Act of Contrition

by Linda Rettstatt

  Jenny glanced over Gavin’s shoulder to see Patrick’s truck pull into her driveway, then back out and disappear again. His abrupt arrival and departure confused her. After Gavin left, Jenny walked down the slope of lawn to the small dock. Rose petals adorned the rocks made visible with low tide. She wrapped her arms across her chest, closed her eyes, and took in a deep breath.

  As she reached the front door, her cell phone rang.

  Shelly said, “Jen, I just heard that Mike Doyle died.”

  “Oh, no.” Jenny dropped into a chair. “Patrick stopped here earlier, but he just turned around in the drive and left.”

  “That’s odd. Well, I got the news from Mack Grogan. You know how word spreads in this town.”

  “Thanks, Shelly. I’ll give Patrick a call.”

  Jenny ended the call and closed her eyes, sadness flooding her. Mike Doyle was a lot like a second father to her. She could only imagine what Patrick was going through right now. She flipped her cell open again and located his number. The phone rang three times before her call went to voicemail.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Jenny parked her SUV beside Patrick’s truck. At the door, she hesitated before knocking. Patrick swung the door open, a cell phone to his ear.

  He motioned her inside and turned away. “I’m aware that it’s short notice. But I’m sure you understand that death isn’t exactly a planned event.” His volume raised with frustration, then lowered to a hiss. “Well, why didn’t you tell me that in the first place? Yes, I want to book the ticket.”

  Jenny tried not to listen, but not overhearing him was impossible.

  After giving his credit card information, he snapped his phone closed and dropped it onto the coffee table. “I’m sorry. I haven’t had a chance to return your call. I knew you had a guest visiting.”

  Jenny furrowed her brows. “Guest? Oh, you mean Gavin. He’s gone. Patrick, I’m sorry about your dad.” Tears stung her eyes.

  “Thank you. We were at the hospital all day yesterday until late last night.”

  “We?”

  “Me and Kari. I had no one to watch her, so I had to take her with me.”

  “You should have called.”

  He motioned for her to sit then sat down on the sofa beside her. “You had the memorial service.”

  “Yes.”

  “It had to be a hard day for you.”

  She bit her lip. “Yes, it was. But I’m here to see what I can do for you.”

  Patrick leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, face buried in his hands.

  Jenny hesitated before pressing a hand to his back. “Oh, Patrick.” She moved closer, drawing him into her arms.

  “It’s hard to believe he’s gone.” Patrick sat up and swiped his face with the backs of his hands. “I was on the phone with the airlines. I’m trying to get my Uncle Tim a ticket to fly in tomorrow from Phoenix.”

  “I remember him. He’s your dad’s older brother?”

  “Yeah. By six years. He retired and moved to the southwest two years ago. He’s living on social security and I know the ticket would be a financial hardship for him. Last minute tickets are pricey.”

  “But can’t you get a bereavement rate? I think you just have to produce a copy of the death certificate.”

  Patrick sighed. “That’s what they finally told me.”

  “Where’s Kari?”

  “She’s napping. Poor kid was exhausted after last night. I think I made a terrible mistake.”

  “What mistake?”

  “She asked about Dad, and I told her he was sleeping. Then she asked when he would wake up. I had to tell her he wouldn’t, that he was in heaven now. I had a hell of a time getting her to sleep. She kept saying she didn’t want to go to heaven.”

  “How did you explain it to her?”

  “I told her I was wrong, that her grandfather wasn’t sleeping and that he had gone to heaven to watch over her. That was mistake number two. Then she kept asking if Papa could see her in her room. I think it kind of freaked her out.”

  “It’s hard to explain death to a three-year-old.”

  “It’s hard to explain death to a thirty-year-old. Anyway, she finally went to sleep, but she was a bear this morning, so I got just her down for a nap.”

  “I can stay with her if you have things you need to do.”

  Patrick lifted a brow. “Are you sure? It would be a big help, but I don’t want to impose.”

  Jenny shook her head. “Impose? We’re friends. Isn’t that what you told me when you stayed with me through the worst of the flu? Go and do whatever you need to do. I’ll be right here.”

