Tears burned my eyes, and I looked down, trying to keep them from falling.
Sean kissed my brow. “Nothing happened. Not to me. Not then. She’d already decided she’d wait. For some reason, she wanted to wait two years. I was outside the shithole where we lived when I heard her talking to the man who owned the pub where she … met her customers. She worked the tables some, but everybody knows she was mostly there to shag whoever had the time, interest, and quid to pay her. She wasn’t making much—getting old and the drink was startin’ to show, too. The stupid arse who ran the pub—he didn’t care what she did so long as he made money off her, but he wasn’t makin’ much and they were havin’ a row. She told him she had plans soon that would make a lot of money and he just needed to be patient. But he wasn’t a trusting soul and kept telling her she needed to let him know just what sort of gold mine she was hiding. And she told him about me.”
I shuddered, shaking at the rage that grew inside me. He’d asked how I could be surprised. Honestly, I didn’t know. I was grateful, though. I didn’t ever want to be not shocked by this kind of atrocity.
“I ran,” Sean said simply. “It was early, and she wouldn’t be home until late. I knew where she kept all her money. I had the fifty pounds I’d managed to steal earlier that day, and she had almost five hundred in the house—she always held some money back. I took all of it and ran.”
Eyes closed, I leaned forward without thinking about it and pressed my head to his shoulder. The scent of him, warm and clean and strong, flooded my senses and calmed me.
His lips rubbed against my temple. “I worked the pubs then. Back in London, I’d … well. I only knew a few things. I’d gone to school some, but not enough. Mostly taught myself to read and all. The libraries here … fuck, I love libraries, Ella. Anyway, I was working a couple of odd jobs, helped out in some kitchens when I could, learned a lot. Then…” He sighed, and the warmth of his breath tickled my skin. “I was walking home after working one night. Was just a kid still. Hungry. Stupid. Went into this little place—shoulda known better. Gutter rats like me don’t darken the doorsteps of places with white tablecloths and candlelight. But I had money, and it smelled so fucking good. They wanted to throw me out, got in my face. I got in theirs and laughed.”
Tucking my face against his neck, I smiled. I could see him doing that.
“How old were you?”
“Sixteen.” He slid a hand up my thigh. “Had been on my own four years by then. Ran with some other boys at times, slept in shelters here and there. Almost got picked up by the police more often than I count. That night … well. I almost fucked myself good. Lucky I didn’t end up in jail—that might have landed me back at home with my bloody mum. I turned to go and almost crashed right into this woman.”
Something about his voice had me lifting my head.
He didn’t blink.
“She smiled at me and grabbed my hand. Acted like she’d been waiting for me and thanked them for watching out for me as she’d been running late.”
“You didn’t know her.”
“Never seen her before in my life,” Sean said, shrugging. “She ordered me the best damn meal I’d had up to that point and a pint. Then she asked me all kinds of questions and all the while…” He reached up and traced a finger along my collarbone, down to my breastbone then back up. “She’d done this. She wore this dress that vee’d down, her tits all but spilling out. When the food was gone, she asked me to walk her to her car, and how can ya say no? She had a limo, and she was still holding my hand when she climbed inside. I half fell on top of her. Then she kissed me, and the next thing, we were fucking like rabbits. She paid me a hundred pounds and told me to be back there at the same time the next week if I wanted more money.”
“Just…” I gaped. “Just like that? She didn’t … hell. Ask?”
“I was a homeless, scared kid, Ella.” He cupped my face. “Do you know how many homeless, scared kids end up prostituting themselves? Certain people know what to look for—women included. She was just one of them.”
The words caught me off guard.
“Predators are predators,” he said quietly. “They exist in all forms. You know it as well as I. Your mum was one … and…,” he heaved out a breath, “so was mine. I got away easily enough. Darla almost didn’t.”
I was still staring at him as he surged to his feet.
