“Convince her to go out with you,” Linda said.
“Oh.”
Linda stepped up alongside of him. “She came here for a reason, Todd, and I think Benjamin and Mark are just a small part of it.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Linda said. “And if ever someone deserved a chance at happiness, it’s Indi.”
“And you think I can give her that.”
“I do.”
Linda’s words touched him in a way Todd didn’t think possible. “Thanks,” he said.
“Just don’t break her heart.”
“I won’t,” he said.
Linda smiled, her tired eyes brightening for a moment. “I’m holding you to your word on that, Todd Peters.”
“I hope you do,” Todd said, leaning in and impulsively kissing her cheek.
INDI EXPECTED Todd to follow behind her for some reason, but to her surprise, he left her alone. And so she found herself in the mess hall, a rowdy place where Indi learned the names of at least half-a-dozen children, or tried to. They were a wild bunch of boys and girls, most of whom acted like normal, healthy children complete with food-tossing tendencies and loud cries of delight, especially when the peanut butter side of a sandwich adhered itself to a window.
“Cool,” more than one child exclaimed.
And that was the start of her time at Happy Campers Ranch where it was, indeed, a happy place to be. Not so much for Indi, though. She’d come to the camp to work, and that’s exactly what she did. Once the camp directors realized she’d have very little to do except oversee the next day’s filming of Todd and Benjamin, they decided to put her to work. She spent the rest of the first day overseeing the art room, and then dinner. Todd kept his distance, much to her surprise. Then again, Indi had made it abundantly clear she wasn’t interested in him. Obviously he respected her wishes.
But as she walked one of the many riding trails that surrounded the camp the next day, she realized that a part of her was actually disappointed that things had cooled between the two of them. During their film shoot today, he’d hardly even looked at her.
Unbelievable, she thought.
She turned on her heel. On either side of the path, oak and pine trees kept the sun from reaching the ground, the shade they provided allowing ferns and reed-thin saplings to sprout up. It was early evening and a chill had settled in the air. The cold seemed to knock the wind out of the trees as leaves began to fall. They crunched beneath her feet, and Indi thought the North Carolina foliage was some of the prettiest she’d ever seen. Everything was so green.
The trees began to thin. Up ahead she heard high-pitched voices that could only belong to kids from the camp. Kyle would have loved it here, she admitted. Her nephew had always loved the outdoors. When Indi had been in her twenties, her mom and dad had insisted on a family vacation of sorts. They’d hiked trails and played in the water for days during that time.
It had been on vacation that they noticed Kyle seemed to sleep a lot.
He’s just been fighting a flu for weeks, her sister Katie had reassured her.
Such a familiar story. Indi knew that all too well now. Many parents had no inkling of the illness that lurked in the depths of their children until it reared its ugly head.
“Don’t,” someone cried, a boyish giggle for all that it sounded breathless. “That tickles.”
The pine trees that had grown so thick deeper in the forest grew scraggly in appearance, their needles lush at the top, but nothing more than twigs at the bottom. It allowed her to see through the trees and to the shore beyond. Not far ahead she saw the lake, its surface twinkling as if someone had sprinkled it with glitter. It blinded her for a second.
She saw Lex had his front paws on Benjamin’s lap, the dog’s tongue doing its best to lick the boy’s hand.
“Hey,” Benjamin cried, lifting his arms.
Indi smiled.
Benjamin loved that dog. After Todd had gotten clearance to bring Lex into the hospital the two had been nearly inseparable.
Todd.
He stood on a pebbled beach, tossing rocks into the dark blue water. His back was to her, but something about his shoulders spoke volumes. Was it the race this coming weekend that was troubling him? Or was it something more? Perhaps Benjamin.
They’d both noticed that he’d grown markedly weaker in the past few weeks. Of course, that might have something to do with the specialists who’d been poring over his medical charts and taking blood samples practically night and day, but Indi doubted it.
