Better let that one pass. “You do like the hot stuff, don’t you?”
“Oh, yeah. Not sure I want to try anything with a five star heat rating, but I could probably go with one or two stars.” She leaned closer and lowered her voice to a conspiratory whisper. “You, um, might be glad of that later.”
“I can’t handle the five-star spicy, myself. Especially you know where.”
“I believe I do.” With a flick of her brow, she went back to studying the menu. “Hmm…Pad Prik…interesting name, don’t you think? Three stars, though. Better not risk it. I prefer my pricks plain, anyway—although the cookie dough icing was quite tasty.”
Her dry, conversational tone had Alan laughing like an idiot. “I’m pleased to hear it.”
“Mmm…might be good with some of these desserts, though. Tapioca pearl with young coconut...and just think what we could do with vanilla ice cream and sticky rice.”
“Emily. Be careful.”
“What?”
“I’m sort of teetering on the edge here.”
“Really? That’s nice.”
He shot her a scowl. “You don’t think I can make it through dinner, do you?”
“I don’t know, but I’m guessing you can’t. I tried to help you out back there in the parking lot. Not sure it did any good.”
“I can get through dinner,” he protested. “I do it all the time.”
“I certainly hope so,” she said. “Because I’m not doing it in a restaurant.”
Her firm statement had almost the same effect as smacking his ass. His balls twitched and his dick started drooling again. “I saw that in a movie once—a guy pushed his girlfriend back onto a table and climbed on top of her. Everyone was cheering them on. I’ve dreamed about doing it ever since.” Closing his eyes, he let out a deep sigh. “Oh, wow....”
She snorted a laugh. “You’re hopeless.”
“Maybe, but you’re teasing me.”
“I know. Sorry.” She glanced down at her menu. “I’ve never been able to tease a guy before. Obviously, I’m not very good at it.”
“What do you mean? You’re doing a fine job.”
She shrugged. “This is the way I’ve always wanted to be—not so stuffy and careful and politically correct and all that crap. I feel…freer with you—more open and honest. God knows after all the sexy talking you’ve done…”
“Does that bother you?”
“Shocks me a little sometimes, but no, it doesn’t bother me.” She heaved a sigh. “Okay. I’ll shut up. We probably shouldn’t carry on like this in public, anyway. Might get us arrested or kicked out of here.”
“I doubt that—and I’m not telling you to stop. I just want to be sure you understand the consequences.”
Pressing her lips together, she stared down at the table in front of her, blinking rapidly. “Yeah, there are always consequences. Dane—that’s my ex—would slam the door on any kind of sexual banter. And to kiss me in public? Never. He’d push me away anytime I tried it.”
Alan nearly panicked. Moments before, everything had been perfect. Now, he was pretty sure he’d blown it again. Focused on his own emotional baggage, he kept forgetting how much she’d been hurt.
I should learn when to keep my mouth shut. “Sorry. I didn’t mean those kinds of consequences—and I only thought about nailing you on the table. Didn’t say I’d actually do it.” He gave her a wink. “Besides, these tables are too small.”
She let out a shaky little chuckle. “Oh, Alan. I do love you. The way you can make me laugh, even when—”
Alan felt the blood drain from his face. “What did you say?”
She stared at him for a long moment. “That you make me laugh even when I—”
“No, before that.”
“I–I don’t know,” she said, clearly flustered by his question. “Honestly—”
“You said you loved me,” he snapped, his harsh tone making it sound like an accusation. Perhaps it was.
“Did I? Yes–yes, I suppose I did, but—”
“Did you mean it?”
Chapter 17
Emily had said I love you, all right. But was it true or simply a figure of speech? She wasn’t sure. She opened her mouth to reply, but closed it again, wanting to be absolutely certain before she blurted out anything else.
Do I love him? She’d certainly been prepared to fall in love with Alan. Her desperate search proved that much. No one ever really fell in love that quickly, though—not like in the movies when one glance was all it took. Stuff like that didn’t happen in real life.
