“There, there,” he consoled her. “Calm down, kitten. Calm down ; I won’t leave you. I’ll protect you. I’ll protect you,” he repeated in a hushed voice.
He cradled her, his face buried in her hair. He cuddled her, kissed and petted her, whispering soft words to her. Words of comfort. And in his embrace she rubbed against his skin, inhaling his male odor. Devouring his masculine warmth and his scent. Dimitri spoke to her very quietly. He told her that she belonged to him, that no one would ever hurt her, that he would not allow it. He called her his “kitten” and he said that she didn’t have to cry anymore. He said that he had never said that to anyone. That no one had ever been like her. Ever.
They got as far as the bed and made love. The suitcase remained in the living room. Crystal’s life and memories had won a place in the living room ; the ultimate proof that Dimitri had definitively adopted the young woman.
The afternoon hours passed, followed by a dense night. They made love into the night. Until the hour of the wolves. The full moon rose and they remained together, body to body.
Crystal and the Damned - Possession Page 17
