It came to me all of a sudden that he was dead right! Have you ever heard any of these politician speakers say “Jim Crow”? No, they will say the race situation or the problem of minorities or race tensions or somethin’ like that. You may think as hard as you might, but you’ll find nobody comes down to the nitty-gritty when it calls for namin’ things for what they are…. You right, we always some “problem” and people takin’ potshots at us is always called “tension” and why you and me who have been citizens for generations should be called “minorities” is more than I can see.
We went on after that and had quite a pleasant weekend, Leo has built a brick oven in his backyard, and he fixed some nice hickory-wood barbecue and we ate it outside under their tree. They begged me to stay and spend a week so that we could go out to the beach, but as much as I wanted to I just couldn’t because I had to work for Mrs. J. this Monday.
All the way back to the hot city I kept thinkin’ of those words which were “displeasin’” to the South. Well, to make a long story short, when I report to work this mornin’, the first thing Mrs. J. does is give me a weak smile and waggle her finger at me, sayin’, “Mildred, you did not water my geraniums last Friday, how many times have I told you that geraniums need sun and air and water!”
I don’t know why I got so distressed, but I raised my voice at her, “Don’t you waggle your finger at me! Besides which I’m not workin’ for you this week because I need some sun and water and air myself and I won’t be back here until next week, and furthermore if you don’t like that you can get yourself somebody else!” And there I stood just so mad I could have snatched her. Well, she was shocked out of two years growth.
Yes, I am a little sorry that I hollered so loud at Mrs. J., although I would never tell her so. I know it isn’t right to take out on one person what you feel about what someone else has done, but that is how I am sometimes. So, I’ll see you next week, Marge. But wasn’t that some nerve of them Southerners not likin’ words like anti-lynch?
MORE BLESSED TO GIVE …
MARGE, I DID THE SUPER and his wife a favor this afternoon. I took their little girl to the settlement party that they give every year for “underprivileged” children. She is only five years old, so somebody had to take her…. Yes, it was a very nice kind of affair, but little Barbara acted up somethin’ terrible!
You know, the grown-ups couldn’t join in with the kids, so I was sittin’ over to one side of the hall with the mothers and aunts and fathers. It was a little bit depressin’ ’cause some of them had such a hangdog expression on their faces. The men, in particular, looked like they’d rather be someplace else other than where they were!
I enjoyed lookin’ at the paintin’s the children had done, and there was also some nice carpenter work the little boys had done for their parents to see. The teachers and instructors were also nice and friendly-like, but I never saw such a resentful bunch of children before in my whole life!
They was all washed-up and bright-lookin’ as far as I could see, but they all had such sullen-sorry looks except for those few that was runnin’ around and touchin’ things and gettin’ into all manner of mischief.
There was any number of Important folks there, and they seemed mighty proud of what the children had done. A few of them made speeches to the children whilst the little ones squirmed around kind of impatient-like. Girl, it seemed to me that they was talkin’ all over the heads of those kids and really aimin’ the remarks at the parents who was all over in the corner!
One woman got up to speak and every once in a while she would say somethin’ about “the low-socio-economic group,” and after a while I caught on to the fact that this was the high-flung name for poor people! Then a man got up, and he called off a group of hoity-toity folks that the children should be grateful to ’cause they was givin’ money and time to help the settlement keep goin’! After that, a teacher explained to them how they owed so much to the ones who came in and worked without bein’ paid. And on and on it went. Why, it seemed that there must have been at least a hundred folks that these little ones owed a debt of gratitude to!
… Well, I suppose they did ’cause they were givin’ out time and money that they could of kept for themselves. The kids got up and sang little songs, and everybody seemed real proud about that and they did look real cute. One or two of them recited things, and then one little fellow got up and read off a paper. He told us how thankful the children was for the camp fund, the play center, the toys, the teachers and things like that.