Or did it? She tried to remember how long she’d known Dane before she told him she loved him. Then she realized she never had. She’d never said it to Chad, not even in jest. To the best of her knowledge, those words had never come out of her mouth before, and now, here she was, tossing them at Alan as though making a joke.
“No one has ever said that to me. Ever.”
He seemed furious—glaring at her and biting off his words. She’d never seen him even remotely angry before, but her suspicion that he could freeze her solid with one swift glance from those slate blue eyes was correct. She couldn’t move a muscle and was shaking like a leaf, her pulse beating like a drum in her ears.
“Is that a problem?” she finally asked. “Don’t you want me to love you?”
Sharp little knives stabbed at her heart and a chill spread outward from that same spot. He’d said all sorts of wonderfully romantic things to her. Was that why he was upset—because she hadn’t said it right?
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to upset you. It just...popped out.”
Alan blinked as though coming to his senses following a blow to the head. “Then you didn’t mean it.” He took a deep breath. “Right. I thought so. Sorry I overreacted.”
“It’s okay.” She didn’t know what else to say. Did he think love was a bad thing? Back when he’d been wrapped around her like a blanket, he’d promised to give her as much love as she could stand. Had he actually meant love or was he only referring to sex?
Sex was his main focus, which was okay, since...well, no, it wasn’t okay. Emily wanted to be loved as much as the next person. All Alan wanted was sex. Apparently he didn’t want love—had even gotten pissed when she’d suggested it.
Fortunately, their waitress came to take their beverage order, preventing what was sure to be an uncomfortable silence. Emily ordered a glass of Chablis when she would’ve preferred a shot of tequila. Did he still intend to pay for her dinner? Perhaps he never had. At that point, she didn’t care.
I should’ve known better. Love and Emily Carmichael were incompatible. She knew that now. If all she was ever going to get from Alan was sex, she could live with that. Maybe. It had certainly been their chief topic of conversation up to now.
On the other hand, he’d never said he didn’t want to be loved, had never warned her not to mention it. Love was the missing element in both their lives. Weren’t they together because they hoped it would happen? Wasn’t that why any couple was together?
Still, he had asked her out to dinner—and kinky fantasies aside, sex wasn’t possible there. Was the dinner simply payment for the nooky? Compensation for the time and effort of allowing him to fuck her into a stupor? Or was it an opportunity for them to talk without sex getting in the way?
The waitress brought their drinks. “Are you ready to order?”
“I think we need a little more time,” Alan said.
Silence reigned once again, and Emily stole a glance at him while she sipped her wine. He didn’t seem shallow. Although he didn’t care for spectator sports, he managed a store that promoted health and fitness. There was a lot to be said for that, but what were his hopes and dreams?
“I think I know what I want.” Closing his menu, he set it aside and flipped out his napkin. “How was work today?”
Apparently the subject of love was closed. “Same old, same old—except for Stephen asking me for a date. I don’t
suppose you know any unattached gay men—aside from Jason, that is.”
“Not really. I could have him ask around, though.” He hesitated, frowning. “I just realized I have no idea where you work.”
“I’m one of the multitude of peons working in the main office of the Weidenbenner Insurance Company.”
“Climbing the corporate ladder?”
“Not really. How about you? Planning to open your own grocery store someday?”
He scratched his head. “I sort of own part of this one. It’s a co-op. I’m the general manager, but I’m also a member.”
“Satisfied with that arrangement?”
“Yeah. I’m happy there.”
More silence. Apparently without the sexual banter, they had nothing to discuss. Great. What with her bladder difficulties and probable yeast infection, she didn’t even have sex to look forward to that evening. Maybe they could see a movie—a good action flick that wouldn’t highlight their own lack of true intimacy.
She blinked back a tear before it occurred to her that Alan wasn’t the only one overreacting.
