by Jonah Hewitt
After that, Amanda tried to make small talk in an effort to get to know Lucy better. She had asked Lucy about her opinions on clothes, school and even boys, but Lucy wasn’t feeling chatty. After a while, Amanda just decided to spend the next few minutes in silence. Even that was unnerving. Most of the adults here didn’t know when to shut up, but after a while she apologized for talking so much and told Lucy she could just enjoy her smoothie in peace while she read the paper. It was like something her mother would have done. Some of the best conversations with her mother were spent in total silence over a couple of milkshakes. Usually, there was nothing Lucy would have liked better than to just sit and enjoy a natural silence over a strawberry smoothie and a coffee. It would have been comforting after a full day of forced talking, if only the company were different. Now it made Lucy feel edgy. How did this woman know Lucy so well?! Amanda had gotten her almost instinctively. Lucy tried to rationalize away her fears. True, Amanda did have a file on Lucy, but she seemed to know her right down to her soul.
Amanda went back to her newspaper, (a copy of Le Monde – even her newspaper choices were sophisticated) and Lucy stared forlornly at her slowly melting smoothie. Lucy risked a peek, and just at that moment, one of corners of the paper bent down to reveal one of Amanda’s amber-tinted eyes staring right at her. Lucy jumped.
Amanda just smiled, folded the paper neatly and put it down on the table. “Ok, what is it? What did I do wrong?”
Lucy just gaped. “Huh? What? Oh! Um…nothing.” She nervously tried to brush her hair behind her ears. That was pointless because she had done that several times already.
Amanda went on, “Ever since I met you you’ve been looking at me like I’m some kind of alien. I obviously did something to put you on edge. What was it?”
Lucy just retreated back into her chair as far as she could. Amanda gave her an inquisitive, penetrating look from behind those amber lenses. Lucy desperately wanted to find somewhere to hide but didn’t dare move. Suddenly Amanda’s face softened. “Look, Lucy, I know you’ve been through a lot lately, and I know no one can replace your mother, but you really need to trust someone if we are going to help you. I know you don’t know me very well yet, but I really do want to find the best possible home we can for you, not just a foster home, but a permanent home. A loving home where someone can provide you with everything you might need, but I need your help to do that.”
She paused and Lucy considered what she had said. She sounded totally sincere and caring. Lucy wanted to believe it was true, but after all that had happened in the last two days, she just didn’t trust anyone anymore. How could she explain to this lady about everything that had happened to her? How could she explain to this woman about Yo-yo or the long-haired, grey-eyed, phantom woman?
The second she thought about the long-haired woman Lucy realized what she was feeling. Amanda was giving her the same strange sensation of terror that the long-haired woman did! Lucy had a crazy, impossible thought. What if Amanda was the long-haired, grey-eyed woman?!! That didn’t make any sense. This woman didn’t really look much like that woman. She had short hair, for one thing, and she seemed, well, far too graceful to be the same woman as in the menacing vision. But then hair could be cut and she really couldn’t see her eyes. No, that was crazy. Even if she had cut her hair, how could she lunge out at her from a water stain? That was nuts. Or was it? Lucy was so confused. Only Amanda’s next question shook her out of her own befuddled thoughts.
“So tell me, Ms. Miller, what do I have to do to make you trust me?” Amanda smiled a disarming smile that was nearly identical to one Lucy’s mother constantly used when she wanted to get Lucy to do her chores.
Lucy shifted uncomfortably in her seat a little; then she had a thought. “Um…could you…um…”
Sensing her nervousness Amanda broke in, “No, go on, it’s ok, tell me.” She seemed sincerely happy to do anything for Lucy.
“Um…could you take off your glasses?” She winced as she said it, like someone expecting a blow, then added quickly, “Um…please?”
Amanda looked incredulous but she was still smiling. “My glasses? You want me to take off my glasses?”
“Um…yeah,” Lucy said it a little defensively. “I want to see your eyes…I want to see what color they are. I’m curious, if that’s ok?”
“My eyes? Really?” Amanda seemed more amused than angry.