He was dying. She shook her head and inhaled against the injustice of it all. Oh, sure, they’d tried this drug and that. This new wonder treatment and that new enzyme inhibitor. But it always ended the same. In a matter of days, sometimes hours, Benjamin’s body either reacted aversely to the medication, or it just plain rejected it. Through it all, they kept up with the chemo, but that did absolutely nothing these days and so Linda and Art Koch had decided to stop. That had bolstered Benjamin’s spirits for a few days because he hated the way the chemo made him feel. But the end of chemo meant the end of something else. Benjamin knew that as well as his parents.
This camp would be his last vacation.
Indi wiped tears from her eyes. But, hey, this was part of her job, she reminded herself. She could deal with it. She started to turn away, but then changed her mind. Lex spotted her the moment she stepped out of the trees, his excited bark a signal to all that he’d found a long-lost friend.
“Lex, no,” Indi cried as he barreled toward her, a pint-size bowling ball with four legs. Indi almost went down. “Lex,” she scolded, but she couldn’t stay mad for long. “Bad dog,” she added with a smile.
“Indi. Come here,” Benjamin called. “Todd’s found a shell.”
“A shell, huh?” she said, patting her thigh so Lex would follow. The dog gave her his patented smile, his tongue flipping out and hitting his nose. That caused him to snort and then sneeze, and Indi would have laughed if she’d been in a better mood. No wonder the kids loved him.
“What kind of shell?” she asked Benjamin when she stood by his chair. He wore his red ball cap. Usually the red fabric leached color into his pale face. Not so today. With the sun just above the horizon, Indi could plainly see the veins beneath Benjamin’s skin, the smudges below his lower lashes and the sunken skin beneath his cheekbones.
He’d lost weight.
“We think it belongs to a crawdad. Look,” he said, holding the shell out in the palm of his hand.
Lex apparently thought Benjamin held a doggy treat. He’d snapped the shell up in a flash, although how he got that low-to-the-ground body up high enough, Indi would never know.
“Hey,” they both cried.
Indi saw Lex’s jaw stop abruptly, a surprised look crossing his face. He spit the thing out so fast she and Benjamin laughed out loud.
“Serves him right,” she heard Todd say.
“Yeah, it does,” Indi agreed, smiling in welcome.
“Hey, Indi,” he said.
“Hi, Todd,” she said, brushing the sand from her hands. She glanced at Benjamin. “You, ah…you need me to push you back to camp?”
“Nah. I like it here. The lake. It’s so pretty.”
Yes, it was. And he should enjoy it while—
Indi. Don’t think like that.
“You stay here then,” she said softly. “Enjoy yourself.”
“I will,” Benjamin said with a small smile. But then he brightened. “You and Todd can go for walk though.”
“No, no,” Indi said, waving her hands. “I’m tired. Think I need a nap.”
“Come on,” Benjamin said. “I’m the one who’s sick, not you. What do you need a nap for?”
“Well, I—”
“It’s a nice walk,” Todd added.
“Grown-ups are supposed to walk on the beach together,” Benjamin said, staring between the two. “You know, hand and hand, looking into each other’s eyes, making faces at each other.”
>
“Oh, please,” Indi said.
But one of Todd’s eyebrows had lifted. “Sounds like fun. You game?”
Indi was about to say no again, but there was a look in Todd’s eyes, one that asked her to participate…for Benjamin’s sake.
“Well, I—”
“Good,” Benjamin said. “I’m just going to sit here. And watch.” He folded his hands in his lap, Lex looking at all the humans as if deciding who to go with. He settled down next to Benjamin’s chair. “You’ll keep me company, won’t you?” he asked. Benjamin’s neck looked so thin and long, his shoulders gaunt beneath his bright red shirt.
“Come on,” Todd said, holding out his hand to Indi. “Benjamin’s orders.”
Indi slipped her fingers inside his palm. She very nearly took a step away, increasing the distance between them, although that seemed like a silly thing to do given that they held hands.
