by Melody Anne
“Come have a drink with me, and we’ll talk,” he told her.
“We can talk in the kitchen,” she said, a towel wrapped around her. She clutched its loose ends tightly to her chest with her hand. “I need to get dressed.”
She scooted toward the door. Surely he couldn’t be offended by that.
“No. I’m not going to let you run away and try to create a story. I think you owe me an explanation of what is going on in that head of yours.” He looked relaxed, but she knew he would be ready to spring in an instant.
“I already told you I don’t want to share with you. Why don’t you quit being so pushy and accept that?”
His eyes narrowed as she took another step. “Don’t make me get up and carry you over to the bed,” he threatened.
She stopped walking, having no doubt he’d do exactly that. She gripped her towel like a life raft as she shifted on her feet, her eyes darting between him and the door. Nick sighed.
“Should I count?”
His words made her heart thunder with rage. “I’m not a damn child, Nick,” she yelled.
“You could have fooled me. Stop behaving like a brat.”
Chloe took a furious step toward him, and he smiled, mocking her, egging her on. She was barely holding on to her control as she shivered where she stopped herself.
“Do you enjoy intimidating people? Is that how you get what you want?” she asked.
“Sometimes,” he told her. “But usually I don’t have to resort to such methods. Most adults actually behave normally,” he told her.
“You’re an ass.”
“Is that your go-to method, name calling?”
“I don’t ever call names. You just bring out the worst in me,” she admitted.
“Maybe we do it to each other because I don’t normally have to work so hard to get someone to speak to me.”
They glared at each other, at a complete impasse. Chloe sighed. Finally, she moved over to the bed and sat as far from him as she possibly could. She reached for her coffee cup and took a sip. He’d made it the way she liked.
“Thanks for the coffee,” she told him, making her voice extra polite. He laughed, and she had to fight not to scowl.
“I want to know what you were dreaming about,” he pushed.
“You aren’t going to drop it, are you?” she asked.
“Do I seem like the type of man to let something go once I start?” he questioned.
“No. That’s for sure.” She didn’t mean the words to be a compliment.
They were silent for several moments, neither of them speaking. Chloe wondered if she could just wait him out. Even as she had the thought, she knew that would never happen.
“I can barely even remember what it was about. I was just hiding from something in the dark, and then it felt like someone was grabbing me. When I woke up, I was having a hard time differentiating the nightmare from reality,” she told him. That was an easy enough explanation.
“That makes sense,” he told her, and relief washed over her. “But the panic and fear I saw in your eyes went beyond a normal nightmare. I think it was something more.” Her hopes were shattered.
Nick grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. She tried to hide what she was feeling, but his knowing eyes captured everything. Chloe didn’t like how well he saw her.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she told him as her eyes filled. She saw what appeared to be sympathy in his expression, and that look almost undid her all over again. Damn the man.
“I’m patient,” he told her. “But I think you need to tell your story, you’re just so used to pushing it back, you don’t know how to begin.” Chloe shook as he continued looking at her.
“Sometimes it’s best to leave things behind in the dreamworld,” she said, forcing her lips to turn up as if it were nothing more than a joke.
“What are you keeping from me?” he asked. The question was more for himself than for her, as if he was running the morning’s events through his brain, analyzing her actions. She didn’t like that either.
“Haven’t you ever had a dream you couldn’t explain?”
“Many times. Sometimes they are silly, sometimes terrifying, and usually there’s meaning behind them. You’ve been hiding things from the moment we met, so you’re either the coldhearted bitch you want me to believe you are, or there’s something else going on.”
He said the words so calmly, but they affected her more than if he’d stabbed her.
“Maybe that’s exactly what I am,” she told him with a hitch to her voice.
“I don’t believe that,” he reassured. “I think something else is going on in your life. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I do know that I don’t like to leave questions unanswered. I’m trying to find out if my effort to get to know you is worth it.”
That hurt her more than anything else he’d said. Chloe had always been told she wasn’t good enough, wasn’t worth the trouble of raising, that she’d been a disappointment. For Nick to confirm that absolutely broke her heart. But did she truly want to try and change his opinion of her? In order to do that she would have to bare her soul.
She decided she could accept him believing the worst about her. “It’s not even worth talking about,” she whispered after several moments.
He waited, giving her a look that told her she was being a fool, and he wasn’t going to even respond. She finished her coffee and sat there. Neither of them moved. Minutes passed.
“Fine. What do you want me to tell you?” she said with a huff.
“I want to know everything in that pretty little head of yours.”
“That’s not asking a lot or anything,” she said with a false laugh.
“Chloe,” he said with a sigh. “You’re putting off the inevitable. You want me to trust you, but you’re unwilling to.”
“What makes you think that I can trust you?” she asked.
“I’m not the one of us who’s hiding things. Whatever happened to you in the past, can’t you see that you’re safe with me? I don’t think you ever feel protected,” he pointed out, making her flinch.
