by Seton, Cora
The words seeped into her, warming her. She sucked in deep breaths to calm her racing heart and reached for his sweaty face, bracketing it between her palms as she raised her head and kissed him, with hot lips and fevered tongue. “I’ve only ever loved you, Derek. Just you.”
They kissed, his mouth devouring hers as he continued to rock against her. She eased down her thighs and wrapped her legs around him, hugging him in that intimate way, her hands stroking his face, as they kissed deep and hard.
When at last his motions slowed and stopped, he rested on one elbow, rolling them to their sides, bodies still connected as they held one another. He pushed back a lock of hair stuck to her skin then rubbed the grit on her cheek. “We both need showers.”
“I’m already starting to itch,” she said, grinning.
“Bet we’ll have rashes in places you’ll have a hard time explainin’ to the doctor.”
Grins widening, they were both reluctant to let go. The moment stretched and their hands leisurely stroked.
“Have dinner with me?” he whispered.
She nodded happily. Nothing had been resolved between them, but she felt hopeful for the first time in forever that they’d find a way to bridge the gap between what they both wanted without again tearing them apart. “There is no other girl, is there?”
Derek grunted, his chest rocking against hers. “No. Baby, there’s only you.”
Again, she nodded. She traced a finger along the ridges of his chest. “It’s a good thing. I was gonna steal you back. Now, I don’t have to be ashamed of myself, poachin’ on someone else’s man.”
His head shook slowly. “Makes me wonder what you think about me. That I’d bring you here to the bluff if I was plannin’ on marryin’ someone else.”
The moment she heard the M-word, she stiffened, unable to hide her instinctual reaction.
“And now we’re back where we left off,” he muttered.
“I never said I didn’t want to…do that…with you,” she said, pushing at his chest to move away.
His arms squeezed tightly around her. “We should talk.”
“I’m not ‘talking’ when you’ve still got your dick inside me.”
One side of his mouth curled in a smile that didn’t hold an ounce of humor. “Seems like the only time we’re honest with each other is when my dick’s inside you.”
“Now you’re just bein’ crude.”
“Me?” His eyebrow quirked. “You said it first.”
“Well…” she sputtered then gave him a blistering scowl. “Maybe I did, but you didn’t have to agree. It’s not…fair.”
His expression tightened, and he opened his arms, allowing her to scoot away.
Callie came to her knees and reached for her shirt, sliding it over her sticky skin. When she glanced around for the rest of her clothes, she saw him holding out his underwear.
“You might want to clean up first.”
Somehow, that hint of thoughtfulness angered her even more. He’d spoiled everything. One moment, she’d been drifting in a blissful post-coitus haze, the next he’d slapped down the marriage card. She grabbed for his underwear and made quick use of it, her cheeks burning with embarrassment because he was watching her so closely. “You could turn around.”
“Why?” His wave encompassed her length. “It’s not anything I haven’t seen…or done before.”
“You forget, we’ve been separated for months and months. I’m not used to this anymore.”
“Whose fault is that?”
“No one’s,” she said, tossing him the garment and tugging down her tee. Although it fell to its full length, the garment didn’t cover the parts she was sure were singed by the bright sun. “No, it’s your fault. You joined the Navy. Decided you had to be damn SEAL. You left me.”
“I left for us,” he said, reaching behind him and tossing her blue jeans through the air.
Not looking at him, she grabbed for them and then dug her panties out of one leg of her jeans.
“I left to give us a glimpse of another life, and of other places. The world doesn’t revolve around Two Mule.”
She thrust out her legs and began to pull on her jeans, her movements jerky. “When did you start hating your home?” she asked, giving him another scowl as she fought with her pants, knowing her actions had to look ridiculous as she struggled to pull the skinny jeans up her legs. Oh, why had she chosen this pair?
“I don’t hate this town, but I’m ready to see what else is out there. Why aren’t you?”
“Because I’m happy here.”
“Really? Everyone who wrote said you looked miserable.”
