by Robert Bevan
“I think it’s pretty obvious,” said Dave. “It got overrun with –” In response to Julian’s glare, he paused to consider how best to finish his sentence. “–crime.”
In the past, the thick-beamed scaffolding must have been sturdy enough to hold teams of dwarven stonemasons, but closer inspection betrayed its age and neglect. The bamboo looked as porous as an old sponge, the rotted safety nets as fragile as fine lace. In its current state, Julian wouldn’t trust it to support the weight of the termites which had no doubt eaten through most of the wooden platforms.
“There’s a faint light coming from one of the third floor windows,”whispered Tim.“I’ll bet that’s where Barlow’s holed up.”
Dave quietly cleared his throat. “I’d like to remind everyone that we don’t actually have to go through with this. We can all turn around and walk away right now.”
A caw and the cry of another dying cat rang out in the still air, causing all four of them to jump.
Julian laughed nervously. “Just Ravenus.”
“How much cat can that fucking bird eat?” asked Cooper.
“He’s got a high metabolism,” said Julian. “Flying takes a lot out of you.”
Tim scratched his head. “Not a whole cat’s worth in the space of less than an hour, even if it is half starved. It sounds like he’s just killing for sport now.”
“He doesn’t like his meat too fresh,” said Julian, scrambling for some justification for his familiar’s sudden bloodlust. “Stray cats are plentiful enough around here. Maybe he’s just eating their eyes and moving on to the next one.”
Tim gawked at Julian. “That doesn’t sound…hmm, what’s the word…completely fucking psychotic to you?”
Julian wanted to come to Ravenus’s defense. He wanted to tell Tim to go screw himself. But what if Tim was right? Psychosis could explain why he hadn’t felt any change in Ravenus’s emotions. No sense of regret. Not even a rush of adrenaline during the kill. Could Ravenus have gone all Hannibal Lecter on him?
“I’m uh… I… I’m just gonna go see what he’s up to,” said Julian. He nodded up at the illuminated third floor window. “You guys decide what you want to do about that.”
He jogged across the street, where the sound of cat murder had come from. He entered the narrow alley made narrower by garbage bins leaking pungent slime into the rivulets between uneven cobblestones.
Not wanting to draw too much unwanted attention, he whispered into the alley, “Ravenus?”
He was answered by the familiar sound of flapping wings, but Ravenus didn’t come out to meet him. The sound was moving away. Julian ran into the alley, but he was too late. All he saw was the shredded, disemboweled remains of a dead cat.
Was this a side of Ravenus that Julian hadn’t been privy to before? Did his familiar lead a double life as a serial cat murderer? Was he so ashamed that he couldn’t bear the thought of Julian walking in on him in the act?
“It’s okay, buddy,” Julian said into the darkness. “We’ll get through this together.”
Julian stepped over and around debris as he made his way out of the dark alley and back toward the– Where the hell was everyone?
His heart beat a little faster as he scanned up and down the empty streets. A possible explanation occurred to him, and he quickly ducked back into the alley. They had to be hiding. That’s the only thing that made sense. If they’d been in a fight, he would have heard. He hoped that whatever they were hiding from hadn’t seen him.
A minute passed while Julian waited. He squinted and craned his neck, looking for anything unusual, but the streets were clear. Sadly, so were the sky and surrounding rooftops. He was alone, and starting to get more than a little scared.
Mustering up what little courage he could, he forced himself back into the street. If his friends were hiding, they’d surely be looking out for him and find some way to signal him. But the more he thought about it, the less likely his theory seemed. Tim could disappear in an empty room, but Dave and Cooper weren’t exactly the stealthiest creatures in the world.
Julian cautiously crept further out into the street toward the exact spot where he had left his friends. About twenty feet from his destination, he suddenly lost his hearing. There’s a fine line between the white noise of a quiet city street and complete deafness, and he had just crossed it.
“What the fuck?” he attempted to say, but no sound came out of his mouth.That did little to ease his nerves.