Say something—anything. “Jason and Shona seem to like you a lot.”
“They like to pick on me, anyway.” He chuckled. “They’re a good crew—and so are the other people who work there. A little offbeat, maybe, but we have a lot of fun. Sounds like you and your coworkers do too.”
“Most of the time. I’ve been so depressed lately, even the Christmas party wasn’t much fun. And I never did meet Mitch.”
“Too bad. I take it you didn’t dance with Stephen.”
“No, that was a different party altogether.” She shook her head. “I still can’t believe we actually did all that. I wasn’t even drunk.”
“Yeah. In your face, in public.” He sounded envious, which wasn’t too surprising. “Where did you say that was?”
“I didn’t,” she replied. “I probably shouldn’t have said anything at all. He’s not exactly out of the closet.”
Alan cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “Were you naked?”
“Oh, no. They probably wished I had been, though—and not for the reason you think. They’d have gotten a free round of drinks if I’d danced nude.”
Alan dropped his head and winced, biting back a gasp.
“You just ejaculated, didn’t you?”
“Uh-huh,” he replied. “The thought of you and me onstage—naked—sort of did me in.”
Apparently their relationship had gotten over the hump and was now back to normal. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to get through dinner. Do you need another napkin?”
He never had the chance to reply because their waitress must’ve noticed he’d put down his menu.
“Are you ready to order now?” she asked.
Emily nodded, looking up at her for the first time. As exotic and beautiful as the country she hailed from, she wore an ornate native costume that did nothing whatsoever to hide her stunning figure. Emily couldn’t help wondering how Alan would react to this gorgeous girl.
She watched him out of the corner of her eye as she recklessly ordered the Pad Prik, which was a three star entrée and one of the few that didn’t list cilantro as an ingredient. Alan went one star further, giving the waitress a perfunctory smile as she collected their menus.
“I’m surprised you didn’t come for her, too,” Emily remarked. “She’s very pretty.”
“I guess so,” Alan said absently. “Actually, I’m still thinking about that other thing. Sure you wouldn’t like to do that with me sometime?”
“Absolutely,” Emily replied. “I wouldn’t do it for them, and I won’t do it for you.”
Alan’s breathing was more of a pant as he licked his lips. “We could pretend—you know, do it at home, and—” He doubled over again.
This time, she handed over her napkin without bothering to ask if he needed it. “Remember your blood pressure, dear.”
“Very funny,” he said, although he did accept the napkin. “I can’t help it. Why did you have to tell me that now?”
“I was just making conversation. Besides, you’re the one who brought it up.” At least, she thought he had. Groping blindly for another topic, she blurted out, “How ’bout those Pacers?”
He arched a brow in response.
“Oh, yeah, right. No sports. I still can’t believe Todd dragged you to a basketball game.” She tried again. “Do you think we’ll have a white Christmas?”
“Doesn’t look like it,” he replied. “It’s supposed to be really cold, but no snow.”
“Too bad. I like the snow as long as I don’t have to drive anywhere. Winter is pretty drab without it.”
His features relaxed, and he let out a sigh. “Yeah. Pretty drab.”
Alan had never been on such an emotional rollercoaster in his life. In the space of an hour, he’d gone from hot sex to warm fuzzies to panic attacks and back again.
Jesus. She probably thinks I’m possessed. And yet, she was still there, sitting across the table from him, trying to make conversation, trying to have a good time.
We were having a fine time until I went and put my foot in it.
He hadn’t intended to chastise or upset her. He only wanted her to know what she was doing to him. By the time they’d gotten past that part, he was so rattled he almost went off the deep end when she said she loved him. He wasn’t kidding when he said he’d overreacted, and he still wasn’t completely sure why.
Love had always been a sore subject with Alan. He could do the sex, of course. But love? He wasn’t so sure about that. No matter how much he wanted to love Emily and wanted her to love him, would she still want him after tonight’s fiasco? After fucking her so much the night before he’d made her sick?
