by Holly Evans
"Where's Kadrix tonight?" I asked casually.
I didn't think they'd spent a night apart in a good while.
Quin shrugged. "With Sabine."
He changed the channel on the TV and looked away. I stabbed at the steak in front of me; that damn elf had better not hurt my twin. The ‘open relationship’ thing wasn't making Quin happy, and that didn't make me happy. It might have worked between the elves, but Quin wasn't an elf.
"Evelyn, I was hoping to eat that at some point tonight."
I looked down at the chunks of steak and realised I'd been taking my frustrations out on it. I seared them and put together a simple sauce; it wasn't the grand meal Kadrix had made, but it was food.
Raif came out of his shell a little with Quin. They talked about movies and some sport stuff, like they were normal guys. Lysander kept a close eye on the cub, but said nothing. I tried to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do about… everything. I didn't know much of anything about magic; how I was going to deal with the Icelandic witch I didn't know? For that matter, why was it all on my shoulders? I was far from the only hunter in the city. Lysander remained close to me, but tense. I stroked the back of his hand and up the inside of his wrists. He relaxed a little, but not fully.
Quin looked at us with a small smile. "It's a male thing, two male canids in the same home."
Lysander growled quietly.
"Raif's a cub, I'm the alpha. There's nothing to fight over here,” I said.
"Oh you're the alpha are you?" Quin said with a grin.
"Raif and Lysander both belong to me, so yes, yes I am." I stuck out my tongue.
The corner of Raif's mouth lifted; Lysander wrapped himself around me.
Quin laughed, saying, "then you'll have no problem training Raif; he could probably teach you a few things, too."
"I doubt that,” I said without thinking.
"Stop letting your prejudices hold you back, Evie,” Quin said with a sigh.
The conversation was over. I went and ran a bath. I had too much on my mind as it was.
My dear hound joined me in the hot bubbling water. He helped all of my worries and stresses fade away into nothing. Once the water had begun to get cold, we dressed and I went to talk with Quin. I didn't like the rift that was forming between us.
"I'm sorry, Evie, I shouldn't have snapped at you."
I sat near his feet on the sofa; Raif and Lysander had headed into the kitchen to wash the dishes. I wasn't sure it was a great idea having them in close proximity with the knives, but they'd have to get along.
"We're both stressed at the moment. Azfin seems to think that it's down to me, or us, to remove the super-witch from power. How are we supposed to do that? They talk about her as though she's a goddess. I know nothing about magic, I can barely form fire. What's happening to us, Quin? What have we gotten ourselves into?" I asked.
He sat up and took my hands in his. "It's ok, Evie, we'll do this. We have the moon goddess on our side. Kadrix is a talented alchemist, Lysander was a marrok. We're not weak."
I slumped back against the back of the sofa. "It feels like too much."
"One step at a time. The witch isn't a direct threat; we have time to train, to refine our new magic."
"Where did that magic come from?" I looked into his face, hoping for some answers.
"I don't know. Kadrix said our blood is... unusual. That's as much as he'd tell me. The celestials are involved with something somewhere. They kept hassling him, but he wouldn't tell me about what."
"I don't like being kept out of the loop."
"There's not much we can do, Evie. We have to work with what we have. Right now, that’s some magic. I don’t know where it came from, or why we have it, but we have it. So we need to use it. I know you hate magic, and I get why, but this is a chance to be and do more. We could really keep the city safe.”
I squeezed the bridge of my nose. “We kept it safe before.”
“And things have changed. This new witch is here, the Sidhe are upset about the energy network. Things are changing, and we need to change with them."
"I am trying with my fire. I just can't… get it."
"You're holding yourself back. You've always done it."
I wanted to snap at him, but his expression was so soft; he was trying to help. I nodded and accepted his words.
