by Ines Vieira
“You’re wasting precious time and energy in trying to hurt me when in fact what you should be trying to do is gain enough space to make a run for it.” I ignore his comment and quickly run to his side hoping that a good old fashion elbow to the kidney will bring him down an inch from his high horse. But once again, I feel the pain run down my upper arm, while he continues to hold steady in place.
“Don’t try to fight me if I haven’t engaged yet. Try to annihilate the problem before it’s in your face.”
“What the hell do you think I’ve been doing?” I yell at him.
“I think you’ve been trying to show off that you can inflict pain if you wanted, but if I was an actual attacker, all you would have been able to accomplish was in getting me angry.
“So, I’ve made you angry, is that what you’re saying?” I chide.
“No, you’ve just made me annoyed. Something that you’re prone to do even without those poor excuses for punches,” he barks at me leveling me with his pissed of look. He can deny it all day long, but he’s just as frustrated as I am.
“Right, because the all mighty Quaid never gets angry. Of course not, I mean how would it look for the goody twoshoe persona that you put out to have a mean streak in him?” I ask toying with that blaze in his steel eyes, seeing how it burns through.
“I get angry, Jessica, so don’t kid yourself,” he growls as I attempt to hit him once again, but this time he slaps my punch away from its intended body part. Yeah, I was going for the groin, ladies and gentleman. Sue me! Even if I have to play dirty, Quaid is going down one way or another and getting him all worked up seems to be working for me. The once stoic Quaid is showing his colors, and that will give me enough leeway to distract him and knock him down.
“Really now? Tell me, when was the last time you got angry huh? Let me guess when you got anything less than an A, am I right?” I taunt and try to hit him again on the inside of his left arm, but again he slaps my attempt off.
“No, well maybe when daddy dearest didn’t buy you what you wanted for Christmas,” I mock as I try to swing my left hook against his jaw, but that too is quickly smacked away.
“Or was it when some sorority dimwit didn’t say yes to go out to a debutante ball or whatever you people do for fun?” I tease and I know I’ve hit a nerve when he isn’t fast enough to deflect the punch I land in his gut.
“Tell me Quaid, was that the last time you got angry, huh? When some Stepford wannabe wife didn’t give you the time of day?” I’m being mean and relentless, and if my father heard me, he would be ashamed of my attempts to bully Quaid into some sort of submission just so I could feel better about myself. Just so that I could prove I’m not as feeble and breakable as last night made me out to be. But before I can deliver another punch to make me feel less shitty about myself, Quaid sweeps my leg from under me, and I find myself falling down on my back on the spongy blue surface. I close my eyes and place my fist in the center of my brow.
“Are you hurt?” he asks softly. So sincere is his question that I’m even more ashamed at how I acted.
“You okay?” he asks again with genuine concern. It’s official. I suck!
“I’m not hurt. Only my pride, but I think that ship sailed right after I started to harass you, the way I did.” I reluctantly open my eyes. Quaid leans down and grabs both my hands and gets me up on my feet. I look directly at his chest, too embarrassed to look him in the eye.
“I’m sorry I acted like such a bitch. I don’t know what came over me to say all that stuff in the first place.” I lower my head and think that I may have just blown away any chance I had for Quaid to help me. Even if at first I thought this idea of his in training me to defend myself was taking it to the extreme with all the exercise he made me do for the past couple of hours, I have to admit that it felt good to be in control of my body again. I felt like I had a say on how far I could push myself to the limit, and that was empowering. I wanted to keep feeling that way, but picking on Quaid the way I did, I doubt he has the patience to see this through. Before I can get my next words out saying how I understand if he doesn’t want to continue with our little experiment, I feel his thumb under my chin, lifting my face to meet his. Azure piercing eyes look into mine without a hint of bitterness or disappointment.
