Gabriel's Inferno 01 - Gabriel's Inferno

by Sylvain Reynard

  “Stupid or smitten?”

  Julia rested her eyes on the floor. “I think you know.”

  “Rachel took pictures with her phone while she was visiting. This one is my favorite, which is why I framed it.” He examined her closely. “Don’t you like it?”

  She seemed flustered. “You look nice.”

  He took the photo out of her hand and carefully placed it on top of the dresser. “What are you thinking? Tell me.”

  “The way you looked at me while we were dancing…I don’t understand.”

  “You’re a beautiful woman. Why wouldn’t I look at you?”

  “It’s the way you looked at me.”

  “I look at you like that all the time.” He kissed her softly. “I’m looking at you like that right now.” He brushed her hair back from her face. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  After changing into what would serve as her pajamas, she stood in the doorway of the bathroom, backlit in white light.

  “Stop,” said Gabriel. He had returned to the room during her absence and was lying in bed, staring at her.

  Julia looked down at her clothes and fidgeted. She hadn’t known what to wear. Most of her pajamas were too juvenile to wear in front of him, and she didn’t own any lingerie for sleeping. Not that she would have been brave enough to wear lingerie to bed with him. So at this moment, she was clad in a dark blue T-shirt, which was large enough to hide her chest, and a pair of athletic shorts that had Saint Joseph’s University’s logo on the front.

  “You’re exquisite.”

  She made a face and reached over to switch off the light.

  “Wait. Standing there, in the light, you look like an angel.”

  She nodded to indicate that she’d heard him before silently joining him.

  Gabriel immediately pulled her into a warm embrace, and as he did so, she realized he was wearing a T-shirt and shorts too.

  They were quite a pair. But now their naked legs could tangle together blissfully under the sheets. He kissed her tenderly and leaned back on the pillow, sighing in pleasure as she rested her head on his chest, wrapping her arm around his waist.

  “I’m sorry you’re lonely, Julianne.”

  She appeared puzzled by his non sequitur.

  “Earlier this week when we were talking on the phone, you mentioned that you feel isolated, that you don’t have any friends.”

  She winced in remembrance.

  “What if I were to buy you a kitten or a rabbit? Someone to keep you company at your apartment.”

  “Gabriel, I appreciate the thought, but you can’t just throw money at my problems.”

  “I know that. But I can spend money to try to make you smile.” He kissed her again.

  “Kindness is worth more than all the money in the world.”

  “You shall have that. And much, much more.”

  “That’s all I want.”

  “Stay for the weekend. Here. With me.”

  She hesitated only for an instant. “Okay,” she whispered.

  He seemed relieved. “How about a fish? They’re the new companion animal.”

  She laughed. “I don’t think so. I can barely look after myself, let alone another poor creature.”

  He lifted her chin so that they could see one another. “Then let me look after you,” he whispered, eyes intense and unblinking.

  “You could have any woman you want, Gabriel.”

  He furrowed his eyebrows. “I only want you.”

  She rested her head against his chest and smiled.

  “Being without you, Julianne, is like enduring an endless night without stars.”

  Chapter 22

  Two almost lovers were tangled around each other, their naked legs entwined in a large bed under an ice-blue silk duvet and white Frette sheets. The woman mumbled in her sleep, moving fitfully, while the man remained still, enjoying the pleasure of her company.

  He could have lost her. Lying next to her, he was conscious of the fact that their evening could have ended very differently. She didn’t have to forgive him. She didn’t have to accept him. But she did. Perhaps he could dare to hope…

  “Gabriel?”

  He didn’t answer, for he thought she was still asleep. It was three o’clock in the morning, and the bedroom was shrouded in darkness, a darkness made visible by the lights of the city’s skyline diffused through the blinds.

  She rolled over so that she could see his face. “Gabriel?” she whispered. “Are you awake?”

  “Yes. It’s all right, darling, go back to sleep.” He kissed her lightly and stroked her hair.

  She propped herself up on one elbow. “I’m wide awake now.”

  “So am I.”

  “Can I—talk to you?”

  He quickly mimicked her position. “Of course. Is something wrong?”

  “Are you happier now than you were before?”

  Gabriel looked at her for a moment and gently tapped her nose with his finger. “Why the deep question in the middle of the night?”

  “You said you weren’t happy last year. I was wondering if you are happy now.”

  “Happiness is something I know precious little about. You?”

  Julia twisted the edge of the bed sheet in her hand. “I try to be happy. I try to focus on the little things and find pleasure in them. Your pie made me happy.”

  “If I’d known the pie would make you happy, I would have given it to you sooner.”

  “Why aren’t you happy now?”

  “I bartered my birthright for a bowl of pottage.”

  “You’re quoting scripture?” Julia was incredulous.

  Gabriel bristled. “I’m not a pagan, Julianne. I was brought up Episcopalian. Richard and Grace were very devout. Didn’t you know that?”

  She nodded. She’d forgotten.

  His face took on a remarkably serious expression. “I still believe, even though I don’t live like it. I know that makes me a hypocrite.”