“I don’t even know why you’re pushing this so hard. I don’t know where to begin,” she snapped.
“You can start by telling me what had you frightened. That’s a beginning.”
He wasn’t asking for much, but the one thing he did want to know was the thing she absolutely didn’t want to share.
“My father wasn’t the nicest man,” she began. She was grateful he wasn’t touching her. “Growing up, he had high expectations of my brother and me, and we rarely met those standards.”
She felt Nick tense beside her, but she didn’t look at him. If she did, she would lose her courage, and then they’d be right back to arguing.
“My dad believed in using an iron fist. He’d punish us often. I’m sure it was no worse than many kids had it, but I was afraid of him, afraid of disappointing him.”
“Where was your mother?” he asked. There was a simmering rage in his voice, though she could hear that he was trying to keep it from boiling over.
“She was the obedient little wife, always in the background. She would mend us when he’d go too far, but she’d always tell us we shouldn’t disobey, that it was so much worse when we did.”
“Was that what your dream was about?” he asked.
“One time, my brother and I got into some candy that was in the pantry. That was a definite no-no. I heard my dad screaming downstairs, and I hid from him under my bed. That only made it worse. When he found me, he dragged me out. I ended up with a broken arm that time. It was the worst punishment I can ever remember getting,” she admitted.
“For getting into some candy?” he asked incredulously.
“I knew I shouldn’t have,” she said with a shrug.
“So you think it was your fault?” The words came out with acidity.
“I didn’t say it was my fault. I’m just saying that I did something I knew would have co
nsequences.”
“How old were you?” Chloe still couldn’t look at him. There was too much anger in Nick’s voice, and that reminded her too much of her father. She was having a difficult time not flinching from him.
“I was eight, my brother was fifteen.”
“So at eight years old, you were expected to fall into line at all times?” he snapped.
“At two I was expected to fall into line. By the time I was eight, I was expected to act like an adult. I knew right from wrong. There was no gray line with my father,” she said with a sigh.
“How do you still have a relationship with the man?” His voice was incredulous. Of course he couldn’t understand. He had a loving family who would do anything for him. No one with the upbringing she’d gone through could comprehend what that was like.
“He’s my father,” she said simply.
Nick took the empty cup from her shaking fingers. She hadn’t even realized they were trembling. It didn’t really matter, though. She’d given him information he could turn around and use against her. Maybe she deserved that. She wasn’t sure anymore.
“I think I get it, Chloe,” he told her.
“Get what?” she asked.
He lifted her and set her on his lap as he rubbed her back and pulled her head against the warmth of his chest.
“I think I understand why you’re so afraid of opening up to someone.”
There was so much sincerity in his tone, she didn’t know what to do. She curled against him and accepted his comforting, for now, at least.
When Nick pulled the towel away and tucked her in beside him on the bed, she didn’t try to fight him. The weeks before this moment had drained her, and the nightmare had taken the rest of her energy away. Talking to Nick had been more difficult than she ever could have imagined.
When his fingers traced her flesh, she let her mind empty and focused on nothing but what he was doing to her. She needed that. She needed him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Nick and Chloe sat at a café overlooking the beautiful Puget Sound. The wind gently blew as she brushed some wandering strands of hair from her eyes. It had been a peaceful day―almost too peaceful. It made her wonder when the other shoe would drop. At the same time, she tried to tell herself that was a programmed way of thinking and she didn’t want to have these doubts.
Her job was going well, and she was enjoying her time with Nick. Did she think it would last forever? No. But it felt good for now, and that was important. Each new day began with how she wanted it to. She had to remember that, had to remember she didn’t have to be controlled―not if she didn’t allow it.
“Is it hard for you to look out at the water and not be on it?” Chloe asked.
Nick smiled. “Yes and no. It was really difficult when this all began. But having you around for company is making me much more of a land lover,” he said.
Nick was a smooth talker, but his words were genuine. The way he looked at her sent her heart to fluttering. Maybe she was as foolish as she feared.
“You don’t speak a lot about your Coast Guard work,” she pointed out.
“I’m an open book. What do you want to know?” he asked. His eyes showed her he had nothing to hide. She did, though, and that was standing between them. She wished she was brave enough to tell him the whole truth. She was too happy to risk that.
“Tell me about some of your adventures,” she said.
Their food had come and gone, but neither of them were in a hurry as they sat back and sipped on coffee, picking at their decadent desserts of powdered donuts with dipping sauces.
“I served up in Sitka for a year. It was always pretty exciting there,” he said.
“Yes, you mentioned that it’s extreme in Alaska,” she said.
“The Coast Guard established an air station in Sitka in 1977. Since then they have saved over two thousand lives in the area. It’s pretty awesome.”
“I’d say so,” she said. “Tell me about a typical day there.”