He moved over to the champagne bucket and poured himself a glass. Shooting me a look, he said, “If you want some, put some food in your belly.”
I didn’t want any. Not really. But I suspected I might need it. I reached for the bread and tore off a bite. He brought the bottle over and put it on the table before swinging his chair around to face mine. As I ate another bite, he poured me half a glass. His, he filled to the top.
“Mum brought Darla over with her and this … boyfriend. Claimed how he was going to take her to this fine new life in America. I never knew she’d left Scotland—if I had, I might have gone back. The crazy bitch … Anyway, she ended up sick, then she ended up dead. Darla would have gone to state care, but she’d heard about me. Word had gotten ’round from some of the boys I ran with. A few were friends. Or close enough. People talked. So Darla knew about me, and when Mum started looking sick, Darla tried to find me. She finally did, right after Mum died. Found me through Facebook of all places. She started messaging me. I almost didn’t believe her, but the story she’d told me … only my mum would do that kind of shite, I was sure of it. I didn’t pay her much attention at first, but then…” He shrugged. “I read one of her messages. Fuck. She was all but begging me at that point. Wanted me to help her, because she didn’t know what to do, didn’t want to go to the state, didn’t want to get sent back … didn’t want to end up on the street.”
He said something then, the words coming out fast and hard, the brogue too thick and the words too smashed together for me to follow. Confused, I shook my head.
He caught sight of the look and laughed bitterly. “Ignore me, Ella. I’m cursing that fuckin’ cow. Our mother.” After blowing out a hard breath, he swigged his champagne and then put the flute on the floor, leaning forward to take my hand. It was slow, the way he touched me, as if he wasn’t certain how receptive I’d be.
I wasn’t sure myself.
But my body was.
The touch of his hand on mine, the feel of his skin on mine … the empty ache inside of me started to dissolve and fade.
No, no, no … I wanted to jerk back. I didn’t want to go through this again. I’d been almost steady. Had prepared myself and everything else.
But I couldn’t pull away, either. I didn’t know how.
“I went and found her. They were in Virginia. I just … took her. Brought her here. Things were fine for a while. I had a … friend.” He quirked a brow. “One night, I explained the situation, and she said she could maybe help me out. For a price, of course. It wasn’t anything I wasn’t already doing. Anyway, she made it seem legal-like. Fixed things, but told me I couldn’t ever bring her into it. Not that I ever would. I just needed to make sure I could take care of Darla.”
He lapsed into silence, and I used that time to process things. “You … so you had a client who worked in the government and fixed it so that nobody questioned you taking care of your sister?”
Sean just jerked a shoulder.
“Couldn’t she have helped…”
“No. My … ah … well, she’d been separated from her husband, and then they got back together. Our arrangement ended, and she moved to New York. We were fine, Darla and me. But then she got sick. I had to take her to the hospital. They found…” His voice hitched. “That’s when they found the cancer. They start digging around about me, found out about all these times the cops had questioned me—no arrests or anything. But they found out I wasn’t really her guardian, and they decided they had reason to believe I wasn’t fit. It all went to court … and they took her.”
Instinct had me curling a hand over the ba
ck of his neck, and I leaned in, pressed my lips to his temple.
Slowly, he lifted his head. I felt the ghostly whisper of his breath across my neck, and it made me shiver.
“Everything … fuck. It’s no excuse, and I know it. My sister and me, we didn’t have anything for a long time, Ella. Then we had each other, then that ended … I wasn’t thinking straight when I went off on you. Everything that’s happened since they took her away, it’s all put me in a bad place. I wasn’t fair to you, and I know it. I’m sorry for what I said, that I even let myself think it. I hurt you—I’m sorry for that.”
He pulled back then and met my eyes.
For a moment, we just stared at each other.
“Okay.” I nodded at him. The anger had drained out of me. Maybe I’d find it again later, but I didn’t think so. He’d been through his own kind of hell. Nobody knew better than I did that certain things skewed how you looked at life … and the people who occasionally collided into you.
