by Erika Wilde
The feel of her body clasping his with nothing separating them was indescribable and sublime. A delightful sigh slipped past her lips, and she braced her hands on his shoulders, tipped her head back, and rolled her hips against his, fucking him at her own leisure. He filled his hands with her full breasts, squeezing the firm flesh, and when that was no longer enough for him, he flattened one of his palms in the middle of Serena’s back and drew her body closer so he could lower his head and circle her stiff nipples with his tongue.
He sucked those tight, puckered tips, pinched them, bit them until they were rock hard and rosy. Each increasing level of pleasurable pain had her gasping and grinding against him harder, faster, taking him deeper, and driving them both toward release. Grabbing her waist, he brought Serena down on his cock as he thrust upward, pumping his hips and taking control. He heard her cry out as she clenched around his shaft, milking him as his balls tightened and his own orgasm surged through him in hot, pulsing jets. Aftershocks rattled through both of them, until they were too exhausted to move.
With his cock deep inside Serena and their bodies still joined, and her cuddled so warm and perfectly against his chest, the only thought that filled Dylan’s head was that she’s mine. She’s all fucking mine.
10
Serena woke up to the smell of coffee and the sound of Dylan rattling around in her kitchen. She should have been elated after her night with him, but the truth was, in the light of day, a huge dose of reality was crashing over her and chasing away her post-orgasmic bliss. Her chest hurt at the knowledge at what she had to do to protect her emotions, because she couldn’t keep doing this with Dylan.
Without question, sex with Dylan was ah-ma-zing. The best she’d ever had, and she was certain it would be a very long time, if ever, before she found the kind of heat and connection with another man that she shared with Dylan. However, she didn’t want to be just fuck buddies with him, or a convenient booty call to scratch an itch, because as much as she knew he cared about her, she wanted, and needed, his love. There was no in-between for her, and never had been. And every time she gave him the most intimate part of her, knowing he’d never return those deeper emotions she craved from him because he didn’t believe himself capable, made her heart break a little more.
With Dylan, she was open and vulnerable, and in order to save her heart from shattering irreparably, she was going to have to make one of the most difficult decisions she’d ever had to make. And hope she survived the pain of losing the one man who meant everything to her.
Unfortunately, she envisioned a lot of Ben & Jerry’s and Hallmark movies in her near future to distract her from her pain and misery, but no one to share them with.
Dreading the conversation she was about to have with him, she forced herself out of the warm bed, her body sore after the numerous times Dylan had taken her during the course of the night. Hard and deep. Gentle and slow. And every way in between. He’d been greedy and insatiable, yet generous with her pleasure, and she’d bet every penny in her savings account that their night together meant more to him than just sex. She was also smart enough to know that he didn’t believe in the forever, soul-mate kind of love like she did, and she couldn’t force him to be the kind of man she needed in her life. The man she knew he could be, if he would just believe in himself. Believe in her.
And that meant she had to let him go, because it hurt too much to have him in her life on a regular basis—being in love with him knowing he’d never return her feelings in that way. She just couldn’t do it anymore.
The thought caused a huge, aching lump to form in her throat as she went into the bathroom. After a quick washup and brushing her disheveled hair, Serena put on a clean pair of sweats and T-shirt, then headed out to the kitchen. Dylan was standing at the counter, his naked back to her since he was only wearing a pair of jeans that rode very low on his hips.
The muscles across his shoulders bunched as he stirred what looked like pancake batter in a bowl, judging by the ingredients still left out around him. His hair was tousled around his head, and knowing it was most likely the last time she’d be able to look at him like this, she let her gaze trail down his back to the sexy divots right above his firm buttocks. This scene was a familiar one, where Dylan would make her breakfast, her favorite chocolate chip pancakes, the morning after a breakup. Except this morning, it was her relationship with him that was going to end.
The irony was not lost on her, no matter how painful the realization was.
Dylan finished whisking the pancake batter, then added a generous scoop of mini chocolate chips and stirred those in, too. After weeks apart, the normalcy of this simple routine with Serena relieved him. Made him feel like everything was getting back to the way it was supposed to be between them, even if that meant navigating their way through this new change in their relationship and figuring out how to make it all work.
All he cared about was that he had Serena back. That she was his again, and Coffee Bean Guy would be a thing of the past.
Smiling at the thought, he set the bowl back down on the counter and turned around to head back to Serena’s bedroom to wake her up with the caress of his hands along her body, the wet heat of his mouth drifting down her stomach, and the stroke of his tongue between her thighs before they ate breakfast, but came up short when he found her standing at the entrance to the kitchen, wearing way too many clothes. In fact, he’d left his shirt in the bedroom and he was surprised she wasn’t wearing it like she normally would.
“Hey, you,” he murmured, the sight of her making him smile as he approached her with seduction in mind. “I was just going to wake you up with a nice good-morning orgasm before I made you your favorite breakfast, but we can improvise here in the kitchen.”
When he reached her, she put a hand up against his chest and shook her head much too adamantly. “No.”