After that, the party began. One lady was dressed up so lovely, she had a pretty straw hat with a feather on it and a fine fur scarf…. Yes, she was pretty, too, and she was givin’ out boxes of candy to the children. They lined up nicely and went up and got a box one at a time and said thank you.
Yes, everything was goin’ on pretty smooth until it got to Barbara’s turn. Well, when that little girl got to stand in front of the woman to get her candy she decided to just stand there! … I mean that she held both of her hands behind her back and wouldn’t take the box.
Oh, the lady was real nice about it, she stooped down and took one of Barbara’s hands and placed the candy in it, then Barbara ran back to her seat without sayin’ thank you or anything else for that matter. I guessed that she must of felt a little bit shy, so I didn’t think too much of it. But when it was time for ice cream and cake, that child wouldn’t go and stand on line to get hers! … No, she sat there in her seat and when they tried to make her go up, she held on to the seat with both hands and a derrick couldn’t of moved her!
Every once in a while she’d look over at me, and I’d look someplace else real fast, so’s she wouldn’t know that I was watchin’ her. But I kept a close eye on what she was doin’.
After the kids started playin’ little games and things got kinda calmed down with the visitors, Barbara took her box of candy and went over to one of the pretty lady visitors and offered it to her with a nice little smile. I tell you, that woman was some touched! Why, she almost cried! But she refused the candy and said, “No, bless your heart, it’s for you, it’s your candy, and you must keep it!”
Well, that child just turned around and went back to her seat. I couldn’t stay out of the thing any more, so I got up and took Barbara’s box from her and I went over to the woman and says, “She wants you to have it, she’s givin’ you a gift and it would make her feel awful good if you’d take it.” The lady got so confused and upset lookin’. “Oh, I couldn’t,” she says, “I couldn’t take anything from that child, I wouldn’t feel right about it!”
“She’s takin’ a lot of things from you,” I says, “like your money and time and all such as that.” “Oh,” she says, “that’s different.” “Not a mite,” I says, “Givin’ is givin’! Now you take it so that little girl will feel as good as you do.”
Yes, Marge, she kept it and then went over to Barbara and thanked her. You should have seen that baby’s face light up, she looked as proud as anything!
When the party was over, I helped my little girl put on her coat and I says to her, “Barbara, do you remember the time you came up to my house and helped me to string the beans and dry dishes?” “Yes, Miss Mildred,” she says. “Well,” I said, “I been meanin’ to pay you some money for that ’cause you are always doin’ those nice things, and sometimes I like you doin’ It for free and other times I like to pay, so will you take this fifty cents?” … Yes, she took it and we left out of there and started walkin’ for home.
Soon as we got to the five-and-dime store down the street, I says, “Honey, I’m so thirsty, I’d like to have me a soft drink, but I am all run out of change so we can’t get none.” She smiles at me and says, “I’ll buy you a soft drink ’cause I got money!” So we went in and had orange drinks and lot of fun chit-chattin’. Barbara had the most fun when she hands the waitress her fifty cents. The waitress starts to put the change in front of me on the counter, but I said, “No, it’s her money.” So she handed the thirty c
ents to Barbara.
We didn’t come right home ’cause we had to look all over the five-and-dime store. We found a bag of marbles for her brother, a chocolate bar for her father and some sweet biscuits for her mother and the rest of the kids. Marge, that little girl was some happy! I guess it never struck her mind that she didn’t have nothin’ bought for herself. But I knew that what she needed more than anything else was to go on one good old spendin’ spree from the givin’ end!
All the things that happened today set me to thinkin’ ’bout what it says in the Bible about it bein’ more blessed to give than to receive. All I can say to that is: And how! It is not only more blessed, but it feels better and everybody oughta get the chance to do it once in a while ’cause there’s nothin’ more distressin’ than to always be on the receivin’ end, especially when folks keep addin’ up the list and askin’ you to carry a load of gratitude that gets a bit too heavy sometimes!