Two large dogs came into the living room. I realised the smaller grey one was a wolf. Raif was all legs and sinewy muscle in his wolf form as well, compared to Lysander's bigger, bulkier hound form. They circled around each other before Lysander pounced and they began wrestling on the floor. I looked to Quin, who was smiling. No blood was shed, so I left them to it. Let them have their weird canid rituals.
Fifty-Two
The cub slept on the sofa. No blood was drawn between him and Lysander; my hound came out of it seeming happier with things. Raif shrugged the entire thing off. I woke up with no idea what I was supposed to do with him. The temptation to drop him off with Kadrix and let him poke and prod him all day was quite strong. Quin shut that plan down, though, saying they were doing complicated alchemy and they couldn't afford the distraction. I was stuck with him.
We headed to Elise's; maybe I'd be able to leave him with her for a few days, or weeks. She was in her full priestess garb when we entered. Another priestess was with her, dressed in heather greys and a splash of copper. The other priestess looked Lysander up and down, drinking in every inch of him. I put my arm around his waist and allowed my bracelet to slip out from under the sleeve of my jacket.
She smirked at me. "He's a rather good specimen, isn't he?"
Lysander gestured to Raif. "I'm not available. That one is, though. If you're looking for a toy."
She didn't even glance at Raif. Elise glared at us both.
She turned to the priestess. "Thank you for stopping by, Zoe, it was a pleasure as always."
Zoe slipped out the back. "Evie, Lysander, you should know better than to offer the poor boy as a toy like that! He is a person, with feelings, not something to be traded."
I held her eye-contact, but said nothing. I hadn't actually done anything wrong, but as Lysander was my hound, I was taking the shit for it.
Raif growled quietly and said, "My pack traded me amongst themselves my entire life, I’m quite used to it by now."
Lysander growled softly and said, "I understand that feeling."
Elise relaxed and smiled. "See. You two have something in common."
"We're both unwanted freaks that get shunted around, you mean?" Raif said a little louder that time.
Elise pursed her lips. "I'm sure you're not unwanted."
He raised his eyebrow. "They were quite explicit that I was unwanted."
"What did I do to deserve this?" I asked the moon goddess.
"It's unpleasant knowing that you can't form proper bonds because you'll be traded again. The feeling that you'll never feel true affection,” Lysander said, the growl still edging his words.
"They bitch that you're aloof, that you don't make any effort, but why should you? They're not going to keep you,” Raif replied.
"Well this is a fucking happy bonding topic,” I muttered as I walked over to Elise.
"You're the connection between them, Evie. Show Raif the love you show Lysander."
"I am not sharing,” Lysander snarled.
"There's more than one type of love,” Elise snapped.
Lysander lowered his eyes.
"My apologies, priestess."
She nodded and relaxed.
Raif lifted his chin, his muscles tensed and he crossed his arms over his chest.
“I do not expect such a bond from you, Evelyn. I have a good understanding of the situation,” Raif said.
"Are you always this angsty?" I replied.
"I am not being angsty, I am merely being honest,” he growled.
“Then you’ll understand my position. You are a lycan, a broken one, but one nonetheless. I have no reason to trust tha
t your allegiance is with me. Work hard. Prove yourself, and we’ll get along fine,” I said.
He held my eye contact for a long moment before he smiled.
"I’m glad we had this talk," he said.
I bit my tongue. The conversation was over.
"You'll be a good mother someday, Evelyn,” Lysander said with a smile.
I shrugged. "I very much doubt that."
Raif seemed to listen to my words. We each put him through his paces with hand to hand combat and with blades. He was fast, strong, and quite skilled. I was pleasantly surprised. He listened to our criticisms and learned quickly. At the end of it, he tentatively offered some potential improvements for us. I had a bad habit of leaving my right side too open, and Lysander needed to become more comfortable with blades. By the end, everyone was in a much better mood; Lysander even smiled at the cub. I grudgingly accepted that there was a new person in our little group, and he had the potential to worm his way into my affections.
