by Lewis, Anna
“F… fine,” she stammered back, trying her best to match his expression, but from the way that his face fell, she clearly wasn’t doing a very good job. She always had been like an open book – a fact that she cursed herself over all the time.
“Come on in,” he eventually said, sounding resigned, almost accepting already that this wasn’t going to go well. “I’ll make us both a coffee.”
She followed him behind, wondering if he was now wishing that he had agreed to meet her in the public place that she’d originally suggested. Maybe all of this would have felt a lot less awkward if they had.
With the coffee mug clasped tightly between her fingers, she took a few deep breaths to work up some bravery, then started talking, needing to get this done before she lost her mind.
“Thank you for having me over,” she said, trying her best to sound calm. “I think we really need to talk about what you said to me at the airport.” He nodded, pursing his lips together in an expression that Abbie really didn’t like to see. “I… I… Oh God, look if you had said all that stuff to me before I went to Hawaii, then I would have fallen at your feet. I like you so much, and I would love the chance to give us a shot.”
“I…” he started, but she was on a roll now. She couldn’t let him derail her because then she might never get to say all that was washing around within her.
“The only problem is, you left me thinking that you didn’t want to be with me, and your texts to me while I was in Hawaii just proved that. They were so impersonal.” She stared right at him, and said the words that he needed to hear. If he hadn’t made her feel that way, she would have remained faithful to him. “I kind of… had a fling with someone out there. Someone who wants to be with me.”
She recalled the humiliation when she read over their messages, realizing how one sided everything was:
Hi Abbie, how is the shoot going? Travis
Really well thank you Thank you so much for getting me this job, it’s amazing. Miss you, Abbie xxx
How are things in Hawaii? T
Oh my God… stunning! It’s really lovely here, you would love it! Abbie xoxox
It was embarrassing to see their mismatched feelings so clearly displayed for her to see, and the revelation had cut her deep, which was why she had started to message him in the same clinical manner – something that he clearly hadn’t liked.
His face turned ashen, but his expression remained determined. “Do you want to be with him?” He asked, with a steely quality to his voice, as if he was preparing himself for the worst news possible.
“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “My head is all over the place. I don’t even know what to think right now.”
Almost in an instant, he moved next to her and he clasped her hands in his. “I don’t mind,” he told her, deadly serious. “I completely understand why you did what you did, and I really don’t blame you. I was a douche bag, so of course you went to someone else. All I’m asking is for you to give me a chance.” The glimmer of hope that she wasn’t totally ditching him shone on his face, leaving her even more mixed up than ever.
“I… I don’t know,” she stammered, feeling the room start to spin. With Travis sitting that close to her, it took all that she had just to hold it together. “I really don’t know…”
But then he leaned forward and kissed her, and everything else just totally spun from her mind…
Chapter 4
He was utterly irresistible, that was Abbie’s problem. When she was with Travis, all that she wanted was to be with him. She caved in to her desire, molded her body to his, and embraced that amazing kiss. She was aware that she should pull back and that she should instantly leave before things got out of control, but she found couldn’t tear herself away.
As his muscular body pressed up against hers, she groaned excitedly, remembering just what he could do to her body and how much she wanted that again. Again, she found herself in a situation where sleeping with Travis would be wrong, and again she just couldn’t control herself.
She ran her fingers through Travis’s hair, while his hands made their way around her waist, pulling her closer, claiming her as his in a way that she wasn’t totally sure she was comfortable with.
Or was it? As she succumbed to his pull, she realized this commanding, domineering side of him was something of a turn on. It was different, something that she wasn’t used to at all, and it really excited her. It taught her something about herself that she never would have been able to learn otherwise.
Bolts of pleasure raced through Abbie as Travis pushed her back into a lying position on his couch, and he started to kiss all down her neck. His lips felt amazing on her body – they left her hot and cold all at once, causing her to crave him more and more.
“You’re so good,” he gasped to her. “I never should have let you go.”
His words made her swim with desire, and she gripped on to him tightly, not wanting to let go. All of a sudden, she realized she never wanted to be without him, and she couldn’t believe that she’d allowed herself to be swayed – even if it was by the very sexy and charismatic Rex Ryder.
Thoughts of Rex vanished as she started to feel that thick, throbbing erection pressing up against her. The memory of the heaven that it took her to once before flooded her mind, pushing everything else out. After having a stale relationship with a cheating scumbag for three years, in just one encounter, Travis had made her feel things that she never had before. The memory of that encounter intensified the way she was feeling now.
Eventually Travis pulled back from Abbie, and began slowly to peel her clothes away from her body, staring passionately into her eyes the entire time. That hunger he had for her was something that she treasured, it made her feel like the most amazing sexy goddess on the planet.
“Gorgeous,” he eventually said when she was completely naked for him, and that word was enough to have her pawing at him, wanting to see that hot body all over again too.