He still couldn’t decide whether the Thai restaurant was a mistake or not. The atmosphere was great, but for a first date, he should’ve gone for something safe and simple, like Italian or Chinese.
The appetizer, however, was a good choice.
“This is really good,” she said, after sampling the Tao Hoo Tod.
“I wouldn’t have thought a doughnut fanatic would like tofu.” He did his best to keep his tone light, teasing.
She responded in kind by making a face at him. “I’ve had it before. Doesn’t taste like much of anything by itself, though, does it?”
“The peanut sauce adds a lot of flavor,” he said. “Glad you like it.”
That sounded stupid. It wasn’t as though he’d been the one to cook it, or even suggest it to her.
I am so bad at this! “What do you do when you aren’t working for the insurance company?”
She shrugged. “The usual stuff. Watch a little TV, clean the house, take out the trash, get picked up by strange men in parking lots.”
“I was acting pretty weird that night,” he admitted.
“Yes, but that’s not what I meant.”
“Stranger as opposed to strange?”
“Yeah—although you are kinda…different.”
He rolled his eyes. “How many times have I heard that?”
“Sorry. If the shoe fits…”
“Speaking of shoes, that pair you’ve got on is totally hot.”
She grimaced. “You wouldn’t say that if you were the one wearing them. My feet are freezing. I should’ve worn boots.”
Great. I can’t even compliment her without fucking things up. He caught himself before saying “Sorry” for the umpteenth time. “I’ll warm them up for you when we get home.”
Home. Her home or his home? Then he remembered her car was sitting in the parking lot at the store. Which meant neither.
Damn. In giving her an out, he’d fucked himself all over again. At least he’d have the drive back to her car, although he doubted he’d get as lucky as he had on the way over.
She nodded. “You did say you’d rub my feet for me. This might be a good time.”
He heaved a sigh. “Your place or mine?”
“Mine,” she replied. “My pills
are there. Gotta take one before I go to bed.”
“So you aren’t mad at me?”
Her eyes widened. “No. I thought you were mad at me.”
“Not mad—just a little crazy.”
“Obviously we need to work on our communication.”
No shit.
* * * *
Alan watched in horror as Emily took another gulp of her wine. “Too hot?”
She pressed a napkin to her lips. “Glad I didn’t go for more than three stars. Four probably would’ve killed me.”
“Better not try mine then.” Alan waved at a passing waitress. “Could we have a pitcher of iced tea, please?”
“Thanks,” Emily gasped. “I hope the heat wears off before we get home, otherwise I’ll probably burn the hair off your balls.”
Alan couldn’t help but appreciate the sentiment—on several levels. “How about some vanilla ice cream with sticky rice to cool you down?”
“Thought we were going to Bennie’s. I need a chocolate sundae.”
“Sure thing.” He nodded at her plate. “Are you gonna be able to finish that?”
“Maybe. I’ll have to pace myself.” She took another drink. “Then again, my tongue may never be the same after this. Might have to give up cocksucking for at least a week.”
“Hmm…we may have a problem. The hot stuff makes my dick hard.”
Her peal of laughter was nothing compared to the reaction from the guy at the next table. For a second or two, Alan was afraid he’d have to Heimlich him.
“Doesn’t everything?” she asked. “I’m still trying to figure out something that’ll make it soft.” She took a bite of her chicken and chased it with more wine. “I sort of like a soft one now and then. That way I can get the whole thing in my mouth at once.”
When their eavesdropper choked again, Emily leaned over and gave him a nudge. “I know just how you feel. You might want to order the ice cream if the heat is too much for you.”
Alan barked out a laugh, pleased that the tension had eased somewhat. Whether she loved him or not didn’t matter at that point. What mattered was that they could enjoy each other’s company without reservation.
Uninhibited (Unlikely Lovers) Page 16