He and Lysander kept circling around each other, poking at each other. I left them to it. It seemed like a natural thing, assessing each other and being male at each other. They began sparring again when I asked Elise if her lady had any more news on the witch. She shook her head.
"She tells me that things will move as they need to, nothing more."
I grumbled to myself.
"You should be focusing on using your fire, Evie. That could be a useful skill, but you're ignoring it because you're afraid of it."
I refused to look at her. I kept going back and forth on the idea in my mind. I was a hunter, a normal human, but I had a skill that could save lives and protect my city.
"Stop viewing the world as so black and white, Evie. You've never had a problem with my magic, you've accepted Lysander, would it be so fucking awful if you were magical, too?"
I looked at her in shock. She waved her hand.
"I'm tired of it, Evie. I love you, I really do, but stop shutting down and hiding from something that could help you. Stop denying yourself happiness. You have opportunities that many people would kill for."
"I never asked for any of this."
"But you were given it, so stop squandering it!"
I took a long deep breath. I knew she was right. I hated it. I hated the implications, but she was right.
"What am I?" I asked softly.
"You're many things, Evie, does your blood matter so much?"
"Yes."
"Would it stop you from loving Lysander if you suddenly found out you were a demonic nymph? Would it take away your achievements? Your passions?"
I sighed heavily. She spoke the truth, and it hurt.
"I understand your desire to know, but stop letting it shape you. That is what stands between you and your fire."
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to accept that my heritage, the questions… didn't change me. They didn't form me. I was Evelyn Hawke.
That was what mattered.
Fifty-Three
Quin and Lysander had apparently arranged to have a boys’ night in at our flat. I wasn’t told until Kadrix and Quin showed up with bottles of alcohol and pizza. Lysander grinned at them and helped them gather plates and glasses. I stood in the doorway and watched; what was I even supposed to do with that? Kadrix looked at me and gestured at the spare seat.
"Do sit down, Evelyn, I'm not going to wait on you hand and foot."
I raised an eyebrow. "You're aware this is my home, correct?"
He waved his hand at me and sat down, taking a slice of pizza for himself.
"Don't worry sis, we remember that you're the alpha."
The men all laughed, including the cub. I painted a calm smile on my face. I wasn't going to let them win. It took Kadrix all of two bites before he started.
"Cub, what are you, exactly?"
"His name is Raif,” Lysander growled between bites.
The cub smirked at Lysander; apparently their canid rituals were going well.
Kadrix's mouth tightened into a small line before he nodded and said, "Raif, what are you?"
The cub looked away and placed his slice of pizza down on his plate. Lysander narrowed his eyes and slowly reached his hand over to the half-eaten slice. I glared at him; he scowled and took a fresh slice of a different pizza.
Finally, the cub looked at Kadrix and said stiffly, "I don't know. I come from lycans. I want to make my pack proud."
Kadrix chewed his pizza slice.
Quin had the good sense to turn the topic of conversation to something more palatable. I wasn’t paying enough attention to entirely follow it. I got as far as knowing that someone was screwed over in a business deal before they slept with someone else.
Kadrix pursed his lips and said, "Interesting. I saw Genevieve flirting very openly with James in the coffee shop at 7am this morning; Dante clearly didn't satisfy her needs."
The cub choked on his pizza slice. Lysander burst into laughter. I had to laugh with them.
Kadrix grinned and everyone relaxed.
That was until Kadrix looked at Raif and said, "Are you a virgin?"
I covered my mouth and tried desperately not to choke on my pizza. I gulped down some beer and remembered to breathe. The poor cub had turned a rather interesting shade of red; the guys were all looking at him with poker faces.
Raif narrowed his eyes at the elf before he put on his own poker face. “I can’t say that I’ve had the opportunity to be otherwise.”
Kadrix nodded and the others laughed again. Raif stuffed his mouth with more pizza and knocked it back with half a bottle of beer.
Quin grinned at him. “I hope you can hold that beer."
He nodded enthusiastically.
