I met his eyes calmly.
“Is that…” He stopped and took a deep breath. “Was that you?”
Turning back to the window, I debated about my answer. “Jonathon and Evelyn Lyle were my parents, yes.”
“And why he went to jail … he…”
It was so hard for people to say the words. I understood it. It was hard for me even now, and it had been done to me.
“I don’t know what all he did to me, Sean.” Wrapping my arms around my midsection, I focused on the deep navy of the sky and what few stars I could see. “I don’t know what either of them did.”
“Either…?” The word came out in a rough growl.
“Yes. I told you there were no words for what was done to me.” Although it wasn’t cold, a shiver racked me. I had a feeling I’d be suffering this chill for a long time to come. I sensed him moving toward me, so I eased off to the side. I didn’t want his pity.
The box, so simple and plain, sat on the table waiting for me.
“It started out as an experiment, they claimed. They never meant for anything bad to happen. They each blamed the other, and then they blamed themselves, and then they blamed me and society and money.” I talked as I moved over to the box. I hadn’t ever looked inside. Nora told me what was in it, and then she’d said if I ever needed to fill in the gaps in my memory, I could start here.
But I hadn’t ever wanted to.
If Sean weren’t here …
It didn’t matter what the cause was. I was here, and I was going to finish it. As I touched the top of the box, I looked up at him. “I was told that I never slept well. I cried a lot at night, and then I started to sleepwalk. My parents claimed they were at their wits’ end. The pharmaceutical company had already been working on this medication for some time. It was nearing the testing stages, and my father had been involved every step of the way. It was meant to be a sedative, one with fewer side effects. It cleared the system quicker and wasn’t addictive.”
One thing that UMI had pushed for was to get their hands on that drug.
Nora and I had both refused.
It was still Lyle property. As it hadn’t ever made it past the first testing stage, thanks to my father, it was nothing more than an experimental drug, and an unproven one at that.
I wouldn’t allow it to be sold.
Ever.
“I have no idea when they started drugging me with it. I don’t know which memories are real and which ones aren’t. There were things I’m told we did that I have no memory of.” I shrugged as I slid my hands inside the box and lifted out a fat file folder. I placed it on my lap before pushing the box aside.
There were letters inside.
Most were from Nora. I recognized her handwriting from just a glance. I wondered what they were for.
Maybe I would read them. Maybe I wouldn’t.
For now …
I picked up the letter on top.
It was from Jonathon Lyle.
My stomach twisted almost savagely.
Nora told me she’d gone to visit him after he’d been incarcerated. He’d already been attacked twice.
She’d said he was battered and bruised and bloodied. She’d smiled as she told me.
I’d cried in my room, away from her.
Even now, part of me felt like I was supposed to love the man.
I went to open the letter. Fumbling with the seal, I swore. I ended up ripping the edge, and still, I couldn’t open it.
“Here.”
I tensed at the sound of Sean’s voice, low and raw.
He sat down in front of me, his weight braced on the table.
My skin prickled from his nearness.
I wanted …
I stopped the thought before it could form.
“What’s this?” he asked as he gently took the letter from my hand and opened it.
“I don’t know. Nora made them each write me a letter. She said I deserved … something.” I had wondered at the time, tried to figure out just how she’d made them do anything, but I’d figured it out. They’d lost everything, the stockholders of the company had seen to that, and they’d all but bankrupted themselves trying to find a way to fight the charges.
Nora had married into old money, though and there was a lot of it.
She’d used that money to fight for me and make sure I would have the means to do whatever I needed—to buy whatever illusory security I thought I might want later in life. And she’d used it to force things from my parents.
She’d told them she’d keep them … comfortable in prison and that she’d make arrangements for the company to survive under her guidance until I could take the reins, if they would just agree to sign guilty pleas. Nora hadn’t lied … exactly. Years later, she’d helped UMI with their rather hostile takeover, and she’d made sure money that would have been my parents’ went into an account for me.
Blood money. My mother hadn’t wanted to do anything, but my father realized he was either looking at a hellish prison sentence or one where he could maybe buy protection.
He’d underestimated the hatred men in prison had for those who preyed on children.
I still didn’t know all the details, nor did I care to. My mother wasn’t likely to tell me and my father couldn’t.
Looking at the letter Sean held, I could appreciate what Nora had done for me. She hadn’t just forced them to acknowledge what they’d done. She’d taken care of me, loved me, and secured my future.
She’d secured some sort of life for me even after she was gone, while stripping their power away.
But it wasn’t enough.
Sean seemed to agree. Dismayed, he stared at the letter and then at me. “What could they bloody say?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged. “But Nora was a big believer in closure.”
Sean’s long, elegant fingers tugged the letter out of the envelope, tightening on it a moment. I had the feeling he wanted to burn it. When he held it out to me, I slid him a look. “Read it,” I told him. “It doesn’t matter to me what it says.”
Sean’s fingers tightened around the letter.
The look in his eyes was awful, and I thought he might refuse.
