Despite herself, Zuri turned to make sure she wasn’t being watched. Chaz was gone and he wouldn’t be back for some time, she reminded herself. She turned back to the closet and got on her hands and knees, pulling the box forward.
Zuri pushed at the heavy lid and opened the box.
The first thing that she saw was a photo. A pretty faced girl with red hair looked up at Zuri. The girl had freckles across the bridge of her nose and smattered across her cheeks. Her eyes were light and laughing in the photo, her arms were hooked around the neck of a man.
She paused and looked again more closely.
The girl’s hands were around the neck of Chaz. Zuri hadn’t even recognized him. His face looked completely different. He looked happy. His face was partially buried in the girl’s hair and he was…smiling.
Zuri stared at the photo, pulling it in close to her face as if she might notice some detail that she would otherwise miss. Slowly she lowered the photo to the floor and looked back into the box.
A letter was next, Zuri looked at the pale white envelope. There was no name on it, no address, no stamp. A pang of guilt swept over her. What was she doing going through obviously personal items like this?
She looked back into the living room. The good thing about Chaz’s motorcycle was that she would hear it coming in.
Despite the guilt that still tugged on her stomach, Zuri opened the envelope and pulled out a thin sheet of paper.
Rebecca—there is not a moment that goes by, not a day, not a second that I don’t think of you. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.
Zuri turned the paper over. That was it. Nothing more. Zuri turned the name over in her mind. So the red haired girl’s name was Rebecca. And what had become of her? Had she left him? Maybe he had cheated on her?
A whole load of questions came tumbling into Zuri’s mind. But why did she care? Chaz meant nothing to her, she’d only just met him after all. No, she was just curious. Wasn’t that part of the human condition? Being curious about the people around you?
Zuri put the letter on the floor next to the photo. She had to make sure she put everything back just the way she’d found it.
Under the letter were a few odds and ends. There was a purple hair tie, a green silk scarf, a small bottle of perfume, and under everything else there was a ring. Zuri smelled the perfume, and wondered what emotions and thoughts the smell elicited for Chaz. She tried to imagine Rebecca in this house, but try as she might she couldn’t. The house was too bare. How could a woman have ever lived here?
When her imagination came back to the present moment Zuri pulled out the small diamond ring.
The sight of it suddenly made Zuri want to cry. Could such as man as Chaz have ever picked out something so dainty, so lovely and unique? Maybe once upon a time the Chaz in the photo was capable of such a thing, but certainly the man she’d met only a few hours before was not up to such a task.
Zuri placed the ring back into the heavy box, put each item back just the way she’d discovered them, then closed the lid and slid the entire box back into the closet where she’d found it. She stood up and brushed off her pants. There was a small chest of drawers and Zuri rummaged to find a clean undershirt and a pair of old sweatpants.
She pulled out a towel that appeared to be clean and turned on the shower. Steam filled the bathroom and Zuri dropped her dirty clothes to the floor. She looked herself over in the mirror. The round peaks of her breasts, the full lines of her body, the gentle pull of her waist.
When her mother was alive she would tell Zuri to go on a diet. Always pushed her to lose weight. Her mother had told her that men didn’t love “fat girls,” but Zuri knew that she wasn’t fat. She was just herself. She loved the curves of her body, loved the deeply feminine hips and the lines that made her feel substantial and fully alive.
She liked food and hated starving herself and Zuri, unlike her mother, was not willing to be someone else’s idea of a perfect woman. She was not willing to melt her body down to be loved by a man. Zuri had seen men walk in and out of her mother’s life. Her mother let them walk all over her, verbally put her down, physically abuse her. And somehow after all that her mother still thought she could teach Zuri about relationships.
When she was only twelve Zuri had tried to runaway from home. Her mother was bringing a new man home during those nights and Zuri didn’t like the way the man looked at her. She’d tried to talk to her mother about it but it was no use. So, Zuri packed her backpack, hitched a ride, and was about to get on a bus when she had realized that she had nowhere to go.
Sometimes Zuri still wondered about that night. What would have happened to her if she’d run? Would she have survived? Maybe she could have found the sort of parents she’d always dreamed of. In all likely hood she would have been a lost cause.
The streets in her neighborhood were filled with young girls who didn’t have a lot of options. They turned to prostitution, drugs, went from man to man, place to place, until they simply had nowhere else to go.
Those girls died young. They caught diseases their body couldn’t handle. They overdosed. They killed themselves on purpose or by accident.
Zuri stepped into the shower and let the hot water flow over her body. She soaped up and tried to let her muscles relax after such a trying morning. She stayed there for a long time, lost in the water, her mind running too quickly for her to keep up.
When she turned off the water she stepped out of the shower, reaching for her towel. As she leaned forward her foot slipped. The tile in the bathroom was unexpectedly slippery and Zuri let out a surprised shriek as her body slid across the floor, her torso flailing for something to hold onto.
Just as she found her equilibrium and righted herself the door to the bathroom swung open.
Zuri turned and shrieked again. Chaz looked ready to fight off an intruder, he looked around her body as if expecting to see someone.