The guys seemed satisfied to leave poor Raif alone once he'd returned to his normal colour; instead, they gossiped like old women about other alchemists and such around the city. Kadrix was far worse than any woman I'd ever met. He knew who was sleeping with whom, who'd done which business deal; it was quite something. Once the pizza was finished, everyone settled onto the sofa and armchairs. Raif sat next to Quin, who had Kadrix on the other side of him on the sofa. Lysander sprawled out over an armchair, and I curled up in the other. I didn't quite fit, it was clearly a boys' night, but I was trying not to be rude. We'd all had a few beers, but Raif was feeling it more than the rest of us.
He frowned and looked between Quin and Kadrix before he said, "So... you're gay right? Does that mean..."
Quin didn't need to hear the rest. A dark smile formed on his face and he leaned closer to Raif while he placed his hand on the cub's knee. Slowly, he moved his hand up Raif's leg.
His lips were almost touching the cub's ear when he said, "Would you like that?"
Raif's eyes went wide, he glanced to Lysander for some support, and he swallowed hard. "I well… it’s very rare to have a gay lycan, so I don’t really know… that is to say…”
Quin pulled back and put his arm around Kadrix's slender shoulders. "Don't worry, I only have eyes for Kadrix."
With that, they all howled with laughter. Raif sighed with relief and laughed along with them.
I decided it was time for me to leave them to it. Without a word and headed to my bedroom and tried to clear my mind and focus. Elise's words had stung. She'd been right, she was always fucking right. It was time for me to see what I could do. Taking a deep breath, I sat cross legged in the middle of the bedroom floor. It was time for me to crack the hellfire thing.
The guys' voices filtered through into the bedroom; they were getting louder and laughing again. It irked me, to be pushed outside of the group. Logically, it made sense, but I held onto the anger and tried to use it. It formed a small ball just behind my sternum, in my mind's eye I saw it as a dark ball surrounded with bright blue flames. I shut out their voices and focused entirely on the ball as I brought it up and split it, sending one down my left arm, the other down my right arm. I could do it.
The balls were sitting in the palms of my hands, I felt the bizar
re flickering feeling of the flames slowly forming over my wrists and my hands. I didn't dare open my eyes to check that I wasn't imagining it. I had to focus. A slow exhalation allowed me to continue to focus as the balls grew larger encompassing my entire hands. The flickering warmth spread up over my arms; I couldn't resist, I had to look. Pale yellow flames covered my hands and danced up my arms. It wasn't the raging inferno I'd hoped for, but it was a damn good start.
Elation bubbled up; the flames flickered and dulled. Taking another deep breath, I focused once more. Failure was not an option.
Fifty-Four
Time was irrelevant. I was determined to control the fire. My emotions were becoming less of a problem. I allowed myself to feel the sheer glee at having formed the blue flames over my hands, and they remained there. The progress was real; I was really doing it.
"I'm proud of you, Evelyn."
I hadn't even noticed the door opening. Lysander stood in the doorway, casually leaning against it. He could have been there for hours for all I knew. I grinned up at him and managed to maintain most of the fire. It cooled to a mix of yellows and oranges, but it was there. Taking a long deep breath, I extinguished it and stood. He shut the door and pulled me close to him, nuzzling my neck.
"You've come so far."
A flicker of anger at his having pushed me aside in favour of his boys’ night, within my own home, bloomed. I pushed it aside; he deserved the night. I may not have planned it, but it had given me the time and space that I needed to make real progress with my fire.
I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his waist, enjoying the pride and happiness of the moment.
His lips brushed my neck; a shiver skittered down my spine. I gently bit his bottom lip. There were benefits to embracing the supernatural world, and I intended on enjoying them all night long.
I woke up to Lysander trailing his fingers over my stomach; I smiled over at him.
"Raif will fit in well. I understand his pain," he said without prompting. "He has been pushed aside most of his life. He was an object, bartered and traded. This is his final stop, and it will be his home."