If it’s the last thing I do, I’m gonna find a few minutes to go over to that settlement and tell the teachers to have them children make up little calendars and pictures and things like that…. Sure, so’s they’ll have something to give the visitors when they line up to get that candy and ice cream! After all, let everybody get in on that good feelin’.
SOMETIMES I FEEL SO SORRY
You OUGHTA HEAR Mrs. B … moanin’ and groanin’ about her troubles. I tell you, If you listen long enough, you just might break down and cry your heart out. That woman don’t have nothin’ but one problem on top of the other! If it ain’t her, it’s her husband or her brother or her friends or some everlastin’ sorrow tryin’ her soul. She’s got sixty-’leven jars of face cream and lotions and stuff, but she’s gettin’ a big frown creased ’cross the front of her forehead just the same.
Girl, you oughta see all the stuff she’s got! A handsome mink coat, a big old apartment overlookin’ the river, me and a cook and a nurse for the children, a summer cottage in the country and a little speedboat that she can chug up and down the river in any time she might take the notion…. Hello! And what did you say! … Yes, indeed, that just should be me!
Today she was almost out of her mind about her brother. Her brother’s name is Carl, and he is a caution! Seems like he doesn’t know whether to paint pictures or write books, and it just keeps his mind in torment and turmoil. Whenever the problem gets too much for him, he drinks up a case of whiskey and goes into the shakes.
Whenever this happens, they get him into a private home that costs about three hundred dollars a week. He will hang around there while the doctors study his mind for about seven or eight weeks, and then hell come out again to go through the same merry-go-round all over again.
… You ain’t heard nothin’ yet! She also had a very close friend who was a awful successful actress, but she got to be a dope addict, and Mrs. B … told me that she got that way ’cause she had so much work and personal appearances ’til it drove her to the drugs. I told her that she could turn down some of that work and do just enough to take it kinda easy-like, but all Mrs. B … said about that was, “Oh, the poor thing, I feel so sorry for her.”
Another time her mother’s arm broke out in a little rash and that thing developed into the biggest long drawn out to-do! The doctors had to analyze that woman’s mind for almost a year and even then they couldn’t tell whether she had a rash because of her dog’s fur or on account of her husband’s personality. No, I don’t know if the thing is straightened out yet.
This mornin’ Mrs. B … was all tore up because Carl wants to get married. Marge, she is in a pacin’-up-and-down fit! She thinks the girl will aggravate Carl’s condition because she can paint pretty pictures, and it will hurt Carl because he can’t. Honey, she worries my soul-case out with all them troubles. I have listened to more tales of woe comin’ out of that woman…. No, she won’t want no advice ’cause she never listens to a word you say. I do believe it would break her heart half-in-two if anybody told her somethin’ that would end all the misery ’cause she’s so used to it by now she wouldn’t know what to do without it!
That woman has a pure-artful knack of turnin’ the simplest things into a burnin’ hellfire problem! When she gives a dinner party, she worries herself to death about whether she’s invited the wrong people and left out the right ones! If her daughter ain’t laughin’ and talkin’ every single minute of every single day, she turns herself inside-out worryin’ if somethin’ is the matter with her. If her husband sneezes she annoys him to death until he goes to the doctor for a complete check-up. She will eat too much lobster salad and then swear she’s got a heart ailment when one of them gas pains hit her in the chest….
Whenever things go kinda smooth-like, she takes time out to worry about the stockmarket and who’s gonna be our next president! That poor woman has harried herself into the shadow of a wreck!
Marge, sometimes I think that all she would need to cure her is one good-sized real trouble. You know, like lookin’ in your icebox and seein’ nothin’ but your own reflection! I guess she’d know what trial and trouble really was if she had a child with a toothache, no money, and a dispossess all at the same time! … That’s what happened to Gloria last spring! … Sure, I guess Gloria cried a little but she took that child to the clinic, and then they moved with her brother for a while, and her brother only had four rooms for his wife and their four children!