“You asked me when was the last time I got angry. If I recall, you were there when I headbutted Dave in the face last night. I doubt with that display; I was anything but angry. Seeing you on the floor like that, powerless to stop that prick’s advances made me angry. Not being able to take the memory away from you, makes me angry. Letting that guy roam the same halls at our school as you do, makes me insanely angry. So yes, Jess, I get angry. Me teaching you how to fight off creeps like him just dulls the feeling a bit, but I’m just as human as the next guy. I get angry when shitty things happen to good people. Especially, people I care about.” Quaid softly strokes my cheek, and I can’t help but close my eyes and relish the feeling, leaning into his touch. Everything he said was in earnest, and I could tell by the look in his eyes, that every word was uttered from the heart. My own heart keeps stuttering away, relentlessly beating with ardent contentment at Quaid’s words and tender touch. Just as I was getting attached to his caress, he backs away from me. His eyes are as hooded as mine must be, and I watch him swallow a non-inexistent breath.
“Should we try this again?” he asks, and I shyly nod my consent.
“This time I want you to follow my lead, okay?” he sighs. “I want you to use this time to really concentrate on the main goal. I want to make sure you know how to protect yourself, so the first rule you should always keep in mind is not to fight me, but to look for ways on how to escape to safety. This means that I don’t want you to face me head on, but look for opportunities to free yourself from the whole situation.” I nod again and try to clear my muddled thoughts to take in what he’s telling me.
“I’m not going to teach you how to bring an assailant down. That won’t help you in the long run because you don’t know if he’s coming at you only with his body. He could have a knife or a weapon, and your right hook will have little effect. But hit him in the right spot, at the right time, and that will buy you enough time to escape and be safe.” Quaid’s face is of absolute determination as he looks down at me. He looks like he wants to say something, but shakes it off at the last minute.
“What?” I ask meekly. He continues to stare at me as if debating if he should come right out and say what’s on his mind but then his eyes turn soft again and he eats back the two steps between us. He’s close enough that I have to bend my head further back to appreciate the look he’s giving me. He takes a strand of hair that has come loose from my ponytail and plays with it around his fingers. Fixated completely on that one dark curl and I can feel my heart wanting out of my body.
“Promise me that you’ll take this seriously? That you won’t fight me at every turn but understand that everything I do will be to keep you safe. I’m going to push you, I’m going to take you out of your comfort zone, and there will be times that you’ll probably hate me for it, but it all comes from wanting to keep you safe. I need you safe.”
Not once does he look into my eyes, and I feel he’s just confessed something to himself as much as to me. I don’t know if what he’s feeling is some sort of guilt for not being able to watch over me and letting my dad down because of some sense of loyalty to him, or if his over protectiveness comes from somewhere deeper within him. If I felt braver, I would ask him outright. But I’m not brave at all. Not when I don’t want to break the spell that seems to have been placed on Quaid, as he fondles my hair with such affection and tenderness that it’s bringing me to my knees.
“Do you promise?” he asks faintly and this time, I’m faced with a lost little boy looking deep into my eyes trying to get the answers for all his woes from mine. It seems that there must be fairy dust all over this place because I’ve been hit by the same magic that binds me to his stare. I don’t even want to nod
this time because it might mean I’ll lose precious seconds being wrapped in this slow-burning glare that we’re sharing. It’s like I’m losing a little bit of myself only to gain a bit of Quaid in return. Both vulnerable and defenseless to walk away and break whatever witchcraft took us over. But he’s still waiting for an answer, growing more exposed at the second, that before I know what body invader snatched my very soul from under me, I place my hand on his cheek to comfort and ease his anxiousness.
“I promise,” I hear myself say, but what I’m promising him I couldn’t tell you. It feels as if I just vowed to promise anything he wants from me today and all the days hereafter. But as he leans into my hand and closes his eyes, every cell in my body tells me that I would promise him everything and anything until my dying breath. His hands find my hips, and in a swift motion, my body is melting with his. One of his hands goes to the nape of my neck, bringing my head a little further back as Quaid leans down with eyes still closed and presses his temple to mine. I feel his breath on my face as he sighs out as if he’s finally found peace at last.