“I wouldn’t exactly say there were typical days, but I remember one night pretty clearly,” he told her. “I was just getting to work for a twenty-four-hour shift. It was about three in the afternoon. First thing we always do is get into our flight suits and check out the weather. Most pilots for the Coast Guard really want to fly in Sitka or Kodiak, but we have to gain experience first. I had a lot of flight time, but I was still a copilot for my flights there.”
“I can’t imagine you taking commands from anyone,” she said with a laugh.
“We’re a team and we work together. It’s not about who’s giving the orders,” he told her.
“Team player. I like it,” she said.
“The team and I got suited up, then went to the Operations Center for our upcoming duty brief. Everyone was in good humor.”
“I bet you all had tight bonds since you were in danger together so often,” she said.
“Yeah, you have to rely on each other for survival. It makes you form a tight-knit group,” he told her.
Chloe didn’t have that same loyalty in her job. She worked more on her own. She did get along with a lot of the medical staff, but there were some who didn’t think she was a real medical member as well. She’d bet there was some of that in the Coast Guard between the different ranks. She didn’t point that out. It was a pleasant day, and she wanted to keep the conversation upbeat.
“Go on,” she told Nick.
“Our OWS briefed us on airfield weather, the status of our choppers, and location of our command cadre.”
“OWS?”
“Sorry. Operations Watch Stander,” he said with a grin.
“I’ll try to keep up,” she told him.
“Weather wasn’t the worst I’d ever seen that night, but on the east side it was pretty volatile. We had to really keep an eye on the cloud ceiling to know if it was safe to fly.”
“Were there a lot of times you couldn’t go out?”
“Unfortunately yes, but if there was a chance of us performing a rescue, we did it without hesitation. It was tough on us when we couldn’t get out there.”
“Did you have to wear a ton of gear the entire time on duty?” She’d seen it when going to the station with him, and it didn’t look like it would be comfortable to wear all the time.
“No. We just have it at the ready. Our vests―the vest that saved my life―is equipped with a harness, so we can be pulled from the water if need be. We also have survival gear such as emergency flares and a mini scuba setup with about five minutes of air, depending on how quickly you’re breathing, in our survival gear, too. These things can make the difference between life and death if you are stuck in the water.”
“If you forget even one step, it could be death,” she said in awe.
“That’s true for any job, really. If you think about it, you could miss a step at the mall and go tumbling down and break your neck. There’s always danger around us, we just have to be aware and prepared,” he pointed out.
“True,” she said, though that hadn’t ever been anything she’d thought about before.
“After more briefings and getting our equipment ready to go, we waited around to see if we got a call.”
“That sounds boring,” she said.
“Nah. My philosophy is that only boring people get bored,” he told her with a wink. She scowled at him. “I’m just saying that we have to make the best of any situation we’re in.”
“I guess I can agree with that,” she said.
“About six that night we got a call from Juneau. There was a medevac launch requesting our services.”
“Medevac?” she questioned.
“Yeah, we did a lot of transports like that in Alaska. We didn’t always work out on the sea. Our choppers can fly in weather the hospitals can’t,” he told her.
“I guess it’s safer than flying over rolling waves,” she said.
“Not necessarily. This time it was an elderly woman who had appendicitis, and she needed to ge
t to surgery. We agreed to pick her up.”
“We got off the ground, and the weather worsened, but we were able to push through. We picked her up and got her to the destination. We refueled and grabbed a quick bite. Before we were halfway through the meal, we got another call, this time an older gentleman with a heart condition. It wasn’t a particularly exciting night, but it was almost endless, and we were the only ones flying.”
“I was hoping you were gonna tell me of an epic water rescue,” she admitted.
Nick laughed. “The reason this night is so memorable for me was that our crew saved six lives that night. Our chopper was the only one willing to make the pickups and do the drop-offs. The weather worsened all night, and because my crew was skilled, no one died. It was a good night,” he told her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put you down,” she told him as she reached out to him.
“I didn’t take it that way. I’m just saying that the most exciting moments in life can be those quiet in-betweens.”
“What does that mean?”
“We have to appreciate the calm before the storm to make it through the turbulence about to come,” he said.
Chloe realized she was falling more and more for this man who didn’t belong to her. She wanted to categorize him into one box, but the more she learned about him, the more she realized she would never be able to do that. She just didn’t understand what that meant. Maybe it was that she didn’t want to know what it meant. Then she would have to face too many questions she didn’t want the answers to.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Chloe didn’t know what to think about how her day was going. After a leisurely morning of making love and talking about nothing of importance, she and Nick had been in sort of a truce it seemed. They’d made a very late breakfast together and relaxed while watching a show.
It had taken her a while to calm the beating of her heart while waiting for the other shoe to drop, but they’d even done some physical therapy. This time while he’d been flirting, she’d allowed herself to enjoy it instead of fighting what she was feeling. The problem with that was the realization that she truly enjoyed being with him, but she wasn’t sure how much longer their “relationship” was going to last.