He had abs like no other, and simply laying her eyes upon them again made Abbie gulp in pleasure. That body was so sexy that there was hardly any surprise that she couldn’t control herself around him!
He hovered back over her and kissed her once more, while she ran her fingers all over his length once more. Then, with one movement that completely shocked her, he flipped her over onto her front, and he started to explore her from a brand new angle.
“So wet,” he moaned happily. “So hot for me.”
Once she got used to the unusual way that this felt, she pushed back against him a little, arching her back in pleasure. She loved learning anything new and exciting, and this was definitely that.
“Do you want me?” Travis eventually growled, sounding pleased with himself. His words sent a bolt of lust screaming down to her core, causing her to moan. He loved hearing her going wild, and it made her happy to be able to turn him on too.
“Yes,” she said, her breaths were coming out short and labored as she slowly started to lose herself. “Yes, I want you. So fucking badly.”
Luckily, Travis didn’t have much control of himself either, and there was no way that he could keep up the teasing. He lay over the back of her, and slid in inch by inch.
“Oh fuck,” Abbie screamed in surprise. “That’s amazing!” It was so much better than she’d been expecting. It was an angle that left her panting and keen for more.
Her desire quickly had him thrusting hard and powerfully against Abbie, leaving her unable to catch my breath long enough to sigh or gasp, never mind speak. He was taking her, consuming her, and there wasn’t a damn thing that she could do about it.
Weirdly, that helplessness she felt was incredibly erotic! She loved it.
As a hot pool of pleasure began to spread over her body, she felt crazy with lust, like a wild animal unable to even think anymore. The pressure built until magnificent waves crashed over her, turning her into a bucking, quivering mess.
“Oh Travis,” she cried out in the moment of
ecstasy, thinking only of him. “You’re fucking amazing.”
Chapter 5
As she woke up the next morning, naked and entangled with Travis, Abbie began to really panic. Without the haze of lust fogging up her brain, she could clearly see what a mess she’d made of everything once more. She had come to Travis’s home hoping to clear up some of the confusion that she’d gotten herself in to, and she found herself leaving in an even worse state than before.
When she was around Travis, it was as if the rest of the world didn’t exist. But when she was around Rex, it was the same. Whoever she was with was the one that she wanted – but she certainly couldn’t keep that up forever. Everyone would end up getting hurt – and that was the last thing that she wanted. She had stumbled into this mess by mistake, but Abbie wasn’t one to upset others. Especially not when it was people that she had real feelings for – and she really did have a deep emotional connection with both of these men. She wished things could be more straightforward.
And now she’d just made things a million times harder for herself by sleeping with Travis and leading him on – what was she going to do? How was she going to resolve this?
She needed to get out of here, to have some real time alone, and away from both men, so she could make up her mind. She didn’t like causing anyone pain, and it didn’t matter what she did, she kept getting herself tangled up more and more.
She wanted Travis and she wanted Rex too, but she knew for a fact that she couldn’t have both. That was a ridiculous impossibility that would never come to anything, which left her needing to choose.
She slid out of the bed quickly and pulled her clothes on, trying to remain as silent as possible. She couldn’t wake Travis up while her brain was all over the place – she didn’t know what she would even say.
Scared of having to have yet another awkward conversation, she took the coward’s way out and left Travis a note, before making her escape into the cold outside world.
Hi Travis,
I’m sorry to run out like this but I really need some time alone to think. I hope you can understand that and I will be in touch soon.
Abbie x
As she ran home, feeling stupid and frustrated with herself, her mind raced everywhere. Now, not only was she indecisive, she was a terrible person too. She remembered how awful it had been for her to come home early to find Greg – her boyfriend of three years – having sex with someone else, and it was awful. It had torn her heart and her life apart.
Okay, that situation was totally different because Abbie had actually been in a committed, long term relationship with Greg, whereas she didn’t have any commitment either to Travis or Rex. But it still felt bad.
She made a decision to herself that she would get this sorted out once and for all in her mind. She couldn’t keep going like this, stringing them both along. She really needed to make a decision before things got out of control and all three of them got hurt. She cared about both men so much that the last thing she wanted to do was make any of this worse than it already was– especially when she knew what they’d all been through themselves.
Travis hadn’t been letting anyone in for six years, because his ex-wife had cheated on him with his best friend and they were still together now. Rex had his life under a spotlight which caused him a lot of personal and family issues, especially as his mother was very religious, so she knew that neither of them needed any more pain or anxiety, just as much as she didn’t.
Take this lesson, she told herself as she snuck indoors. Learn from it. Make things better.
Chapter 6
The rest of the week passed in a haze of indecision, despite Abbie’s best intentions to do otherwise. Travis didn’t contact her. That made her feel relieved and sad all at once. She also knew it wouldn’t be long until Rex would make his call, and she still wasn’t sure what she wanted. She had thought of nothing else, and almost driven herself crazy, but she still wasn’t totally certain either way. She wasn’t sure if she’d always been this hesitant, but there just didn’t seem to be any easy answer.