“Thank you,” he whispers. I continue to stare at his exquisite face and this time both my hands go on each cheek, praying that he’ll stay this way with me for just a second longer. My eyes linger on, hungrily trying to memorize each stunning feature, while my fingertips gain a mind of their own and trace each flawless attribute. He doesn’t move away, but I feel his grasp on my hip and neck hold tighter with every bold move I make. When my forefinger reaches his lower lip, he lets out what can only be a painful sigh. It’s enough to make me think that I’ve hurt him somehow or that I’ve overstepped. But before I take a step back, Quaid just pulls me even closer, which is remarkable since I didn’t think there was any space left between us.
“Please don’t. Not yet,” he hushes, but in my foggy haze, I don’t know what he’s asking of me. I’m too scared to move, terrified I’ll do or say the wrong thing. Paralyzed in Quaid’s embrace but before I contemplate on what I should do, Quaid leans in closer and presses his plump, soft full lips to mine, and the world around me stops rotating around the sun in that moment. My mind plays catch up to my inner organs as they relish in what I can only describe as the most tender and doting kiss I have ever felt in all of my eighteen years on this earth. It’s undemanding, innocent and still so full of life that I hear my heart beat furiously against my chest and it astounds me that my rib cage can keep it in its place at all. My mind is swept away to recall every storybook kiss I read as a child, and decide this is the type of kiss that can awaken sleeping princesses. A fairy tale kiss that can cure any curse it’s thrown its way because it is just that pure. A kiss born of light and color birthed to scare away any dark element in its path. It last mere seconds and too soon do I feel my naked lips cool from the absence of Quaid’s delicate touch. It takes me just as long to look up at him and catch my breath and still my beating heart.
“You kissed me,” I don’t know if I’m asking or stating it, or if I need Quaid to tell me I didn’t just dream up with my active imagination these last few minutes in my head.
“I did,” he replies shyly, and I’m taken aback at what can only be a blush reddening Quaid’s immaculate cheeks. My brain is no longer in the driver’s seat when I pull myself up, wrap my arms around Quaid’s neck and seek out that perfection once more after his next words. Only now I want more as I greedily latch onto his full lower lip and gasp at how absolute it feels between my own lips. It takes two seconds for Quaid to keep up with my demands and I feel myself being lifted off the ground in one fast swoop and I comply by wrapping my legs around his waist so that our faces align. I hold on for dear life as our kiss takes a whole different vivacity. It’s as if Quaid’s first kiss was the promise and this is the prize. Tangled sweetness and fevered swollen lips find each other over and over again, and it’s just not enough. Not nearly enough. Making my intention clear that I want in, that I want to feel his hot tongue caress mine I push through a small window and dive in what can only be my own personal heaven and hell. Heaven because his taste is just as perfect as his touch. Hell because how will I ever be able to kiss anyone else and not compare it with this? It’s as if every kiss I have ever given could never measure up to even to a fraction of this one.
I try to reign myself in, grasping the small thread of control I have left by keeping my hands exactly where they are, even though they beg me to reach up and run my fingers through his hair as I’ve imagined so many times. There is a myriad of reasons why I should slow this down but hell if I can remember even a one right now. All I feel is that this is incredible. Every little patch of skin is on fire and yet, aside from his arms holding me up at the waist, his lips are the only part of his body that are seeking out my very soul. It’s a kiss that bruises and burns you through and through guaranteeing you that even if all that’s left is ash after the fire has run its course, you’ll take all of it regardless and ask for seconds.
