by Tia Wylder
“Dad! Dad! This is Jeffrey. He just turned six, and he’s never had any other guys to play with either!” James announced, wrapping an arm around the younger boy’s shoulder and smiling brightly. Paul considered Jeffrey with a torn expression, not sure how to address the boy. He had kind blue eyes, and hair as dark as his mother’s. Truthfully, Paul saw a bit of himself in the boy. He was clearly nervous to meet the navy seal, and in spite of the man’s regrets regarding how he’d treated Kelly, he wasn’t going to punish her kid for it.
“Hey there, Jeff. I’m Mr. Stalone, but you can call me Paul. It’s nice to meet you. James has always been eager to make a friend in the neighborhood, so I’m sure the two of you will get along just fine,” he said with a faint smile. Jeffrey seemed somewhat flustered, wringing his hands uncomfortably. It was obvious that he wasn’t used to being around people besides his mother, and Paul was beginning to doubt his initial theory that a father figure would be pulling in the driveway any time soon.
“H-hello. James has been very nice, a-and… I’ve always wanted another boy to play with. It’s always just been me and mom,” he trailed off, chuckling awkwardly.
“And your mommy wouldn’t have it any other way,” Kelly crooned, reaching down to pinch her son’s cheek. He squawked, batting her hands away. She smiled to herself, glancing towards Paul with her lip drawn between her teeth.
“Mr. Stalone, the pie,” Roberta hissed urgently, and Paul laughed awkwardly before offering the dessert to his old lover turned new neighbor. She accepted it reluctantly, their eyes meeting for a brief moment. It felt like electric shocks were jolting through Paul’s body as soon as they locked eyes, and Kelly cleared her throat before glancing away.
“Thank you. I, uh… I’m sure it will be interesting, being neighbors. I’m glad that Jeffrey has a friend in your son,” she said, haltingly. The tension in the air could have been sliced straight through with a knife, and as Paul struggled to find the words to explain himself and how sorry he was, Kelly took her son by the arm and guided him towards the door. “You boys can play more tomorrow. It was nice to meet you James, but we need to get settled in for a bit. You’re welcome to come over anytime,” she smiled.
Though it went unsaid, Paul was rather sure the invitation wasn’t extended to him. He simply stared at the woman as she slipped into her house, swallowing a despairing sigh that threatened to spill past his lips.
He wouldn’t cause a scene in front of their children. He fully intended to speak to Kelly however, whether she wanted to or not.
Chapter Two
Dinner was spent with James rambling ecstatically about his new friend, not that Paul could blame him. The young boy had never had many other boys to play with, only his father and mother. He knew that James had a little ‘girlfriend’ at his mother’s house, but he spoke dismissively of the young girl, saying she was annoying. As much as the navy seal hated to think it, he saw something of himself in his son. He could attribute much of it to his son’s youth, but he also acknowledged that his dismissal of the fairer sex could prove problematic in the long run. Paul planned to make certain that his son never used women in the way he had. While the navy seal had never outright abused a woman, he was just barely a step up from his abusive father. While he couldn’t speak for his mother, who was too doped up to care about his father’s actions, he wanted his son to have a better life.
“Dad, you look like something’s bothering you. You don’t feel left out, with me hanging out with Jeffrey and stuff, do you?” James inquired softly, tearing Paul from his thoughts. Paul managed a weak chuckle, stabbing his cut of steak with a fork. He swiped it through a pile of steak sauce, bringing the dripping mess of a bite to his lips. He chewed slowly, pensively, as if trying to figure out how to properly explain himself to his son. He couldn’t very well explain that he’d had a brief fling with the next door neighbor, so many years ago. “Is it because of Miss Carpenter? You two seem sorta… awkward around each other. Do you know her?” James continued, picking idly at the skin of his baked potato.