But then, slowly, he looked down, and after a moment, he started to read.
The letter suffered the same fate as the newspaper.
So did the next one.
I didn’t bother to see what happened after that. I didn’t want to see what was inside, not really.
As he continued to read, I left the sitting room.
Chapter 6
I didn’t know what I was planning to do until I was already in my room, pulling out my suitcases. Not the small, overnight ones, but the oversized ones that would hold more than half my substantial wardrobe.
Alice came in while I was pulling clothes from my closet. To her credit, she didn’t ask a single question.
She just joined me and began to fold clothes along with me, taking the things that wouldn’t travel as well folded and setting them aside.
We worked in silence for a long time.
It seemed like hours, although it was probably just under one.
When I heard a noise at the door, I didn’t let myself stiffen up. I already knew who it was.
Looking at the tight features of the older woman standing next to me, I said, “Why don’t you go to bed? It’s getting late.”
She wanted to argue. I could see it.
She came to me and brushed my hair back gently. “Will you wake me before you leave?”
“You know I will.”
Sean said nothing when Alice left the room.
Even after we were alone, he didn’t speak. He came deeper into my room and prowled the large span of carpeted area. After a few minutes of that, he turned to look at me. “So this is what the queen’s bower looks like.”
It was a pathetic stab at his old humor, but I smiled anyway.
It was far easier to do it now than it had once been. Instead of brushing aside his
comment, I looked at my room. It was airy and open. Elegant, too. But it was devoid of personality and warmth. Devoid of charm.
“I pity the queen who has a room like this,” I said quietly. The walls were pale silver. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized the room echoed the design of the Waldorf, the hotel where I’d met Sean our first night together. Silver and white. Everything was silver and white. I could stand against a wall, and, save for my hair, I’d blend right in.
“Why is that?”
“Because the room is cold. There’s no emotion here, no life.” Shrugging, I went back to packing. “I’d always thought a queen would have a more welcoming bower than this.”
“It’s the princess you’re thinking of.” His voice was rougher, closer. “She’s got time for all that. The queen, now … well, her life is all about being efficient and being in control. She doesn’t have time for soft things or romance.”
He stood behind me.
So close, I could feel his warmth.
I didn’t let myself turn around.
“What is it you’re doing, Ella?”
“I’d think it was self-explanatory, Sean. I’m packing.”
“Going on a business trip?”
I didn’t answer right away. I was too busy trying to understand the desperation I heard in his voice. It was a sharp edge. But maybe I just heard it because I wanted to. Because I needed to. My hands shook as I placed another shirt in the suitcase. “No. I’m going to … go.”
He said nothing for the longest time.
Nor did he move.
After I’d finished with that stack of clothes, I turned. He stood there, blocking me. I went to move forward, and that just put me within an inch of his body.
“Excuse me.” I would have done an actress proud. There was no emotion in my voice. Nothing.
“You’re going to go,” he said, his voice echoing the flat tones of mine. “Go where? For how long?”
“I don’t know. I’ll go wherever. I’ll do whatever. And I don’t know. Maybe forever.” I looked around the room, thought of the house. “I only stayed here because this was Nora’s house. She left it to me. She was sick, you know. She had cancer, and she wanted to die here. She’d … this was the home she lived in with him—her husband. I don’t know what all he’d planned to do, but he hated it here. It was the family home and sat empty until they married. He hardly ever came here. But Nora loved it and made it her home. Then she made it mine. She left it to me, and I was too afraid to leave. Then I was too stubborn not to try. I’m not so afraid now, and I’ve proven that I can leave … so I’m done.”
I went to cut around him.
I made it two steps before a powerful forearm came around my waist and hauled me back. “No. Not like … Ella, not like this. I’m sorry.”
The warmth of his chest against my back went racing through me. Places gone cold and hollow filled with heat again. But it was only temporary. I covered his hand with mine.
“I know you’re sorry.”
I tugged on his hand.
He let go.
Slowly, I turned to face him. His eyes were dark and stormy, the pale gray closer to the color of thunderheads now. He cupped my face and drew me closer. “Why are you leaving?” he demanded.
“Because there’s nothing here for me.” I shrugged. “You made it clear you don’t share the feelings I have for you. I never much cared to be here anyway. And I’m … tired.” I paused a moment, nodding as I realized the truth of it. “Yes. I am tired of trying to prove to myself that I can be strong.”
“You are strong.” His voice was raw. His hands clutched my hair so tightly, it almost hurt. “You’re probably one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, if not the strongest. Stay, leave. That doesn’t prove anything. So … stay.”
“I don’t want to.” I leaned in, pressed my lips to his. “The only reason I’d stay … but, you don’t want me.”
Well, maybe that wasn’t the right phrase.
He pulled me back, lips clinging to mine.
When I would have ended the kiss, he backed me up until I was pinned between him and the towering post on the end of my bed. I clutched at his torso, aching for the heat of him and the feel. In some small corner of my brain, rational thought was vying to be heard. This is stupid. You’ll regret it. This is stupid. Don’t do this!