“Okay?” He studied me, one pale blond brow winging up.
“Yeah.” I managed a shrug and stood up, edging out of the narrow space that remained between us. “What are we to do? We can’t go back and undo anything. I can’t take back what I said that hurt you. You can’t take back what you said. If we’d known … But we didn’t. Neither of us intended to hurt the other, though, and it’s done.”
I looked away, my throat so tight it hurt to even breathe. “It’s over.”
I took a step toward the door.
It’s over.
Sean was right in front of me.
His eyes flicked to the door.
I cut around him and headed for that yawning exit that seemed to grow farther and farther away.
Seconds before I reached it, Sean grabbed me around the waist. As I sucked in a breath, he used his other hand to slam the door. “Oh, Your Highness. We’re not even close to done. You’re not goin’ anywhere.”
My knees half melted as he crowded me up against the door, his front to my back. One hand slid under the hem of my T-shirt. “Interesting new clothes you’re wearing, Ella. Can I tell you how incredibly sexy your arse looks in these jeans?”
“Sean, what are you…” The question died on my lips as he slid a hand over my bottom.
“To be honest, I’m thinking about stripping these jeans away—at least down to your knees—and then sinking my prick inside you. But for now…”—he bit my ear—“we’re still talkin’. We do, after all, have an appointment.”
He pulled away, and I spun around to snarl at him. “What fucking appointment?”
“Your Highness,” he said mockingly. “Such language.”
I flipped him off.
He laughed, and then, to my shock, he lunged for me and grabbed me around the waist, lifting me upward and spinning me around. “Put me down, you … you … you nutter!”
His eyes went hot and bright. “You’re calling me crazy now, are you? And to think, I had a contract all made out for you.”
I gaped at him.
“What in the hell are you talking about it?”
He lowered my feet to the floor, and then, holding out his hand, he said, “Come on. I’ll show you.”
Suspicious, I eyed his hand. He arched a brow. “Getting nervous on me now, are you?”
“I’ve been nervous around you since day one.” But I gave him my hand.
He led me out onto the balcony, where there was another table. This one held a vase of the roses, and the beauty of them made my breath catch. There was a briefcase on the floor. My eyes skipped over it to focus on the roses. Sean plucked one from the vase and handed it to me. “Sit for me, Ella. Please.”
I did so, slowly.
As I breathed in the scent of the rose, he picked up the briefcase.
“I’m not a rich man,” he began.
“I’m a rich woman.” I scowled at him. “I don’t care about money.”
“Don’t interrupt,” he said, his voice patient. “But money has been my … well, you could call it my drug for the past few years. I worked as much as I could, chasing as many jobs as possible, doing whatever it took, because I had to save enough money for the fucking lawyer so I could get Darla back. I was only ever good at one thing. So that was what I did. Then I met you…”
He placed the briefcase in my lap. Then he cupped my face.
“The lawyers have told me that I’ll officially be Darla’s guardian once we see the judge in three days.” He rubbed his thumb over my lower lip. “I’d like you to be there.”
I blinked. “I … okay. Sure.”
“And I’d like to give you this.”
He stepped back.
Frowning, I looked down at the briefcase. Sighing, I opened it.
Then I sucked in a breath.
“That’s one million, twenty thousand, four hundred, and sixteen dollars.”
When I shot him a look, he shrugged. “I have another fifty thousand, but it’s for Darla.”
“Sean, I don’t … shit, I gave you that million dollars.”
“True.” He flashed a grin at me. “But you’d already offered it to me. And I wanted to make a point.”
He knelt in front of me. “Don’t sell this house, Ella. Move here. With me. Live with me … live with me and Darla.”
“What…” I barely managed to stammer it out. Then I stopped and breathed in, filling my lungs with oxygen. I closed my eyes, centered myself.
Chapter 9
When I opened my eyes, I braced my hands on his chest and shoved as hard as I could.