… Sure, I remember the time you lost your uncle and he didn’t have any insurance! And what about the time I had to send all my little savin’s down home so that my niece could stay in college? You know everybody’s so busy talkin’ ’bout us gettin’ into these schools ’til it never crosses their mind what a hard time we have stayin’ there. It costs money!
I bet Mrs. B … would think twice about what trouble is if she had one dollar in the house and had to fix dinner for a bunch of kids like Mrs. Johnson who lives downstairs. She’d also think twice if her husband had lost his job ’cause the boss had to cut down and decided to let the colored go first.
… Marge, you may be right, perhaps their troubles are as real to them as ours are to us. I don’t know about that though. I don’t think I’d be goin’ through the same miseries if I was in her shoes.
I’ve seen some trouble in my life, and I know that if I was to call up my aunt and tell her that I’d been too quiet all day or had a hang-over or didn’t know whether to paint or write or something like that, she’d say, “Girl, are you out of your mind! Don’t be botherin’ me with no foolishness!”
I GO TO CHURCH
WELL, MARGE, I WENT to church last Sunday…. No, the doors did not cave in on me! And if you’re going to think up jokes, I wish you’d think of new ones. It’s true that I don’t go very often but you know most folks go ’round Christmas and Easter time, so I thought I would surprise my pastor by goin’ a week early this time…. Oh, the sermon was so-so, and I saw a lot of friends that I hadn’t seen in a long while, but wait until I tell you what happened just as I was leavin’!
The pastor caught up with me at the door and spoke out real loud, “My, it certainly has been a long time since we’ve seen you! What happened to you?” Now, in the past when he’s done this I always told him some lie about bein’ busy or sickly or some such tale as that, but all of a sudden I decided that I was goin’ to let him in on the truth. I spoke out real plain: “I haven’t been comin’ to church because you ain’t been sayin’ anything whenever I do get here.” … Marge, he was some upset, and asked me to step into his study and explain what I meant…. Of course I did just that!
“Not meanin’ any disrespect,” I said, “but every time you give a sermon, I find that you reach way back in the book and pick out a text about people bearin’ up under a whole lot of misery that the Lord has visited upon them. For example, the last time I was here you told me all about Job’s sores and boils, how all his children was killed off and a million and one other miseries, the whole object bein’ how nicely he bore up under these things.” … Marge, he shook his
head and said, “That’s in the Bible, I’m sorry you didn’t like the text.”
“Well, reverend,” I told him, “it’s true that you are the one who gets to select the sermon, but I notice that it’s almost always something about people bein’ destroyed or cursed or something from Lamentations. And when I leave, it’s always with the feelin’ that I’m lucky to be breathin’ and had better be thankful that I ain’t any more miserable than I am.” … No, Marge, he wasn’t offended, especially when I told him what I would like to hear.
“Reverend,” I said, “the Bible also tells us that Jesus did not act meek and mild and enjoy the fact that some folks were walkin’ all over others. He raised his voice and spoke to crowds, told them that the rulers were puttin’ heavy burdens on people’s shoulders, devourin’ widows’ houses. He called Herod a fox and told the people they were livin’ amongst a generation of vipers. He advised people to feed the hungry, take in the stranger, visit the prisoner. He told them there was no justice in the court, he accused the rich of misleadin’ the people and seekin’ high places for themselves. He taught the people to break bread in common brotherhood. He taught them ‘The kingdom on Earth as it is in Heaven.’ And it was for teachin’ and preachin’ these things that he was hauled into court and charged with overthrowin’ the Lord, the prophets, the religion of the land and settin’ himself up as King. It was for these things that he was nailed to the cross. Today his message has become lost in stained-glass windows and mournful songs. The message of love, hope and forgiveness has been drowned out by false prophets screamin’ about hell-fire and damnation and destruction.”
My pastor smiled a little and said, “I asked and you told me. You’ve said a great deal and I’ll have to think about it a while.”
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