But almost every action I’d taken with Sean had been stupid.
Did I regret them?
Not even a little, save for maybe those few words that had driven a wedge between us.
“Does this feel like I don’t want you?” he demanded, the words a snarl against my mouth.
Before I could answer, he thrust his tongue past my lips again. And again. And again.
I was breathless when he stopped, but all he did was pause long enough to say it again. “Stay.”
I shook my head. I was done feeling like an outsider everywhere I went. I’d find someplace …
“Fine.” His voice went quiet, deadly quiet.
A shiver went through me as he moved his lips to my ear. “You made an offer when you came to me house, Ella. One million dollars to shag you. Is that still open?”
“What … you can’t. Darla.”
“Let me worry about that. Is the offer still open?”
He lifted his head and stared down at me, eyes glittering.
Blood rushed to my face, suffusing it. No. I had to tell him no. Darla depended on this. I had to …
He slid a hand down my belly, past the waistband of my formfitting yoga pants, and then two fingers parted my folds. He slid them inside me and twisted his wrist. “Yes or no, Ella. One last fuck, what do you say?”
I whimpered as he withdrew, then screwed them back in.
“Is that a yes?”
Blind, I stared at him.
He stroked me straight into orgasm. I’d been hovering there almost from the moment he’d kissed me, and he’d known it. Now, panting and wobbling on weak legs, I watched as he sank to his knees in front of me, dragging my pants down. “Consider that a taste. It will only cost ten grand. Do you want more?”
He leaned and pressed his mouth to my sex. “I’ll lick this sweet, hot cunt until you come again, and then I’ll fuck you blind. I’m feeling generous. One night, Ella. I’ll give you one night. You give me that million … and a favor.”
“A … Sean!”
He leaned forward and licked my clit, tugging the swollen bud with his teeth.
“Like that…”
“Yes!”
He chuckled. “You’ve got yourself a bargain.”
My head spun. I had no idea—
“Wait!”
“Too late. We’ve got a deal. And I’ve got…,” he grunted as he boosted me up and drove inside, “you.”
I barely heard him. I was too busy sucking in a breath and trying to adjust to the feel of him inside me.
“One last night, Ella,” he said, fisting his hand in my hair and yanking me close. “And don’t forget that favor.”
Then, all words stopped as he set about driving into me so hard and so fast, he battered the oxygen right out of me.
* * *
He was gone in the morning.
So was the check he’d insisted that I write at some point during the night.
My eyes pricked with tears, but I wouldn’t give in to them.
I had plans to make.
I had to figure out where I wanted to go.
I had to talk to the people I’d hired to help me with Nora’s Door—they were going to be doing the majority of the work now, without my supervision. I had to make sure they were up to it.
I had to …
Cry.
Curling up on my side, I gave in to the tears. I should have known they would come.
I should have known I’d never be able to stop them.
Broken, I lay in my bed as the death of my dreams washed out of me in an endless torrent.
Chapter 7
It was an ugl
y twist to things that I couldn’t leave as easily as I’d planned.
Coming back to Chicago with Nora all those years ago had been harder than I’d ever dreamed. Leaving was going to be almost as hard, although not for the same reasons.
Stacia had just gotten one hell of a promotion, and she was handling it with more aplomb than I probably would have. Short of power of attorney, she was now acting in my stead. We’d communicate via telephone calls and weekly video conferences, and I’d fly in when needed.
But that wasn’t one of the problems in my way. I commanded a small empire, but most of the problems in my way were personal.
And the biggest one was a personal chain I needed to sever.
“I don’t want to see her.”
Tom Holmes, my lawyer, sat across from me, his face set in compassionate lines, but the look in his eyes was one I understood. “I don’t blame you, Ella, but if I were you, I’d make the time.”
“Why?” I stared him down.
His brows rose a fraction, and there was something about the way he studied me that made me think I’d surprised him. I probably had. Not because of the way I’d answered. This wasn’t the first time we’d had this discussion, and I’d answered the same way each time. But now I didn’t have trouble meeting his eyes. Any other time, I had.
He knew.
He was one of the very few who knew now. Oh, there were the lawyers who’d been involved, the judges, Nora. And now Sean. Usually, any time I had to discuss my childhood, it was with halting words and an inability to meet the other person’s eyes.
I’d changed.
A lot of it was because of Sean.
As much as it hurt to think about him, I had to be grateful. He’d somehow given me the strength to find myself. How a few weeks of wonderful sex and laughter could do that, I don’t know. Could me loving him … letting myself love him make such a difference? I didn’t know that, either.
But I was a different person now. A better person, I wanted to think.
Stronger.
That didn’t mean I wanted to see the witch who’d spawned me.
“According to her lawyer, she’s feeling … regret. And if you won’t see her and allow her some measure of … closure, then she’s going to contact publishers about writing a book.”
My face went hot. “She can’t…”
Thirty Nights with a Dirty Boy: Part 3: A Heroes and Heartbreakers Serial Page 5