Still, he pressed on. There were dark spots on the old cobblestones that he was pretty sure hadn’t been there before. He touched one spot, then looked at his finger. Red.Fresh blood. There had been a fight here. Why hadn’t he heard it? Why couldn’t he hear anything at all right now?
Frustrated, he kicked a stone toward the large, unfinished building. It bounced silently into the pile of debris and rubbish accumulated from the decaying scaffolding.
As suddenly and inexplicably as they had shut off, Julian’s ears started working again. He heard voices coming from the third floor window.
“Good evening, gentlemen.” The voice was nearly as high as Tim’s, but colder. “That’s a lovely tunic, Shitnose.”
“Thank you, sir.” The responding voice, presumably belonging to Shitnose, was gruffer than Cooper’s, probably a full-blooded orc.
“Do they make them for men?”
A burst of deep, throaty laughter was cut short, as if the one laughing had been punched.
That’s at least two orcs.
“Honestly, Shitnose,” said the first voice. “You don’t think that’s a little fancy for work?”
“I, um…” said Shitnose. “I’ve got a thing afterwards.”
The person with the high voice harrumphed. “So these are the conspirators you found? Why are there only three? Paulie said there’s supposed to be a fourth one.”
“These were the only ones we saw.”
“Intriguing,” said the first voice thoughtfully. “Did they put up much of a fight?”
One orc grunted out a laugh. “The short ones fell like little girls.”
Tim! Dave!
“The half-orc took a few hits to bring down, but the human in him betrayed his weakness before long.”
Cooper!
“Curiouser and curiouser,” said the first voice.
“Shall I go and look for the fourth one?”
“No. I’ll send Paulie. He’s a far more efficient tracker than you. Did you bring back my stone?”
“I must have dropped it during the fight,” said the orc.
“Shitnose! You incompetent fool!” snapped the first voice. “You know I can’t sleep without it.”
“Please accept my humble apology.”
“Stop your blubbering. Just run down and fetch it once you’ve tied these three up.”
“Very well, sir.”
Julian exhaled. If they had to be tied up, they must still be alive.
“Grotch,” said the one giving the orders. “Run down to Tommin’s place and tell him I won’t be able to make the meeting tonight, due to an unforeseen situation.”
“He, um…” Even with Julian’s keen ears, Grotch’s voice was barely distinguishable from Shitnose’s. “I don’t think he’ll be too happy about that.”
“Have you lost your wits?” said the leader. “You don’t think? You aren’t supposed to think! I don’t pay you to be a philosopher! You will walk out of that door and do what you’re told right now, or you’ll leave through the gods damned window!”
Large, booted footsteps sounded from around the side of the building.Grotch couldn’t have gotten down there that fast.Shit! Paulie!
Suddenly realizing that he was standing out in the open, Julian darted toward the rubbish pile. If the theory which had just popped into his head was correct – and it seemed to confirm itself a few steps in when he lost his hearing again – he should be able to dive right into the trash heap without making a sound.
Julian hit the rubbish pile with a force that
should have reverberated along the empty streets for miles, but was as silent as a church mouse’s grave. He sat completely still, hidden in garbage and debris that smelled like a highway rest stop: moldy wood, wet stone, and old piss. A minute passed with no sign of anyone. While he was grateful to be within the sound cover of the enchanted stone, it would have been nice to be able to hear footsteps coming or going.
A black blur flew past right in front of him.
“Ravenus!”Julian cried before he could think better of it. Fortunately, the sphere of Silence kept him from giving away his position. If he were to be discovered, Ravenus– loyal (and apparently violent) as he was – wasn’t going to be very much help against the orcs who had so easily incapacitated the rest of his friends.
While his ears were currently compromised, Julian’s eyes and nose were functional enough to notice the stream of urine meandering its way toward him. The footsteps he heard must have come from someone who had just stepped outside to take a leak. Julian pulled his feet back to let the stream pass without touching him. That must have been a hell of a leak. That big bastard had to have been pissing from at least twenty feet away.