Lucy nodded. Amanda snorted a little and then said, “Well, ok then, if that’s all.” She reached up and pulled the glasses off her face as gracefully as if she were a movie star, but then she did something ungraceful. She scrunched up her face as if the light hurt her eyes and blinked several times. She squinted her eyes to help her focus on Lucy’s face, and then satisfied she was looking in the right direction, she leaned over the small table and made huge, googly cow eyes at her so she could get a good look. Her expression almost made Lucy laugh a little. The eyes were tinged with a little gray around the pupils but otherwise they were an inoffensive, warm, golden brown. Somehow the eye color and the goofy way she had done it made Lucy feel a little relieved.
Amanda leaned back and smiled. “So…anything else?”
Lucy looked at her gloved hands. Without even having to speak, Amanda picked up on Lucy’s next request.
“Ah, the gloves! They are kinda silly aren’t they? I mean who wears gloves in warm weather?”
That was exactly what Lucy had thought. She began pulling the fingers of the fine leather glove on her right hand to loosen them. “Well, you may have noticed I’m a tad bit self-conscious about my appearance.” She gave Lucy a sideward glance and a little half-smirk. Lucy smiled at Amanda’s self-effacing sarcasm. It was like something her mother would have done. She went on, “Well the other day I was trying to find a stray cat and got scratched for my troubles.” She pulled off the glove and held up the back of her hand to view. It did have quite a few nasty cat scratches all right. They were ragged, red, and deep with purple edges indicating infection. Lucy wrinkled her nose at it.
“That must have been some nasty catfight,” thought Lucy.
“No good deed goes unpunished, right?” Amanda declared. That was also something her mother always used to say. “And I just couldn’t cover it up with foundation.” Amanda smiled again and she began wriggling her fingers back into the glove. “But it’s not all bad. As you may have guessed, I’m a bit of a neat freak too, and the gloves keep the newsprint ink from coming off on my fingers.” She folded her hands on the table and looked at Lucy intently. “I only wear the amber-tinted lenses because these fluorescent lights give me a headache, but without them I’m blind as a bat.” Her tone had become soft and conversational again. “I can’t even see your pretty green eyes from here without them.” As she said this she slid the chunky, black frames back on. She looked at Lucy and smiled as if admiring a beautiful work of art. Lucy had to look around to make sure Amanda was really looking at her.
Lucy’s bright green eyes widened in embarrassment. “You think my eyes are pretty? Really?” Her mom had always said so, but she had never believed it. This was the first time anyone other than her mom had ever said it.
“No, I don’t think they are pretty,” she said a little coldly before she said, “I think they’re FABULOUS!” with genuine overflowing enthusiasm. Lucy almost blushed. “With eyes like that you’re going to have beat the boys off with a stick.”
“Boys?!” thought Lucy. Why did she have to bring boys into it?! Lucy tried to scrunch lower into her chair.
“What’s the matter, Honey?” Amanda said quietly, “Did I say something wrong?”
“Oh, nothing.” Lucy looked away. “It’s just that…I don’t really think I’m all that pretty.” She said it barely above a whisper and stared back at her smoothie.
“Oh, dear, listen to me.” Amanda reached across the table and raised Lucy’s chin so that she could look right into her eyes. “You are one gorgeous young lady. You’ve got great bone structure, a cute little nose
and a fabulous pair of peepers. You’ve just got to grow into it a little bit.”
Lucy did blush this time. “You really think so?”
“I do,” Amanda spoke it with absolute authority and without hesitation.
Lucy felt a little bit shallow, but it was more than a little gratifying to hear she was beautiful from a complete stranger – especially one that was so glamorous. Even then, Lucy still wasn’t so sure she believed it.
Amanda seemed to sense what she was thinking and dropped her chin and reached up to take off her glasses again and looked at her with her big cow eyes. “You may not believe me, Lucy, but I used to be something of an ugly duckling.”
“Really? But you’re so gorgeous!” Lucy said that a little too eagerly and felt embarrassed afterwards.
Amanda smiled, “Well it may be a bit vain to admit this, but I do like hearing that. Thank you.” She laughed and Lucy smiled as she went on, “Believe it or not, I was always a bit of a tomboy when I was a girl. I always thought my hair was too plain or my legs were too skinny or my eyes were too dull. None of the boys were ever interested in me. I was a real late bloomer, and then one day that all changed.”