He went sprawling back on his ass while I lurched upright.
“I don’t need your pity or some grand gesture, Sean. Shove it up your ass.” Storming inside, blinded by tears, I almost crashed into the table.
The door. Had to get to the door.
“I love you.”
I stumbled. I froze. “Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t you dare say that to me. Not after you threw the words back in my face.”
“I will say it. I love you.”
He was closer now, and when he went to grab my shoulders, I tore away from him, half falling back against the door in an effort to get away.
“No!” I shouted at him.
“I love you.” He came for me then, bracing his hands on either side of me when I would have twisted away. “You got any idea how many women paid me to say those words? I’ve said them too many times, and the first time I ever meant them was thirty seconds ago.”
I went to cover my face with my hands.
He wouldn’t let me. Inexorably, he drew my wrists over my head, staring down at me with stark, unrelenting eyes. “Do you know how many women have said those very words? Some probably even thought they meant them … but the man they thought they loved was an illusion.”
“You think I love an illusion,” I said.
“No. I think you love me. And it terrifies me.” He rubbed his lips across mine. “Pretty Ella … my Ella. Don’t walk away from me. Not now.”
“I can’t … Sean, I can’t do this again. It hurts too much,” I whispered.
“I won’t hurt you again … aw, fuck. That’s a lie. I probably will. I’ll do something stupid and say something foolish, but I’ll never hurt you like that again. Not ever. I want you to love me. I want you to let me love you.” His hands slid down my inner arms, his touch exquisitely gentle. “Let me love you, Ella. Let me keep you.”
My breath tripped out of me in a series of hitching little bursts—it was impossible to breathe steadily, or even think clearly in that moment.
His mouth slid across mine.
“You thanked me,” he whispered against my lips. “You were angry with me and hurt and you had tears in your eyes, yet you thanked me. Because you said maybe you could have a life now. You don’t know what that did to me. I wanted to grab you, Ella. Grab you and hold on, never let you go.”
As if to illustrate, he slid a hand under my shirt and curved his arm around my waist, banding me to him. “At th
e same time, I understood, see … what you meant. Have a life. I’d seen the fear in you from the beginning, and I watched, day by day, as it lessened. You meant to find another. Leave me and find another. Didn’t you?”
I tucked my head against his shoulder.
Sean tangled a fist in my hair and tugged.
When I wouldn’t look at him, he murmured, “That’s all right. I told myself it was good, really. You deserved better. You weren’t really in love w’ me anyway, right?”
I tensed.
“Shhh, shhh…” He skimmed his lips down my neck. “I had to believe that, love. Because if I didn’t, then I had to look at all the impossible shite that lay between us, and I knew I’d go mad. Why would you love me anyway?”
Finally, I made myself look up at him.
Staring into his pale eyes, I cupped his face.
I saw something then, something I’d only glimpsed echoes of before. The glib humor was gone. The raw sensuality was there, but it was banked.
What I saw now was emotion, pure and real.
And it was focused on me.
“Tell me I haven’t lost you.” He said the words against my mouth. “Say you still love me.”
I hitched out a breath, my eyes closing.
“Ella, please don’t cry.”
I grabbed him, clinging tightly. “I’m not telling you again,” I whispered. “Not until you tell me.”
The tension in his body drained out. “I already did,” he said, his voice teasing. “I already did … but I think I owe it to you. I love you, Ella. I love you. Now … say you still love me.”
I whispered it against his neck.
He swung me around in a circle, and it sent my head to spinning.
But that was all right.
It was still spinning when he put me down, my back to the door, and only after he covered my mouth with his did things start to settle a little. It dawned on me as he began to pull and tug at my clothes that I should tell him to stop, to wait.
There were people downstairs.
But it didn’t take him long to make me forget about that … and everything else.
Chapter 10
Thirty Nights with a Dirty Boy: Part 3: A Heroes and Heartbreakers Serial Page 8