With the immediate threat gone, Julian started planning. He had to find the enchanted stone. It would be his best bet for sneaking around unheard, and he needed every advantage this game would afford him.
There were dozens of rocks in the area. Julian wished he had kicked the damned thing anywhere but into a pile of rubble. He briefly considered just shoving every rock he could find into his bag, but any advantage perpetual silence might give him could easily be outweighed by the potential disadvantages of lugging around a sackful of rocks.
Replaying the kick in his mind, Julian remembered the rock in question to be smooth, oblong, and a little bit larger than a golf ball. He ended up narrowing down the most likely candidates to two, which he deemed an acceptable burden.
The window was Julian’s best bet. He needed a visual assessment of exactly how deep in shit they were. Tattered remains of cloth safety nets would provide him with some cover from an observer at street level, and Julian was confident that this rickety bamboo scaffolding wouldn’t support the weight of any pursuing orcs. If they tried to come after him, they’d just bring the whole thing crashing down on themselves.
Julian’s first step snapped a length of bamboo in half, confirming his suspicions of how sturdy this structure was. But he found that if he kept his weight carefully distributed, and kept his feet near the joints where the beams were tied together, he could climb with relative ease.
As he climbed, he spotted an orc he guessed was Grotch heading for Timmon’s place. He hoped Timmon’s place was very far away. One less orc to deal with.
Finally, he arrived at the third floor window, but stayed off to the side. Unable to hear anything, he had a hard time judging whether or not it was safe to peek inside. Looking down, he saw another orc standing on the street just below him. That put at least two of at least three total orcs out of the room, which was probably the best odds Julian was going to get.
Chancing a peek inside, Julian spotted his friends, tied to chairs on the far side of a large room. Dave’s head was slumped forward. Cooper’s was lulled back and to the side, with a long strand of drool hanging down from it. Only Tim appeared to be awake, and his eyes went wide when they connected with Julian’s. He jerked his head to the right and put a finger over his lips.
Julian nodded. Tim must have slipped out of his ropes already, and was biding his time before making a move. The Silence stone would be better off in his hands, especially if he was going to attempt an escape with Dave and Cooper in tow.
Julian leaned back out of view. He had to figure out which one of his two rocks was the Silence stone. If he tossed in the wrong one, he’d just be drawing attention to himself and Tim. It was time to gamble.
He scanned the surrounding area and settled for the alley in which he had spotted Ravenus’s latest kill. If he threw the normal rock, the orc below him should look over that way. If he threw the magic rock, he should be able to hear again, for what little that was worth. But then at least he’d know.
He dug the two rocks out of his bag and –Julian, you doofus! Detect Magic! Why hadn’t he done that in the first place? He whispered the incantation, but no words came out. Oh, right. That’s why.
Back to the original plan. Julian based his decision on which rock was prettier, and threw the other one. It hit the wall of the far building and ricocheted into the alley. Still deaf, he supposed his judgement had been sound.
Not only did the orc below him look in the direction of the alley, the gullible bastard actually started jogging that way. Score!
Julian peeked in the window again. Tim looked to his right again and held up two fingers. There were two people in the room, and they obviously weren’t looking at Tim. Now was as good a time as any. He held up the stone and made a tossing motion. Tim shook his head violently.
Julian laughed to himself. The notion of chucking a rock at them must seem preposterous to Tim, who didn’t know of the stone’s magical properties. Julian lobbed the rock into the room. Tim winced as it struck Cooper in the face, waking him up.
“Nothing to report, sir” said a shrill voice. It sounded like it was coming from a hallway outside the room, and it didn’t sound anything like an orc.“I couldn’t find him.”
Cooper was struggling in his ropes and trying to shout while Tim confusedly fingered himself in the ear. Julian shook his head and pointed at the rock.
Revelation shone on Tim’s face. He nodded, picked up the rock, and gave Julian a thumbs up gesture.