A sinking feeling swirled in his stomach, and he tried not to let it completely inundate him with misgivings. But something wasn’t right. Last night, there had been no reservations or doubts between them. Serena had been so open and sensual with him, so uninhibited and unreserved, holding back nothing.
This morning, that woman was nowhere to be seen. Instead, in her place was someone determined to keep him at arm’s length, physically and emotionally. And the anguish he saw shimmering in her eyes didn’t bode well for him at all.
“Last night was a mistake,” she said, the words leaving her in a rush, as if she was afraid she’d lose the nerve if she didn’t get it right out into the open. “I never should have let it happen. I had a moment of weakness and I’m sorry.”
Flashbacks of that morning in Vegas with Serena slapped him in the face with the hurt and rejection he’d inflicted upon her. It was a mistake. They were the same exact words he’d said to her, and being on the receiving end of them was like a jolt to his entire system. For him, he’d gone into last night with his eyes wide open because he wanted her so damn much . . . and she clearly regretted what had happened.
“How can you call five screaming orgasms a mistake?” he asked, knowing he probably sounded like a jerk, but unable to help himself from pointing out how good they’d been together.
She slowly lowered her hand from his chest, her eyes sad as they met and held his. “I’m not going to deny that we’re great together physically, but this thing we’re doing? It’s not healthy for either one of us, and it’s not going to go anywhere because you’re one hundred percent right about something you’ve said to me at least a dozen times over the past few years. I do deserve better. I deserve a guy who is going to be all in, every day. Who is going to love me the way I deserve to be loved. Deeply and unconditionally so I never have to wonder if I’m enough. And I deserve to be more than just a best friend with benefits.”
He sucked in a harsh breath at that last part. “Jesus, Serena. You’re so much more than a hookup!”
She shook her head in disagreement. “More than a hookup, but clearly not enough to commit yoursel
f to.”
It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement based on the patterns of his relationships, or lack thereof, throughout his adult life. Which usually resulted with whoever he was dating at the time leaving him because he couldn’t give them all of himself. Just as Serena had said.
She swallowed hard, a wealth of vulnerable emotions passing across her features. “I think it’s probably best if we . . . go our separate ways.”
Fuck. He jammed his fingers through his hair, trying to keep his shit together. “So, you’re ending a lifetime friendship, just like that?” His voice was high-pitched and incredulous.
“I can’t do it any other way, Dylan,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “We can’t go back to the way things were before Vegas because too much has changed, and we can’t keep jumping into bed together because having sex with you, for me, means love. And you . . . well, you’ve taken a traumatic incident in your past with your parents and decided to let it warp your version of what love is. The two will never mesh and it makes no sense to try and force what we once were, because now it hurts too much to be with you and I need more than you’re willing to give.”
She didn’t give him a chance to reply before she turned and walked back out of the kitchen to her bedroom, and what the hell was wrong with him that he just let her go? He was so torn and conflicted after everything she’d just said, and he couldn’t disagree that his parents’ divorce had messed him up and skewed his perception of what love really was.
The last thing he’d ever want to do was hurt Serena, and he knew he couldn’t keep jerking her emotions around. But he had no idea what to say or do to make everything right again. All he knew was that he had to get his head on straight and figure it out, but that was so much easier said than done when he’d never been in a position where he had to open himself up and be vulnerable with a woman. Hell, he’d never wanted to before.
And now that he did, he didn’t know how. And the possibility that he’d never be able to be everything Serena needed scared the shit out of him and kept him rooted in place.
Serena stayed late after school ended to work on the next week’s lesson plan for her students, and also because she hated going home to her empty, lonely apartment where she was reminded of Dylan and their breakup almost a week ago. She still couldn’t believe they’d severed their lifelong friendship, and the thought still made her eyes sting and her throat tighten with stupid emotional tears.
She was trying hard to move on with her life, and it was a difficult, day-to-day process without having her best friend around to call and talk to, or watch Hallmark movies with. It just wasn’t the same without Dylan’s funny, cheesy commentary during the shows that always made her laugh. But now, when she watched the movies by herself, she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever get her own happily ever after. One thing was certain—she wasn’t going to settle for anything less than the kind of unconditional love those heroines in the movie ended up with.
The same morning she’d ended things with Dylan, she’d called Coffee Bean Guy (the nickname actually amused her now) and did the same with him, because she’d known that if she could sleep with Dylan while dating Grant, then he wasn’t the guy for her, no matter how great of a catch he was. She hadn’t wanted to lead Grant on, or hurt him, because he was a nice guy. Just not for her. Right now, and for the foreseeable future, she was taking a break from men and dating.
She walked through the classroom and placed a worksheet on each child’s desk for them to start on when they sat down Monday morning. The sound of someone opening the closed door made Serena glance up. She gave Chelsea a smile as she strolled inside.
“Hey there,” Serena said, glancing at the clock on the wall and seeing it was after four in the afternoon. “Thought you’d be gone for the day by now.”
