She didn’t remember anything the minister said during the funeral, and before she knew it, they were all walking across the street to the small, fenced-in graveyard. Carl was one of the pall bearers, as was her father, so Nora had to make the walk alone. Even though the morning had been clear, it was still bitterly cold, and Nora’s feet crunched over the frozen ground as she made her way to the gravesite. A couple of times, she glanced behind her, searching the guests for Kingston, but it seemed like everyone in town was there, and she didn’t see him over the crowd.
The freshly-dug grave gaped like an open wound, and Nora stood with her toes almost on the edge of the hole. As the coffin was slowly lowered down into the earth with a mechanical whir, Nora felt the dam crack that had been holding back her tears, but she struggled to maintain her composure. Leaning forward, she dropped a perfect orange marigold blossom into the grave, but her throat caught around the words she’d wanted to say, so she just stood there in silence while the other guests dropped their flowers into the earth. A few people were weeping, but Nora forced her tears to wait. Just keep it together a little bit longer, she begged herself.
Kingston approached the grave with a flower, and Nora stood up a little straighter. After he dropped the offering, he turned toward her. Nora opened her mouth, not sure what she was going to say, but he just gave her a tight nod before he turned and walked away. Her heart deflated, and her eyes followed him. What was all that about? She wanted to hurry after him, to tell him how much it meant that he was there, but before she could work up the nerve, Carl wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.
“You doing okay, girl?” He asked quietly.
Nora took a shuddering breath. “No.”
“Honesty’s the best policy.” There were tears in his eyes when he pulled away, and Nora felt her own tears bubbling up in response.
“She’s—she’s gone,” she stuttered, finally giving into her grief as tears started to pour down her face.
Wordlessly, Carl pulled her into another embrace, and Nora broke. She sobbed against his chest until she felt like a sponge that had been left out in the sun to dry, and then, hiccupping, lifted her face.
“What would I do without you?”
Carl gave her a weak smile. “Same thing I’d do without you; nothing good.”
Nora kissed his cheek and took a deep breath. “Thank you for being here. I don’t think I could have got through all this alone.”
He pressed his lips to her forehead. “I’m sorry you had to go through this at all.”
They broke apart, but Nora hung onto his arm as they walked away from the grave. At the gate of the graveyard, her eyes spotted a familiar, tall form in a charcoal suit, and her steps quickened without her planning it. Carl followed her eyes and tipped his head toward Kingston.
“Is that the guy?”
Nora lifted her hand to wave, hoping that he’d wait for her, but Kingston turned and walked away. Nora’s hand fell limply to her side. “Yes. But he’s acting so strange today. I don’t know what I did.”
“He came all the way out here for you, though, sweetie. That’s got to count for something.”
Nora hesitated, but then she looked up at Carl. “You really think?”
“I really do. And besides, funerals aren’t exactly fun. He probably doesn’t know how to act, so that’s why he’s being weird.”
Feeling guilty, Nora looked back over her shoulder at her mother’s grave. “This really should be the last thing on my mind.”
Carl stopped and looked at her. “You know she’d want you to keep living your life, Nora. That’s the best gift you can give her right now.”
Nora nodded slowly. “I think maybe you’re right.”
Carl flashed a grin. “I’m always right. Now, didn’t you say there’s more lasagna back at your house than anyone can eat? Let’s find your dad and go have some lunch.”
Nora forced a smile. It felt strange to be discussing normal, everyday things like food, but Carl was right: she wasn’t through mourning, but she also wasn’t ready to stop living.
CHAPTER TWENTY
God, he felt like an idiot.
When he’d rejoined the midnight runners after his trip to Texas, Nora hadn’t been there, but Kingston had been too busy plotting out what he wanted to say to PB the next time he saw her that he hadn’t really noticed. And then, the next night, when Lynne told the group in a low voice that Nora wouldn’t be back for a while because she was in Pennsylvania, dealing with the loss of her mother, Kingston’s heart had ached a bit. He’d approached Lynne to see if she had any ideas of things they could do to offer Nora a bit of comfort or support, and she’d surprised him by telling him that she was planning to go down for the funeral. Kingston immediately agreed to go, but now he wished he hadn’t bothered.
When he spotted Nora at the funeral home, somber but still so sweet, he’d done a double-take. Gone was the runner with the slicked back ponytail he’d gotten used to; soft brown hair hung around her face in waves, and Kingston realized with a jolt that there was a perfectly good reason the girl had reminded him of PB…they were one and the same. He’d given her a hug before the funeral, but he’d barely had a chance to process his realization when he was hit with another bomb.
The girl he’d been obsessed with for weeks was already taken.
Kingston didn’t think much of the other guy, either; spikey blue hair and piercings were things to play with in high school or never, in his opinion, but Nora seemed totally smitten with the stranger. She clung to his hand through the service, and later, at the gravesite, Kingston watched her come completely unraveled in another man’s arms.
And good Lord, it hurt.