Everyone? Blood pounded through her body. “You had people spying on me?” Her voice rose, although whether it was outrage or the fact she couldn’t get her pants past her hips, she didn’t know. She lay down, wriggled some more, tugging to get her jeans over her bottom.
He placed both hands behind his head as he lay there, watching her movements. “I wouldn’t call it spying.”
“Then what would you call it?”
“They were concerned. For us. They said you walked around like a ghost. That you lost weight.” His eyebrows dipped as he eyed the jeans. “Do you need a shoehorn to get those on?”
She stopped moving, and whipped her head to glare. “Are you saying I’m too fat for my jeans?”
He flung up his hands. “Of course, I’m not. You’re not fat. You’re…perfect.”
Callie wrinkled up her nose and mashed her lips together, a sound like a strangled scream bleating against her gritted teeth. “Perfect’s what you say to a fat girlfriend.”
Derek opened his mouth to say something else, but promptly clamped his jaw shut.
Callie waited, eyes unblinking, but when he didn’t come back at her with anything else, she sagged like a balloon letting out all its air. “You’re right. We’re back where we left off, five months ago.” She glanced at him, lying there in all his splendid glory, tears beginning to fill her eyes. “I love you, but we’re never gonna work.”
“Not unless I change, right?” Sitting up and resting his arms on his bent knees, he shook his head and glanced at the town below them. “You don’t trust me enough to let go. Two Mule isn’t your family, Callie. I am.”
She shoved off the ground and patted down her clothes to shake off the dirt. “Might as well get dressed. I think we’ve done enough damage.”
As she walked back to his Mustang, she couldn’t stop her tears from falling. As always, at the moment he tried to move their relationship a step forward, she balked. The worst part was she didn’t understand why she reacted that way, lashing out and looking for a fight. Why he’d put up with her for so long, she didn’t know.
Which was a lie. She knew it. He loved her. Really, really loved her. So much so, he was here, even knowing she would react like she just had. She loved him, too. But loving him wasn’t enough. She had to learn to bend. To trust. To surrender to the inevitable truth that they belonged together.
Wiping away her tears, she glanced over her shoulder. He was dressed, his hands on his hips as he stared back at her. Her heart skipped a beat at his expression. There was no anger. Not a shred of resignation in his stance or his tight features. All she saw was sheer determination.
A thrill shivered through her. There was still hope.
Chapter Four
‡
Derek left Callie at her door then headed back toward the center of town. Frustration made his shoulders bunch. He hated feeling resentful, but how long did a man have to wear his heart on his sleeve for a woman to believe in him?
He pulled in front of the diner and turned off the engine, staring through the plate glass window of Katie’s diner, although Katie was rarely ever there since she’d married a local rancher. Ellie Logan, who pretty much ran the diner now and looked plump and happy, strode toward Ole Win with a coffee pot in her hand.
He shook his head as he remembered the rumors that swirled around her marriage to
Johnny Logan—that Johnny wasn’t her only de facto husband. His brother shared their bed. Derek shook his head at the thought of any man willing to share the woman he loved. He couldn’t imagine ever being that generous. One truth he knew about himself was he was too damn possessive. He wanted all of Callie’s love.
Maybe that made him selfish. But he thought it was probably safer for any man she might want to bring into their relationship. They’d only talked once about the unusual marital arrangements sprouting up all around the county. Callie had laughed when he’d asked her if she’d ever considered it.
“Think I’d have an ounce of energy left to give any other man?” Her hand had cupped his cheek, her thumb feathering his mouth. “You’re all man, all SEAL. And I’d like to get a minute’s sleep at night.”
His irritation bled away. Another man wasn’t their problem. Their opposing views of what constituted compromise was.
Derek let himself out of his car and strode toward the restaurant. Inside, he nodded at Ole Win who gave him a nod over the newspaper he held up.
“Good to see ya, boy.”