They held hands.
And it felt…nice, Indi admitted, matching her steps to his. But she couldn’t help glancing back at Benjamin. His eyes were closed, his head resting against the back of his chair.
“He’s not feeling well.”
“No,” Indi said, clenching Todd’s hands involuntarily.
He squeezed back.
Their eyes met, but Indi had to look away. She couldn’t stand to see the concern in his eyes, not when it echoed everything she felt inside. This was the part where she needed to be strong. Where she had to show strength. For the Koches’ sake. And for Todd, she realized.
“He’s not going to last much longer, is he?” Todd asked, and she could hear a tremor in his voice.
She wouldn’t look at him. “No, Todd, he won’t.”
“What’s going to happen?”
She looked out over the water. She could see boats dotting the surface, their white hulls standing out against the blue backdrop. What she wouldn’t give to be one of the lucky ones, a person who could spend the day relaxing in the sun, oblivious to the sadness in the world, to the tragedies that could unfold such as a ten-year-old boy losing his life.
“He’ll have less and less energy. His appetite will fail. He’ll fade in and out of sleep, become less and less cognizant of the world around him. In a few weeks his body will start to shut down. His liver will likely go first, then his kidneys—”
“Damn,” Todd snapped, stepping in front of her and forcing her to look into his eyes. “You sound like you’re giving a lecture.”
Indi forced herself to look him in the eye. “You asked.”
“Yes, but I didn’t expect you to sound so…so…” She watched his Adam’s apple bob. “So clinical.”
“That’s part of my job, Todd. I tell it like it is. I’m not going to sugarcoat it with pretty flowers on the side. Death isn’t pretty.”
He jerked her forward again and muttered, “He’s looking this way.” Indi looked back. The boy’s head was turned in their direction.
“He’s probably just keeping the sun out of his eyes.”
“No, Indi. He’s not. He’s probably listening to every word you say.”
“He’s too far away. He can’t hear a thing.”
“What if he could? What if he just heard you catalogue everything that’s going to happen to him? What if he’s sitting over there wondering when it’ll all start, when the process will begin that will ultimately end his life?”
“Todd,” she said, placing a hand on his upper arm. “He already knows he’s dying.”
“He doesn’t know that. All the testing we’ve done, all the doctors he’s seen, something might still come up.”
“Don’t you think we’d have heard by now if something could be done?”
“Is that what you said to your sister about your dying nephew?”
Indi gasped.
“Did you?”
She shook her head, reminding herself that people dealt with grief differently. Todd’s anger had nothing to do with her. He was just lashing out at the injustice of it all.
She knew exactly how he felt.
“I’m just trying to prepare you,” she said softly.
“Well, congratulations. You’re doing a hell of a job.”
“Todd—”
He started to walk away. Indi told herself to let him go. He needed to come to terms with the truth, and no amount of arguing would help him to do that.
But she couldn’t let him go.
“Todd,” she called out.
He ignored her. She darted after him because she suddenly realized that this time, she didn’t want to go through losing a child all on her own.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“TODD,” she called again.
He kept on walking.
“Don’t ignore me,” she ordered, catching up to him.
“What?” he snapped, knowing he was being an ass, unable to stop himself.
“We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t.” Because he wanted to go back to Benjamin, pick the kid up and hug him to him and tell him everything would be all right.
“Damn it,” he cursed, a part of him wishing he’d just stuck to driving cars. Life had been so much simpler then. The only person he had cared about keeping alive was himself. Nothing else mattered.
“It’s okay,” Indi said, seeming to read his mind. And this time, it was she who took his hand, she who gave him a conciliatory squeeze, she who looked imploringly into his eyes. “It’s okay to be angry. I understand.”
His hand went slack. He hadn’t even realized he’d clenched her back.
“I don’t think I can do this,” he muttered.
“I never think I can, either.”