“I’m naked,” Zuri cried and grabbed the towel she’d left on the sink. As the words came out Chaz seemed to realize that Zuri was indeed naked and there was no one else in the bathroom.
Chaz’s face turned white. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Chaz shifted his eyes from her body and almost walked into the wall. Then he turned and ran partially into the door before making a full escape from the bathroom.
Zuri clenched the towel around her body, her mouth gaping open.
That had been unexpected.
She patted herself dry slowly. For the moment she could not imagine going out into the living room after what had just happened. She looked her naked body over in the mirror one more time before pulling on the undershirt, that dropped below her hips and sweat pants.
To stall for time she washed out her clothes and hung them over the shower rail to dry, then with a breath she walked out of the bathroom and into the living room.
“Sorry about that,” Chaz said awkwardly when she came back out.
“It was my fault, I didn’t hear you drive back in and…well I screamed…so…” She looked around her trying to think of something that would change the subject.
“I see you found some clothes?” He looked her over. Zuri wondered if it had been presumptuous of her to go in his drawers. She nodded.
He looked away then quickly back again. “I got some take out…and it doesn’t look like you ate any of…” He nodded to her uneaten frozen dinner that she’d left of the side table and completely forgotten about.
Zuri walked over to the bag he’d put on the kitchen table. The smell of General Tso’s chicken rose up to meet her and her mouth immediately began to water.
“I love Chinese food,” she said as she took the small boxes, chopsticks, napkins, and fortune cookies out of the bag. There were lo mein noodles, the chicken, and a box of broccoli and beef.
Too tired to pull all the food out onto plates, and not certain that Chaz owned any plates, Zuri took the boxes to the couch.
“What’s your poison?” She gestured to the
three boxes.
“No preference.” Chaz walked around the sofa, then sat down on the far end.
Zuri picked up the chicken and her chopsticks. She had to keep herself from moaning after the first bite. She’d known she was hungry but now that her stomach actually had real food she was starving.
“Did you learn anything new?” she asked. Chaz picked up the box of beef and broccoli and sat back into the sofa.
He exhaled deeply as he processed her question. “We think the Ukrainian’s are trafficking women and girls. There might be some drugs involved as well but we think that human trafficking is their main game. They were here a few years ago but we drove them out, they are back with more men this time.”
Zuri stopped chewing. What did that mean for Ava?
“Don’t worry, Ava can’t be far. They will probably make a sweeping collection before moving their…merchandise.” He said the word with disgust and Zuri felt it keenly in the pit of her being. Ava was being held as merchandise. Ava was going to be sold to the highest bidder.
“So when do we move?”
“We wait, we’ve got men following them. They will lead us to wherever they are storing the girls and then we’ll move in.” Chaz didn’t sound as certain as Zuri would have liked.
She nodded slowly, trying to imagine the plan in action. The Ukrainian men would continue picking up women, they would get them all in the same place, then the Magus would go in and take them back. But what if the Ukrainian men moved the women as they went, what if it wasn’t so simple?
“You were close with Ava?” Chaz asked.
“She was my neighbor, she’s also this beautiful sign of what a kid, growing up in a drug den, without money, can do with her mind. I’m proud of her, proud of her academic accomplishments, proud of her spirit…despite her circumstances.”
Chaz nodded, “And what about you?”
“What about me?” Zuri looked up at him, a bit surprised by the question.
“You were like Ava when you were her age?”
Zuri was surprised by him. He was more perceptive than she gave him credit for. She nodded, grabbing and releasing food with her chopsticks.
“I didn’t make it out of Cliffs but Ava can…could…I often thought it would be amazing to have a place here for kids to go. A safe zone, away from the stuff on the streets, away from their broken homes—like some sort of program or center where they could apply for college and study for the SATS.”
Chaz nodded at her, “You could do that.”
“Me?” Zuri popped a slippery piece of chicken into her mouth.
“Sure, why not?”
“Because,” she put her hand up to cover her mouth, “that would take money and organization and a town that wanted it. This town will sell its soul for drugs but it will do nothing for the kids that grown up here.” She felt an old sadness tug at her. She wondered at herself for sharing so much of herself with Chaz, she’d never talked to anyone about her ideas and private pain surrounding this town.
“Can I ask you something?” Chaz’s voice cut through her thoughts. She looked up from her chicken and nodded. “Did you happen to…did you go into my closet today?”
Zuri felt a clench of panic. She knew she should deny it, nothing good would come from owning up to her own nosy inclinations. How could he know anyway? She’d put everything back just the right way.
“You know that bear shifters, we have a really sharp sense of smell, and…did you?”
An immediate understanding struck her. The box was heavy, it had been closed for a long time. The perfume inside, even though she hadn’t sprayed it, it would have permeated the room enough for a bear shifter to pick up on it. She still considered denying it but the look in his eyes made her curious.
“I may have, I was just…curious.” She let the words hang between them. She expected him to say something, perhaps even to throw a fit of outrage, but he just ate a few more bites of beef and broccoli in silence.
“Who is she?” Zuri pushed, curiosity getting the better of her.
Chaz didn’t look up at the question but kept eating. Zuri watched him and just as she thought he wasn’t going to answer at all he looked up.