“You know how complicated things can be, son,” Paul muttered after swallowing, the food catching in his throat for a brief moment. He coughed, clearing his throat loudly. “Miss Carpenter… Kelly and I go a way back, and as much as I’d like to say I’ve always been the perfect gentleman, I think we both know that’s not quite true,” Paul managed, his voice scratchy from where he’d struggled to swallow his food. James considered his father with a pensive expression, setting his fork down and propping his elbows on the table. Paul knew the boy’s mother would chastise him for such actions, but he took a much less strict role in his parenting. He simply propped his elbows up as well, resting his chin in his palm as he and his son scrutinized each other for a long moment.
“You should make things right with her, Dad. Jeffrey said… well, he doesn’t really know who his dad is. Miss Carpenter doesn’t have a husband, or even someone she’s dated for as long as he can remember. Maybe she could use a bit of company,” James offered carefully, looking amused by the flustered look on his father’s face.
“It’s not always that easy, son. As much as I wish it were, even if I were to approach Kelly and apologize for the missteps I’ve made in our relationship…friendship, pardon, friendship… there’s no guarantee she would forgive me. If anything, I could make things worse. I don’t want to ruin your friendship with Jeffrey, and it certainly seems like the kid could use a friend like you,” Paul said, cautiously. James hummed under his breath, tapping his foot on the tile underneath the table.
“You don’t have to be her boyfriend, Dad. Just be her friend. If Jeffrey could use a friend like me, what makes you think Miss Carpenter couldn’t use a friend like you?” The boy suggested, sagely. Paul hesitated, continuing to idly pick at his food for a moment longer. “Come on. You guys could really make up, and then it wouldn’t be so awkward for me and Jeff to hang out. If anything, we can only go up from here,” James said, cheerfully. Though Paul was less certain of the assertion, he simply smiled and nodded his head.
“Alright. I’ll go talk to her. Just don’t expect us to mend our burned bridges overnight. She has every reason in the world to be upset with me, and while I can’t exactly go into the details with you, it’s going to be difficult to recover from,” the father mused aloud. James simply smirked, pushing away from the table and cleaning up his dishes. Roberta quickly ushered him away from the table, thanking him for the help but insisting that it was entirely unnecessary.
“Mr. Stalone, if I may… your son has a point. I have a sneaking suspicion about your past with this woman, but you are a good man at heart. You left a lot behind when you joined active service, but now that you’re home for a time, there is plenty of opportunity to make things right,” Roberta said carefully, taking the navy seal’s dishes as well and slipping towards the sink to wash them. Paul considered her for a long moment, leaning back in his chair until he nearly toppled backwards. He lurched forward with a clunk, the legs of his chair banging against the floor unpleasantly. He pushed away from the table, glancing towards the clock and trying to judge whether it was too late to pay an impromptu visit to his new neighbor. Considering the depth of the conversation they would be exchanging, he could only wonder if there would be any potential good time to discuss it.
Deciding that the best thing he could do is grin and bear it, he bid a quiet goodbye to Roberta and paused at the doorway as his son watched from the couch. James grinned a toothy little smile, shooting his father two thumbs up.
“You got this, Dad. Just try to make things right. That’s all you have to do,” the young boy announced, excitedly. While Paul had his doubts about how easy it would be to make things right, he knew that he owed everyone involved a fighting chance. He slipped through the front door, the night chill causing little goosebumps to pop up along the exposed skin of his arms. While it never got particularly cold in his hometown, he was used to the warm sunshine of the day. The sun had long since set beyond
the horizon as he strode across his yard, hesitating once he met the edge of his new neighbor’s lawn. He rocked back on his heels, debating turning back and trying another day. His conscience wouldn’t let him give up so easily, however. He had a plan, and a point to make. He had to prove that he wasn’t the sleazy guy that he used to be. Being in the service had changed him, and while abruptly leaving with nary a word to his loved ones wasn’t a good idea, he knew he had only grown from there.