  He hugged her. “Thank you.” Then he drew back and gazed down at her. His head dipped and his lips brushed hers lightly.

  Jenny felt the kiss all the way down to her center.

  Just as she leaned into him, he drew back. “I won’t be gone long.” He stood and headed for the door.

  Jenny tiptoed up the stairs and looked in on Kari. The child slept soundly, her mouth slack, dark curls fanning out around her head like a halo. Jenny’s heart lurched. She used to love to watch Cooper sleep, wishing she could draw on his contentment for herself. Returning to the first floor, Jenny went to the kitchen and made a cup of tea. She sat on the sofa and picked up an old copy of Newsweek from the coffee table, flipping through the pages. Patrick’s computer sat on a table in the corner. Surely he wouldn’t mind if she went online and checked her email.

  The computer booted up and the monitor displayed a full-screen photograph of Penobscot Bay at sunrise. Jenny stared at the breathtaking picture for a moment before clicking on the internet icon. After she checked her email, and as she was about to shut down the computer, Jenny noticed a desktop icon labeled Photo Portfolio. Her finger hovered over the mouse button for a moment, then clicked down and opened the file. She had crossed a line, but couldn’t stop.

  Inside the file, she found several folders, each labeled and dated. She double-clicked a folder titled Cooper’s Island. Thumbnail photographs of the island covered the screen. Jenny scrolled up to the left and clicked to start a slideshow of the photos. They were exquisite—some shot in early morning when fog still shrouded the island, and others shot facing the mainland at sunset. She closed the file and opened another labeled People. Photographs of Mike Doyle on his charter boat, Shelly at the diner, and kids skipping stones at the water’s edge slid across the screen. Jaclyn and Kari on a beach somewhere. Then came the photo that stopped her breathing—another picture of Jenny sitting on the dock in front of the cottage with Cooper standing beside her and smiling. Sun glinted off his blond hair.

  The next photo appeared, but Jenny hit the back arrow and paused the slideshow. From upstairs, Kari called, “Daddy?”

  Jenny hurried to the stairs. “Hi, Kari. It’s Jenny. Your daddy had to go out for a bit, so I’m staying with you.” She climbed the stairs to find the sleep-rumpled child standing in the hall outside her bedroom.

  “Zenny.”

  “I’m right here. Want to come downstairs?”

  Kari nodded, still rubbing her eyes. Jenny picked her up and carried down the stairs. She set the child on her feet. “Let me turn off the computer, then I’ll get us some lunch. Okay?”

  Jenny crossed the room to the desk. Kari followed. Before Jenny could exit the slideshow, Kari pointed to the photograph. “Boy.”

  “Yes.”

  Kari studied the photo then looked up her quizzically. “Your boy?”

  Jenny swallowed hard. “Yes. He’s…He was my boy.”

  “Where is he?”

  “He’s—” She took in a shuddering breath and cleared her throat. “He’s in heaven.”

  “Papa went to heaven.”

  Jenny ran her fingers through the little girl’s soft curls. “Yes, sweetie, I know.”

  “Where’s Daddy?”

  “Your daddy had to take care of some business. He’ll be back very soon. Come on. Let’s go to the kitchen and you can tell me wh
at you want for lunch.” She turned from the computer and Cooper’s smiling face.

  “Ice cream.”

  Jenny laughed. “I think we can eat something else first, then we’ll have ice cream.” She opened the fridge. “How about a grilled cheese?”

  “Yes.” Kari pulled herself up onto a chair. “And juice.”

  ****

  “Kari, look who’s back.”

  Kari scrambled down from her chair and raced across the kitchen. “Daddy!”

  Patrick swept his daughter up in his arms and snuggled her close. “Hi, Kari-boo. Did you and Jenny have fun?”

  “I drawed pictures.”

  “I see. I’m very impressed.” He looked at Jenny. “Any trouble?”

  Jenny wiped her hands on the dishtowel and folded it on the counter. “Not at all. She’s a delight.”