“Never mind the fourth one,” said the boss. He sounded like he was getting closer. Julian waved at Tim to find somewhere to hide. At least he hoped that was what he was communicating.
Julian craned his neck as far as he dared into the window. Hecouldn’t see a doorway from where he was, but the boss’s voice sounded like it was coming from just outside one now. “We’ll beat what information we can out of the other thr— Where’s the little one?”
The scaffolding creaked as Julian jerked back. He had to remind himself that he wasn’t magically silent anymore. Tim’s chair was empty, and he was nowhere to be seen.
“The craven little fool,” sneered the boss. “Slipped out of his ropes and left his fr—”
That was a peculiar place to pause.
“—itnose! You idiot! What are you doing?”
“Boss!” said Shitnose. “What happened to you?”
“The sneaky little bastard got the jump on me. He’s got my stone. Go after him!”
Julian felt vibrations as orc boots pounded out of the room.
“Hey asshole,” said Cooper. “Let me out of these ropes.”
“I don’t think so, half-orc,” said the boss.“You and your companions have some explaining to do.Now I can use magic to compel you to tell me what I want to know, but I’d rather just beat it out of you. Who are you working for? Jimmy the Weasel? One-Eyed Pete? Who’s trying to knock me out of my turf?”
“Come on, man,” said Cooper. “My balls itch, and I’ve got a storm brewing.”
“A storm brewing?”
“I was trying to be polite,” said Cooper. “What I meant was– Aw shit. Too late.” A slow, steady fart rumbled out from within the room. As it grew louder, it was interrupted by glurps and squelches. A fart that was much, much more than a fart.
“Gods have mercy!” said the boss. “What the… Have you no… I can’t even… Ugh.” His voice was getting farther away, close to where Julian estimated the door to be. “I need to think. And breathe!”
As far as Julian could make out, the room should now be completely free of hostile forces, not counting Cooper’s massive shart. He’d give it a few more seconds to let the boss get some distance, then –
“Aw, what’s that smell?” said Dave. “Jesus Christ, Cooper!” He was awake now. That was good. “Would it kill you to find a bathroom?”
&nbs
p; “Fuck you, Dave!” said Cooper. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m tied to a goddamn chair!”
“Use your Barbarian Rage to break through the ropes.”
“Good idea,” said Cooper. “I’m really angry!”
Julian looked in the window. Cooper’s eyes turned red and his muscles started to bulge. The ropes binding him grew tense, but showed no signs of snapping. Instead, they dug deeper into his expanding body.
“Oh fuck!” said Cooper. “I’m cool! I’m cool! I’m cool!” He farted as his body deflated back to its normal size. “Damn. That hurt like a motherfucker.”
Dave startedto panic, struggling against the ropes, his chair rocking forward and back. He made eye contact with Julian. “Ju—!” He said, just before his chair tipped forward. With his arms tied behind his back, he had nothing to brace himself when his face collided with the wooden floor. “Fuck.”
Julian winced. That really looked painful.
Then Dave’s panic kicked into overdrive. “Oh my God, no! Julian, help me!” Cooper had pissed himself as well, and the yellow-brown concoction of fluids beneath his chair was spreading slowly toward Dave’s face. “No! No! NOOOOOOO!!!”
Julian’s eyes stung as the wave of Cooper’s stench reached the window. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what Dave was going through so close to the source.
“Hang on, man!” Julian said, not knowing why he was even bothering to try to keep his voice down anymore. “I’m coming to –”
“CAAAAAWWWW!” cried an avian voice from just behind Julian.
“Ravenus!” said Julian, looking back just in time to see a black talon make a swipe at his face. He jerked his head back, lost his footing, and broke the bamboo shaft he had been standing on. Fearing the whole framework would collapse, he grasped for the only thing he could find that wasn’t part of the scaffolding, a length of thick, sturdy rope which he hoped was attached to something at the top of the building.
The rope held his weight, but swung him away from the window.
