And what about Natalie? a small voice taunted. Was he going to give up at the first hurdle, or was he going to do what he’d set out to do and get her back to nursing? When push came to shove, was he a man or a mouse?
His mouth compressed because he’d never considered himself to be a coward before. However, cowardice came in many different guises and he couldn’t deny that he was terrified of getting hurt. He had always guarded his emotions but he must put aside his fears if he was to achieve his objective. Natalie was a superb nurse and he had to convince her that she was wasting her talents. Just because he couldn’t handle the thought of her being with another man, that wasn’t a good enough reason to give up and he would bitterly regret it in years to come. He owed it to the rest of the Worlds Together team to bring her back into the fold.
He shoved the suitcase back into the cupboard and slammed the door. If Natalie thought she’d got rid of him then she was in for a shock!
CHAPTER THREE
‘THERE’S a board meeting at two so I’ll take an early lunch today. Can you make sure that everyone has a copy of that report I prepared, please, Janet?’
Natalie sighed as her secretary assured her it would be done and hurried away. It had been difficult to concentrate on work since she’d arrived at the office. She kept thinking about what had happened that morning and the awful things Rafferty had said to her. How could he believe that she’d slept with someone else? Didn’t he know that she loved him and that the thought of sleeping with someone else was totally abhorrent? Or was he judging her by his own actions perhaps?
She got up and went to the window, too on edge to sit while thoughts like that plagued her. It was a beautiful day yet she could derive none of her usual pleasure from the view over the river. Had Rafferty slept with someone else since they’d parted, and was that why he’d leapt to such a conclusion that morning?
She didn’t want to believe it but neither could she dismiss the idea out of hand. After all, Rafferty was a very attractive man and there would be no shortage of volunteers if he needed company. Had he found solace after their break-up in some other woman’s arms?
‘Sorry I’m late. I got held up but I’ll make sure I’m here on time in future.’
Natalie swung round when Rafferty suddenly appeared in her office. She’d never expected him to turn up after the latest stunt she’d pulled and it was hard to hide her consternation as he came towards her.
‘You were expecting me, I hope?’ he said smoothly, one dark brow arching. ‘There haven’t been any changes made to our arrangements?’
‘I…um…no. Of course not,’ she replied testily, immediately on the defensive.
‘Good.’ He stopped in front of her, smiling as he fingered the badge pinned to the lapel of his suit jacket. ‘I see I’ve been awarded top-level security clearance. I’m flattered by your faith in my integrity.’
‘You’ll need full clearance if you’re going to complete this challenge I’ve set you,’ she informed him curtly. She went back to her desk and sat down, riffling through the letters Janet had left for her to sign while she tried to get herself under control. If Rafferty could handle this situation, so could she.
‘So what’s on the agenda today?’
He pulled up a chair and sat down opposite her, his face betraying nothing more than friendly interest, and Natalie frowned. It was completely out of character for him to take this relaxed approach after what she’d done, so it was hard to know how to respond.
‘There’s a board meeting this afternoon,’ she explained, deciding it was easier to follow his lead and behave as though nothing had happened.
‘Something to look forward to,’ he observed dryly, crossing one long leg over the other and treating her to a condescending smile.
‘It should be interesting,’ she said evenly, refusing to rise to the bait.
‘Hmm, I suppose it depends what you consider interesting.’
Natalie bit back her sharp retort although she knew the meeting was going to be a difficult one. It had been called by a member of the board who was strongly opposed to the support Palmer’s gave to Worlds Together as well as their other charitable ventures. It would need careful handling to convince everyone to continue funding the projects but she didn’t intend to explain that to him.
‘It does indeed. However, the board meeting isn’t until two o’clock so this morning I was planning on visiting the research lab. We may as well go straight up there now, in fact.’
‘I didn’t realise there was a laboratory in the building,’ he said in surprise as she stood up.
‘We do most of our major research here, although we do have other laboratories, of course. They’re used mainly for testing the various products we manufacture.’
She led the way from the office and went straight to the lift. ‘Security is always a major issue when you’re developing a new drug and we’ve found it best to keep everything under one roof. There’s less risk of any information leaking out this way.’
‘It makes sense. Are you working on something new at the moment?’ he asked, and she smiled faintly when she heard the curiosity in his voice. Despite his determination to view Palmer’s in the worst possible light, he couldn’t help being interested.
‘We’re developing a new drug to treat Hansen’s disease.’ The lift arrived and she stepped inside, pressing the button for the sixth floor, which was where the research laboratory was sited.
‘Because of the increased resistance to dapsone?’ he queried, and she nodded.
‘Yes. A lot of people don’t realise that leprosy is still a major health issue in many parts of the world, like Africa and Asia. They assume it was eradicated centuries ago but, sadly, that isn’t the case. As you know, the bacteria that cause the disease have become increasingly resistant to dapsone and it’s been standard practice for a number of years to prescribe a combination of dapsone, rifampicin and clofazimine to treat the disease. Obviously, this increases the treatment cost per patient quite considerably and in turn puts an added burden on the health-care budgets of the countries involved. We’re hoping this new drug we’re developing will do the job on its own and cut costs.’