  Kari trapped his face between her tiny hands. “I saw Zenny’s boy.”

  Patrick furrowed his eyebrows. “You saw who?”

  “He’s in heaven with Papa. Zenny says people in heaven are with us, but only when we want them to be.”

  He glanced at Jenny. “Good explanation. But where did she see Cooper?”

  A flush of warmth spread into her face. “I’m sorry. I turned on your computer to check my email. And I…well, I guess I was snooping. I noticed your photo portfolio.”

  He pressed his lips together. “The file opened all by itself?”

  “No. I was curious. I know it was wrong. But, Patrick, the photographs are amazing. The ones of Cooper’s Island are breathtaking. I knew you always liked taking pictures. I loved the photos you gave me, but I never thought…”

  “Never thought I’d be that good at it? Enough to make it a career?” He lowered Kari to her feet. “Why don’t you go and watch TV while I talk with Jenny for a minute?”

  “I want Dora.”

  Patrick popped a Dora the Explorer DVD into the player and turned on the TV. He returned to the kitchen.

  Jenny leaned against the counter, arms crossed at her chest. “I’m sorry. Those files were none of my business.”

  “You’re right. I’ll print out that picture of you and Cooper if you want.”

  “You have real talent, you know. You could do something with it.”

  “What makes you think I haven’t? I told you I’d applied to a school.” He shook his head. “I’ll always be that kid who had no ambition to be anything more than a fisherman and custodian.”

  “That’s not fair. I never said that.”

  “Yes, you did. Don’t you remember? That night before I left for a cruise? You decided we needed to see more of the world before we settled down here. When I disagreed, you accused me of having no ambition. Well, guess what? I’ve seen enough of the world to know it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

  She shifted from one foot to the other, met his gaze. “That was so long ago. I was wrong to say that. It wasn’t ambition so much as you were so damned stubborn. You didn’t want to go to college and leave Miley’s Cove, and you didn’t want me to go, either. Mostly, I felt you didn’t want me to want to go. I felt… I felt as though what I wanted didn’t matter to you. And it scared me. I couldn’t imagine us building a life together if my wants didn’t matter.”

  “You mattered to me, Jen. I was afraid. Afraid if you left here, I’d lose you. Turns out I was right.”

  She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now. It’s not the right time. You said you had plans to go to school in California. Are you going?”

  “I can’t think about my plans right now.”

  “What are the funeral arrangements?”

  “Viewing Wednesday and Thursday at Kenney’s Funeral Home. The funeral is Friday morning.”

  She nodded. “I’ll be there. Do you need me to pick up your uncle at the airport?”

  “No. He gets in at nine in the morning. Jack’s going to pick him up.”

  “Okay. So maybe I can be on hand to take Kari? I could bring her back here for her lunch and afternoon nap.”

  “That would be helpful. Thanks. Look, I’m sorry I brought up the past. We’re both different people now. And I’m sorry I over-reacted about the photographs.”

  “I was wrong to look at your file.”

  “Not a big deal. Sometime I’ll show you the other photos I took on Grand Cayman. It’s so beautiful there. You’d like it.” He stepped closer. “About earlier—”

  She drew back from him. “I’ll bring dinner over this afternoon for you and Kari. Around six?”

  “You don’t have to.” He followed her to the door.

  “I want to.” She pulled her keys from her purse and turned to face him. Tears stung her eyes. “I’ll miss your dad, too. He was like a father to me after my dad died.”

  Patrick shoved his hands into his pockets. “He loved you like a daughter.”

  She nodded. “I’ll see you later.”

  She sat in the car for a moment before starting the engine. For the first time, Jenny let herself imagine what life could be like, if only… If only she could turn back time.

  Chapter Thirty

  Patrick straightened his necktie and entered the room where his father’s body had been prepared for viewing. He stepped inside and paused, taking in a breath.

  The tension in his face aged him, and Jenny grasped his hand.

  He laced his fingers through hers.

  She walked beside him until they stood before the casket then released his hand. “I’ll give you a minute.”