He returned to New York feeling angry, betrayed, and ridiculously depressed. How could she do that to me? He wasn’t sure what was worse; that she’d strung him along when he started talking about the barista, or that she’d been with somebody all this time and he’d never even had a chance.
That’s what you get for believing in love at first sight, he told himself firmly when he was back at the office. Never again, he vowed, throwing himself into his work with deliberate focus. He reasoned that if he filled his head with figures and profit margins, there wouldn’t be any room left for Nora.
He was wrong, but it didn’t matter. Even if he couldn’t shake her from his thoughts, he resolved that he could at least cut her from his life. There have to be plenty of places in New York to buy a decent cup of coffee without getting your heart broken in the process.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Nora stayed with her dad for another week, but day by day, the shock that had been with him since the hospital began to wear off, and he almost seemed like his old self again. There wasn’t a lot to do at the farmhouse, other than clean a bit; she and her dad had decided they would postpone sorting through her mother’s things until the summer. Nora figured he still felt too raw to go through that, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to sift through clothes and jewelry, either; sorting her mom’s things and figuring what to keep and what to get rid of felt too personal, too final, and Nora was glad to wait. Finally, her dad insisted that she go back to New York, and even though she felt a pang of guilt over leaving him alone, she had to admit that she’d been missing her life.
Her dad dropped her off at the train station, and Nora clung to him a minute longer than usual. “You’re sure that you’re okay?” She asked, looking intently into his eyes.
He nodded. “Every day gets a little better.” He paused. “I miss her, peanut, but I can’t just curl up and die. Marjorie wouldn’t want to think that either of us let her death get in the way of our living.”
Nora nodded, wiping a tear away. “I know. Carl said the same thing at the funeral.”
“That’s a good friend you’ve got there,” her dad said fondly. “I’m glad you’ve got somebody you can rely on.”
“I just wish I didn’t live so far away.”
He shrugged. “Don’t worry about me, ki
ddo. I’ll keep trucking along, doing what I’ve always done.” He winked at her. “Maybe I’ll finally learn to cook.”
Nora laughed. “You’ve got enough leftovers in the freezer to last awhile, but I think that’s probably a good idea.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek. “I love you, daddy.”
“Love you too, peanut. Now, get back to work!” He gave her one last squeeze, and when Nora boarded the train, she took a seat by the window facing the platform and waved until her dad was out of sight.
Life settled into a dull rhythm after that. Nora started to get the hang of managing Books and Brew, and although Laurel was still nasty whenever they had to work together, she didn’t come in late or pull any other stupid stuff, and Nora wondered idly if the other girl had put their fight on hold to allow Nora time to grieve. Secretly, she wasn’t sure the grieving would ever stop; she wasn’t overwhelmed with tears again like she’d been at the funeral, but sometimes Nora would look up from what she was doing at odd moments and suddenly remember that there was a hole in her heart.
She kept running, growing closer to the members of the group who’d come to her mom’s funeral, but the midnight runs weren’t as fun as before. Kingston had stopped showing up, and although Nora wanted to ask Lynne if she knew what had happened to him, she couldn’t quite work up the nerve. Still, training for the half marathon every night and spending most of her waking hours at the coffee shop kept Nora busy, and as long as she was busy, at least it felt like she was living her life. She’d almost convinced herself that she was living, but deep down, a little voice whispered that she was just in a holding pattern.
After a month had passed, the sharp winter weather slowly started to give way to spring, and Nora signed up to run the New York Half Marathon the very last day that registration was open. A few of the other members of the midnight running group had signed up ages ago, and Nora was excited to see them that night and let them know that she was going to do it, too. She watched the clock the entire time she was at Books and Brew, counting down the hours until she could share her news with people who would understand how much it meant to her, and because she was so distracted, she didn’t notice when Kingston walked in.
He cleared his throat at the counter, and Nora pulled her eyes away from the clock, a customer service smile plastered on her face. Her smile slipped when she saw the Texan, though, and her heart started to pound. She hadn’t seen him since her mom’s funeral, and she hadn’t admitted to herself until that moment how much she missed him.
“Haven’t seen you in a long time,” she said, the words popping out before she could think.
He nodded, but instead of his familiar smile, his face was politely blank. “I need to know something,” he said without preamble.
Nora shifted forward nervously. “Okay.”
“Were you planning on letting me keep making a fool of myself on the runs, or were you ever going to tell me?”
Her eyebrows drew together. “Tell you what?”
He rolled his eyes. “Nora, you let me go on and on about you, and you didn’t say anything. I feel like an idiot!”
Her thoughts raced to keep up. Does he mean that I was the girl he was talking about? Her breath caught, and she started to smile. “But…I didn’t know you meant me!”
“How could you not? I even said you reminded me of her.” He shook his head, his expression stiff.
Nora bit her lip. “I wasn’t sure—“ she stuttered. “I mean, why would someone like you be interested in me?”
“But then to find out that you were probably laughing at me the whole time,” he said, his eyes sparking, “that’s what really hurts.”
Nora shook her head. “I wasn’t laughing at you,” she said softly, “I just couldn’t find a way to tell you.”