Lucy looked at Amanda and found that hard to believe.
“So what happened?” Lucy ventured, then leaned over to whisper, “Was it…y’know…puberty?”
Amanda laughed. “Well, no. Actually, one day I discovered that I had a choice. I could be the person I thought I was, or I could be the person I always wanted to be, and that changed everything.”
“Seriously?”
“Absolutely,” Amanda replied with dead certainty.
“How old were you when that happened?” Lucy was curious. Her own “blossoming” still felt ages away.
Amanda looked up as if searching for the exact date. “Not…as…long ago…as…you might think,” Amanda finally replied cryptically. “Of course, it didn’t hurt to have one good friend, one true friend, who believed in me too.” Amanda smiled at Lucy with both her mouth and her eyes. Lucy’s mom had always believed in her also, and for a moment Lucy wondered if Amanda could be that one true friend who believed in her too.
Lucy looked at Amanda with her stylish glasses off. She didn’t look quite so glamorous anymore. In fact she looked fairly normal – pretty and stylish maybe – but very normal and even kind. Lucy suddenly felt very silly that she had suspected her at all. The tightness that had clutched her chest since she had met Amanda eased significantly. Lucy thought she should give Amanda a second chance and try to get to know her better.
“So you read French?” Lucy asked cautiously, looking at the neatly folded copy of Le Monde.
“Mais, oui!” Amanda nodded, “Also Spanish, Italian, Dutch, German….aaaand… even a little Hungarian, oh…as well as a smattering of other things.”
“You speak all of those?” Lucy said, genuinely impressed.
“Well not fluently, at least not all of them, but yes, languages always came easy to me. How about you? A smart girl like you; I bet you know another language.”
Lucy shrugged. “I took some Spanish in middle school, but I wasn’t very good at it.”
“I bet you know more than you think you do,” Amanda said very reassuringly, “Try this on, kiddo, do you know what in loco parentis means?”
Lucy did know that one. It was Latin, but she couldn’t remember where she had heard it. “It means in place of a parent or something like that.”
Amanda smiled, impressed. “That’s exactly right, Lucy. You could have a future as a lawyer.” She paused to take another sip of coffee and continued after she put it down. “In loco parentis means that the state recognizes that the hospital is acting in the same role as a parent. That means that right now I am acting in the place of a parent since I am the representative of the hospital. I take that very seriously, Lucy, and I want you to know that I will do my utmost to do what’s best for you.”
Lucy looked into her warm, brown eyes tinged with grey and she could tell that she meant every word sincerely.
“So,” Lucy asked, “Is that why you became a lawyer…to help people?”
“Well that’s the Miss America answer isn’t it? But as corny as this sounds, that’s exactly why I got into it, Lucy, though the particulars are a bit complex.”
Lucy moved her chair a little closer.
Amanda smiled. “Alright then. Well, where to begin? / Hmm. I put my ex-husband through law school. After the divorce I thought to myself, if this dumb bunny can do it, anyone can.”
“You were married?” Lucy asked, surprised. Amanda didn’t seem the marrying type.
“Yes, but I won’t bore you with the details. It fell apart as all things do. I don’t like to dwell on it.” Then she got a far-off look and a coldness crept back into her voice, “Of course that’s all over now,” she drifted off and went silent.
“So, he’s still a lawyer then?” Lucy prompted.
“Hmm?” Amanda was a bit distracted in thought. “Oh! No…not anymore. He actually only recently stopped…practicing.” A sudden, vicious glare passed over Amanda’s eyes, but it was gone in an instant and replaced by sadness. Lucy thought she understood. She had friends back in Texas whose parents were divorced. It generated a lot of complicated, hurt feelings. She decided not to press Amanda on it.
Amanda looked down wistfully into the dregs of her cappuccino. There was a long pause before she next spoke, “I could never have children, Lucy. I tried, I even got pregnant twice, but they both ended in miscarriages.” She was very quiet and still and melancholy. Suddenly, the warm and friendly Amanda returned. “BUT…that’s probably why I got into family law, so that I could help other people’s children instead.”