‘It would be a step in the right direction if it works, but surely it’s an extremely costly undertaking to develop a new drug? Clinical trials alone must cost a fortune and I can’t see Palmer’s or any other pharmaceutical company wanting to spend millions developing a product which might take years to pay for itself. Leprosy is a disease of the developing world so sales of the drug will be restricted to some of the poorest countries.’
‘It’s part of our charitable programme,’ she explained, exiting the lift when they reached their floor. She led him along the corridor and stopped outside the door to the lab, placing her palm on the screen set into the wall beside it. All the doors on this floor were opened by means of a sophisticated bio-scanning system and once the computer had confirmed that her palmprint matched the one stored in its database, they were admitted.
‘And do you develop many drugs through your charitable programme?’ Rafferty asked quietly, following her into the changing area. Conditions inside the lab were sterile and everyone entering had to wear a protective suit to prevent contamination. Natalie took one off a shelf and handed it to him before she answered the question.
‘As many as we can. Obviously, the firm has to make a profit before it can invest time and money in a new project such as this. Basically, it’s a question of finding the right balance.’
‘I hadn’t realised Palmer’s was so committed to its charitable work,’ he confessed, taking off his jacket and hanging it on a peg.
‘When my grandfather founded the company, he decided that a percentage of its profits should be used to help the least fortunate people in the world. My father has tried to uphold that principle since he took over.’
‘But it’s not always been an easy thing to do?’ he suggested astutely, stepping into the suit and zipping it up.
‘N
o. There are factions within the company that would like to see the system changed as soon as possible.’
She took off her shoes and slipped into a suit. There were paper bootees to wear with it so she found a large pair for Rafferty and gave them to him then found a smaller pair for herself.
‘And is that why you decided to stand in for your father while he recovered from his heart attack?’
‘Yes. I didn’t want Dad worrying that changes might be instigated in his absence. All it would take is a majority vote of no confidence from the board members and he could find himself overruled.’
‘You really think they would do that?’ he exclaimed.
‘Yes.’ She laughed shortly. ‘We’re talking about an awful lot of money, don’t forget. If you add up what Palmer’s invests in its charitable programme each year, it runs into millions. There are a lot of people who would like to see that money spent on something else.’
‘I had no idea the situation was so difficult. I can understand now why you were so anxious to return to London.’
‘I knew my father wouldn’t be able to rest if he was worrying about what was going on within the company and that certainly wouldn’t have helped his recovery.’
‘I wish you’d told me all this before.’
‘I didn’t see the point.’ She shrugged when he looked at her in surprise. ‘It wasn’t as though we were on the best of terms when it happened.’
She turned to enter the laboratory but Rafferty stopped her and she saw the regret in his eyes.
‘I never meant to hurt you, Natalie. I just wanted to do what was right.’
‘And telling me that we didn’t have a future was the right thing to do?’
‘I thought it was, but it wasn’t easy, if that’s what you imagine. I just knew that we couldn’t keep on tearing each other apart the way we’d been doing. We kept going round and round in circles and never getting anywhere.’
‘We didn’t have to get anywhere. That’s the whole point!’ She gripped his arms, desperate to make him understand. ‘The fact that my family has all this money doesn’t matter, Rafferty. It doesn’t change who we are or how we feel about each other.’
‘I wish I could believe that…’
‘You could if you wanted to but maybe it’s easier to blame the difference in our backgrounds than admit the truth.’
‘What truth?’
‘That you never really loved me enough to put aside your principles.’
She let him go and went to the door, repeating the procedure of scanning her palmprint. Rafferty didn’t say a word and his silence seemed to confirm that she’d been right about why they’d never been able to resolve their differences. It had had nothing to do with the lack of time they’d spent together or the constant pressure of their work, and she couldn’t believe why she hadn’t realised it before when it was so simple. If Rafferty had really loved her, he would have done everything in his power to keep her.
Rafferty knew he’d made a mistake by not denying the accusation but it had caught him flat-footed. How could Natalie think that he cared more about his principles than he did about her? He was determined to set her straight as he followed her into the lab but he was thwarted when one of the technicians spotted them and came hurrying over.
‘Dr Khan is in his office, Miss Palmer.’
‘Thank you, Rudi.’
Natalie turned to him and Rafferty felt his heart ache when he saw the pain in her eyes. It was obvious how hurt she was and the need to explain that she’d got things wrong was overwhelming.
‘Look, Natalie—’ he began, but she didn’t allow him to finish.
‘I’m sure you would like to meet the head of our research programme, wouldn’t you?’
She didn’t wait for him to answer as she led the way across the huge, open-plan room. Rafferty cursed under his breath but short of making a scene there was little he could do but follow her. She stopped outside a door at the far side of the laboratory and knocked before going into the office. There was a small, rather plump man sitting behind the desk, and he smiled in delight when he saw her.