He looked past her at the menu. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll just have a coffee, to go.”
Confused, Nora rang him up. “But now that you know it’s me---did you—I mean—” she floundered, trying to figure out if he still thought about her at all.
Kingston took the cup she offered and handed her a crisp ten dollar bill. “Keep the change,” he said, his voice brittle. “And I hope you two will be happy.”
“You two?” She echoed, more confused than ever, but he had already walked out of the shop.
Her impulse was to run after him, to grab him on the sidewalk and figure out what he was saying once and for all, but she had a line of customers waiting, and Laurel was still on her break. For a moment, Nora bit her lip, hemming and hawing, but finally, she turned to the next person in line and rang him up methodically. What the hell just happened?
Her strange conversation with Kingston was still on her mind when, hours later, she made it to Central Park for her nightly run. Walking up to Lynne before things got started, Nora pushed her self-consciousness away and asked, “Do you know what happened to Kingston?”
Lynne paused. “He said he found another training group,” she said finally. After a moment, she added, “I sort of got the impression there was something going on with the two of you.”
Nora was so startled she laughed. “I wish!” She blurted out.
Lynne studied her face. “He sure seemed upset when he saw you with that guy.”
“What guy?” Had he seen her talking to Todd at work or something?
“At your mom’s funeral. The guy with the piercings.”
It took Nora a moment to process the words, but when she did, her jaw dropped. “You mean Carl?”
Lynne shrugged. “I don’t think I was introduced to him that day.”
Nora shook her head, astonished. “But he’s…Carl’s my roommate,” she finally said. “There’s nothing going on between us.”
Lynne cocked her eyebrow. “Not my business if there is.” She hesitated. “Seriously?”
“He’s been my best friend since high school,” Nora said, “but Lynne, he’s not even straight! Was Kingston actually jealous?”
Lynne held up her hands. “I don’t know what’s going on; I’m just telling you what it seemed like to me.” She tapped the side of her head. “I usually have a pretty good intuition about relationships,” she said, but then added with a rueful smile, “other than my own, that is.”
“And you really thought Kingston and I might have been together?”
Lynne studied her in the dark. “Is that so impossible to believe? You just said that you liked him.”
Nora shrugged, embarrassed. “But there’s no way he even knew I existed.”
“That’s not what it looked like to me, Nora.”
Nora stewed on Lynne’s revelations the whole time they ran. It was hard for her to believe that the girl Kingston had told her about had been her, but Lynne seemed pretty sure of herself. Nora stumbled, almost wiping out on the asphalt, but even as she caught her balance, she didn’t pull her thoughts away from the mess she’d made of things. First, she’d totally misread Kingston’s signals, and then she’d made him think she was just toying with him. True, Carl had been with her most of the day at the funeral, and she remembered embracing him beside the grave when her tears threatened to break her, but how could Kingston have thought they were a couple? What’s even worse is the fact that he WAS talking about me all along, and I was too dumb to see it.
Sweaty and angry with herself, Nora finished up the run in silence. Part of her wanted to ask Lynne if she knew a way to get in touch with Kingston, but another part of her felt like that would be too desperate. You had your chance, and you screwed it up. Dejected, she made it halfway back to her apartment before she realized that she hadn’t told the group about signing up for the marathon. The earlier excitement she’d felt had been replaced by an uncomfortable knot in her stomach, and Nora started thinking about calling in sick to work and staying home with her head under the covers. I wish I could talk to Mom about this mess, she thought as she turned her key in the door and let herself into the dark apartment.
A wave of loss washed over her, and Nora squeezed
her eyes shut. “Mom,” she whispered, “I miss you so much.” The empty room didn’t answer, and, limbs suddenly leaden, Nora laid down on the couch. She didn’t want to make the effort to go to her room, and she felt the old cushions sage under her weight as she closed her eyes. That night, her dreams were a jumbled swirl of regrets and broken wishes, and Nora woke up with tears on her cheeks.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Kingston kept training, but with his longer hours at work, he didn’t always make it to his new running group each day. He thought about going back to the midnight runners time and again, but after his encounter with Nora at the coffee shop, he didn’t want to risk running into her. Her eyes had looked hurt when he’d finally confronted her, but Kingston tried not to dwell on the way his heart clenched when she looked at him that way. Seeing her again had been a mistake, so even though he probably would have gotten more training if he’d swallowed his pride and gone back to the group, he wasn’t ready to see Nora again.
Carrie must have noticed the change in his demeanor, because she started badgering him to go out for lunch again, until finally, one day, Kingston decided to put a stop to it.
“You’re a nice lady, Carrie,” he said, leaning over the receptionist’s desk and smiling down at her. “But you might as well stop asking.”
She started at him, her mouth hanging open. “But I—“
“I don’t date women I work with.” He said, giving her an apologetic shrug. “And since neither of us has any plans to move on, well…” he trailed off. “I hope we can be still be friends.”
Carrie stared at him for a moment, and finally the blond shook her head incredulously. “You know, I think that’s the most polite brush off I’ve ever gotten.”
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