And then she did something he would have never expected. She slipped into his arms. He stood there, his arms slack. And then he jerked her to him. He wrapped his limbs around her so tight he expected her to complain. She didn’t. He felt some of the tension ebb out of him.
“Thank you,” he said, although he had no idea what he was thanking her for.
“No problem,” she said.
Maybe he was just grateful that she was there. Comforting him. Because that’s what she did. She tried to prop up his spirits with her soul. He needed that. Needed other things, too. But that could wait. If it was meant to be at all, he admitted, because right then and there all he really wanted was to hold her. He rested his head against the top of her head. The silky strands felt smooth against his cheek. Her hair smelled like a warm summer day, her body felt as hot as one.
She leaned back and all at once her eyes grew serious. “This won’t be easy, Todd,” she said, glancing at Benjamin. “It’ll be the toughest thing you’ve ever had to go through. Are you ready?”
He nodded. “I think so.” With your help, he thought.
She started to move away, but he stopped her. “Stay with me.”
He saw her search his eyes. He realized she thought he meant something else. “I mean, go out on my boat with me,” he clarified. “It’s primed and ready after taking the kids out today. All we’d have to do is grab some cold cuts from the cafeteria. We could eat out on the lake. Watch the sun go down.”
Emotions played over her face. Her head turned for a moment. She stared out at the lake.
“We could be back before lights-out,” he added.
“I don’t think so.”
“I’ll tell Benjamin if you say no. You know how disappointed he’ll be.”
He heard her huff in exasperation, but a tiny smile crossed her face. “Benjamin might want to go with us.”
“Then let’s ask.”
That brightened her spirits. Todd’s insides did something funny at the pleasure that filled her eyes.
Too bad Benjamin turned them down.
Although in hindsight, Todd wasn’t really surprised. It was obvious the kid hoped the two of them would get together. He might be ten, but he knew what a third wheel was.
“You guys go on without me,” he said. “Lex and I will stay here.”
The dog stood
up when he heard his name, his snorts getting louder when he tried to lick Benjamin’s hand. And when he couldn’t reach the object of his adoration, he settled on the sides of Benjamin’s chair.
“Hey, stop that,” Benjamin said. “It’ll rust.”
They wheeled Benjamin back to his cabin where he quickly collapsed into bed, Lex trying to jump into bed with him. Todd and Indi helped the dog up. The cabin had four beds, but they were all empty. Most of the kids were at dinner, so Indi knew he’d be able to rest at least for an hour or so.
“So,” he asked when they were alone again, “Do you want to go?”
The sun hadn’t set yet, but it was fading fast—this time of year it always did—and so while Todd knew his way around the lake, he wanted to get going.
“I don’t know,” she said reluctantly.
“Indi,” he said softly. “He’ll be all right. It’s only for a few hours.”
“I know. It’s just that…I’m not so certain we should do this.”
“Do what? We’re just going for a boat ride.”
But was that really all? Indi could feel tension building within her, a tension that had nothing to do with Benjamin, she was startled to realize.
“Todd,” she said softly.
“Come on,” he said. “We both need this.”
“Need what?” Because she thought he meant…But no.
“Time away,” he said. “Time to ourselves.”
Yes, they did, she admitted.
“Just for an hour or so,” he added. And against her better judgment, she agreed.
Todd rushed her along. They went to the cafeteria where they selected cold cuts and some bread, then dashed over to the dock. The jetty stood at the end of a peninsula. It wasn’t a big dock, nothing more than a collection of two-by-fours nailed together with pieces of foam nailed to the bottom to keep it afloat, but it worked. His boat sat on the right, lines at both the bow and stern keeping it close. No tarp covered the interior, not like the last time he’d taken her out and so it was a simple matter of untying the lines, which Indi helped him do.
“You ready?” Todd asked after climbing aboard. The wheel was to the right, a recessed hatchway in the middle that led to a tiny living area down below. He quickly sat down.
Total Control Page 15
