Two stubby fingers pinched the lip of the cup and took it from me while I reached blindly for my tearing face. “I’ll never see her again.”
I sobbed into my hands while Mr. Farren remained silent.
A loud knocking jarred me from my sorrow.
Mr. Farren stood.
A nurse stuck her head through the door, a pleasant smile on her face. “Mr. Farren? Your son is awake and asking for you. In fact, he’s asking for both of you.”
“Me, too?” I asked.
She nodded, still grinning.
* * * *
Chip lay stretched out on the bed, monitors hooked to his shoulders. A tight bandage covered his exposed midsection.
Mr. Farren grinned at me from a bedside chair.
As I approached, Chip turned his head with great effort.
“Blue,” he whispered, and managed a feeble grin.
I smiled at the sight of him. Joy and relief flooded me.
He reached a hand out, and I entwined his fingers in mine. “I guess...you’re not pissed at me?”
Just a few hours ago, I never thought I’d touch him again. I gently squeezed his hand. “No. I’m not. Don’t you worry. You just get better so we can get into trouble again.”
“No. I’m done with getting into trouble.”
Mr. Farren stood. “I’ll be back.” He gave Chip a meaningful glare. “Don’t you screw up, again.” He stepped out.
It didn’t seem proper, cutting in before father and son could speak. Selfishness kept me silent. Talking to Chip now was the most important thing in the world to me.
Chip struggled to take a breath, forcing the words out. “Blue...I’m sorry. That can’t even begin to cover it. I can’t believe you’re even here.”
“I love you.” The words dropped from my mouth before I could stop them.
He opened his mouth to speak.
I reached out and placed a finger over his lips. “Hush.”
I tried to squeeze his hand again, but to my astonishment, I couldn’t press his fingers very hard. I hadn’t realized until that moment what a beating I’d taken, and how much strength I’d lost. “You were trying to do a good thing. I know that now, but...don’t ever hide anything from me, again.”
Chip drew a shaky breath. “I don’t have any more secrets, but I’ll keep it in mind.”
I drew his hand to my lips and kissed his fingers. “You just get better. I promise I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Then where will you go?”
I considered before answering. “I’m not sure. Mom’s partner came by. I have a college trust fund, and I’ll get an allowance until I turn 18. I’m so close to being an ‘adult’, I won’t have to go to a foster home, but I don’t want to go near that house again.”
Chip squeezed my hand. “Don’t blame you, Blue. I’m so sorry.”
I took a shaky breath. “It’s not your fault. Really, it isn’t. I know that, now.”
I heard the sound of a clearing throat. Mr. Farren stood in the doorframe, leaning into the room.
I took the hint. “I’ll go for now.” A sob welled up from deep within, and I shivered. “Don’t ever leave me again.”
“I won’t,” he whispered.
* * * *
Nurse Thompson wheeled me out into the late afternoon sunshine. Wings of the hospital surrounded a private outdoor retreat. A paved path ran around and through a tiny courtyard and a small segmented garden.
The garden bordered a shallow pond, equipped with a fountain that created a subtle gurgling. A half-dozen fish swam in lazy tranquility.
The cool air cleared my head, stimulating senses left docile from monotonous hours of napping in my room. The world snapped into sharp focus.
She pushed me toward the pond, then set the brake on my wheelchair. “I thought you might like a few minutes outside before heading back.” She parked me beside the gurgling water. The noise lulled me into a peaceful state.
I nodded.
A calming breeze caressed my skin, and a familiar, lulling peace encompassed me.
Mom?
Maybe, maybe not, but if there’s one thing I’d learned, anything was possible.
I stared into the reflective surface and bent my head, whispering words. “Mom, I know you can hear me if you want. I hope you hear me, now.”
I drew a deep, shaking breath. “What a mess. I have so many things I wish I could do over, but mostly I wish you could have met Chip, or could have known what was happening. Or why it was so important I left when you wanted to talk. I never wanted to abandon you. I left so many things unsaid, and then you died.”
I wiped at new tears I thought had been cried out. “Yet you found me, even after your death. I know that you visited me that night, after I fell. I hope you’ll always watch over me, because I think, for the first time, I can be the daughter who’ll make you proud.
“There’s no way I can ever forgive myself for not really knowing you. For what it’s worth, and even though it took me a long time, I realize all you went through for my sake, and what it ended up costing you.”
I paused, straining to listen, but only a distant rattling of blowing leaves answered my words. “Just a few nights ago, I told Chip that I hated you, but that’s not true. I love you, Mom.” I turned away from the melancholy face staring back at me.
I had no more room in my life for sadness or anger. To dwell on the negative meant wasting precious time with the people I love. For the first time in my life, no matter what I chose to do, I could find happiness. I could stay in town with Chip or leave. I could go to New York and look up my father, or escape to Indianapolis as I’d planned when we moved to Perionne.
I had choices ahead. I would make them when I was ready. Not today…
Today, I’d concentrate on loving my mother.
Behind me, the rustling leaves carried a delicate voice.
“I love you too, Fiona.”
About the Author:
R.J. Sullivan and his family live in Heartland Crossing, Indiana, south of Indianapolis. He’s published short fiction in Midnight Graffiti and Strange Weird and Wonderful eZines. He’s composed dozens of articles for local magazines and newspapers, and “ghost” writes newsletter content for several companies.
Photo by Heather Arnold.
Join the R.J. Sullivan fan community at
www.rjsullivanfiction.com
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Haunting Blue Page 26