“Rebecca. She was my girlfriend—fiancé. She was the love of my life. She died.” His face showed signs of something Zuri hadn’t seen before and for a moment she thought she saw the briefest glimpse of the man in the photo.
Zuri put her chopsticks down and looked at him for a long while.
“How did she die?”
Chaz’s eyes met Zuri’s. He hardened then softened again in the flash of a few moments.
“She was killed. I killed her,” Chaz said. His eyes took on a glossy look and Zuri felt a chill run up her spine. Her heart started beating faster. “Well, I didn’t save her, and that’s the same thing as far as I’m concerned,” he finished.
“Save her from what?” Zuri’s voice was almost a whisper.
Chaz leaned forward and put his box of food down on the floor beside him. He took a swig of water and replaced the glass to the floor as well.
“Do you remember seven years ago, there was a big altercation with the Magus and a foreign group of bear shifters from up north?”
Zuri nodded her head slowly as she tried to remember all the details.
“Rebecca was part of the northern clan. She wasn’t a shifter but her brother was and an ex-boyfriend of hers. She came here to get away from them.” He looked at Zuri. “But she couldn’t. After a few months they found her. We—I tried to protect her but—she stepped between two bears just after they had changed over. She stepped between her ex-boyfriend and…me. His claws…” Chaz stopped talking. He breathed for a few long seconds. “…she was gone before either of us could transition back or do anything to save her.”
“Oh my god.” Zuri put a hand to her mouth.
“That’s why I don’t shift anymore. I don’t…things are easier when I don’t.” He leaned his head back and let out a sigh.
Zuri felt an impulse to take him in her arms, just as she’d done with Zack. To hold him and let him cry. But she knew that the man in front of her wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t grind his teeth and blubber like young Zack had done.
“There will never be another woman like her. She was mated for me. Destined for me.” His voice took on a hardness that made Zuri shiver. “I will never love another woman.”
Something in Chaz sharpened and Zuri’s urge to hold and console him vanished.
She felt oddly rebuffed, as if she’d wanted Chaz to like her, to think of her. But that was ridiculous, of course she wanted nothing of the kind. It wasn’t even a question.
Zuri composed the white undershirt that draped across her chest and torso.
“We’ll find Ava,” she said, changing the subject. Truthfully, part of her wanted to know everything about Rebecca, but she didn’t like the way her body was reacting, the thoughts her mind formed as he spoke.
“Now, how do you feel about fortune cookies?” She held up two little cookies and tried to smile.
Chapter Six
A few days had gone by and Zuri was still keeping residence at Chaz’s cabin. She’d finished The Sun Also Rises and watched all the local TV she could handle. She was constantly trying to numb her mind but nothing really worked.
Chaz had slept on the couch since she’d arrived and she hadn’t protested about taking over his bed.
On Wednesday she was due back at work. Chaz had left early that morning but she heard the roar of his motorcycle as she stood out on the small back patio, looking into the dense trees behind his house in the afternoon light.
“I brought some more food,” he said as he walked in with a few bags hanging off of his arms.
Zuri walked back into house dressed in the clothes she’d been wearing Saturday night.
“Going somewhere?”
“I have to go in to work tonight.” She tried not to look at him but she couldn’t help noticing the look of reluctance on his face.
“Oh, I also found these for you.” He reached into one of the bags and pulled out a stack of three books. Zuri walked over and took them from his hands. Another Hemingway novel, Dickens, and Faulkner.
“Where did you get these?” She looked up at him.
“A friend.” He looked away and set himself to the task of unloading groceries in the kitchen.
Zuri let her hands trace over the covers of the books. They were new. They weren’t from a friend.
“Thank you,” she said softly. It was surprisingly thoughtful and she was certain that Chaz didn’t make a habit of thoughtful actions.
“I have some good news,” Chaz said from the kitchen. “We have a promising lead. I’m investigating tonight but…it looks good.”
Zuri put the books down on the kitchen table and walked closer to where Chaz was in the kitchen.
“That’s great.” She desperately wanted to pepper him with questions but she knew now that he told her as much as he wanted to tell her.
“I’ll drive you into town, to the Smoke Stack, and I’ll have someone else drive you home…” his voice faltered. “Back here I mean.”
Zuri nodded. “Maybe I could go back to my apartment to get some clothes?”
“Sure, I’ll let my guy know.”
Zuri took her new books and put them next to the queen bed. Could she ever get used to living in a place like this? She looked around herself, at the solitary nature of living on the outside. Quickly she relinquished the thought.
That night she went in to the Smoke Stack to find a large section of patched wall.
“How are things?” Zuri asked Greg as she walked behind the bar.
“Not good. There was full on fight here the other night.” He gestured to the damaged wall. “And Sandy never showed for her shift yesterday, can’t get ahold of her, just a plain no show.”
“Sandy?” Zuri stopped. “You’ve tried calling her?”
“Of course I’ve tried calling her. Left messages, I even sent Kevin around to her place but she didn’t answer.” Greg knocked over a glass and it shattered on the ground. Zuri bent and started picking up the pieces without thinking about it.
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