Derek bristled a bit at the “boy” but reminded himself Ole Win was likely in his eighties and entitled to be a bit of a jerk. “Nice to see you, sir.”
“You here for the pie?”
Sure, why not? “What would you recommend?”
“Apple seems mighty popular.”
Derek narrowed his gaze at the note of humor in the old man’s voice but shrugged it off. He had bigger things to worry about than some old man’s inside joke.
Ole Win set aside his paper and gestured to the chair opposite his. “Join me?”
Not really a question, but since Derek wanted to occupy his mind with something beside a troublesome blonde, he lowered himself into a chair at this table for four.
“Seen any action?”
A question he heard at least once on every trip back home. “Now, you know I can’t tell you about any of it if I have.”
The old man nodded. “Fair ’nuff.” Then he leaned toward Derek. “You spend time shakin’ sand from your boots or waving at mosquitoes?”
A bark of laughter surprised Derek, and he gave his table mate a steady glare. “Ellie hasn’t poured coffee in your lap yet, has she?”
Rheumy old eyes squinted behind thick-lensed glasses. “You oughta just throw her over your shoulder and drive away. Once she’s past the city limit sign, she’ll settle down.”
Derek didn’t bother with asking who the old man meant for him to kidnap. “Something to consider, that’s for sure.”
“Not gettin’ any younger.”
Like I need the reminder. “Not eighty,” Derek muttered under his breath.
“Eh, what?”
“Can I get you something, Derek Tilden?”
Derek glanced up into Ellie’s smiling eyes. Her head jerked toward Ole Win. “He giving you problems?”
“Nothing I can’t handle.”
Ole Win snorted. “Can’t manage one stubborn little filly. How you gonna manage me?”
“Apple pie,” Derek blurted to keep Ole Win from blurting anything else he might take offense to, “and a cup of coffee.”
Ellie chuckled and gave him a nod. She tapped the back of Ole Win’s hand. “Now you behave yourself, old man.”
Derek watched a blush flood the old man’s cheeks. He leaned over the table. “You behave, or I’ll tell her you’re sweet on her.”
“Hrmph.” Ole Win picked up his paper and held it high.
Derek wasn’t proud he’d embarrassed the other man, but he couldn’t help the grin that stretched his mouth. Some things didn’t change. And it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He got why Callie was reluctant to leave. She hated change. Liked the sameness of her days here. There was a pleasant, relaxed pace of life. A feeling of community.
Yes, the life he offered was faster paced, and they’d have long periods of time where they were apart. But SEAL families lived in tight little communities, keeping to themselves, but being supportive and helpful to each other. She’d like it—if he could ever pry her away from here.
“This’ll make what…?” The paper rustled as Ole Win lowered it several inches and peered over the top. “Five times you’ve proposed? Ever get tired of bein’ turned down?”
He hated sharing his business with anyone, but keeping secrets was nigh on impossible in this town. “She just needs time to get used to the idea.”
“You might be drawin’ a pension before she gets used to it. When are you gonna be ready to settle down?”
A question Callie hadn’t asked him in a long time—not since he’d told her intended to make the Navy his career. But a question he’d been asking himself lately. As much as he loved the Navy, he loved her more. However, he knew, deep down, that leaving with him would be best for her, so he stubbornly stuck to his decision. He’d never say that to her because she’d decide he only used that argument as a convenient excuse for remaining in the Navy.
However, there was nothing convenient about it.
He hoarded his vacation days like a miser to make sure he had the time to dart away for a few days at a stretch. Luckily, his CO understood his need for a little flexibility and allowed him to schedule leave on short notice when they were between missions.
Hell, everyone knew about his longtime courtship of Callie Murphy. They even ran betting pools every time he left about whether he’d come back with a bride on his arm. His failure to persuade her to marry him might have been embarrassing, if he’d ever let their good-natured teasing get to him. At least, every time he returned, he received plenty of sympathetic pats on the shoulder. His SEAL family hoped for the best for him. His buddies kept him busy whenever he returned, anything to keep him from getting down. But even they didn’t understand why he didn’t just give up.