Steeling himself and preparing that familiar mask that he adorned whenever he entered an uncertain situation, he stepped up the walkway to the door. The concrete thumped heavily under his combat boots, boots he’d yet to break the habit of slipping into every morning. His heart pounded almost painfully in his chest, and he wasn’t entirely sure he’d survive being turned away at the door. All the same, he knew he had to try. He paused outside the door, the lights from inside the house shining from the front windows. He hesitated a moment longer, reaching out to knock before realizing that the doorbell would be a better idea. He pressed the button for a long moment, listening to the loud dinging as it echoed from his location to the depths of the house.
“One minute,” he heard Kelly call, and he shoved his hands deep in his pockets as he waited for her to answer the door. He was tempted to sprint away before she made it that far, but that certainly wouldn’t improve his reputation with the woman. Especially considering that she would be able to see him turning tail to his next door home.
Bracing himself, he managed a weak smile as the door was pulled open, and the woman who had haunted his dreams stared out at him. A vaguely familiar expression glimmered in her eyes for a brief moment, and Paul could recognize it as an emotion he felt reflected in his own gaze. It was obvious the curvy and luscious woman still desired him, but as soon as he smiled and attempted to speak, she narrowed her eyes dangerously upon him.
“What are you doing here?” She demanded softly, speaking in hushed tones so her son wouldn’t hear. Paul hesitated, not entirely sure how to answer. As much as he wanted to mend the bridges he’d burned, he knew it would take a lot of work. He couldn’t simply apologize and expect things to get better from there. He knew he would have to put more effort in, more effort than he’d put into anything before.
“I wanted to talk… I wanted to apologize,” he began, moving to step through the doorway. Her expression was almost reminiscent of longing, but she soon wore the same cold mask that he’d been practicing for years. It seemed that she’d had her share of time to perfect her cool and calm exterior.
“There’s nothing to apologize for, Paul. You took my virginity, and you left, but at the very least it was for a good cause. Serving the country, sailing the open seas and seeing lands that I could only dream of…” she trailed off, looking troubled. He parted his lips to speak, but she quickly cut him off with a glare. “There’s nothing to apologize, because an apology is too little too late. There’s nothing that you can say to ease the hurt I felt when you left. There’s no way to make up for that lost time. If you came here expecting sunshine and flowers… well, I’m sorry to disappoint you,” she said, brusquely. Paul’s mouth fell agape, and he stared at her with pain evident in his gaze. There were a thousand things he wanted to say, a thousand ways he could think of proving himself and showing how truly sorry he was. In that moment, he truly realized how little it meant, however.
“Our sons are getting along great. I don’t know who… I don’t know who you ended up with, but it’s obvious that he’s not in your life anymore. I know it has to be hard to take care of a child alone,” he began, and she laughed humorlessly, shifting her weight to one foot.
“Make your point,” she demanded, coolly. He flinched at the anger in her tone, reaching back to rub the back of his neck. His dark brown hair felt too sweaty, clinging to his scalp and ears in a way that was likely entirely unattractive. He got sweaty when he was nervous, what could he say?
“James has never had a good friend in this town. When he’s visiting me, he doesn’t have any company besides myself and Roberta. If you can’t forgive me, at least look out for the best interests of our sons. I know you wouldn’t go out of your way to hurt James, and I also know you only want what’s best for Jeffrey. I think what’s best for our sons is... each other,” Paul offered carefully, watching Kelly’s expressions as they rapidly began to shift. At first, she looked somewhat scornful; as if the very idea that anyone in her life could need Paul in some way was unthinkable. Then, for a reason the navy seal couldn’t discern, the vaguest hints of guilt flickered in her eyes. Finally, acceptance.
“You’re right. Jeffrey has a hard time making friends, and… his father has been out of the picture for a long time. It’s been hard raising him alone, though I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I suppose I’ve taken for granted that I’m not the only company he’ll ever need,” she muttered, rubbing her arm uncomfortably. Paul managed a smile, feeling rather pleased at having gotten through to her. “That doesn’t mean things will go back to how they were. You broke my heart, Paul. I’ll be cordial to you, and I’ll be kind to your son. Just don’t expect me to make the same mistakes I made all those years ago,” she said more seriously, crossing her arms over her chest. Paul frowned, feeling a bit taken aback at how vehemently she denied the possibility of them growing close again.
