by Josh Lanyon
Argyle stood there, weaving. He dropped the pistol. His knees gave, and he crashed to the sand.
Jake was beside him in three long strides. He turned him over gently. I scrambled out of my hiding place in the rocks and knelt beside them.
“Nick?”
Argyle’s eyes showed white. His bloody mouth moved. He stopped breathing.
“Oh Christ,” Jake whispered. He looked at me.
“Don’t, Jake.” I gripped his arm. “Don’t you see? He planned this.”
I don’t know if he even heard me, but I knew I was right. Argyle had seen me in the rocks. The only reason I wasn’t dead was he’d known at that point it was all over. He couldn’t have shot me without Jake taking him out, and he was too good an old lawman to kill me if there wasn’t a good reason.
But if Jake had come alone?
I said, “He knew exactly how this would play out. He knew you were armed. He knew how you’d react because — he said it — you reminded him of himself.”
He was still shaking his head. For a time we stayed like that, with the distant sigh and rush of the ink black ocean. The surf pounded the shore in its heavy, ceaseless heartbeat.
Argyle’s dead, glazed eyes stared up at the moon cresting the billowing white clouds like a silver galleon. I watched Jake and waited.
At last, he said, “I need to call this in.”
We rose and started back across the white wash of sand. Behind us, Argyle’s body looked no more substantial than a shadow.
As we reached the rocks, the strength went out of me, and I sat down on the nearest flat-topped boulder, leaning forward, resting my face in my hands.
Chandler said it. “I was as empty and hollow as the spaces between the stars.”
Jake dropped down beside me. He put a hand on my shoulder, and I started to tremble. “Are you okay?” His voice was gruff.
I nodded.
“What’s wrong? Adrien?”
I shook my head. I didn’t dare try to speak. The realization of how close Jake and I had come loomed up before me.
For forty years, Jake had tried to force himself into being something he wasn’t, and the fact that he wasn’t crazy or a murderer was probably a miracle. If things had played out differently a few weeks ago…
I fought it, but the dam was breaking. I could feel the stone and mortar crumbling away and all the emotion, all the grief and fear and anger rushing out in a torrent. Two years, maybe even three years, of trying to hold it back.
I tried. The raw sound tore out of my throat, and even the pain of my healing bones and muscles couldn’t stop those ragged sobs. Not for myself really. Or not only for myself. What were those three lonely years compared to the forty Jake had lost? Forty years of believing he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t worthy, wasn’t even normal. Maybe half his life, if he lived to be as old as Nick Argyle. And Nick Argyle? His entire life. And all the other Nick Argyles…past and present?
It could have been us. It nearly was.
“Don’t. Don’t, baby.”
I nodded. Drew deep, shuddering breaths.
“I want to tell you something,” Jake said against my ear. His face was wet.
I nodded.
“I’ve always been grateful — even when I was married, even when I thought it was over between us — that it was you I fell in love with.”
His cold face rested against mine as I listened to the echo of his words. Maybe it was true. Maybe one person could make a difference. Maybe love could make a difference. It had made a difference to me.
Jake kissed my jaw, kissed the corner of my mouth. I pulled away, wiped my face.
“You want to catch your breath while I go call this in?”
“No.” I stood up. Brushed the last of the tears away. “I’ll go with you.”
The long and melancholy sigh of the dark tide followed us as we walked up the sandy steps to the car.
About the Author
A distinct voice in gay fiction, multi-award-winning author JOSH LANYON has been writing gay mystery, adventure and romance for over a decade. In addition to numerous short stories, novellas, and novels, Josh is the author of the critically acclaimed Adrien English series, including The Hell You Say, winner of the 2006 USABookNews awards for GLBT Fiction. Josh is an Eppie Award winner and a three-time Lambda Literary Award finalist.
Find other Josh Lanyon titles at Josh Lanyon: The Official Site
Thank you for buying this book. It is only because readers like you continue purchase fiction that writers can still afford to write.
~ Josh Lanyon~