‘Natalie! How lovely to see you, my dear!’ he exclaimed, leaping to his feet. ‘I was hoping you would find the time to call in today because I have some exciting news.’
‘Don’t tell me that you’ve made a breakthrough at last with the new drug?’
‘Let’s just say that it’s looking very promising.’
‘That’s wonderful news, Sanjay.’ She turned and Rafferty experienced a little spurt of irritation when he saw her smile fade as she looked at him. ‘Dr Khan has been working on that new drug I told you about.’
‘For Hansen’s disease.’ He smiled pleasantly as he offered the other man his hand. He had no intention of letting her see that her coolness had upset him. ‘Michael Rafferty. I’m delighted to meet you, Dr Khan.’
‘The pleasure is all mine, Dr Rafferty, I assure you,’ the man replied warmly as they shook hands. ‘I’ve heard a lot about your work for Worlds Together. You and your team do an excellent job, if I may say so.’
‘Thank you. However, we wouldn’t be able to do our job half as successfully if we didn’t have the right drugs available to us. The work you do in your own field is every bit as important.’
‘Thank you.’ Dr Kahn graciously accepted the compliment then turned to Natalie again. ‘Would you and Dr Rafferty care to see the results of our most recent trials?’
‘That would be wonderful, Sanjay. Thank you.’
Once again the man was treated to a megawatt smile but this time Rafferty was prepared for it. He followed them from the office, wondering if she was doing it deliberately to make him feel bad. He couldn’t blame her if she was, because she had every right to be annoyed with him. He made up his mind that he would set her straight as soon as he got her on her own but it proved to be far more difficult than he’d anticipated.
They stayed over an hour in the lab and when they got back to her office, there was someone from the accounts department waiting to see her. Rafferty listened with mounting impatience while they discussed the quarterly figures. It was double Dutch to him, although Natalie seemed to understand what was being said, and her grasp of the complexities of the business surprised him. He found himself pondering on it as the meeting with the accountant was followed by one with the head of marketing. Once again she asked pertinent questions and he could tell from the responses she received that her opinion was valued highly.
It forced him to re-evaluate his opinion of what she’d been doing recently. She hadn’t been wasting her time, as he’d assumed. She’d been making a positive contribution to the running of the company. It made him see just how difficult it was going to be to persuade her to give up the job so that by the time they broke for lunch, he was in a quandary. However, uppermost on his mind was the need to sort out the misunderstanding that had arisen that morning. It was because he loved her that he’d stuck to his principles, not the other way round, as she believed, so as soon as they were alone, he got straight to the point.
‘I need to talk to you about what happened earlier today. Perhaps we could go out for lunch while we discuss it?’
‘I’m sorry but I’ve already made plans,’ she said coolly, taking her jacket off the back of her chair. She was wearing a black trouser suit that day and he couldn’t help thinking how elegant she looked. He was more used to seeing her in jeans and T-shirt, or scrubs after a stint in Theatre, so the contrast couldn’t have been more marked. And all of a sudden he found himself beset by doubts once again.
Was it right to try and win her back when he could never give her the kind of life she was used to? He earned a good salary so they certainly wouldn’t starve, but it wasn’t just the money, of course. There were other considerations which he’d barely touched on because it was too painful to think about his past. He’d worked hard to hide his insecurities, had papered over the cracks with a layer of sophistication which fooled most people, but he knew his own
shortcomings better than anyone else did. He might appear to the world as someone who was in charge of his life but it had been a hard battle to reach this point and it had left many scars.
He’d told Natalie very little about his childhood. He’d skirted around it by explaining that his parents were dead and she—not wanting to upset him—hadn’t probed. She had no idea that he’d been brought up in care or that he had no recollection of the mother who had given him away as a toddler. She could have no conception of the kind of life he’d led, being shunted from one foster-home to another, because she’d always had family, friends, roots—all the things he lacked.
Everything he had today he’d earned. Everything he was he’d taught himself to be. He was proud of what he’d achieved but his life was so far removed from hers that they had no common ground, nothing to provide a solid basis for their relationship. Yes, he loved her and, yes, he wanted her, but was it enough to make up for the rest? The fact that he couldn’t answer that question with any degree of certainty was what made him hold back.
‘It doesn’t matter, then. What time’s the meeting this afternoon?’
His tone was cool and gave no hint that it felt as though his guts were being ripped apart. If even he wasn’t sure that he was the right man for her then what point would there be in trying to win her back? It might be better if he accepted that the distance between them was just too great and let her get on with her life. Without him.
‘Two o’clock in the boardroom.’ She took a folder off her desk and handed it to him and he steeled himself when he saw the concern in her eyes. ‘Are you feeling all right, Rafferty? You look a little…stressed.’
‘I’m fine.’ He summoned a smile because if he confessed his fears, she would only tell him they didn’t matter, and he couldn’t afford to be swayed by her compassion. He needed to think about what he was doing and the consequences it could have. ‘I’m probably suffering from an overdose of facts and figures. I don’t know how you stand the boredom, Natalie, really I don’t.’
Nurse in a Million Page 4