I have never been a romantic. I have never dreamed of being a princess in a white tower waiting on a prince to arrive and save the day. I don’t dream about pink ribbons and rainbows and I sure as hell never been the weak in the knees type of girl. But with one kiss, Quaid has turned my insides to soft mush and put stars in my eyes. Crushed my pragmatist ideas and made me a believer of whimsical fables even if only for these precious minutes. If I was in control of my brain and body, I’m sure that I would be chastising myself to no end, but that ship has sailed because I control absolutely nothing as Quaid’s teeth bite ever so tenderly into my lower, lip only to trace his tongue sweetly across afterward. I let out a low little sigh and I’m begging my internal self not to judge me on this moment of weakness. Quaid’s response is an earth-shattering moan as he plunges further into the very core of me. I am breath, loose limbs and drumming heart beat. And all of it is giving freely away to maintain this rapture.
I lost count of how many kisses we shared, how many minutes or hours passed us by. I lost count of any lingering thoughts of last night’s events because none of them mattered while Quaid held me tightly to him as if he was scared I would vanish into thin air if he even relented on his grip a bit. I lost track of rational thought and my mind was nowhere to be found as long as I felt his breath on my skin and took in his earthly scent. Only when the light outside started to dim and my lips felt too swollen to keep up with my inner desire not to end this magical afternoon, did Quaid place me back on my feet with a sultry gleeful look in his eyes.
In my haze, I don’t remember the drive to my dorm or Quaid getting me food from the nearest bistro. I don’t remember the questions that followed from Izzy asking me what had happened the night before or what answers I gave her in return. I don’t remember the texts I sent out to cool off Drew. I don’t remember getting in bed and falling asleep with the biggest smile on my face when not twenty-four hours ago I had gone through something so vile that it would leave a mark for years to come. As I wake up the following day, dress and get ready to walk out the door for yet another day of cleaning toilet bowls at one of New York’s most prestigious hotels, all I do remember is the smile that is beamingly lighting up my front door, looking at me as if I am the most exquisite thing he has ever beheld in his whole life. This smile that is quickly clawing its way into my heart is what I remember and the feeling that I am way over my head on this one doesn’t even frighten me when I know deep in my gut, he has the potential to break me in two and I should run the other way.
What I do remember was his response to my question before the whole make-out session at his grandparents even happened and the realization that he was right and my instant next thought.
“You kissed me,” I had asked.
“I did,” he had replied.
“And you kissed me back,” he had stated shyly.
Not enough. I’ve haven’t kissed you back enough.
Chapter 16
Jess
“Have you seen my butterfly necklace anywhere?” Izzy grunts frustrated as she pulls out y
et another drawer while ransacking its contents.
“Nope,” I answer too engrossed on my text. It’s become my weekly task sending out a text to Candi hoping that she is alright and that she knows she can always come to me or my family should she gain the courage to leave my uncle Hector. But it’s been almost two months since I last saw her and she has only answered a couple of times graciously thanking me for my unwarranted concern. Unwarranted my ass, but I don’t tell her that. If I want to keep the lines of communication open with us, I need to be patient and trust that she’ll come to me when the time comes. I doubt the girl has many friends or at least any that genuinely care for her. I mean what type of person would let her maintain a relationship with that monster and keep quiet? Not me, that’s for damn sure.
“You positive you didn’t borrow it to look all dolled up for your boy Quaid?” Izzy asks still turning her side of the room to the picture perfect example of what happens after a hurricane hit.
“No, I didn’t borrow it, and Quaid is not my boy, we’ve had this conversation before.”
“Huh huh,” she says, stopping long enough to give me a look.
“I’m serious,” I say keeping my best poker face on.
“Well if he’s not your boy than what is this then?” Izzy asks holding up my duffle bag containing some clothes, my laptop, and some school books.”
“This is me trying to get some much-needed solitude to study and focus on my upcoming exams,” I tell her for the umpteenth time.
“And you couldn’t do it here or at the library as you’ve done since you arrived here?” Izzy teases knowing what my answer will be.
“I could, but Quaid has been kind enough to offer a more secluded environment where I can focus. I’d be an idiot if I didn’t accept his help especially when I room with the energizer bunny!” I tease back and grab my duffle bag from her grip. “And anyway, this way I can also save time from running around from one place to another. It’s a win-win type of thing.”