Then again, he couldn’t blame her. He’d left her behind, and it seemed the man who had fathered Jeffrey had been no better. He couldn’t expect to change her opinion of men overnight, especially considering he was one that had wronged her. As much as he had hoped she would leap into his arms as soon as he made the venture to her front door, he was beginning to realize just how utterly unrealistic that was. Considering her words, he paused before nodding resolutely.
“I can’t expect you to forgive me, not after all these years. As sure as I am that I could prove I’ve changed, it would be unfair for me to expect you to give me that chance. I’m just… I’m just happy you’re looking out for the best interest of our sons,” he said, firmly. Another glint in her eye, uncertainty with a mix of fear this time. He wasn’t sure what held her conscience captive, but it was obvious that something was deeply bothering the woman. Perhaps someday he would manage to get her to reveal her deepest and darkest fears. Perhaps one day, he would be able to soothe those fears as he so longed to do in that one moment. For the time being, however, he simply had to settle for what luck he had been granted. He wouldn’t push the issue of being with her, as much as he wanted to claim her as his own once more.
“Don’t look at me like that, Paul. Go home. I’ll see you tomorrow, and our sons can have a play date of sorts,” she said coolly, fidgeting under his stare. He hadn’t realized how intensely he’d been staring, but as he drew his eyes away, he realized that the world seemed to have briefly faded away save for the two of them on her doorstep.
“Goodnight, Kelly,” he offered, gently. She said nothing, easing the door closed.
Two steps forward, one step back. Though it was going to be difficult, Paul knew he had to make things work out somehow. For their sons, and for the sake of themselves as well.
Chapter Three
Paul lay awake in bed, staring contemplatively at the ceiling. He could hear his son’s delighted laughter from outside, and the neighbor boy’s excited shouts. The two went together like peanut butter and jelly, and James was sure he’d made a friend for life. Meanwhile, Paul had made an attempt to make nice with Kelly and he couldn’t help feeling as if there was more he should do. He supposed he could start by getting out of bed, but a crippling loneliness had washed over him since he woke that morning. James had only briefly lingered at his door before excusing himself to toss around the football with Jeffrey. Though Paul was thrilled to be home with his son, there was an ache in his heart that even time spent with young James couldn’t abate. There was a hole in his heart, shaped vaguely like the woman who was currently supervising their children.
Exhaling a weary breath, he gla
nced towards the window. Sunlight peeked through the blinds, and from what he could tell, it made for an absolutely beautiful day. He could imagine Kelly wearing that light blue sundress he’d last seen her in before departing for his service. While he knew it was unlikely she had kept the garment for so long, it was an image that felt ingrained on the back of his retinas. Sighing, he rolled over to face the wall that adjoined with his walk-in closet. He allowed his head to sag against his pillow, closing his eyes and lifting his hand towards his heart.
Out on the open seas, it had been easy to dismiss his loneliness. It wasn’t as if he was going to shack up with one of his fellow Navy SEALs, and he had simply grown accustomed to being alone. Now, however, the very woman he’d dreamed of was just beyond his reach. As much as he wanted to tell Kelly how much he’d thought about her, how he’d longed to write to her, he was afraid. He’d already hurt her so deeply, he couldn’t help but think he may have deserved the cold treatment she had turned upon him. Moreover, he couldn’t bear the thought of wounding her any more deeply than she’d already been wounded.
As much as he wanted to move forward, the guilt that gripped him was nearly stupefying. It was what drove him to remain in bed, moping for the duration of the morning. The afternoon loomed, and Paul was beginning to feel like something of a bum for remaining curled in bed for so long. Yet another weary sigh, and he threw the blankets off of himself before throwing his legs off the side of the bed. He sat upright, rubbing the back of his hand against his weary and watery eyes. Though he would like nothing more than to remain in his pajamas until nightfall came, he stumbled into his closet and grabbed a t-shirt and jeans to change into.