  “No. Stay.” He reclaimed her hand. “You’re family. And I need you here.” Patrick steadied his gaze on his father. “Do you think my mom was there for him?”

  “You mean waiting?”

  He nodded. “I don’t know, but I like thinking he isn’t alone.”

  “He’s not. I’m sure your mom met him. And my Grandma’s probably offering him blueberry pie right now.” Jenny thought of some day in the future when Cooper would once again grin at her, an angel illuminated by the sun.

  Patrick let out a small laugh. “He did love her pie.”

  He draped his arm around her, and Jenny leaned her head on his shoulder. “He was too young.”

  “I thought he would be here forever.” Patrick squeezed her shoulder.

  “There you are.” Patrick’s aunt dragged a couple along. “You remember the Richardsons.”

  Jenny slipped through the crowd that began to gather, leaving Patrick to greet his family and friends. When she searched for him again later, someone pointed her in the direction of the lounge.

  Jenny stood at the open door and observed Patrick with his daughter. He was a good father. He put Kari first and was patient and loving with her. Patrick looked up when she entered the room.

  “Looks like someone’s had enough of crowds,” Jenny said as she approached them.

  “She’s had enough of being cooed at and picked up by a bunch of people she doesn’t know.”

  Kari rubbed her eyes and settled her head on Patrick’s chest. “Wanna go home.”

  “Why don’t I take her to your house for a while? She needs a nap. I can bring her back later, or I can stay there with her until you get home.”

  “You sure?”

  “Very.” Jenny bent over the child. “Kari? Want to go with me? We can watch a Dora DVD and I’ll make tomato soup.”

  Kari’s eyelids fluttered and she looked up at Patrick. “Go with Zenny.”

  Patrick lifted the child into Jenny’s arms. “She’s all yours. Don’t bring her back here. It’s exhausting for her. If you don’t mind staying at the house—”

  “I’ve got it covered. No problem. I’ll stop by my place and pick up a change of clothes. I can’t take these heels much longer.”

  He walked her to her car and switched the car seat from his truck. “Jen, I know this is hard for you. It means a lot to me that you’re here.”

  She was getting tired of hearing how hard everything was for her. Each
time she seemed to surface above the hardness, she felt guilty. Would people ever let her be normal again? Would she?

  Jack stuck his head out of the door and called to Patrick. “Some people are asking about you.”

  “I’m coming.” He gazed at her before turning to leave.

  Kari was asleep in her car seat before they reached the house. Jenny had just tucked her on the sofa when someone knocked on the door.

  “Shelly. What are you doing here?”

  “I stopped by the funeral home to pay respects. Patrick told me you were here with Kari. I just thought I’d stop by.”

  “Come in,” she whispered, nodding toward the sleeping child. “Let’s go to the kitchen. I have coffee made.”

  Shelly followed her. “I don’t know how you’re doing this.”

  Jenny poured two cups of coffee and set them on the table. “Why do people keep saying that?”

  “Uh…well…” Shelly furrowed her eyebrows. “Is it becoming annoying?”

  Jenny smiled. “Just a little. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the concern. But, at some point, I have to get… better. And I keep feeling it’s wrong to do that if I’m expected to feel bad still. I mean, I do feel bad sometimes. I feel awful. I cry, I want to bury myself under the blankets. But, then, I have days when I feel happy. Almost. Kind of normal.”

  Shelly pulled her into a hug. “I promise I will never again ask if you are okay.”

  The two of them leaned into one another, laughing and crying.

  Then Shelly patted her back. “Welcome back to normal.”

  Jenny pulled away and sat down. “Oh, I didn’t say I was normal yet. Just kind of, at times. Enough to remember what normal feels like. Of course, that’ll get turned upside down again when I leave for L.A.”

  “Patrick’s going to be lost without Mike and without you.”

  “He’s done fine without me. I should never have come back here. I shouldn’t have let him get close to me again.”

  “I doubt you could have stopped him. He loves you, Jen.”

  “He loves the idea of me. He loves the girl he knew, but she doesn’t exist anymore. It’s better he realizes that now and moves on.”