  “All believers are hypocrites because none of us live up to our beliefs. I believe too, but I’m not very good. I only go to Mass when I’m sad, or at Christmas and Easter.” She reached her hand out to find his and clasped him tightly. “If you still believe, you must have hope. You must believe that happiness is possible for you too.”

  He released her hand and rolled onto his back, gazing up at the ceiling. “I lost my soul, Julianne.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re looking at one of those precious few who have committed the sin unto death.”

  “How?”

  Gabriel sighed. “My name is the bitterest irony. I’m closer to a devil than an angel, and I’m beyond redemption because I’ve done unforgivable things.”

  “You mean—with Professor Singer?”

  He laughed bitterly. “Would that those were my only sins. But no, Julianne, I’ve done worse. Please just accept what I say.”

  She inched closer. Her delicate features creased with worry, and her eyebrows knitted together. She took her time considering the words he had not said, while he trailed repentant fingers up and down her arm.

  “I know that keeping secrets from you is hurtful. I know that I won’t be able to keep them from you forever. Please, just give me a little time.” He exhaled slowly and lowered his voice. “I promise I won’t make love to you without telling you who I am first.”

  “It’s a bit soon to discuss that, don’t you think?”

  He frowned and searched her eyes. “Is it?”

  “Gabriel, we’re just getting to know one another. And there have already been a few surprises.”

  He winced. “You need to know my intentions. I don’t intend to seduce you, then leave. I don’t intend to save some of my secrets until after I make you wholly mine. I’m trying to be good.”

  Gabriel’s vow was made in good faith. He wanted her, he wanted all of her, but he realized while he lay awake that night that he couldn’t take her virginity before he’d revealed his true self. Although he
r ultimate reaction to Ann had taught him to hope, he was still afraid that his revelations would drive her away. She could do better. Nevertheless, the thought of Julianne with someone else made his heart stutter.

  “Do you have a conscience?”

  “What kind of question is that?” he growled.

  “Do you believe that there’s a difference between right and wrong?”

  “Of course!”

  “Do you know the difference?”

  Gabriel scrubbed at his face with both hands and kept them there. “Julianne, I am not a sociopath. Knowing isn’t the problem—doing is the problem.”

  “Then you haven’t lost your soul. Only a creature with a soul can tell the difference between right and wrong. Yes, you’ve made mistakes, but you feel guilt. You feel remorse. And if you still have your soul, you haven’t lost your chance at redemption.”

  Gabriel smiled sadly and kissed her. “You sound like Grace.”

  “Grace was very wise.”

  “And so are you, Miss Mitchell. Apparently,” he gently mocked her.

  “Actually, I am. With a little bit of help from Aquinas, Professor.”

  He reached over and pulled up her T-shirt slightly so that he could softly tickle her naked flesh.

  “Ah! Gabriel! Stop it!” She giggled and writhed, trying to get away from him.

  He continued for a moment, just to give himself the pleasure of hearing her laughter ring out in the darkened space. Then he let her go. “Thank you, Julianne.” He caressed her cheek. “You almost make me believe it.”

  She placed her arm around his waist, snuggling into his side and inhaling his scent gleefully. “You always smell good.”

  “You can thank Rachel and Grace. They started buying me Aramis a long time ago. I kept on buying it out of habit.” He grinned. “Do you think I should try something else?”

  “Not if Grace bought it for you.”

  Gabriel’s smile faded, but he pressed a kiss to her forehead nonetheless. “I suppose it’s a good thing she didn’t buy Brut.”

  Julia laughed.

  They lay very still for a few minutes, before she whispered close to his ear. “There is something I’d like to tell you.”

  Gabriel pursed his lips slightly and nodded.

  In spite of the dark, she looked away shyly. “You could have had me in the orchard. I would have let you.”

  He traced her cheek with a single fingertip. “I know.”

  “You know?”

  “I am practiced at reading a woman’s body, Julianne. That night you were very receptive.”

  She was surprised. “So you knew then that I—?”

  “Yes.”

  “But you didn’t…”

  “No.”

  “Will you tell me why?”

  He paused thoughtfully. “I didn’t think it was right. And I was so happy to have found you and to have you in my arms…it was enough. It was everything.”

  Julia leaned over and pressed her lips to his neck. “It was perfect.”

  “When we go home for Thanksgiving, I’d like to take you back to the orchard. Will you come with me?”

  “Of course.” She pressed a kiss just shy of his tattoo, for she knew he flinched whenever she touched him there.

  “Kiss me,” he whispered.

  She complied, pressing parted lips and open mouth to his, tasting him for as long as he would have her. Until he sighed and moved away. She was saddened by the sudden loss of contact, and an old worry reared its head.

  Gabriel felt her tense. “Don’t confuse my restraint with a lack of desire, Julianne. I burn for you.” He moved her gently so that she was on her side and spooned behind her, burying his face in her hair. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.

  Julia wanted to tell him that she slept better with him than without him. She wanted to tell him that she would like to sleep with him every night and that she earnestly desired him.

  But she didn’t.