Lucy wanted to reach across the table and hold Amanda’s hand, to show her some compassion, but it was such a private moment, Lucy felt too awkward to try. They sat in silence for an indeterminate amount of time before Amanda spoke again.
“So,” Amanda began again impulsively, “What do you think, Lucy? Do I pass muster?”
Lucy looked earnestly at Amanda. She appeared so different than she had seemed just a few minutes ago. She was no longer mysterious and frightening but vulnerable and human. Lucy decided that she had just let her imagination get away with her and that she had misjudged her. “Yeah,” Lucy said meekly.
“So we agree I’m not an alien?”
Lucy laughed out loud this time. “No…definitely not an alien,” she said shaking her head.
“Good,” Amanda said with a satisfied smile, and as she spoke she put her stylish, amber glasses back on, “Because I don’t think I could take being stared at by you and all those kittens at the same time.”
Lucy quickly pulled her robe over the princess kitty pajamas and Amanda gave her a look like she was afraid she had offended her.
“Oh, Lucy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“No, no…it’s ok,” Lucy began, then she leaned in to whisper confidentially into Amanda’s ear, “Actually…I kinda hate them.” It felt fun to share this little secret.
Amanda at first smiled and then burst out laughing uproariously. Lucy looked on in shock and then joined in.
“Oh, Thank GOODNESS,” Amanda blurt out after a moment, “Because, honestly…no offense, seriously, they really are hideous.” And then she laughed some more. Great, barking guffaws even. It was funny to see such deep, hoarse laughs from someone as fashionable looking as Amanda. It made her seem far more human and Lucy didn’t feel nearly so tense anymore.
“I know!” Lucy joined in the laughing. “Aren’t they the worst?!!”
“Where on earth did you get them?” Amanda tried to compose herself and retain some of her more usual dignity.
“The young doctor, the one with long, curly, brown hair? I don’t…I don’t even know her name. She got them for me.” Lucy felt a bit guilty about not knowing the nice doctor’s name.
“Carfax,” Amanda stated, wiping a tear of laughter from underneath her black-framed glasses. �
�Rebecca Carfax. I think she’s the head resident here. She’s a good doctor, but she obviously doesn’t know a thing about thirteen year olds. It even makes you wonder if she ever was one.”
Lucy laughed again and slapped her hands over her mouth. It felt somehow wrong to laugh at the young doctor. After all, she had meant well, but it still felt good, like some forbidden pleasure, and it felt even better to share it with someone like Amanda. Lucy felt ashamed of how suspicious she had been before.
When Amanda had finally managed to stop laughing she spoke again, “Well, Lucy, when you finally finish that bottomless smoothie, how about we go over to the gift shop and buy you a couple of black t-shirts and some nice, dark plaid drawstring pants to go with them and we can say goodbye to the royal kittens with thyroid problems?”
Lucy laughed again. “That would be GREAT!” Lucy didn’t even bother to finish the smoothie but just dumped it in the trash. Amanda gathered her notes in her usual elegant fashion and the two got up and walked off together towards the gift shop. Amanda didn’t even grab her by the hand, although a small part of Lucy wished that she had. Their friendship was still too new, but it was good to have another friend. As she thought this, Lucy suddenly thought of Yo-yo. She hadn’t even thought of him at all ‘til just now!! She was still planning on the escape but now as she looked up at Amanda she wondered if there might not be another way. If Amanda could help Lucy, maybe she could help Yo-yo too? Lucy was nearly ready to abandon the escape plan altogether and tell Amanda about Yo-yo when Amanda unexpectedly stopped, grabbed Lucy gently by the chin and stared directly into Lucy’s eyes from behind those amber lenses.
“She would have been about your age by now…my daughter. Had she lived.”
Her voice was cold and distant. Talking about her lost child this way made Lucy feel very awkward and uncertain. Lucy was about to look away when Amanda pulled her chin back a little too roughly. What she said next wasn’t at all comforting and the voice wasn’t the friendly, funny Amanda, but the stern imperial one.