They had never seen him with Callie. Didn’t understand their soulful connection. Derek couldn’t give up on her.
Callie Murphy had to commit to him, knowing she’d be leaving her comfort zone. She needed to put her trust in him. Something she was wary of after saying goodbye to numerous stepdads and boyfriends in her mother’s life. Everything she’d experienced made her expect men to leave. She waited for him to do the same, like the drop of a second shoe.
However long it took, he had to prove to her, once and for all, that he was the one man who’d never let her down. There were certain rules he’d never break, and breaking his promise to never leave her was one of them.
After Callie showered away sand and grit, she wandered around her little house, too edgy to settle. Derek was somewhere in town. But not with her. Why was she wasting the short time they had on hurt feelings? She wasn’t a kid anymore. Couldn’t sit in her room and pout when things didn’t go her way. She was a grown woman who had a job she liked, friends she could hang with, and who would give her a shoulder if she needed a good cry. But she had no good reason to cry. Not today, anyway. He was here. For her.
What the hell is wrong with me?
She quit rubbing the moisture from her hair and dropped the towel near the hamper. She knew if she divided a notebook page and wrote down the pros and cons of marrying Derek, the pros would far outweigh the other side. She’d done that exercise already once. Logic didn’t have a thing to do with her intransigence. Fear did. She was a scaredy-cat. A total wuss. There was nothing rational about her fear. She knew Derek was a good guy with good intentions and he’d never intentionally hurt her.
But hadn’t he already done that? Old resentment still burned inside over the fact he’d left in the first place.
Again, Logical-Devil sat on one shoulder. He has a right to a career he loves. He’d be stifled here. Might even grow to resent me for holding him back.
The devil holding up the scared little girl complaints was just as strident. He’ll get what he wants then lose interest. You can’t hold him for the long haul. He’ll leave you.
Fact was, she wouldn’t have minded a test drive. But he hadn’t offer
ed to fly her out in a long time. The last time was four years ago, and her mom had just divorced Mr. Cunningham. Bad timing all around, and so not Derek’s fault. But she’d clung to her old excuses and let him leave again.
She was twenty-eight now. Nearly the big three-O. Was she doomed to be spineless forever? Sometimes, she felt like an old agoraphobic woman, afraid to step out of her front door. Maybe that was it. Some disorder resided within her that made it impossible for her to trust a man completely.
Callie wandered in her old robe into her living room, and then remembered the album she’d stuffed under the seat cushions. She pulled it free, and once again, fanned through the pages, stopping now and then to reminisce.
She halted at a picture from their first camping trip—Derek holding out the camera to capture the moment as they stood in front of their tent. They’d pitched it beside the Guadalupe River, fried their hand-caught fish over an open fire, and snuggled under a layer of blankets when the cool night air settled. Both sets of parents had allowed the trip because they’d realized the futility of refusing to acknowledge they were already having sex. Instead, they’d lectured them about taking precautions, and then gave advice on where the best fishing spots were.
She doubted anyone would have considered that ten years later they would still be dating. Back then, marriage had seemed a foregone conclusion.
She continued flipping through, stopping to look at pictures he’d taken with his friends. Some were taken at the beach, tanned faces and toned bodies, enough man candy Macy would have been drooling, but Callie’s gaze remained loyal, taking in Derek’s easy grin while he stood half-naked, a beer in one hand and an arm slung around the shoulders of one of his buddies. She knew most of them by name, and smiled mistily as she stared at the pictures of those who hadn’t made it back alive from a particular secret mission.
Something Derek would mention only in passing, and only at the end of one of their late-night phone sex conversations, when his guard was down and he was feeling really connected to her. Only then would he relate, in only vague terms, what had gone wrong. She’d been there for him in the only way she could. Looking at the pictures, she realized she’d failed him by not being there to hold him when he’d been at his lowest points.