She knew that whatever happened, she was going to have a difficult conversation with Rex too, and that she was dreading. It might have gone better than expected with Travis, but that certainly didn’t mean that the same was going to happen with Rex.
Ring, ring.
As her phone rang on the week mark, almost on the dot, displaying Rex’s number, she felt herself turn to jelly.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
“Hello?” she stammered as she picked up. “Rex?”
“Hi Abbie.” He sounded far too happy for her liking – and she was terrified that his hopes were too high. She knew that he’d said he would understand if she didn’t want him because of the media intrusion, but actually she wasn’t concerned about that.
“Hi, Rex. How are you?”
“Good. Are you free today to go out for a coffee?”
Oh God, this is it! The meeting to discuss their potential future.
“Erm… yeah sure,” she stuttered. “Sounds good.” Even she could tell that her words sounded hollow, but Rex didn’t seem to pick up on that – he must have been so happy that she’d agreed to meet with him that he didn’t hear anything else.
As he reeled off a time and place to meet him, she started to panic. This was actually going to be so much worse, because she was going to have to admit to sleeping with Travis during her week of thinking time. It was almost cheating. Not quite; they weren’t officially a couple, after all. But it was in the same ballpark. After what her ex-boyfriend had done to her, she despised cheating and she hated feeling like she’d done something similar.
“Okay,” she finally answered him breathlessly. “Sounds good, see you then.”
There was nothing more for it, she needed to just face this before it ate her up alive.
Chapter 7
Luckily for Abbie, Rex was running late, which gave her a few moments to sip her coffee in peace while she tried to steady herself. On the outside she was cool, calm and collected, but inside she was a total mess.
He burst through the doors, somehow making a grand entrance without even trying to, and joined her at the table. Watching him do this, she felt that familiar warmth that could only come from him. He made her feel safe and special, which was a wonderful contrast to everything that she’d ever experienced before. There was something about Rex that made her feel like she could give him her whole life, and that he would take real good care of it. Not only was he awesome and adorable, he was a great friend too – which was exactly how their union had begun.
When she was with Rex, she wondered how Travis had come to be in the picture – but when Travis was around, she couldn’t think of anyone else. She didn’t know how she was supposed to deal with that.
“So how have you been?” He asked her, grinning brightly. “It’s weird being back from Hawaii, huh?”
“Yeah… really weird…” she trailed off, unable to keep up any pretense of a normal conversation.
“What’s going on?” Rex asked, seeing right through any façade. “Are you okay?” The concern across his face was really upsetting, especially as she knew that it was only going to get worse.
“I… I have something to tell you,” she said. Almost right away he sat up straighter, expecting the worst. “Before I came to Hawaii, there was this guy. I… I liked him, and I thought he did too, but he rejected me. And that hurt. That was why it took me a while to get close to you.”
“Okay…” he drawled, a little confused. He clearly didn’t understand why she was telling him this.
“But the closer I got to you, the more I liked you. And I still do, so much.” The anxiety was coursing so painfully through her that she could feel herself on the verge of having a panic attack.
“But…?” he asked, sensing that he wasn’t going to like where this was going next.
“But then he met me at the airport, and he asked me to be with him, and I’m sorry to say that I slept wi
th him. And now…”
“You had sex with him?” Rex hissed. “I’ve spent all week missing you like crazy, and you’ve been screwing someone else?”
“It isn’t like that…” she tried, but it was too late. He was already giving her an awful look, hating her almost as much as she hated herself.
“I just… I cannot believe you. I thought that you were different.” He shook his head at her, displaying how badly this was affecting him. “I cannot believe that you’re the same as everyone else. I thought…” he looked at her with tears in his eyes. “I thought you were better.”
She had nothing to say to that – she was dumbstruck. She thought that she was a better person too, and to learn that she wasn’t was a bitter pill.
Her silence seemed to say it all because he stood up, scraping his chair noisily along the ground and storming out – leaving her behind, devastated with only her now cold coffee for company.
Chapter 8
Abbie spent the entire night crying on and off, feeling utterly heartbroken at the mess she’d created. She’d lost Rex forever in the worst way possible, and she knew that she only had one person to blame – herself. He was such a lovely man, and he really deserved so much better. She knew for a fact that if she hadn’t met Travis, she would have been able to be the girlfriend that he deserved – and that sucked.
Timing was everything, and with this situation, everything about it was all wrong.
If she’d lied, and said that the media aspect was too much and that she wouldn’t have been able to handle the constant intrusion, they could have still been friends. But now, she doubted that he would ever talk to her again, and for that she couldn’t blame him. She knew that she would feel the same if he’d done the same to her.
As the morning came around, she heard someone hammering on the door. She blearily got up, not understanding why her parents hadn’t answered the door, but it only took one quick glance into their bedroom to learn that they weren’t at home.