  ***

  When she awoke the next morning, she was alone. She glanced at the old fashioned clock Gabriel kept on his nightstand and was stunned to discover that it was already noon. She’d slept far too long.

  He’d left her a continental breakfast and a note that was propped up against a wine glass filled with orange juice. Julia began eating the pain au chocolat as she read his note:

  From the Desk of Professor Gabriel O. Emerson

  Darling,

  You were sound asleep,

  so I didn’t want to wake you.

  I’ve gone to run some errands.

  Call me when you wake up.

  I was very grateful to have you

  in my arms all night

  and for your words…

  If I have a soul, it’s yours,

  Gabriel

  Julia smiled widely and took her time eating her breakfast. Gabriel sounded happy, and that made her happy too. She freshened herself up in the washroom and was about to exit the bedroom when she tripped over something. Righting herself with a curse, she saw that the offending speed bump was in reality three white shopping bags with the words Holt Renfrew emblazoned on them. She pushed them aside almost wrathfully, and walked to the kitchen.

  She was surprised to find Gabriel sitting at the breakfast bar, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. He was wearing a pale blue button-down shirt that highlighted the blueness of his eyes, and black casual pants. He wore his glasses, and he looked handsome, as always. Julia felt underdressed in her T-shirt and shorts.

  “Why, hello there.” Gabriel folded his paper and put his cup down. He opened his arms wide, beckoning her.

  She stepped in between his parted knees, and he embraced her warmly.

  “How did you sleep?” he whispered in her hair.

  “Really well.”

  He kissed her softly. “You must have been tired. How do you feel?” He looked at her with concern.

  “I’m fine.”

  “I can make you lunch, if you wish.”

  “Have you eaten?”

  “Something small with my first coffee. I was waiting to have lunch with you.”

  He kissed her again, more deeply this time. Julia shyly slid her arms up his back and into his hair. Gabriel reacted by nibbling on her lower lip and pulling away with a smirk.

  “Part of me was worried you wouldn’t be here when I woke up.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Gabriel. My feet are still aching from walking everywhere in those heels yesterday. I don’t think I could make it home even if I wanted to.”

  “I can fix that. With a little help from a hot bath.” He moved his eyebrows suggestively.

  Julia flushed and changed the subject. “How long did you want me to stay?”

  “Forever.”

  “Gabriel, be serious.” She shook her head, smiling.

  “Till Monday morning.”

  “I only have clothes for today. I’ll have to go home and pick up a few things.”

  He smiled at her indulgently. “I’ll take you home, if you insist. Or I’ll lend you the Range Rover. But before you go, there are a couple of things waiting for you in the bedroom. Perhaps a trip home will be unnecessary.”

  “What things?”

  He waved his hands. “Things someone might need if they were staying at a friend’s house.”

  “And where did they come from?”

  “The store where Rachel bought your messenger bag.”

  “So they were expensive.” Julia frowned and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

  “You are my guest. The rules of hospitality require that I satisfy all your needs.” He sounded husky, his tongue peeking out to swipe across his lower lip.

  Through a great force of effort, Julia ignored his mouth. “It feels…illicit if you are buying me clothes.”

  “What are you talking about?” Now he sounded cross.

  “Like I’m some—”

  “Stop it.” He released her immediately, and his eyes darkened.


  She stared back at him, bracing for the deluge to come.

  “Julianne, why do you have this aversion to generosity?”

  “I don’t.”

  “Yes, you do. Do you think I’m trying to bribe you into having sex with me?”

  Her face reddened. “Of course not.”

  “Do you think I’m buying you things because I expect you to pay for them in sexual trade?”

  “No.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t want to owe you.”

  “Owe me? So now I’m a medieval moneylender who charges interest, and if you don’t pay on time, I’ll take a pound of your flesh.”

  “I don’t think that,” she whispered.

  “Then what do you think?”

  “I think that I want to stand on my own two feet. You’re a professor, and I’m a student and—”

  “We discussed that last night. A present from a friend does nothing to inhibit your free will or your personal autonomy,” he fumed. “I didn’t want you to have to go home. Our time together is short enough as it is. I walked across the street to the store and had my personal shopper assist me in picking out a few things. I was trying to be nice. But since you don’t want them, I’ll see that they are returned.”

  He stood up and deposited his coffee cup in the kitchen. Then he walked right past her without saying a word and disappeared into his study.

  That could have gone better, thought Julia.

  She nibbled at her nails with her teeth, not knowing what to do. On the one hand, she wanted to be independent and not play the part of the poor helpless bird with the broken wing. On the other hand, she had a kind heart and did not like to cause other creatures pain. She had seen Gabriel’s eyes. Behind his sudden show of temper, he was hurt. Deeply.

  I didn’t mean to hurt him…

  Gabriel was so forceful, so strong, she hadn’t realized that he could be so sensitive. And over something that seemed as inconsequential as a few gifts. Perhaps she was the only one who ever saw his sensitivity. That made the fact that she’d hurt him all the more painful.

  She poured herself a glass of water and drank it slowly, trying to give him some space and herself a few minutes to think. As she approached his study, the telephone rang. She stuck her head through the doorway and peered over at him.