“I was in the teachers’ lounge talking with Callie,” she said of the school’s full-time nurse, and a mutual friend. “We were wondering if you were busy on Saturday.”
“No, I do not want to go on another blind date,” Serena replied immediately, unable to forget the last time Chelsea had set her up, and how things had ended with Ashton at Leo and Peyton’s wedding. Besides, she was far from ready to move on from Dylan, even knowing there was no future with him.
Chelsea laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m totally respecting your current vow of celibacy.”
That was Chelsea’s way of interpreting the break Serena was taking from dating any new guys, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She just didn’t understand how some women could casually have sex with a random guy and move on, as Chelsea had with Eric. Serena just wasn’t built that way. Maybe if she was, things would have ended differently between her and Dylan, or not at all and they’d both be enjoying a whole lot of hot, phenomenal sex.
She shook that thought from her head, because it was a moot point. Serena was not, and never would be, some guy’s booty call. “Okay, what’s happening on Saturday?” she asked curiously.
“It’s an all-girl lunch down at Seaport Village with cocktails,” Chelsea said with a grin. “No men allowed. I swear.” She made a little cross over her heart with her index finger.
Serena bit her bottom lip as she remembered the email invite she’d received a few days ago from Aiden’s wife, Daisy, announcing an engagement celebration for Dylan’s mom, Grace, and her beau, Charles, that upcoming Saturday afternoon. Serena was genuinely happy for the two of them, but she hadn’t responded yet because she knew it would mean facing Dylan and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that just yet.
But Grace had always been like a mom to her, more than her own mother had ever been, and she knew that she needed to stop by and congratulate the couple, despite not seeing or talking to Dylan for the past week. She also enjoyed Daisy and Peyton’s company, and cuddles from baby Isabella would just be a bonus. The thought made her smile.
She glanced back at Chelsea as she finished passing out the worksheets. “That sounds like fun, but I actually have something I need to do that day. Maybe next time?”
Chelsea’s gaze softened perceptively. “Sure, as long as you swear you’re doing okay after the whole Dylan thing?”
Serena appreciated her friend’s concern, and was grateful that she’d had a friend to confide in. “I’m good.” Which was true. She was hanging in there, and maybe one day soon she’d upgrade that status to great. Or not.
“Okay. But if you change your mind, just let me know and you can join us,” Chelsea said, then added with a wink, “We can man bash if that would make you feel any better.”
Serena laughed. “No thanks, but you and Callie have a good time.”
“We will,” she replied as she sauntered out the door.
11
Dylan felt like an addict who’d gone too long without a hit, with Serena as his drug of choice, and the withdrawals were kicking his ass and making every day without her a living hell. With every person who came through his mother’s front door for the casual engagement celebration being held in her and Charles’ honor, Dylan felt more and more anxious and on edge, knowing that at some point, it was going to be Serena who walked in.
The past week had been one of the most painful he’d ever endured, and the reason centered all around a beautiful blue-eyed blonde who’d turned his life upside down and inside out by walking out of his life. Even if he did agree that she was better off without him and his fucking mixed signals.
Needing a drink, he left the living room, where Charles and Grace were talking to a few of their friends who’d stopped by, and walked into the kitchen, where most of the family was hanging out. Not in the mood for idle chitchat and not caring for the intent way Leo had been eyeing him since he’d arrived, Dylan grabbed a bottled beer from the refrigerator, popped the top, then leaned against the counter. As he drank the cold brew, he watched his brothers interact with their significant others, feeling, for the first time, like the odd man out.
Both Leo and Aiden had found amazing women, who
they’d married and were building their lives with. They had someone to come home to every night, someone to share their day with, and to wake up to every morning. Dylan always swore he didn’t want or need any of those things, that he was just fine being on his own . . . except he was coming to realize that he’d never been completely alone. No, he’d always had Serena around to share all those things with. She’d always been there for him, through thick and thin . . . and now she wasn’t.
As he watched his brothers interact with their wives, it was clear that those women were now their bests friends. The one person who was their everything. They shared inside jokes, finished each other’s sentences, and indulged in affectionate glances and knowing smiles. Dylan had only had that kind of bond with one woman in his entire life—Serena. And he only wanted those intimate moments with her, and the thought of never having that with Serena ever again sliced through him like a knife.
And then he heard her voice drifting in from the living room and everything inside him crashed in a jumble of emotions. Anxiety. Anticipation. Hope. And so many fucking doubts he still hadn’t figured a way to sort them all out.
A few moments later, she entered the kitchen, greeting everyone standing around the wooden island with hellos and a cheerful, radiant smile that made her eyes sparkle, especially when she cooed at Isabella. When she finally spotted him standing off to the side by himself, for the briefest, sweetest moment, he caught that genuinely candid happiness she’d always reserved just for him before she tensed and her expression fell into a polite, contained mask of civility.
She gave him an obligatory nod. “Dylan.”
“Serena,” he acknowledged, hating the gruff tone of his voice, the ache settling in his chest, and the mile-wide distance stretching between them when they were really only a few feet apart.
